Steph Hartmann – Literary Arts Blogspace

How I’m Healing My Inner Child

Since I’ve started my senior year of high school, I’ve adopted a very special personal project. Unfortunately it’s not a YouTube channel, a new sketchbook, or a novel (yet!). I’ve started a journey to heal my inner child! When I began, I didn’t intend for this to be a fully structured journey. It was more so a way of living that I wanted to establish for myself. I simply decided: I’m going to start doing things for little me rather than anyone else.

Everyone’s heard the term “healing your inner child,” maybe even too much. But as a 17-soon-turning-18-year-old, I think it’s a really important journey for everyone to go on regardless of age. In teenagers, it directs you on a path that might help limit the stress of graduating, college-searching, and the incoming terror of officially being an adult. And if you’re not a teenager, maybe an adult, I think healing your inner child is still a worthy journey to go on. Your childhood years are even further from your moment in life so I can see it being even more gratifying.

I think an idea I see a lot is that you can get to a point where your inner child is healed and you’re done forever. I don’t really see it that way, I believe it’s a constant practice. You can’t go back into time and actually change the way that things happened in your childhood. Even if you think your inner child is “healed”, you wouldn’t be the same if your childhood was never hurt (as sad as it is to admit). So why stop there?

While healing my inner child, I’ve learned that it gets worse before it gets better, but that can be said for a lot of things in life. There’ve been many dips in my journey and I honestly think those are very necessary in doing it effectively. (Note: I thought about saying “right” rather than “effectively” and I want to use this as an opportunity to say there’s no right way to heal your inner child. My description of my own journey is no way a series of instructions. It’s more of a preparatory description of this kind of project and what I’ve been experiencing.)

When retracing your steps to your most formative years, you’ll probably be reminded of unpleasant moments. You might also become depressed thinking about childhood. It sounds terrible to say that it’s normal but in this context, I’m sure it is. Starting your journey is difficult when you have to go back in time to the reason why your childhood doesn’t feel fulfilled. Also nostalgia is a sickening feeling and you’ll have it constantly in your journey, just adding to that depression.

I’ve realized that healing your inner child is also extremely embarrassing! I’m humiliated to admit that I watch My Little Pony, Aphmau’s MyStreet series, and 10-year-old LDShadowlady and Vixella videos. But that’s literally what it’s about. It’s embarrassing and that’s perfectly fine. If it makes you happy deep down in your soul, where the little you resides, that is all that matters.

After it gets better, though, it’s unbelievably rewarding. You feel free and your life becomes yours again. It’s fun when you live for that little kid you used to be. There’s still some major dips but I think that just comes with high school.

When you think you’re done, when your inner child feels healed enough to move on, it’s important to keep catering to that little you so your progress doesn’t get rewritten as you enter a new stage in your life. Keep watching that childhood favorite show when things in college get hard, keep pursuing that childhood dream as a hobby when your job feels like it’s asking too much of you, keep doing things the younger you loved when you feel lost.

The reason I think things like this are so important is because I believe our child selves are the truest versions of us. That’s us before any wrong doings from older generations, before the terrifying experience of growing up, before the stresses of society and adult life. Those things change us for the worse. They make us angry, scared, and small minded. Live as if the little you is controlling the organic machine of your brain. You’ll take more risks, say no to things you actually wanted to say no to and yes to things you wanted to say yes to, you’ll laugh more, play more, generally do more things that give you an archive of experiences that change you for the better.

I feel silly being not even 18 talking about the horrors of being an adult. I haven’t even gotten there yet, but I’ll admit that I am terrified. Imagine it’s not even that bad for me when I get there (I highly doubt it). Maybe it won’t be if I’m already preparing like this.

This was partially an excuse to be able to talk about how proud I’ve made my younger self. I’m pursuing her dreams of being an author and I’m working on fulfilling her dream of having a YouTube channel. I’m dyeing my hair the way she’s always wanted, and I’ve never been happier with how it looks. And I’m being extremely cringe like she always was. That’s really what this post is about, I just didn’t know how to gracefully fit it in here.

The Author and the Protagonist

I, like any passionate writer, really love characters. And before I wrote tragic backstories, draining developments, and colorful personalities, I actually drew them! I wasn’t serious about drawing and writing until fourth grade, but drawing was definitely my first love. I wouldn’t say I was any good until eighth or ninth grade, but I was unbelievably passionate and I think that’s what really matters here. I would draw countless characters and somehow intertwine them with crazy storylines. I would make comics, animatics or animations, and fill my sketchbooks with shocking speed.

Eventually, when I did try my fourth grade hand at seriously writing for a personal hobby, my first vivid memory of this was in my math class after I finished my morning work. I opened my composite notebook and wrote about three full pages throughout the whole class with a story where I was the main character and I described my adventures as a famous Youtuber. Honestly, it was really cute. I was nine years old writing about being best friends with my favorite Youtubers and living out my dream (that may or may not still be my dream eight years later).

With my first experience of seriously writing being, more or less, self-insert fanfiction, this started a deep connection to my protagonists. I mean, my first protagonist was literally me. I was writing from my perspective, what I would do, and how I would react. So when I did, thankfully, move onto original work with characters that I didn’t suspiciously share a name with, I found myself exploring the main character a lot deeper than I thought I would’ve. I absolutely believe that this was because I wanted to match my knowledge of my protagonist to my own knowledge of myself. It was a strenuous method of developing my characters but it’s definitely helped me later down the line.

As I write more short stories, more little worlds to dive into and explore, I’ve been admiring the art of creating a fictional world. It’s an unbelievably beautiful process and, at least in my life, it’s not talked about enough.

Of course, there are many different ways of creating a fictional world. Creating a fantasy world from scratch is completely different than a modern day story in the U.S. but the only thing that’s different is (insert random event here) never happened. Worldbuilding is still a craft that I haven’t learned much about. The thing that I’m really interested in is character.

People say if you base your characters off of people you know in real life, it makes them seem more real. Regardless, you’re still creating a new character. This is a new life you’re breathing into from an idea in your head.

