Author: Brianna Cox

As a redhead, I have had a love-hate relationship with my hair my entire life. I’ve heard some of the meanest insults and I’ve been asked the most ridiculous questions. I used to struggle with my hair because it is not the traditional carrot orange that is most often associated with being a redhead. My hair is a darker red, which is called auburn. My hair’s texture has changed drastically over the course of my life so far. When I was a baby, it was silky smooth with perfect ringlets. Then I cut my own hair. Then, it was straight for a while. Then I cut most of it off again. And now, my hair is in an awkward stage between wavy and curly. Some parts are super curly while others are either loose waves or board straight.

When I would get mad at something, all of my friends would call me “Ginger Snap”. *cue the eye roll*

Redheads seem to be the butt of jokes. Redhead children are often associated with being ugly (sorry, we don’t sugarcoat things over here) and I think it honestly depends on the redhead. Some of us aren’t too bad.

And if you have never heard “I’d rather be dead than red on the head” then you are lucky. I’ve heard it sooooo many times in the course of my school life. I went through stages of hating my hair so much that I dyed it an actual red. I would show you guys but honestly, I’m too embarrassed. It didn’t look bad or anything; I just love my hair now and it frustrates me to think that I didn’t love it before.

Okay, I’m done talking about my childhood trauma. Let’s answer some commonly asked questions about redheads!

“Do you have a soul?”

First of all… mind your business.

(Jk, I do have a soul. It’s borrowed, but it’s there  )

“You’re so pale. Why don’t you just get a tan?”

Why didn’t I think about that? Oh wait! I did. We can’t tan. According to gingerparrot.com, every human’s skin is made up of different level of Pheomelanin and Eumelanin. Eumelanin is a brown/ black pigment, which Pheomelanin is a pink/ red one. Redheads have a very high amount of Pheomelanin and a very low amount of Eumelanin. The pheomelanin pinkish color also helps explain why we have red hair. This lack of Eumelanin is responsible for pale skin, as well as lighter eye colors, such as blue, green or grey. In place of tanning comes an inability to protect itself naturally against UV exposure, so redheads tend to burn more quickly and frequently if not wearing sun protection.

“Is that your natural hair color?”

Nah. My mom and I have dyed it since I was born. Yes, it’s natural.

“I’ve heard redheads have a high pain tolerance. Is that true?”

Scientifically, yes. Personally, absolutely not.

“Do both of your parents have red hair?”

Actually, no. Only my mom does. My dad is almost the literal opposite of me, which is surprising since the red hair gene is recessive. I think they both have the gene but my dad’s dominant gene was his German heritage. He has dark skin and dark hair. My brothers are both the same way. We don’t exactly look like we belong together when we’re out in public.

“Is it true that redheads have anger issues?”

I don’t know if it applies to all redheads but I know that I have a very low level of patience and small things can cause me to become very agitated. It might just be my personality. It’s hard pretending to be nice all the time.

“Don’t most redheads have brown or green eyes?”

Yes! But my little combination is very rare. Having red hair and blue eyes is extremely uncommon. Only 1-2% of all redheads have it. I kind of wish I had brown eyes, though. They’ve always been the prettiest eye color to me. They’re also the most underrated.

“Brianna, how are you just so awesome?”

Awwweee! Thanks for asking! It’s most definitely the hair.

If you don’t have a redhead friend, I totally DON’T SUGGEST GETTING ONE. WE’RE EVIL AND VILE. The end 🙂

The lyrics will be in yellow and my thoughts will be in white.

I don’t want a friend (just me)

I want my life in two (my life in two)

Just one more night

Waiting to get there

Waiting for you (all night)

I’m done fighting all night (waiting for you)

-To me, this whole stanza is about how he just wants to be left alone– which I completely relate to. When a relationship has gone wrong, for a while you just want everyone to leave you alone. And this is basically what Joji is saying here.

When I’m around slow dancing in the dark

Don’t follow me, you’ll end up in my arms

You have made up your mind

I don’t need no more signs

Can you?

Can you?

