do i want it to end?

for lack of a better term, it’s been a hell of a year. it simultaneously feels like it’s been 4 years in one and just yesterday i was unlocking my door here for the first time. i longed for this school for a year and a half before i arrived, tugging at every ounce of it i could manage. i remember coming to my papaw’s house down here, then the biggest smile rushing to my cheeks as i saw the side of the SLC in passing. i knew i would be here when the time came, and as my intuition often goes, i was right.

this year has been amazing. i made some of the best friends anyone could ever ask for – the kind who want the best for you, no matter what – the kind who see past your flaws and love you anyways – the kind who spot you when you need it, and the kind who know they can come to you no matter what. i won 4 submission opportunities, put works in the school’s literary journal, printed a collection of my poetry and sold 15 copies, and experienced a lot of “firsts…” and “lasts.” i’ve loved a lot, maybe more than is healthy for me, but it’s the truth. 

i’ve also lost. i lost more than 15 literary journal submissions, i lost a bond i thought would last much longer than it did, and i think i lost my fair share of hair clumps from stress in the process. my grades and mental health began to slip before halfway through the year, and just as i was picking myself back up, the realization set in: half of the amazing friends i made this year… are leaving.

come august, my snap maps will have bitmojis scattered from new orleans to new york, and of course i’m excited for them and their journeys, but part of me is terrified of how empty the halls will feel without them. it may be different if this were any other school – if i knew the majority of them would be at the local community college for at least 2 years to come, within close enough proximity to not miss them so much. i’ve spent more nights than i’d like to admit crying over the possibility of losing touch with all the people i love.

but, as the cookie crumbles, i know next year will likely be so much worse – being the one leaving this town, on to something better. i’ll likely join my best friends (hello ayden and madalynn) at mississippi state, but maybe i won’t. maybe i’ll go to the u********* of m*ss*ss*pp* and check out their writing program, stray a little farther from home. maybe i’ll say “screw it” and take a spot at LSU, leaving everything in mississippi behind.

in any case, i’ll be off this campus. i won’t be studying behind the column of cooper like i know i’m not supposed to. i won’t be reminiscing bittersweet memories on the side-steps of JI, i won’t be pouring my heart into a google doc on the second floor. wherever i am, i won’t be here, and that scares me to no end. 

do it before you get here

as i approached my wits’ end, searching for submission opportunities on the godforsaken website that is submittable, i noticed a… suspicious lack of organization within my writing repertoire. i had three folders, each with separate subsections and an ungodly amount of categories – somehow i ended up with two poetry folders? 

so, in the middle of class, i organized my entire laptop. and boy, do i wish i would have done it sooner. for the upcoming juniors reading this post, i’m telling you now: find your organization. if you need a template, that’s why i’m here.

for starters, i took note of all of my pieces and gathered them into an excel spreadsheet. the table should look something like this:

title type content style line/word count submitted to accepted by

title: obviously this is the title of your piece. i like to keep this horizontally organized, keeping my poetry at the top and long-form writing toward the bottom. 

type: this notes any special formatting, such as if a poem is a sonnet, sestina, haiku, etc. 

content: you will produce works that need content warnings or notes. if something has foul language, insinuations, or otherwise alarming material of any sort, this is where to note it. additionally, you can keep themes in this section as well (grief, love, etc.)

style: this is totally optional, but i go back and forth between works that are appropriate to keep lowercase and those that require proper capitalization, so i usually note that here.

line/word count: self-explanatory.

submitted to: note any time you submit something. many journals will ask you not to submit a piece that is being considered elsewhere, but others may want you to note that on the cover letter. 

accepted by: these are pieces that have been accepted and can no longer be submitted anywhere, but they need to be kept on the sheet in order to mark it somewhere later. this is very useful when compiling a literary resume. 

next, i keep all of my work in folders on my desktop. this is completely optional, especially if you’re using google docs, but i find it makes finding my work so much easier. i have a few different ones.

pending: pieces that i’m currently writing, working on, or editing.

posted: everything altogether. included in this are subcategories.
– poetry
– playwriting
– flash fiction
– short stories
– blogs
– exercises for class (a lot of these will fall into an awkward category that can’t really be submitted).
– miscellaneous

when i tell you this system has saved me on more than one occasion, believe me. i’ve submitted to 6 different literary journals within the past two days, each considering a different theme. now, instead of shuffling through every folder on my laptop, i consult my spreadsheet first – skimming over the titles and seeing what’s most appropriate. it also allows me to see which works i’ve neglected and/or paid extra attention to in my submission process, leveling out my likelihood of submitting pieces. i have some that are being considered in 5 places, others that aren’t being considered at all.