The relationship between the author and the protagonist is something that’s infested my mind for a few months now. The protagonist, if we’re excluding metanarratives, doesn’t know of the author’s existence. And the author knows everything about the protagonist. The protagonist goes on about their life, perhaps believing in another religion in their world not knowing their real creator is, for (totally not a specific) example, a teenage girl in art school sitting on a unicorn blanket in her dorm…

There’s something specifically intimate about being someone’s creator. Outside of art and religion, there’s not many areas of life that reflect this. Motherhood is the only one that comes to my mind and, yet, as someone’s mother, your child will eventually grow up and become their own person that you can’t control and may not know the full extent of. Creating a fictional character does just that. You can control them, know them more than you know yourself, and you get the privilege to say they’re yours.

I love creating new characters. My favorite ones usually come from stories that I haven’t even fleshed out yet or stories based on my favorite games or media. As I’m preparing for national novel writing month and even getting ready for a personal project in December, lots of characters have been on my mind. And, of course, I’m trying to get to know them better than I know myself right now (which shouldn’t be hard). Some ways I do that is through making family trees, Pinterest boards, Spotify playlists, and “headcanons” even though they’re my own characters so it’s just… “canons” even though that’s not very fun. One thing that I haven’t been doing, though, is drawing them. Hopefully I can return to visual arts again when I have more time. I miss my first love (drawing).

I’m so glad I was able to finally talk about this idea. The relationship between the protag and author is something that’s been rotting my brain since the beginning of this school year. It took a lot for me to not research for this blog and use my own input because I was afraid I would unintentionally rip-off someone’s ideas. So this is completely from my own head and I’ll probably research more for my own sake. This blog was a lot more laid back than I thought it would be but diving into the anxiety-inducing intimacy of being someone’s creator just isn’t what I want to talk about so I substituted that for how much I love making characters.

Undertale’s 10-Year Anniversary and Growing Up

September 15th, 2025 marked 10 years since Undertale’s official release. And over September 20-21, Fangamer hosted (not one but) two special streams replaying the game with new additions and development insight from Toby Fox, the creator.

I want to be clear about how there’s not a lot I can say that hasn’t been said before in a high quality video essay or lengthily written forum post. So I’ve decided to discuss my personal experience with Undertale. But I’m worried I won’t even have enough to say since I barely remember my time in the prime Undertale fandom. And now I’ve had an entire month to move on from all of my feelings I had writing my last blog.

“Steph, you seriously don’t have anything to say about the 10-year anniversary or the Fangamer stream?” I theoretically ask myself for the sake of transition.

It’s hard to say that… I didn’t feel much. And maybe, that means whatever I’m feeling is too much for me to process right now so I’m indifferent to it. Or maybe there’s so much else going on that I don’t even have time to process 10 years since the most influential game to my existence was released. I’ll probably feel it in a couple of months.

I’ve always had an extreme fear of growing up. And facing Undertale’s 10-year anniversary is like facing that fear directly. Of all of my fears, because of course there’s a lot, I’m always able to avoid them. I get my dad to kill spiders, I sit out on tall rollercoasters, and I stay far away from the deep parts of the ocean. But growing up is the one thing I can avoid. And, obviously death because I’m scared of that too. I’m growing up a little bit everyday. No matter how long I watch kids shows, color with crayons, or pray to God to let me be a kid for at least a little longer, I’m almost 18 already.

I’m not original by saying I don’t want to grow up, quite the opposite actually. I think everyone, especially my peers in my class, has felt this way. But I want to dive into this feeling in relation to Undertale’s 10-year anniversary.

When I was 7, I had just moved to America, I struggled to interact with kids my age, and second graders are mean! When nothing else was consistent in my life, the internet was, surprisingly. I think I’ve mentioned before that I got my first laptop when I was 4, so I was familiar with the internet at a young age.

That’s where I was first introduced to Undertale through Jackcepticeye’s Let’s Play. Not sure when I found it exactly, but I know it couldn’t have been long after the series first started in October. I have a memory of talking to a friend about how I couldn’t wait for the next episode and she had no clue what I was talking about. After I dove into the Undertale fandom, I was able to find some comfort at the end of the day. It was like this for years, long enough for me to have a physical reaction when I hear the soundtrack.

So now, 10 years later, as a 17-year-old, I’m under completely different circumstances. I’m somewhat comfortable where I live, I have some of the best friends I could ever ask for, and art school kids are actually a lot nicer than you would think. So why does it physically hurt me to listen to the soundtrack or play the game again? I think it’s because my life has completely switched over the past 10 years.

I’m not looking for comfort at the end of a hard day of being a confused and lost kid anymore. I’m almost a teenager who already has comfort and support. It’s like I’m actively looking to be confused and lost again. Maybe that’s why I’ve been making some brash decisions recently.

In all honesty, watching the Fangamer stream felt weird. For one, I watched a reaction stream of the original so there was a layer of separation that I didn’t even realize until the whole thing was over. Secondly, I was really overstimulated with the mix of an extremely emotional game, Fangamer’s elaborate set, props, and commentary, and the new content they mixed into the game. I almost lost my mind. But I enjoyed the stream and it ended on a beautiful note:

“The world

is as big as you

want it to be.

Where will you go next?”

That quote actually hit me harder than anything else. Recently, I’ve been rethinking my plans for my adulthood. Through my journey to heal my inner child, I’ve rediscovered my distaste for monotony, staying in a box, doing what is expected of me. I was always told: go to college, get a job, get married, have kids. That order, every single day. Going to art school halfway through high school was my first step outside of the pre-established path.

I want to make decisions that were never options to me before. I want to find what makes me happy rather than follow what people think makes me happy. I want to disappoint people because I’ve never done that before.

“So Steph, how big is your world?” I theoretically ask myself to lighten the mood.

Right now, it’s small. It’s almost completely limited to the state of Mississippi. I do not want my world to be that way, especially coming all the way from Indonesia. Big decisions are being made currently and I certainly wouldn’t have the courage to make them if not for Undertale.