-First of all. The pure beauty in the line “slow dancing in the dark” is just phenomenal. This whole stanza is saying that he doesn’t want her to try to heal him because they’ll just end up back together, which is probably something that shouldn’t happen. It is very heartbreaking when you have to tell the one person you want to help you, that they can’t help you  because it’ll only hurt you more.

Give me reasons we should be complete

You should be with him, I can’t compete

You looked at me like I was someone else, oh well

Can’t you see? (Can’t you see?)

I don’t wanna slow dance (I don’t want to slow dance)

In the dark

Dark

-Wow. “You should be with him, I can’t compete” and “You looked at me like I was someone else” are possibly the most sad lyrics I have ever heard. From personal experience, I can tell you how bad it hurts to be looked at like you were someone else. You know that someone’s heart isn’t with you but you stick around anyway. It’s also a very sad feeling when you feel like someone else would be better for them.

When you gotta run

Just hear my voice in you (my voice in you)

Shutting me out of you (shutting me out of you)

Doing so great (so great, so great)

You

Used to be the one (used to be the one)

To hold you when you fall

Yeah, yeah, yeah (when you fall, when you fall)

I don’t **** with your tone (I don’t **** with your tone)

I don’t wanna go home (I don’t wanna go home) 

Can it be one night?

Can you?

Can you? 

-“Used to be the one to hold you when you fall” is such a powerful lyric! And it is so accurate. It’s crazy how you will literally hold someone when they were at their lowest point, then when they get out of that rut, they act like they’re better than you. “Can it be one night?” is honestly a pretty sad lyric. He knows he can’t have her permanently so he just wants one more night to love her.

-Overall, this song really resonates with me. I’ve written a blog that included it before and I think it was pretty obvious how much I loved this song. 1934592347859/10 recommend. (Especially if you’re depressed, lol)

Okay, so I really need some inspiration for my next blog. Pls send help 🙂

I honestly didn’t know if I wanted to post something this personal. I find it hard to reveal stuff about myself to other people, but I’ve been trying new things.

I wrote this with every piece of my heart. Enjoy 🙂

Dear Brianna,

What you’re feeling is okay. I know sometimes it won’t feel okay, but it is. It is okay to not be okay and it is okay to be just okay. You don’t always have to be good. You don’t always have to smile when you’re hurting. It is okay to show pain, to show vulnerability. It is okay to ask for help, even if you feel like you’re bothering someone. It is okay to open up and stop keeping everything so bottled up. Say what you feel. If something has upset you, don’t pretend that it didn’t. You are worthy of happiness.

It is okay to be scared. Everyone is. Everything is changing. Your friends are changing. Your family is changing. You’re changing. Let the people around you help when they offer. It’s okay to be scared of asking for what you want, but closed mouths don’t get fed. Remember the worst that can happen is they say no. The world won’t end. The sun will rise, and we will try again.

Remember that you are young. You don’t need to be so serious all the time. It is okay to be silly and wild. That’s what teenagers do. Have fun. Scratch that; have a BLAST. Make drastic decisions, regret them, rinse, repeat. This is the time to experiment with new things. This is the youngest you’ll ever be. Live it up!

It is okay to love deeply. It is okay to give your all to someone you love. It is okay to trust others, even if you get hurt. These years are trial and error. Nothing is right. It is okay to let go. You don’t have to  hold grudges because someone has hurt you in the past. It is okay to forgive someone who hasn’t apologized.

It is okay to make new friends even though your friends back home forbid it. You don’t have to be miserable for the sake of someone else’s feelings. They will make new friends just like you will. Nothing is permanent. Most people that come in your life will be a lesson but there will be a few blessings. You will find your blessing.

It is okay to be confused about everything. Nobody blames you. Nobody is judging you. They’re confused, too. Everyone is confused. Nobody has everything planned out. And even if they do, their plans will change. So will yours. Change your mind. Change it again. You have nothing but time. Make mistakes. Make them again, because who ever really learns the first time? You will make mistake after mistake after mistake but you’ll get it right. Don’t hold your downfalls against yourself.