many submission opportunities have a line or word count minimum/maximum, so that column is especially helpful for weeding out qualifiers.

overall, i’m extremely disappointed that i didn’t have something like this to guide me through scholastics, and i definitely recommend beginning a healthy organization habit sooner, rather than later. it’ll likely save you more than once.

ricky manning was right

at the beginning of my sophomore year of high school, i started longing for msa more and more every day. i, along with about 20 other fellow prospective students, anxiously awaited the opening day of applications for this fine school. we had become close friends over the course of a single week, and kept in touch ever since. at the time, these were the only people in my life with shared interests and values; they were nothing like those from my 3 previous schools, and i was more than ready to share a space with them.

i started making a playlist to keep me going through the hard times of rankin county, starting strong with “home” by daughtry, then quickly followed by the instrumental version of “ocean eyes” by billie eilish, because it was the song that ms. genevieve kelley played beautifully on the 3rd floor piano. this playlist was dedicated to every emotion the thought of msa made me feel, and it’s turning out to be a large source of comfort throughout my time here as well. 

sometimes, the music isn’t so good. it can play “the lucky one” by taylor swift just as easily as it can play “tongue tied” by grouplove, and i think the distinction between the two lies in the very thin boundary that is “la is lonely” by ricky manning. it talks about how he’s in los angeles and he’s lost his way, he doesn’t know what he’s doing or why he’s there. he feels alone and scared, and he wants to make friends, but no one else seems to.

the lyric that hits home most for me is “nobody tells you when you go chasing your dreams that it’s much harder than it seems on the screens. fake magazines on the shelf, you’re only left with yourself,”

and while that lyric resonates with my anxiety at times, it’s also a gentle reminder that i’m not only left with myself. i have great friends that i’m thankful for beyond belief, and i’ve written about them a thousand times, but i simply don’t believe that i can do it enough.

if it weren’t for azya, i would probably spend much less time in my dorm than i do. she makes me want to come back to my floor and laugh at really REALLY awful jokes, and for no reason. she’s so much fun and the light of my time here.

ms brianna cox should not ever allow herself to have any other favorite color than yellow, because the hues of sunflowers and honey fits her like nothing else ever could. she is bright and vibrant and has an abundance of love that can make anyone’s day better.

callie is… for starters, a walking goddess. she is the epitome of kindness, talent, and grace. her fashion is impeccable, and she’s a good person at the core of her soul. she does so much for others, but that’s not even her defining trait. she is good for herself, and that is so so beautiful.

maple has been a pillar of strength this whole year. he may not have all of his stuff in line, but they make it work, and they deserve every good thing he receives in this world. they are endlessly talented, and i cannot wait to see the places he’ll go.

maleigh is, for lack of a better term, a badass. mrs. msa and mrs. senior class president and mrs. editor-in-chief-for-the-most-productive-school-newspaper-i’ve-ever-seen has the brightest smile in the room. she is a great roommate and an even better person, and i am so proud of everything she’s done for this school and for herself.

katie, katie, katie, The Girl Who Plays the Cello and Holds the Title for Walking Goddess: Alternative Fashion Edition. she is one of the best writers i know, and her care for others has never disappointed me. i look up to her in so many ways, and i am so proud of everything she has done to take care of herself, because she deserves it.

stephyne… lord, where do i begin with the first msa senior whose energy and beauty sparked awe in my little prospective student heart? maybe i should start with her award-winning works, or maybe with the magazine she has worked so hard to uphold and pull off. or i could end with her countless philosophical ideas that bring miracles to our literary classroom.

morgan love, ms. poetry out loud champ, sga attorney general, and strong woman central. i will always adore her, for her talents and contributions, as well as for the love she has for her friends and family. she is beautiful and worthy of everything she desires.

msa is not easy. it is hell and a heartbreak, and i’ve wanted to give up more than i can count on a single hand. but the pillars upholding the school are the vibrations of love that pour from these senior literaries’ souls. i am so so proud of every single one of you, and i cannot wait to see what’s in store for you. i love you so, so much.