I didn’t expect this blog to be so sad. I knew it would be emotional for me, but I wasn’t expecting to just be flat out sad. I think this rainy weather is getting to me. I wasn’t expecting to be able to discuss my current feelings in this either, I just thought I would be celebrating Undertale’s 10th birthday. Glad I’m able to find a way to make everything about me I guess??? On a lighter, dorkier note, I recently submitted my senior quote. Just like I said I would, like, 5 years ago, I made it, “Despite everything, it’s still you.” I felt silly submitting it, especially after having to explain it to someone who had never even heard of Undertale before, but 7-year-old me would think I am so cool so that’s literally all that matters. Yes, I did include that “not one but two” bit in the beginning just so I could insert both stream links thanks for noticing. And thanks for reading if you did.

New Deltarune Chapters Sent Me 10 Years Back

It’s only like me to start my senior year off with a Deltarune/Undertale blog. I have those two games to thank for my personality, passion for art, and my love for storytelling – and on a deeper note: for keeping me here and encouraging me to push through the toughest times in my life.

Deltarune chapters three and four were released on June 5th. I wasn’t able to play them for about two weeks since I had a writer’s workshop, vacation, and my first Comic-Con all in a row. But when I did finally play them, I went through something really strange.

As I was fully submerged in a self-established “Deltarune summer”, I felt something very familiar in my soul. I remember: I was listening to the new music, looking at and making fan art, reading people’s theories, and talking about it to friends. Suddenly, I felt like I was seven years old again in my Undertale phase. It was so strange. I had to check the date, look in the mirror, anything to make sure I hadn’t somehow slipped into 2015. Then I was so overwhelmed I threw up.

Yeah, not my best moment at all. But this feeling hit me like nothing else had in ten years. I’m not seven years old anymore watching Undertale animations, reading fan comics, or listening to the music preparing to enter middle school. I’m seventeen, graduating high school soon. Except I’m still doing everything I did with Undertale, just with Deltarune.

Everything is so different but at the same time, it’s not at all.

I’m aware most of my peers aren’t familiar with Deltarune or Undertale, I can only advise whoever hasn’t played either to play them. It’s just like nothing else I’ve ever experienced. And I’m no outlier, there’s an entire fanbase of at least one-hundred-thousand people that would say the same thing.

So why does Deltarune mean so much to me? Well the same reasons that Undertale does – but that’ll be covered in September’s blog since Undertale’s ten-year anniversary will be September 15th. Deltarune has incredible characters, one-of-a-kind music, and- …I’m realizing I’ve already written about this. It’s so interesting re-reading that blog – chapters three and four didn’t even have a release date and I had no idea what was coming.

I like Deltarune for all the reasons everyone else does, and October 2024 Stephanie did. But now, I’ve attached my entire being to that game. This is a pretty common thing I do when I really like something. Not only does it help me express myself, since all the media I love is a reflection of myself, but it also helps me feel like I’m appreciating the media for all of its worth. I’m actually really possessive in this way: my favorite color is pink, my favorite bug is a ladybug, my favorite show (that I even refer to as “my show”) is Common Side Effects, and my favorite game is Deltarune. I’m known for all of these things because I tie them so closely to my being. I may be possessive over Deltarune but I’m certainly not selfish over it. I’m constantly trying to get my friends to play it so I’m probably really annoying.

I’ve also been on a mission to heal my inner child before I graduate high school. So, like an extremely normal and mentally well seventeen-year-old does, I’ve been watching My Little Pony. And, in a really funny way, Deltarune shares a lot of similarities to My Little Pony. It’s kind of like my own teenage version of My Little Pony. Deltarune has huge themes of friendship, redemption, and conflict resolution through communication. Things also happen really quickly in the same way they do in the episodic form of My Little Pony. Kris and Susie, the two main characters, went from being enemies (?) to best friends in, at most, two days. Over the span of chapter one, Susie became open to talking problems out rather than immediately resorting to violence. And Ralsei, another one of the main characters, went from wanting to resolve everything through kindness to understanding when fighting is necessary over the span of four chapters, which was three in-game days. These are some extreme character developments over really short periods of time, kind of like how My Little Pony characters change so drastically in one episode while learning a sweet little message. And finally, the biggest reason I love Deltarune so much: Deltarune just has a lot of elements that I genuinely really enjoy.

Kris, the character we play as and/or (depending on who you ask) the protagonist, fits the description of my favorite kind of protagonists perfectly. Back in 2015, Frisk from Undertale was my favorite protagonist and they use they/them pronouns. Later in 2016, Sal Fisher from Sally Face was my favorite protagonist, mostly known for his bright blue hair. Kris fits both of these descriptions as they canonically use they/them pronouns and in the dark worlds, they have blue hair.

Deltarune also has huge themes of escapism, darkness (yes, the state of lighting), and alternate/parallel universes. As someone who used to chronically daydream, was deathly afraid of the dark, and is extremely interested in the idea of other universes, all of these are right up my alley.

And, finally, Deltarune uses the plot device of prophecies. This is my favorite thing ever, I’m so surprised I haven’t used prophecies in every single piece of my writing. For one, a prophecy can be used in so many different ways. It can be a simple statement that starts the story or even a title (for example, the book They Both Die at the End). It can be an actual fantastical prophecy (such as in the book The Song of Achilles). It can even be told in the way of generational trauma. It is so much fun to know how something will happen or end. The optimistic, hopeful side of you tries to believe it won’t happen, if it’s something terrible, or it will happen in a different way and then the truly human side of you just wants to see how it will happen.

(This paragraph will contain spoilers for Deltarune’s fourth chapter.) The way Deltarune uses prophecies as a plot device is, by far, my favorite. In chapter one, Ralsei, a fantastical mage-like character that only resides in the magical dark worlds, establishes a prophecy that him, Kris, and Susie will save the world from “The Roaring” – a catastrophe similar to the Rapture in the Bible. Specifically, he states the prophecy needs a human (Kris), a monster (Susie), and a prince from the dark (Ralsei). But in chapter four, released six real-life years later (!!!), the true prophecy is revealed straight from the source, which is the church since the prophecy is part of the religion of the town Deltarune takes place in. The prophecy needs a “cage with human soul and parts”, a “girl with hope crossed on her heart”, a “prince alone in deepest dark”, and a girl that “love finds its way to”. This version is, very clearly, a lot broader than the original we were introduced to in chapter one and it adds a completely new character (in my opinion)! And the final part of the prophecy that’s been tearing me apart since chapter four came out in June: the mysterious “final tragedy” that the main characters know about but us as players do not. This is such a unique way to use prophecies as a plot device and it inspires me so much in my own work.