It is okay to want to stay in your room forever and ever. But don’t. Go out. Explore. Explore some more. Meet new people. Smile at strangers. Compliment things you like. I’m sure that cashier wasn’t weirded out when you told her how beautiful her lipstick looked against her skin. You have always found beauty in everything you see. Continue to do that. Tell your friends you love them. You don’t have to talk everyday to know that they love you, and that you love them. You are young adults now. You can put yourself first for the first time in your life.

It is okay to miss people who are no longer apart of your life.  Remember that what is meant to be will be. Not everything will play out the way you want but it will play out the way you need. Remember that even if everybody leaves, you have you. You will always have you. Learn to go out and have fun but also learn to enjoy your own company. Talk to yourself if you need to. Encourage yourself. Love yourself.

It is okay to want to sacrifice your happiness for someone else’s. But don’t. Your happiness is just as important as the next persons. And most of all, it is okay to be you. You are interesting. You are worthy of everything you want in life. 

Forever and always,

Brianna

If any of you are like me, then you STRUGGLE to find a cute Instagram caption that isn’t too “Hey, look at me! I know I’m pretty and I want everyone else to know that too, so I’m going to use this super vain song lyric!” But, you also don’t want something boring like an emoji because you can’t find the caption, y’ know?

Lucky for you, I keep lyrics in my notes that I might use one day as a caption and I decided to share them with you. I know, I know, I’m just so nice. You’re welcome.

Ok, I’m gonna stop rambling now and let you read the captions 🙂

“somewhere between in love and broken”- Again, Noah Cyrus ft. XXXTentacion

“you make my heart beat like the rain”- Electric Love, BORNS

“she’s sweet like candy in my veins”- Electric Love, BORNS

“you think you’re in love but you just wanna be loved” Anyone But You, Ava Max

“it’s like you’re on repeat” Alone, I Prevail

“’cause i’d rather be alone, but you’re fermented in my bones”- Habits Of My Heart, Jaymes Young

“i could show you love”- Safe and Sound, Capital Cities

“there’s no regrets, i just thought it was fun”- Heaven, Julia Michaels

“looks sweet, but the devil’s in the details”- Leviathan, G- Eazy ft. Sam Martin

“only time i feel pain is when i’m feeling love”- Everybody Dies In Their Nightmares, XXXTentacion

“love me, take me to outer space”- Electric, Alina Baraz ft. Khalid

“lost in between space and paradise”- Paradise Lost, John Gillies

“gold’s fake and real love hurts”- hostage, Billie Eilish

“do i cross your mind?”- BANG!, Trippie Redd

“been dyin’ to get you dizzy”- Dizzy On The Comedown, Turnover

“teenage dirtbag”- Teenage Dirtbag, Wheatus

“pardon the way that i stare, there’s nothing else to compare”- Can’t Take My Eyes Off You, Lauryn Hill

“hurts but i know how to hide it”- My Strange Addiction, Billie Eilish

“you know just how to hold a sucker down”- Make Me (Cry), Noah Cyrus ft. Labrinth

“trouble usually finds me”- Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban

“i admit that i’m a ‘lil messed up, but i can hide it when i’m all dressed up”- needy, Ariana Grande

“better now”- better now, Post Malone

“just peachy”- unknown

“lost in a world that doesn’t exist”- Tumblr

“all the clouds in me are raining”- All The Clouds In Me Are Raining, Mister Write

“something’s on my mind, always in my head space”- lovely., Billie Eilish ft. Khalid

“if i’m religious, you’re the one that i believe in.”-Live Or Die, Noah Cyrus ft. Lil Xan

Most of these are song quotes but there are a few book quotes in there. Feel free to add a few of your own if you want. 🙂 peace out, girl scout.

If anyone is ever wondering, “What is going on in Brianna’s mind?” I’m here to answer that question.

My most recurring thought is, “what.”

Not to be confused with, “what?”

There is a difference in tones.

The one with a question mark (?) is stated with curiosity and a raised brow, while “what.” is deadpanned. It is said with a straight, almost bored, face because I have lost all hope that I will ever understand anything ever again.