Bones of Hollywood

Sources:
www.huffpost.com/entry/jennette-mccurdy-eating-disorder_n_5c812d61e4b0e62f69ea8363
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_Nickelodeon
https://screenrant.com/nickelodeon-shows-most-episodes/
https://www.distractify.com/p/is-jennette-mccurdy-in-icarly-reboot
https://adri.substack.com/p/what-we-dont-talk-about-when-we-talk

Content Warning:
Eating Disorders
Sexual Harassment

In 1977, in Columbus, Ohio, Dr. Vivian Horner created the first Nickelodeon series: Pinwheel. The creation of this pre-school show jumpstarted the massive TV network that we know today, and at the hands of corrupt directors and producers, it was all downhill from there.

At the ripe old age of 14 years old, actress Jennette McCurdy was signed to a lead role in Nickelodeon’s upcoming show: iCarly. The majority of Nickelodeon shows run for a limited span of four seasons, but iCarly stayed along for an extra two seasons. According to ScreenRant, it contains 97 episodes – 32 more than their rival network Disney Channel’s maximum.

Jennette played the role of Sam Puckett, whose most prominent traits are aggressiveness, loyalty, and a love for food. Her character’s tendency to eat and overeat is shown throughout the entirety of the show, manifesting itself as an obsession with fat cakes, fried chicken, bacon, smoothies, root beer, and tater tots. This doesn’t seem like such an egregious trait – especially for such an eccentric character, but when inspected a little bit further, it brings a necessary microscope onto iCarly’s producer: Dan Schneider.

Schneider worked for Nickelodeon for 24 years, before parting ways in 2018. He was fired “at a natural time,” but coincidentally, soon after coming under fire for sexualizing the feet of teenage girls, specifically those who were under his lead in television. Amanda Bynes, for example, who was recruited by Schneider at the age of 9. She joined the cast of “All That” – a comedy sketch for children. Amanda Bynes is thought to be one of the first subjects of Schneider’s perversion and abuse in 1996, and Jennette McCurdy is supposedly one of the last, parting from Nickelodeon in 2014 at the abrupt conclusion of iCarly’s spinoff Sam and Cat.

Aside from the sexual harassment and abuse, Nickelodeon took a toll on Jennette and her self-image. She disclosed in an article written for HuffPost that she knew she would get more roles if she maintained a child-like figure. In a moment of realization in the car with her mom, who assisted in Jennette’s disordered eating, the actress knew she was too far in to stop. She had booked 6 roles in the year, all younger than her real age.

After being cast to iCarly, Jennette’s habits began to spiral more and more. The constant pressure of always being in the public eye, either by social media or by the growing popularity of her TV show, really took a toll on her. There’s a gap in the HuffPost timeline, but rumors circulate that iCarly and Dan Schneider’s direction only exacerbated Jennette’s disorder. As previously mentioned, Sam Puckett’s most identifiable trait is her love for food. It’s not a stretch to assume that Schneider was aware of Jennette’s struggles and chose to ignore them. A source cited by many as proof of Schneider’s abuse is the following picture of Miranda Cosgrove, visibly distraught by the presence of Schneider near her.

His role in Nickelodeon’s network, and the length of time he was allowed to remain employed there speaks volumes about the industry and its priorities. Schneider was never held accountable for his actions, and it’s paving the way for past, current, and future abusers to get away with it.  Hollywood does not take care of its people, and it’s up to the public to hold the industry accountable for the way its children are treated.

life is, in fact, not like a box of chocolates; not everything is figurative.

maybe i should stop trying to make everything symbolic. it’s just snow. it’s not the universe’s way of telling me that something or someone is fading from my life, it’s just snow. it’s just a dirty puddle in the middle of my parents’ driveway that my sister’s car used to hover above, and it’s just an angry result of our ongoing climate crisis. nothing else,

and i wish that i could keep speaking those things into existence, but there’s always going to be a part of me that dies a little bit inside when i see the pinecone on my bedside table. it’s not a physical reflection of the final trip home before everything went to hell; it’s just a pinecone. it is prickly, not even pretty, and sometimes it hurts my fingertips when i go to pick it up, because it’s… a pinecone. i avoided them as a kid, and now i can’t even bring myself to dispose of one properly, because it’s symbolic,

but i should stop making everything into something it’s not. i should stop seeing memories in the window of my local trading post, because it’s just a gas station. it’s my first stop on the way back to school, and it’s my favorite place to get breakfast from in the morning; it’s not the first place we went in my hometown, it’s just a trading post. i keep telling myself that,