There’s plenty of other smaller reasons I love Deltarune (like Noelle, who is a Christmas themed reindeer – I love Christmas themed anything) but those are the biggest ones and what truly keeps Deltarune so close to my heart. I really enjoyed writing this blog and dissecting my favorite parts of my favorite game. It helped me realize a lot of new things about myself and it helped me understand the writing of Deltarune on a higher level.

Thanks so much for reading if you did. Last year, my blogs were really fun and spilling with my own personality. I want to take a different approach now – you know, since I’m old and that means I’m a pretentious art student now and I have to be dramatic about all of my pieces. I’m kidding. Kind of.

Don’t read the old Deltarune blog too closely, there’s at least one typo that I somehow missed that’s eating me alive. Also paragraph three of this blog is a little dramatized, I knew I didn’t slip into 2015 but it absolutely felt that way. And I did unfortunately vomit… And when I briefly explained what “The Roaring” is (“a catastrophe similar to the Rapture in the Bible”), it reminded me of that one part from Snapcube’s Shadow the Hedgehog fandub with “the Devil from the Bible” and it made me giggle. Does my nicheness (that’s not even that niche) make you want to read more of my blogs? I hope so. Also do you like all of my links? I spent a lot of time on them.

Anyway, this blog was actually really emotional for me. I love Deltarune and I think I made that pretty clear. Remember to play or replay Undertale for its ten-year anniversary next month.

Watching Change in Real Time

I’m so glad I finally have it in me to make a creative blog again. My past seven blogs have been embarrassingly uncreative and, rather than the soul, they came from my brain and ego under the desire to tell people about myself and what I like.

I recently turned seventeen. As soon as midnight arrived, I felt this deeply rooted fear come out and, over a month later, it still hasn’t left. I know I’m young, so there should be nothing to worry about. At least, that’s what I’ve been told. Yet all I can do is worry and, I think, that’s a sign that I’m growing up.

If anyone from the generations that raised me (Baby Boomers and Generation X) read this, they would probably laugh at everything I’m about to discuss. Growing up with people significantly older than me started this ideology that I shouldn’t worry about adult things and just focus on being young, but now that I’m inching closer to becoming a legal adult, no one has told me to stop worrying. Actually, I think most people in my life are unknowingly encouraging my anxiety with all the talk about college and jobs and don’t even get me started on a future family.

It’s all a big mess that I just have to turn my head away from because I can’t clean it up or walk away from it. I’m too young to tackle those problems head on, but I’m too old to not worry about it. So I’m in this dreadful in-between period, just trying to distract myself from the slowly approaching tsunami of stress.

Recently, I’ve taken my mental health very seriously. I’ve been observing myself like a friend: predicting my own actions, keeping track of my worries, and even counseling myself. I have three, going on four, planners/calendars. I still end up needing extra help, though. I feel like I can’t even catch a break.

With my birthday, grades of college classes, regular classes, and arts classes, and relationships with people, this last semester has completely knocked me down, stomped on me, rolled me into a ditch, threw a bunch of trash on me, and then I’m still expected to get up, dust myself off, and buckle in for an extremely busy summer break.

“But I believe in myself,” I say to myself, knowingly lying. “I can do it. Nothing I haven’t done before!” *extreme eye twitching*

This blog was originally supposed to be a sweet reflection of my junior year, but the more I write, the more I realize I’m so glad it’s over. Usually, I would say I’m not ready to be a senior and I’m afraid to grow up. But right now? I can’t wait to be free from my shackles. The sad thing is, I already know that summertime will put on a fresh, new set of shackles right on these weary wrists until I enter my senior year. Then it’s like I’m switching shackles again.

I know right now is a difficult time for me, and I know senior year will also be difficult. But I hope I can find the joy in… wearing shackles. I’ve worked incredibly hard to discover my weaknesses and aid them over the past few months, and I can only hope I care about myself this much in the upcoming months.

I will admit: I’m very thankful for my junior year at MSA. I think this has been one of the best moments of my life. I’m very grateful for all of my friends and teachers and even myself. I’ve gone through a lot of self discovery and I can definitely feel myself developing into a young adult.

It’s a strange process and it’s even stranger to physically and mentally feel it. It’s easier to let time pass then look back and think, “Wow, I’ve changed a lot!” but it’s so incredibly weird to look in the mirror and say, “Hey, I’m changing. Like, right now.”

I hope I’m able to write a sweeter blog when I return for senior year or maybe even as I graduate. Maybe then, I’ll be emotionally recharged enough to cry over the fact that the biggest chapter in my life is about to come to an end.

Wish me luck over the summer! If you’re wondering, I’ll just share all of my plans here. In June alone, I plan to attend a week-long writer’s workshop and then go to the beach immediately after and then visit family for another few days. I also plan to go camping, get my driver’s license, deep clean the entire house, renovate the backyard, and on top of all of that, take Spanish 1 and 2 as college classes.

To any of my peers that are planning a busy summer, I wish you the best. And if you’re clearing your entire schedule for summer to rot in your room, I wish you well too. I can’t wait to see how much I’ve changed by the time I return to MSA, and I can’t wait to see my soon-to-be seniorly peers!

ENA: Dream BBQ

During my Easter break, I found myself sinking into a form of media that (surprisingly) wasn’t Common Side Effects. Alongside that, I realized that I’m starting to regress into the girl I was a few years ago under, what I assume to be, the stress of recently turning 17. That means I’m diving back into the things I liked as a 13 and 14-year-old. One of those includes ENA.

ENA started as an animated series by Joel G on YouTube. ENA is a character inspired by Picasso’s “Girl before a Mirror”. She represents two prominent sides of a person as two separate colors, split down the middle. These colors portray happiness and depression represented by yellow and blue respectively. The yellow side has a male voice (which sparked my love for voice actors that are the opposite gender of the character they’re voicing) and the blue side has a female voice. They both have very dynamic and contrasting tones that I absolutely adore. The series consists of 4 episodes all under 10 minutes (excluding “Temptation Stairway” which is 17 minutes long). All of the characters are incredibly interesting. My favorite, other than ENA, is Moony. She’s ENA’s friend and I just think they’re so cute together.