Now you must be thinking, “Is this girl okay? Who hurt her? Does she need to talk to someone?” and the answer is, honestly……. who knows? My brain is fried like a fish and it’s only the second week of school. (It’ll be the third or fourth week by the time you read this but I wrote it in advance. Just know that my brain is probably (definitely) fried by now.) (Am I allowed to put parenthesis in parenthesis? Guess we’ll find out.)

Now you may be thinking, “what.” but I promise there’s a reason behind this weird and very long introduction and the point is, that I have NO idea what I’m doing. Like, ever. I wing it most of the time and cross my fingers for the best. I act like I know what I’m doing, but guess what? I don’t! It’s a very chaotic way to live and I like to consider myself a “chaotic neutral”

The definition is, “Chaotic Neutral characters follow their whims. They are individualists first and last…… Chaotic neutral characters may be unpredictable, but their behavior is not totally random – they are not as likely to jump off a bridge as to cross it. However, they do act on momentary whims, and are known to be unreliable. As some would say, “the only reliable thing about them is that they cannot be relied upon!”
Chaotic Neutral is sometimes considered the “purest” form of chaos, without bias in favor of good or evil.” (Joe Wikipedia, Urban Dictionary)

Now that you know what a chaotic neutral is, let me explain myself. I spontaneously do a lot of things without thinking them all the way through. For example, about a year ago, I decided, “hmm. I feel like I am a boring person (NEWS FLASH BRIANNA, YOU’RE NOT). Let’s shave some of our hair off!” So, I did it. (Still living with the consequences and I regret it very deeply, lol.)

I also would like to think that I am not a mean person but I’m also not the nicest, or so I’ve been told. I won’t bully someone or anything but if you ask my opinion, I’m going to give it to you. I don’t sugar- coat, lie about it, or soften the blow in any shape, form, or fashion. (ok, maybe I am a little mean but just hear me out.)

I honestly have no idea where this is going but it’s okay. The title is “what.” for a reason. You probably have no idea where this is going and I thought I knew, but I don’t, so let’s just sit on it a minute and think, “where do I want Brianna’s blog to go?”

………..okay time’s up. If you guessed “nowhere”, you are correct!! Congratulations! *this last bit must be read in a game- show host’s voice or you did it wrong. If done wrong, please scroll alllll the way back up to the first paragraph, start over, and try again*

Peace out, girl scout! 🙂

(Just another side note; this was inspired by Bo Burnham’s Stand- up comedy Special on Netflix. I think you can also bootleg it off of Youtube. You didn’t hear that from me, though. 10/10 recommend)

Anyone who knows me knows that I am a huge music fanatic. I LOVE music so much. I love listening to it, learning it, making it, etc. So, I made a playlist of my favorite songs and why they’re my favorite. (as of right now. they change, like, every 2 weeks.)

Before we begin, I just need to put a little disclaimer: some of these songs have inappropriate language, but all of them also have a clean version! So, with that being said, let’s jump right in!

Oh wait, there’s more. These are in no particular order, I just wrote what songs came to mind first. You’ll see that some songs towards the bottom have higher rankings than the ones at the top. (The rating scale is 1-10, 1 being okay and 10 being heavenly.)

1. I Can’t Handle Change- Roar

-This is my favorite song right now because, like the title says, I can’t handle change that well. I’ve lived in one house, one town, and one state my whole life. Nothing has had to change for me except the amount of people living with me. My household went from 5 people to just me and my mom. It was hard to adjust and this song came on shuffle while I was browsing through Spotify and it stuck with me. There’s a part in the song where one of the singers simply says, “Leave me alone, leave me alone”. I like this part not only because of the way it sounds but because I LOOOVE my alone time. Sometimes I just want everyone to leave me alone. 10/10

2.  Work Song- Hozier

-This song is beautiful in so many ways. The love that Hozier is feeling for this woman is so strong, I feel like anyone who listens can feel it. I often wonder what it would be like to be loved as deeply as Hozier loves this woman. I have two favorite lyrics, and they’re my favorite because they are both just so deep and beautifully written. My number one favorite is, “When my time comes around, lay me gently in the cold, dark earth. No grave can hold my body down, I’ll crawl home to her.” Every time I hear this lyric, I just stop and can’t help but to think “wow.” My second favorite lyric in this song is, “When I was kissing on my baby, and she put her love down soft and sweet. In the lowland plot, I was free. Heaven and Hell were words to me.” He’s basically saying that he doesn’t care where he ends up, as long as he is with her. GOOSEBUMPS TO THE MAX! This is the kind of song you keep on repeat for 5 months (tooootally not speaking from personal experiences) 10000000000000/10