but there are still tire tracks in the dirt beside my house, and i don’t think they’ll come back any time soon after the next good rain. i’m sure my sobbing didn’t help the impressions such a small car was denting in my driveway, but i couldn’t help it. while i’ve been trying to reduce my metaphors to something less philosophical, i don’t think you can withdraw philosophy from the idea that the physical representation of my suffering contributed to the permanence of it,

but it snowed last week. and i haven’t been back home, but there are two parts of me right now. one of them is hoping that the weather has preserved all that’s left of a vehicle’s presence. the other is hoping that the melted tragedy takes the tire tracks with it, because it cannot bear to look at them any longer.

fast cars and freedom

unfortunately, this blog will not encompass the lyrical masterpiece that is the fifth track of rascal flatts’ “feels like today” 2015 album; it will actually be about the tragedy that came from a former racecar driver’s dream: big machine records (and the cuffs they keep their clients in).

scott borchetta founded big machine records in 2005, but not before he approached taylor swift in a cafe in nashville, offering her a place on the roster of the record label he was about to begin. taylor swift was the first person signed with big machine records, and 15 years later, this decision proved to be two pivotal moments of her career at once. 

first, the basics. ownership of creative property is a little bit tricky, especially in the music industry, so:

  1. artists own all of the technical components of their music – the lyrics, the instrumental, and everything in-between. they are theirs to use as they please, because they created these specific aspects.
  2. record labels own anything that was released under their label name: any recordings and remixes that say “big machine records” are legally owned by big machine records, and they profit from the royalties.

what this means for taylor swift:

  1. everything she’s written from her debut album through reputation is hers. she owns the lyrics and all of the technical components.
  2. big machine records owns what is called the “master recordings” of these albums – every track that’s played on the radio, signed to a movie or tv show, or streamed on a service.

anyone who doesn’t live under a rock is well aware of the ongoing feud between kanye west and taylor swift, but… what you may not know is kanye’s association with a man named scooter braun. kanye and scooter have been friends for a while, and scooter even worked for kanye there for a time, but even after the employment was terminated, they remained industry friends. based on all of the context clues, it’s safe to assume scooter and taylor don’t get along well, especially not where kanye is involved.

for quite some time as her career has skyrocketed, taylor has wanted to buy back her master recordings from her original record label. in 2014, she brought this proposition to big machine records, and they gave her an ultimatum: they will grant her immediate ownership of her master recordings…. if she signs a contract to stay with the label for 10 more years. this doesn’t seem like a half-bad idea, until you do a little more digging.

at the same time taylor’s proposal was being considered, big machine records was up for sale. taking into account her place as a prominent artist, it would not benefit taylor to sign 10 years of her future to a buyer she doesn’t even know. she declined the offer.

as it turns out, who else would end up buying the label but the infamous scooter braun – the one who teamed up with kanye to ruin taylor’s career before? and in that moment, every master recording that taylor swift had produced under big machine records lied in the hands of someone who had previously tried to ruin her career.

as the powerhouse woman she is, taylor decided to tell her fans exactly what happened and exactly how she would handle it. thus, the announcement of her re-recordings. 

taylor swift will be re-recording all 6 albums: debut, fearless, speak now, red, 1989, and reputation; though not in that order. if all goes well, these releases will be treated as the master recordings, so not to give scooter braun any recognition for taylor’s success. they will also be released as “taylor’s version” of every song, and the existence of any other version will be promptly eliminated from loyal fans’ minds.

until we meet again… on april 9th… when i cry listening to white horse – taylor’s version.

the crippling reality of impermanence

when i was in kindergarten, my favorite color was purple. i remember crying one time because i went to color something with a purple crayon, but it was really just the dark blue one. eventually, i graduated on to an unnecessarily vast hatred for purple, and i liked light blues more. my mom bought me a purple composition book for my 1st grade class, and i looked at her like she was crazy because she knew i wanted the blue one. i was 6, and i cared way too much about the cheap pattern on the front of the notebook i would lose within 4 weeks. my mom got a little bit angry and my puzzled look, and she said she bought me the purple one because it was my favorite color. but it wasn’t? it was blue.

a few years later, i was in 4th grade. i woke up one morning to a fuzzy cat’s whiskers on my face, and i laughed. i entered the kitchen, and there he was: my papaw at my house, bright-eyed and bushy tailed at 6:00 in the morning, and i… was nothing less than utterly exhausted from my subpar sleep. he was there to take me on a field trip, so we went about our day, and when we came home, my mom was crying. they had put our cat down sometime during the day; he was sick.