I swear this isn’t bad quality, this is just the style. screenshot from the episode “Auction Day”

The ENA series is really high quality, and because of that, episodes took a really long time to release. In between “Temptation Stairway”, released 4 years ago, and “Power of Potluck”, the newest episode, my interest in ENA naturally dropped. I still admired the series and character, I just stopped involving myself in the media as much.

look how cute she is!!!!! “Extinction Party” episode thumbnail

Until ENA: Dream BBQ came out on March 27, 2025 (3 days after my birthday!) and I found out about it relatively quickly. Probably because it was a really anticipated game so a lot of YouTubers and other creators that I follow played it and talked about it. I was quick to jump on the train as well, watching my first play through of it on April 12. Then I watched 3 more play throughs and multiple videos breaking down the plot.

I feel like I’m more than qualified to spoil the whole thing, but I highly encourage others to play it for themselves. It’s free on Steam! So here, I’ll just discuss my favorite things about the game and how much I love the Dream BBQ version of ENA.

This game is very similar to the Youtube series, which already felt like clips of a video game. It feels like a playable episode of ENA and I think that’s the perfect way to translate the series into a game. It’s incredibly surreal and confusing while also being fun and leaving a lot of the story to the audience’s interpretation.

tbh i don’t know what i’m looking at here

ENA has changed a lot between the YouTube series and the game. Instead of yellow and blue, she’s white and red. The different sides of her even have different names, white is “meanie” and red is “salesman”! She even has a cute little hat. I still have a lot of love for the old ENA, the yellow and blue color combination brings back a lot of good memories, but Dream BBQ ENA is definitely my favorite.

I think my second favorite character is Froggy – a Japanese speaking man in a huge frog costume. He has so much personality and he’s very expressive. He even has an amazing ringtone when he calls you! I’m considering making it my own ringtone…

One of my (many) favorite parts of the game is when ENA, who you’re playing as, enters the “Lost Village” and knocks on the doors of the houses in the area until she finds the right one. Each house that isn’t the right one disappears with a unique animation and I just think that’s really funny. It’s also just fun to see all the different animations, it makes me hope to never find the right house just to see the animations.

Even though the anticipation for this game was high (to my understanding), it’s not as popular as I thought it would’ve been. Compared to the traction the ENA series received, the game has received a surprisingly little amount of attention. But that just makes the fan content a lot more special. Some of those TikTok editors make videos that seriously look like trailers for the game!

All of this to say, I really love ENA: Dream BBQ. I think everyone should play it or watch someone else play it because some of the biggest YouTubers that have played it only have half of a million views as I’m writing – which sounds like a lot but compared to the series’ combined view count of 47.5 million, it’s not!

Common Side Effects Season Finale

On March 31st, the season finale of Common Side Effects aired, and I had no clue. I wasn’t even aware of the amount of episodes released because, to me, they all clumped together into a mass of something I loved.

I cried relentlessly that Monday evening and I’m not ashamed about it. The reason this show had such a grasp on me, was because it is so much more than just “my show”, like I call it. It’s a staple of friendship and family, a measurement of time, and a meaning of my identity.

This show, very clearly, means a lot to me. It’s hard to write this knowing new episodes aren’t releasing at this time. Common Side Effects was something that I looked forward to after a hard week. It’s tough to sit here and realize I don’t have that comfort anymore (for now).

But Common Side Effects wasn’t just “my” show, it was me and my friend’s! I never watched an episode without them, unless it was with my dad. He was actually the person who got me into Adult Swim in the first place. But I was still surprised to find out he knew exactly what I was talking about when I was rambling to him about the upcoming show I was excited about.

He was able to watch new episodes before me since his TV constantly stayed on the Adult Swim network. New episodes would air on Sunday nights and then were released on Max the Monday after. Sometimes, on a Sunday, he would text me, “Common Side Effects” to let me know he was watching it. I think it was to taunt me…

But ever since early February, my friend and I would schedule time together and make sure that we would be able to have this thing that was completely ours. And now, I wonder what’s going to bring us together like this again? Should we just watch reruns of each episode? Should we move onto another show until season 2 is released? I don’t think I’ll be able to find another show as good as Common Side Effects, that’s just not possible for me.

I called Common Side Effects “my” show. That’s what everyone knew it as, and if they didn’t know the title, they knew the plot and they knew it as “Steph’s show.” This may sound silly, but there are so many instances where I felt like this show was perfect for me.

When I first saw the trailer for Common Side Effects, at about 12 AM alone in my dorm, my first thought was, “Oh this looks good, but I bet it’s on its 5th season and I’ll have to catch up so I won’t bother.” What a stupid thought! The first episode wasn’t even out by this time. It was going to be another week before the first episode aired. It was perfect timing.

I have a lot of trouble getting into TV shows because, most of the time, there’s already multiple seasons out by the time I find it, and I get really intimidated by the amount of time I would have to spend catching up. So I never watch shows.

Common Side Effects‘ characters are absolutely perfect and I’ve fallen in love with every single one of them. There’s so many realistic and human flaws to every character and that makes them even more lovable to me.

Some characters, like Frances, have subtle flaws that you can only define after calculating all of their actions and intentions. Frances initially comes off as a quirky, hardworking, and kind woman. She’s very cute! But as the story progresses, you see how she can be selfish, power-driven, and exploitative on top of her other traits. But of course, I can’t hate her because she’s also relatable, funny, and somewhat understandable. If I was in her position, I’d probably do what she did and more!

There are so many little things about this show that I proudly over-analyze. Like when a character takes the Blue Angel mushroom, they experience a vivid hallucination in a place coined “The Portal.” Each character has a different vision and I think every single one of them is either foreshadowing, reflective of the character’s inner desires, or exposing of their traits. There was even a time where I analyzed characters’ outfits down to the earrings and shoes! But that’s a topic for an entirely different day.