3. Love- Lana Del Rey

-This song is all about being young and in love. It’s about the things teenagers do in their youth with the person they love. This song is soothing to listen to. But, if you can relate to it, it’s even more beautiful. Personally, I can feel this song in my chest and in my gut. This is the kind of song that you play in a car going down the interstate with all of the windows down. It is the teenage anthem for being young and foolishly in love. 10/10

4. SLOW DANCING IN THE DARK- Joji

-Where do I even start? This song is phenomenal, to say the least. When he says, “Now I’m around slow dancing in the dark. Don’t follow me, you’ll end up in my arms”, it gives me goosebumps. His vocals, the poetry, the meaning. It all makes for an amazing listen. It’s a very sad song, though. In one part he says, “you looked at me like I was someone else” and it tugged a heart- string because I know what it’s like being with someone who has feelings for another person. This is also a song that resonates in the deepest pits of your heart, if you can relate. I know it does for me. This is the kind of song you listen to when you’re laying in bed, depressed.  100000/10

5. Caged Bird- Myles Cameron

-This song is about trying to move on after you’ve been in a relationship for a long time and it ended. Myles Cameron says it’s like a caged bird trying to learn how to fly again. This was my go- to song when my ex of 2 years and I split up. I realized how much it is like trying to learn how to fly. You’re gonna fall a few times but you’ll get it eventually. All you need is time. Not only is this song very deep and meaningful, but his voice is deep and soothing. It’s very smooth sounding. He’s also very underrated and doesn’t have that many listeners. This is also a song to listen to when you’re staring at the ceiling and being depressed. 8.5/10

6. Loving Is Easy- Rex Orange County

-Just a warning: this song contains a few bad words so don’t say I didn’t warn you if you decide to play it in front of your grandma and one of the first things she hears is the “F” bomb.

Anyway, this song is honestly hilarious. It’s very upbeat and happy sounding, but it is basically saying that his ex made him think that love should be hard. Then, when they split, he realized that loving is easy. And she had him “messed” up (not really what he said but this is a school blog, so.) This song makes me laugh every time I hear it because it’s very easy to relate to. People will try to tell you that loving someone is hard, but it’s not. What you two face together may be hard, but loving, and I mean really loving, someone is not hard. This is the kind of song you BOP to in the car. It’s so funny and upbeat. 8/10

7. Nobody- Jhene Aiko

-I love this song because Jhene is basically saying that she never needed anyone. I relate to this because almost everything I’ve done since I could do it on my own, I have done it on my own. I never needed help from anyone and I doubt I ever will. It’s kind of a sad song because it has a feeling of betrayal and she’s firing back that she doesn’t need whoever hurt her. I relate to this because I had a friend that used to borrow money from me all the time and when I stopped giving it to her, she decided that she didn’t want to be friends anymore and I realized that I didn’t need her. In fact, I was waaaay better off without her. This is the song you play when someone has hurt you and you need to remind yourself that you don’t need ANYONE except yourself. 7/10

8. Somebody Else- The 1975

-Whew. This song honestly makes me cry. It’s one of the saddest songs I’ve ever heard. And I mean a “feel it sink from your heart to your gut” kind of sad. It’s about the person he loves, loving somebody else. I feel this song in my chest because I know what it is like to watch the person you love, love somebody else in ways that he/ she never loved you. It’s a very raw emotion that clogs up your throat and makes your heart heavy. Just listening to this song makes me feel that way. Although it may seem upbeat, if you listen, you will hear just how heart breaking it really is. This is the song that gets you so depressed that when it comes on shuffle, you sit down and stare at the water running down your knees. 7.5/10