i began my rebellious phase in 7th grade, and truth be told? i regret most of it, but don’t tell my parents that. i made the mistake of sneaking out of church to go see the guy i was dating at the time, and my mom found out when she read my journal. she didn’t even have the energy to scream, she just spoke. i left the next morning for a weekend-long venture field trip, and two and a half months later, i was starting fresh at a private school just off of lakeland drive in jackson. 

i made some really good friends there, and while it wasn’t an ideal situation, i was somehow able to make the best of it. by the end of the year, i was finally ready to continue the chapter i had left off at my old school.

i went back, and i made three really good friends: two of which, i still keep in touch with. they were amazing, and they paved the way for my freshman year of high school. they invited me everywhere, they introduced me to new people, and they made my life better. over the summer, they kinda… dropped off the face of the earth. i was left without friends, places to go, things to do; i was pretty alone. i eventually became okay with it, but i held on to hope that things would get better.

my mom took a job at my rival school, and i was less than excited. the little bit of hope that i still had in my old school was dwindling, but i was clinging to what i could. i went to our football games, worked a few soccer games, and spent every free minute in my favorite history teacher’s classroom. two schools later, and i still get the urge to save tik toks about his coffee addiction to show him during lunch.

the school never got better, and the hope i was clinging to? died almost instantly. i had a fight with my two remaining friends, and i called my mom to get me the hell out of that school – i couldn’t take it anymore. so i moved schools again, halfway through my sophomore year.

in a month and a half, i made more friends than i’ve ever had in my entire life, and i was on top of the world. pelahatchie opened so many doors for me, strictly because the students and staff were the most kind-hearted people i had ever met. they encouraged each others’ growth, and they truly wanted the best for each other; at least, the people i stayed around.

more things that came crashing down: my pelahatchie high school experience, in the middle of spring break, when it finally dawned on me that i would never be going back to that school. COVID-19 had finally halted activity in this state, and it wouldn’t open back up for a while. 

i saw my best friend twice before leaving for MSA.

when i got here, i had a few friends already. we talked and we hung out for about a week until about 5 of those friendships fell apart.

we came back, and everyone was here together. i made a few more friends, and we started to build our groups. i made one really close friend… then i made one really important decision, and our friendship crumbled like a burnt cookie. i’m still deciding if that one really important decision was worth it, because it’s the entire reason i decided to write this:

nothing lasts forever, and even realistic expectations will always fall short.

alexa, shuffle rex orange county

i had a rough week. monday started off with missing assignments, then ended with a write-up from the person i never thought would do it. tuesday was when the realization (or anxiety, i’m still not sure) set in that i don’t spend enough time with certain friends, but not by my own accord.

i lost a few people that night, and it was all downhill from there. i laid in my friend’s bed, sobbing, for almost an hour and a half that night. had we not been assigned a curfew, i likely would have stayed there all night.

wednesday, i didn’t really have the energy to do anything. one of my closest friends came up to give me a hug in the morning, and i broke down in tears.

thursday, i had a great day – fantastic, even – i was on top of the world, i was walking with my shoes clicking against the concrete, and i was wearing the red leather jacket i hadn’t had the heart to pull out of my wardrobe yet this year. 

thursday evening, i took a walmart trip with three friends. on the way there, the driver let me play every single song on my sad playlist. that little indie girl who despises the sound of a southern drawl let me play “you promised” by brantley gilbert at the highest volume, and the girl in the back seat had absolutely no problem with my tears collecting in a pool on her jeans. when we finally got to walmart, i spent every dollar i couldn’t afford that was in my bank account, and i regret not one second of it. someone else pushed the cart and i stocked up on comfort items and school supplies. i bought $50 worth of food that i knew i wouldn’t eat and $15 on an overpriced valentine’s day stuffed sloth. i named him buddy.

thursday night, i crashed. it was like… thomas rhett “crash and burn” type situation; when i went down, my entire world came down with me. i hadn’t showered in three days, my hair looked like it could be invaded by the US military at any given moment, and i’d taken care of my scent, but that doesn’t mean that i was clean. two of my friends pulled me onto the tile floor of my bathroom, locked me inside without my phone, and stayed there with me until i took a shower. one of them offered to wash my hair.