The soundtrack is also absolutely amazing. The original songs are so well done and the songs picked to be used in the show are perfectly chosen. There’s so many different genres of song used throughout the show but they all work together and fit in perfectly. I made a playlist and (tried to) put the songs in chronological order in the show. I’m also working on a personal playlist of songs I associate with Common Side Effects rather than just the songs in the show.

All of this rambling to say, I absolutely love Common Side Effects and I think it’s a great show that everyone should watch. The art style is very unique, and I’m aware that a lot of people won’t pick this show up purely because of it, but after a while, it definitely grows on you. I’m a huge fan and I love every single thing about this show. I’m really sad that season one is over, but I’m excited and hopeful for season two!

Tomodachi Life 2026!

On the morning of Thursday, March 27, I swear I felt the ground shake and I thought I heard the roar of a cheering crowd. Then I forgot about it. That night, I opened TikTok to see that I had received a message from an old friend. The post she sent might as well have been a national emergency alert, announcing “Tomodachi Life 2026!”

I read this, looked at the background (which looked like clips of a trailer), and jumped out of bed. I held my breath until I searched it up and, to my complete shock, it was REAL. Then I celebrated, thanked my friend for sending me that post, and found the original trailer myself.

So apparently, the Nintendo Direct came out and I was completely unaware of it. I scrolled through the long list of trailers, announcements, and teasers to see the official Tomodachi Life video posted last.

I’ve made an entire blog about Tomodachi Life before, so I’m not going to discuss my memories or experience with it again. But I definitely want to talk about the Nintendo Direct trailer and my opinions on Tomodachi Life: Living the Dream!

I’ve watched this 1 minute and 7 second video countless times, trying to pick it apart as much as I can. The main things that I noticed were the insane graphics, upgraded Mii customization, and the island.

I’ll start with the whole look of it. I remember my first thought was “this looks like Animal Crossing: New Horizons.” Of course, ACNH takes place on an island and so does Tomodachi Life, but the palm trees, furniture, and flowers in the announcement video look incredibly similar to ones in ACNH. I don’t have a problem with it, I think the ACNH graphics are amazing. I just thought it was really interesting. I have a really soft spot for the old 3DS graphics, though. There’s something about them that’s just so humble and charming, I’m still figuring out how I feel about this new look.

The Miis definitely upgraded with the environmental graphics. You can see that most of them look like they have dyed hair or some sort of highlights. Also, they have ears! It looks like we will get some new hairstyles, clothes, and Mii customization options. But that’s the bare minimum considering it’s been over 10 years, it’s just great to see!

Now I’ll be honest, I’m worried about the island. The first thing I noticed was the lack of apartments. Where are they? I feel like the apartments are the most iconic part of Tomodachi Life! How am I going to spy on my Miis with no apartments? It’s just not the same with houses… In the original game, your Miis moved into houses after they got married and it was a huge achievement! I feel like this might take away that feeling of accomplishment if everyone has a house. Another thing that made me really nervous was how insanely flat the island is and the “Quik Build” store. To me, this hints at the ability to decide and build things with complete freedom. I really don’t like this implication. I’m just afraid that we’ll have another ACNH situation where the game (in my eyes) failed because it had too much customization.

You could literally rebuild your whole island, decide where everyone would live, and even decide how their houses would look. It was just too much and had barely any limitations. In ACNH, it felt like you were some sort of great leader even though you were just another member of the island. You couldn’t even customize that much when you were the mayor in Animal Crossing: New Leaf.

I didn’t mean to complain about ACNH, I’m just really passionate about both of these games, and I’m really anxious about how Tomodachi Life: Living the Dream will be.

Let’s discuss the things I do like! I’m really happy that Nintendo decided to keep the original Mii designs and voices! After seeing Nintendo Switch Sports, I developed a fear that Miis would get completely erased in Nintendo games. To some extent, I understand it. Miis were a huge mascot for the Wii, and as Nintendo moves away from that beautiful staple in my childhood and onto the Switch (and now Switch 2?!), I’m sure they want to move on to new things. But seeing my beautiful Miis back for Tomodachi Life: Living the Dream gave me so much hope. Also hearing their robotic voices rather than unnerving AI voices (that they very much could’ve used, but didn’t!) gave me so much joy. All this to say, we are SO BACK!

More images from the Nintendo Direct:

They are SO tiny! I think all 4 of these characters have new hairstyles. Also, the flower effects are adorable. I feel like I’ve seen the fence, lamp post, and table and chairs in ACNH before. Also, see that city in the background? Very interesting… I just can’t get over how cute and tiny the Miis are! My babies…

Look at that blue-eyed stare. How charming.

This is a scene from a Mii’s dream. I’ve already seen a lot of edits of these two Miis being lovers. My TikTok algorithm knows me so well. I’m actually really happy that this might mean we have crazy dreams again. That was one of my favorite features. I would stay up late just to see all my Miis’ dreams.

This image really shows off how amazing this game looks. Also, I’m really digging this Mii’s look.

I’m incredibly excited for this game to come out. We don’t even know the exact month it’s releasing, but I’m already looking forward to the entire year of 2026. This actually really hits my heart in a way that I didn’t expected it to. After so many years of dreaming about a Tomodachi Life 2, I just gave up. It was hard to let go, but I did. And then, when I least expect it, I find out our prayers were actually heard after I had already given up and stopped caring! I feel mixed emotions as I play on a new Tomodachi Life island (named Stephtown). Of course, I’m so happy about it, but I’m also worried it’s not going to be everything I’ve dreamed of for the past few years.

Also, it’s releasing the same year that I’m graduating. I was 8 when I started playing Tomodachi Life. I’ll be 18 when Tomodachi Life: Living the Dream releases. That’s a sickening realization.

Another Review of Stadium Arcadium (Disc 2)

In my last blog, I covered disc 1 of Stadium Arcadium and I’m excited to talk about disc 2! For the longest time, I thought disc 1 was the better half and I would only listen to it and replay it when “Desecration Smile” started playing. I’m glad that I’ve moved on from that and now I listen to both halves and love them equally.

