It has been exactly nine days since I’ve been to school, and I see this as a blessing in disguise. During these last nine days I’ve been torn down in every way possible. My confidence has been tested and maybe even diminished. My aggravation has skyrocketed, and my stress has been high. I have let the words of others circulate my mind until it’s all I’ve been able to hear. I have procrastinated looking in the mirror, too scared of what I might see.
At the same time, I have this new level of assurance, like I’ve fallen and I’m just starting to get back up. I’m not fully up, but I’m right there on the edge. I have this little voice in my mind telling me, “their perceptions of you are false,” and I chose to believe it.
This week I realized I have to take things day by day. All this time I’ve been living in future thoughts that I’ve missed out on half of my high school career. I am so behind in the achievements that I could possess right now.
I believe I have awoken. Time has gone by so quickly and I can’t help but wonder, “did I waste it?” But see, I don’t believe I have.
One thing I learned this week is that everything I’ve ever done has led me to this moment right now. Every decision I’ve made. Every single mistake has led me to this moment right here. I’d be lying if I told you I’m not okay with the person I’ve become because I am so proud of myself. I’ve overcome so many challenges and barriers throughout these past few years. These events have taught me brilliant lessons that I will forever hold dear to me. I know now that if those situations would have never occurred, I wouldn’t be the person I am today.
I also learned that the only thing that is holding me back from achieving my goals and dreams is myself. Myself. I can accomplish anything I want to. Absolutely anything. When my mind tells me I’m tired, I will keep going because the only thing holding me back is me.
If I would have known this sooner I probably wouldn’t need to work so hard, but I refuse to let my mind focus on ‘what ifs’ because it is WASTED TIME. And at this point I have no time for wasted time.
I refuse to let myself get down because certain people have left my life. I realize now if they were so willing to leave so quickly, they don’t give a damn about what I am about to become. I almost let them determine who I was going to be and if I was going to make it or not.
In these last nine short days I learned that the day I stopped listening to what everybody else said was the day I started getting stuff for myself done.
I believe I am finally awake.