she looked at me in the eyes and said, “we’re not doing this because we feel bad for you or whatever else, we’re doing this because we love you,”

and that was the exact moment i smeared my mascara-stained tears off of my face, then uncrossed my legs and picked myself up from the bathroom floor. it wasn’t until later that i found out i hadn’t completely rinsed out the shampoo from my hair, so it was dry right behind my ears for the next little bit of time.

friday, my brother came to pick me up early from school. we stopped by the gas station near school, so i picked up a stick of beef jerky. i only ate half of it. a few friends from my old school offered to stay with me that night, as did a few from further north. it was 1:28am when my friend offered to make a 3 hour drive just to make sure i was okay.

sunday, i came back to school, and everything was better than we’d left it. 

on tuesday, my friends offered to bring their stuffed animal to class with them. i had mentioned that i wanted to, and they stepped up so i wouldn’t be alone in my endeavor. it was a small gesture, and it still means so much.

i tell this story from the perspective of a girl with anxiety, but one with such good friends that she’s slowly letting her guard down, and trusting that they have her best interest at heart. it takes a lot of love to separate a person from their anxiety, nearly impossible, but some incredible people have made it happen, and i am eternally grateful.

if i’m lucky

anyone who knows me can tell you that i use spotify religiously; i have 30 playlists, categorized into 3 folders, and it works quite well for me. one of these playlists is called “what in the middle school,” and it’s essentially a list of every song that brings me back to a very specific moment in time that is defined by music. for example, the song clairvoyant by the story so far was very prominent in 7th grade, when i was just about to enter my first long-term relationship. and the song marry me by thomas rhett, which reminds me of 9th grade, when i developed the biggest crush on a guy that i knew would never like me back.

and the song if i’m lucky by state champs. as i was re-listening to this cringefest of a playlist, i was pleasantly surprised by how much i still enjoy this song – even after all this time. i think it’s because the lyrics can resonate with any moment of my life, which is both terrifying and very very beautiful at the same time.

the idea of screaming the lyrics, “i’m just trying to find my place in this world,” right into my living room ceiling fan is very appealing to me, and i think always will be. not only is it the perfect dose of nostalgia, it’s the theme of my life. i’ve gone to four different schools, and each one of them has taught me something different; msa, much more than any of the others. i change my setting, just trying to find my place like the song says, and it feels like i finally have.

this is a place for growth. it’s a place to build relationships, improve your art, and figure out what kind of life you want to lead for yourself. many of us will decide we want to travel the world and work as freelancers, which is okay. some of us will decide to pursue our art, some of us will not. few of us will go to trade school, and honestly i wouldn’t be surprised if more than a few of us land in prison at some point or another.

for now, though, every experience here needs to be felt wholeheartedly. there are moments that may be taken for granted, and i feel like that’s such a disservice to the time we’re spending in our lives. even class time – when we’re all waiting for something to happen, something is happening; someone is working on their blog, someone is showing their friend a funny picture, someone is recording someone else doing something stupid. during workshop, we’re pouring our souls onto paper and telling each other what we think and feel about it, which is such a fundamental part of improving our work and our relationships.

this is growth.

nights talking to the serio’s workers are moments of growth. as are impromptu tea parties with mrs. sudie, or the occasional burst of anxiety when you’re not back to school by the time you should be. everything happens for a reason, and i think taking it for granted is so dissatisfying.

like the song says, i’m looking for more than a pretty smile, and if i’m lucky, i can stay for a while. because this is my place in this world, at least for now, and i hope you all feel the same way. we worked our asses off to get here, so by god, we’re going to make the most of it.

anyways this is why i’m broke

anyone who knows me can tell you that my FAVORITE makeup usually comes from a brand called AOA Studio, which is sold exclusively on shopmissa.com. they have a variety of products, ranging from skincare to makeup to accessories. i’ve been a loyal customer for about 2 years, and i’ve ordered from them a total of 9 times. 

i’m not entirely sure why it’s considered shameful to admit you buy cheap things, but here i am: proudly sashaying into a blog post full of product i’ve used and fell in love with.

Eye Makeup:

Wonder Brow Pomade – Taupe

this brow pomade is perfect – i bought this for the first time in march of 2019, and it lasted me for… much longer than i’d like to admit i kept it. it’s soft, true to color, and does an amazing job at keeping your brows’ shape.

