for lack of a better term, it’s been a hell of a year. it simultaneously feels like it’s been 4 years in one and just yesterday i was unlocking my door here for the first time. i longed for this school for a year and a half before i arrived, tugging at every ounce of it i could manage. i remember coming to my papaw’s house down here, then the biggest smile rushing to my cheeks as i saw the side of the SLC in passing. i knew i would be here when the time came, and as my intuition often goes, i was right.
this year has been amazing. i made some of the best friends anyone could ever ask for – the kind who want the best for you, no matter what – the kind who see past your flaws and love you anyways – the kind who spot you when you need it, and the kind who know they can come to you no matter what. i won 4 submission opportunities, put works in the school’s literary journal, printed a collection of my poetry and sold 15 copies, and experienced a lot of “firsts…” and “lasts.” i’ve loved a lot, maybe more than is healthy for me, but it’s the truth.
i’ve also lost. i lost more than 15 literary journal submissions, i lost a bond i thought would last much longer than it did, and i think i lost my fair share of hair clumps from stress in the process. my grades and mental health began to slip before halfway through the year, and just as i was picking myself back up, the realization set in: half of the amazing friends i made this year… are leaving.
come august, my snap maps will have bitmojis scattered from new orleans to new york, and of course i’m excited for them and their journeys, but part of me is terrified of how empty the halls will feel without them. it may be different if this were any other school – if i knew the majority of them would be at the local community college for at least 2 years to come, within close enough proximity to not miss them so much. i’ve spent more nights than i’d like to admit crying over the possibility of losing touch with all the people i love.
but, as the cookie crumbles, i know next year will likely be so much worse – being the one leaving this town, on to something better. i’ll likely join my best friends (hello ayden and madalynn) at mississippi state, but maybe i won’t. maybe i’ll go to the u********* of m*ss*ss*pp* and check out their writing program, stray a little farther from home. maybe i’ll say “screw it” and take a spot at LSU, leaving everything in mississippi behind.
in any case, i’ll be off this campus. i won’t be studying behind the column of cooper like i know i’m not supposed to. i won’t be reminiscing bittersweet memories on the side-steps of JI, i won’t be pouring my heart into a google doc on the second floor. wherever i am, i won’t be here, and that scares me to no end.