Desecration Smile

“Never in the wrong time or wrong place”

Starting off strong! I think this is a really underrated song. I love the acoustic guitar and the vocals. The background vocals are really strong throughout this entire album and I think this song shows that off really well. They uphold the melody well in the chorus and they also echo the verses really well in other parts. 8/10

Tell Me Baby

“The thing we need is never all that hard to find”

This used to be one of my favorite songs on the entire album. I really like the beginning, it’s slow and sweet and it mimics the melody we hear later on . Then we’re thrown into the actual song and (I’ll admit) it’s really jarring, but it’s really unique to this song and I appreciate it for what it is. 8/10

Hard to Concentrate

“And, finally you have found someone perfect”

This song is really different. The intro is really smooth and I think it was done really well. Also, in this song you can hear the lead singer (Anthony Kiedis) extremely closely. Like you can hear his breath and that gross sound when you open your mouth. Anyway, I like this song but I think it’s pretty boring compared to the rest of the songs on this album. Honestly, it feels rather empty to me. 5/10

21st Century

“Not too sure but I know that it’s meant to be”

I absolutely love the bass in this song. It adds a lot to the song and I think it would be completely different without it. It’s quick and I think it has a really unique sound. Other than that, there’s not much that I can say about it. 7/10

She Looks to Me

“Who’s gonna take you home / And hold you when things aren’t so bright”

I’ve grown to love this song a lot! I wasn’t that big of a fan when I first heard it, I thought it was strange, but now I see it as unique and beautiful. The melody is well crafted, and the instrumentals are so complex – I love it. 8/10

Readymade

“Listen, but don’t be afraid”

This is easily my second favorite song on disc 2. I love listening to this song when I clean. I love how the bass and electric guitar match each other throughout most of the song, I think it creates a rich sound that becomes the main focus. I honestly don’t mind it overpowering the vocals. I also love the breakdowns in this song! 9/10

If

“And if I saw the sun fall down / I’d pick it up and make a crown / One that was a perfect fit for you”

One of my favorite things to do when I listen to this album is to read the lyrics of this song. I think they’re so sweet and well written. I like the quiet buzzing noise in the background, it feels like I’m outside in the middle of summer hearing the air conditioner buzz. I think that’s why I like this song more than I do “Hard to Concentrate.” Both are really mellow, but I favor this one any day. 8/10

Make You Feel Better

“I got dreams so wide like a country mile”

I think this song is really catchy. I really enjoy the drums in this. Also, he says “run amok” here again. I’m not sure why that’s notable to me, but the only time I’ve ever seen the word “amok” is in RHCP songs. This song is really upbeat and the bass and electric guitar parts are really simple but good. Also, you can hear a tambourine! I love tambourines.

Animal Bar

“Runnin’ through the mud, I got a feeling of worth”

Surprisingly, I really love this song! The instrumentals are layered so well and I’m a huge fan of the bass in this. It feels like it’s constantly running and it matches the lyrics and vibe really well. I like how it switches in the chorus and I love the ending. 9/10

So Much I

“Please don’t turn away a friend”

My only note about this song is that it’s alright. I feel like it starts off way too strong at the very beginning. I really enjoy the chorus though! Other than that, I don’t have much to say. 6/10

Storm in a Teacup ★

“I know you can battle the masses, dear”

This is my favorite song on disc 2. I think it’s so incredibly unique, fun, and catchy. I love the lyrics and instrumentals equally in this song, which is rare because I usually favor the instrumentals. Surprisingly, I love the background vocals, especially the fun chanting (?) and I really love the feel of this whole song. I don’t love it as much as I do “Wet Sand,” but it’s my favorite out of disc 2. 11/10

We Believe

“Cause it’s not the first time, nor is it the worst time”

I’m not a huge fan of this song. The background vocals definitely give the illusion of a crowd (and I think that’s really cool!), but I just think it’s really robotic in a strange way. I also think this song is lacking a bit, especially after “Storm in a Teacup.” It’s really unique, though, so I love it as is. 6/10

Turn It Again

“I turn to you, I turn into, and then I turn it again”

I like this song. The bass is funky, the electric guitar is cool, and the vocals are unique. I really enjoy the chorus, but that’s really it. I think I’ve overplayed this song so much to where I don’t like it as much as I used to. I bump to this song in the shower, though. 7/10

Death of a Martian

“Lots of love, just keep it comin’ / Making something out of nothin'”

My first thought is that this song is really weird. But it’s so unique and I love it. I think it’s a really good song to end this album with. It has a beautiful sound and such a good chorus. I think this song is so beautifully crafted and then, there’s the ending. It’s a poem. I got so excited when I heard it for the first time. I adore naturally read poems in songs and I think it’s delivered so well here. I will admit, this song was really confusing to me at first. After a very small amount of digging, I discovered it was about Flea’s (RHCP’s bassist) dog and I think that is absolutely precious. I am such a sucker for pieces written about pets. 10/10

After “Death of a Martian,” there’s a 30 minute long commentary from the band members. I’m ashamed to admit this, but I have never listened to this all the way through. I just cannot sit still enough to listen to it without wanting to hear the album again.

I’m really glad that I was able to review this album, it’s truly my absolute favorite album. That fact should be kept in mind when you see the low ratings because even with a 5/10 rating, it’s still an amazing song in my eyes. The second disc is definitely not as popular as the first, but I still hold it in a very special place in my heart. I want to do more RHCP album reviews, but Stadium Arcadium really took a lot out of me.

Steph’s Review of Stadium Arcadium (Disc 1)

It’s about time I get this blog out. I’ve been planning a Red Hot Chili Peppers blog since New Years. My original plan was to make a huge blog post (like, over 2,000 words) reviewing every single album they’ve ever made. That’s 13 albums! So (after a while of fighting myself) I scrapped that idea, knowing it was 100 times easier to break down one album at a time (or in this case, half an album at a time).

This blog’s focus will be Stadium Arcadium! I’ve been listening to this album for a few weeks now, and I’ve definitely grown an unhealthy attachment to it.

Stadium Arcadium is an entire 2 hours long with a 30 minute commentary at the end, and it was released in 2006. In this blog, I’ll be going over disc 1, which contains 14 songs.

definitely one of my favorite album covers by RHCP!