Skinny Mascara – Black

for the longest time, i used the telescopic mascara (honestly have forgotten the brand by now), and this is the perfect dupe for it. it’s perfect for your lower lashes, and comes in a primer for your top lashes as well. 

Fat Lash Mascara

while this mascara isn’t necessarily anything to write home about, it gets the job done, and it does it well. the only thing “better” about this mascara than any other that i’ve tried is that it’s fairly waterproof, and it does not smudge under my eyes at all.

Wonder Liquid Eyeliner

i’ve ordered this eyeliner on four separate occasions; it’s been my ride or die since the first time i purchased it. the brush is thin and malleable, it’s so easy to apply, and it dries down to a matte finish. it’s fairly long-wearing, and is rarely tarnished by shimmer shadows.

Face Makeup:

Hush Cream Blush – Cupid

i’ve strayed away from cream blushes for a while, but whenever i come back, i always gravitate to this one. she is the perfect shade of dusty, muted pink, and blends out super well with a small, dense brush. it works very well under foundation or on top, either way.

Wonder Cover Color Corrector – Lavender

though this formula is thiccccccccc, it really does work wonders. i have quite a bit of dullness around my lips, and when i mix this with a tiny bit of moisturizer, it brightens and smooths everything back down to make a great base for my foundation.

Perfect Brightening Setting Powder

if i had to describe the color of this powder, i would call it a translucent powder with a peachy undertone. it doesn’t leave a white cast in pictures, but it blurs and sets my undereye concealer with no problems. i wouldn’t recommend using it for the whole face because it doesn’t come with a lot of product, but i will say it sheers out nicely when used alongside another powder.

Lips:

Lip POP Gloss – City Girl

i’ve been on the lookout for a good lip gloss, and i think this was the end of my search. this formula comes in a squeeze bottle with a doe foot applicator. it’s highly pigmented, not too sticky, and more satiny than glossy, but i definitely don’t mind. though the pigment is there, i don’t find myself needing to use a lip liner because it stays in place so well – even with a mask over it.

Studio Skin Rescue Balm

i just recently ordered this, it came in last weekend, and i’ve already fallen in love. it’s not specifically a lip balm – it’s sort of a thicker version of scented aquaphor, and it works wonders. it keeps my lips hydrated throughout the night, and has restored my cuticles on more than one occasion. i love it, and i’ll definitely be ordering it again.

So Smooth Lipstick – Maui

i’ve had this lipstick for… admittedly much longer than i’d like to say. i very distinctly remember wearing this on my audition day, so i have fond memories. the formula itself is very smooth and long-wearing – it also performs well under a gloss.

Fruity Pop Gloss – Mango

i’ve ordered this lip gloss twice, once in mango and once in strawberry. it is SO hydrating and smooth, and it’s so sticky. i also wore this on audition day (on top of my lipstick); it stayed the whole day. 

Tools:

Super Soft Wonder Blender

i could rave about this sponge for DAYS; i think i’ve ordered this in bulk at least four times, it’s that good. it stays true to its “super soft” claim, and sheers out base makeup in the most flawless way. i’ve tried it against the original beauty blender brand, and if they were the same price, i would still choose this one.

All About Eyes Brush Set – Pink

along with the bamboo set, i have been swearing by these brushes since the moment i got them. they come with a nice quality carrying case that snaps into place, and they’re the perfect size to travel with – even going to school and back with me frequently. 

A+ Charity Bamboo Brush Set

i’ve had this makeup brush set for about a year and a half now, and they’re still going strong. they’re fluffy, produce minimal fallout, and are pretty good quality – especially for the price. i swear by the F30 brush for foundation and blush application, and the E141 brush for loose highlighter.

Mochi Wonder Blender

i bought this in the blender vault set, and i quickly fell in love. it’s so much softer than the regular AOA wonder blender, but much easier to control than the paw paw edition. i like to use this to buff out powder products on top of my foundation.

Microfiber Wonder Blender

this sponge works wonders for foundation – it doesn’t absorb much product at all, and it works beautifully to blend cream blush and highlighter with foundation.

Acrylic Mixing Palette and Spatula

i did not think i would get as much use out of this product as i do. it serves as a perfect base for my foundation and concealer, so i can pick everything up with a brush or sponge. it keeps products from soaking into the skin on my hand, and it’s easy to clean. i don’t usually use the spatula on the palette itself, because it scratches, but the spatula is perfect to scoop out my makeup remover balm.