9. Lost in You- khai dreams

-This song is so simple and uplifting. I can’t help but to bop my head to the sides when this song comes on. It’s not a childish song but it makes you feel a child- like giddiness inside. Maybe that’s just me connecting to every song I’ve ever heard. It’s only 1.41 minutes long but sometimes a song doesn’t need to be long to be good. My favorite lyric from this whole song is, “we can get lost in an offbeat rhythm, feel the way that you’re moving and I think that I get it”. I just love the poetry of the phrase “get lost in an offbeat rhythm” because not everything has to be perfect to be beautiful. Just like this song! This is the kind of song that comes on shuffle while you’re washing dishes or folding the laundry and you start to dance a little and hum along. 9/10

10. Easily- Bruno Major

-The first thing you hear Bruno Major say is, “don’t you tell me that it wasn’t meant to be, call it quits, call it destiny. Just because it won’t come easily doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try.” This song is just all around so beautiful. It’s very romantic to listen to because of the pace, the music, his voice. It’s a song that I can imagine dancing to in the kitchen at midnight with my soulmate. It has a vintage- y feel to it and it’s overall a refreshing listen. This is the song you play when you’re slow dancing with yourself.  10/10

Well, those were my favorite songs right now and why they’re my favorites. I hope you listen to them and love them as much as I do! Also, please don’t think that I am depressed and all that jazz because I threw in some jokes about staring at the ceiling and sitting in the shower. (Been there, done that. Never again, lol)

I really enjoyed writing this so there will probably be a LOT more reviews on songs and books. Hope you enjoy and I’ll see you again next Wednesday!

*reading back on this, I realize that I write exactly like I talk. Scattered, all of the place, bad humor, forgetfulness. But, this is a blog, not a novel so not everything will be perfect and smooth. I am a messy writer and I own it! Okay, bye for- real this time*

As a new student at Mississippi School of The Arts, I can tell you, firsthand, what student life is like here. At first, it is very exciting, as all new things are. But as the days go on, a sense of loneliness sets in. You don’t know anyone here, and they don’t know you. It can be hard to make new friends when you haven’t had to say, “Hey, I’m Brianna. Do you want to be friends?” since Kindergarten.

Personally, I went to a very small school and everyone knew everyone. So for me, it is very hard to interact with people I’ve just met. I don’t know how much to tell them to keep them interested without over- sharing. I’m slowly learning to interact with people I don’t know. What do you say? What do you not say? How do you act? How do you not act?

Not only are the people new but so are your surroundings. It’s strange having to ask where the principle’s office is, or not knowing how to get to your local Walmart. But luckily for you, I made this guide about how to function  as a new student!

1. Don’t be afraid to ask where something is. Everyone else was new at one point too.
2. If you want something, ask for it (or work your butt off to get it. Whichever applies to you).
3. Introduce yourself to new people. Everyone could use a friend.
4. Don’t tell your whole life story within 5 minutes of meeting someone. If they want to know, most of the time they will ask. Too much information too fast will either make them uncomfortable or make them feel pressured into sharing something as well. All will come with time.
5. SMILE! Smiling and being polite will get your muuuuch further than a frown and rudeness ever will.
6. Don’t  let anyone walk all over you. You might be new but you’re a strong, independent man/ woman/ your preferred gender.
7. Remember that you got accepted here because you are an artist! You have an amazing skill. Be proud of yourself.
8. Have fun (but not too much fun. I wouldn’t want you getting arrested or something because a 16 year old blogger told you to go out and enjoy yourself).
9. Open yourself up to new people and opportunities. You never know the possibilities until you reach for them!
10. Remember that this is still high school. You don’t have to be an adult yet. Despite what all the old people say, you’re already in the real world. You’ve already experienced real world things. (Like, seriously Grandma, I haven’t been living in “lalaland” this whole time).
11. Stay true to yourself. You are the only you. Don’t change anything about yourself just because someone doesn’t like that part of you. It can be very tempting to want to change yourself to be like someone around you because they look “cool” or whatever. But the only thing you need to improve is your intelligence and compassion. Everyone should strive to be smarter and kinder.

These steps will be hard, no, make that impossible, these first few weeks. But stick to the process. I believe in you, your family believes in you, and most of all, you should believe in you.