1. Dani California

“California, show your teeth”

This is such a good song to start this album. It’s definitely a classic, and I think it’s one of the best RHCP songs ever. I have so many memories tied to this song, good and bad, and that makes it really special to me. I think the beat is so catchy and the instrumentals go so well with the vocals. I’m embarrassed to say I don’t know much about the actual production of music, all I know is that it sounds good and I like it! The chorus is also really good and the background vocals support it so well. 10/10

2. Snow (Hey Oh)

“The more I see, the less I know / The more I’d like to let it go”

Another amazing classic. This is one of the most popularly covered RHCP songs that I’ve seen purely because of the guitar part. I think it’s amazing and it’s really unique. When I first got into RHCP a few years ago, I remember not really liking this song. Unfortunately, my opinion hasn’t changed that much… To me, it’s really repetitive to the point where I get bored. I still absolutely love this song, just not as much as others. I will admit, the lyrics are heartbreaking in a way that hits me right in the soul. 7/10

3. Charlie

“My heart, your skin, this love I’m in”

This is one of my favorite songs on the entire album! I’ll admit, I have no clue what he’s talking about in the lyrics, but it sounds really good. My favorite part about this entire song is the background vocals. I think they add a lot of support and fun to the song! And the chorus bridge is so amazing. I feel that part through my whole body and the lyrics in that part are so good! 11/10

4. Stadium Arcadium

“The stadium arcadium / A mirror to the moon”

This is the perfect title track for this album. I think it represents the album in such a beautiful and meaningful way. It completely clears my mind in the way a song never has before. I just completely zone out when I listen to this song, I just think it’s so beautiful. I don’t even know how to describe the instrumentals, everything is just so well done. It feels so universal, like I imagine space when I listen to it (maybe because of the album cover). 9/10

5. Hump de Bump

“It’s not about the smile you wear, but the way we make out”

If “Stadium Arcadium” made you sleepy, this is the perfect song to wake you up. I don’t even know what it’s about, and honestly, I don’t think I want to… I’d rather stay oblivious. It’s so fun, it’s so funky, and it gets stuck in my head all the time. My friends hate to hear me sing this. I love the trumpet and the “oh no!” part. 8/10

6. She’s Only 18

“(Knock the world) / Right off its feet and straight onto its head”

Walk with me here. This song is so good. I was going to talk about how I don’t pay attention to the lyrics and only listen to the sound but curiosity got me and I deeply regret researching the meaning behind this song… Anyway, I love the background vocals. 6/10

7. Slow Cheetah

“It’s so bad it’s got to be good / Mysterious girl misunderstood”

What a song to unwind to after “Hump de Bump” and “She’s Only 18.” This song makes me grab onto my t-shirt like my life depends on it. I think this is one of the only songs on the album that uses an acoustic guitar and I think it’s so beautiful. I really love this song and it reminds me of the By The Way album. 7.5/10

8. Torture Me

“I want it all, I want it bad / Oh, it’s what I know”

What a heartbreaking song. It’s still really fast paced, but rather than catchy (like most of this album’s fast paced songs), it comes off as quick and desperate and that perfectly captures the lyrics and overall meaning of the song. I love the breakdown in the chorus, it adds some clarity to balance through the noise. 7/10

9. Strip My Mind

“Please don’t strip my mind / Leave something behind”

I mentioned “Torture Me” to be a heartbreaking song, but this is the most heartbreaking song on the album (to me). I absolutely love the background vocals and I think they add a lot of grit and personality to this song. I just take a deep sigh every time I hear this song, I love it. 8/10

10. Especially in Michigan

“Cry me a future / Where the revelations run amok”

I really enjoy listening to this song. I’m not sure what this song could possibly be about, but I really enjoy seeing the metaphors that are pieced together from anywhere and everywhere. The background vocals (once again) bring in so much element and the effect over them also fits so well into this song. I also love how the electric guitar (?) at the beginning matches the background vocals that you can hear later in the song. 8/10

11. Warlocks

“Every night I go looking for you / Everyone in the world adores you”

This song is a lot catchier than I thought it would’ve been. It took a lot of warming up to for me to actually like it, but after that, it’s one of my favorites on the album. I think it’s really unique and the flow of the vocals is so strange, I really like it. I’m a huge fan of the bass in this song. 7.5/10

12. C’mon Girl

“And if you let it germinate / I know it will be worth the wait”

This was my favorite song when I first listened to this album. I thought it was really enjoyable and stimulating. The background vocals extend the sound and they really open it up to add so much more depth. It’s moved its way down my list of favorites as I listen to it more, I think I was just so enamored with the chorus that I could only see it as my favorite for a few weeks. 7/10

13. Wet Sand ★

“Oh, you don’t form in the wet sand / You don’t form at all / Oh, you don’t form in the wet sand / I do”

This is my favorite song of all time. This song has such a special place at the bottom of my heart where it is playing on repeat all day, all night. This is actually one of the only songs that I’ve been extremely interested in learning the meaning of. Flea, RHCP’s bassist, says the song is about loving the dark parts of a person along with their good parts. I’m all about loving the human experience and the flesh and blood that creates it with the mind, so that hits me in a place that’s really special. Everything about this song just means so much to me, from the meaning, to the instrumentals, to the vocals. I especially love the whistling and, of course, the chorus. All of it is so beautifully crafted. I think I could scream these lyrics until I die. 100/10

14. Hey

“Hey, what would you say if I change / I’ll change everything but my name”

The lyrics to this song are so gut-wrenching it’s actually insane. But. I do not care for the sound as much as I wished I did. It’s just really plain to me, but I really enjoy the lyrics. I will admit, it’s really catchy. And I love the little triangle part. Not my favorite song to end on, but I still love it. 6/10

And that’s disc 1! I absolutely love this album and I’m really happy that I get to share it now. I used to think that disc 1 was the better half of Stadium Arcadium but I honestly think both halves are amazing. I know my ratings averaged around 7/10 because I love all of these songs equally (for the most part), so it’s really hard to rate them. But when you see a low rating, keep in mind that this is my favorite album right now. So those 6/10’s and 7/10’s that you see are still some of my favorite songs ever. The rating used to compare the songs to each other.

I loved breaking down these songs and talking about them, I can’t wait to do disc 2 because it has a lot more diversity in the tracks.