Top Ten Hardest Classic Horror Movie Villains to Survive(and how I would attempt to survive them). Part One.

Hello everyone! For the sake of semi-realism here I will not be listing any weird creatures like the xenomorph from alien or paranormal villains like demons and ghosts and such. If they qualify as a human or were once human (like Freddy Krueger) they will be allowed on the list. As always, I will be biased in my opinion on the scale of difficulty! Lets just get into it then.

10. Hannibal Lecter (The Silence of the Lambs)

Let’s think about these scenarios as if we were in the movie ourselves. Hannibal Lector is a cannibal who canonically was a forensic psychiatrist which makes  him extremely dangerous to us, a person with no background knowledge in forensics. Luckily for us though, in the movie Hannibal Lecter is locked up in an extremely high security prison cell made just for him, so we are definitely safe from him unless he escapes or we become dumb enough to enter his range of attack. Just don’t live in the same area of this freak show. 

Chance of survival: More then 80%

9. Ghostface (Scream)

For this one I’m going to put us in the scenario of the main character of the series, Sydney, as well as the plot of the first movie.  Spoiler alert; you are the main target. There are two different Ghostface murderers in the movie. They are both regular humans so all we have to do is outsmart them. Both of the murderers are male and we are female. They have us beat in brute strength so we have to figure out a different way out of this. The two murderers are not that intelligent and are fairly cocky. They like to play around before going for the kill. We can take advantage of this. First, find something nearby that you can use as a weapon to protect yourself. All we have to do is stay calm and assess our surroundings for things that we can use. Another thing, don’t answer the phone. It is purely a distraction and meant for the murderer’s amusement.  Instead, pick it up and immediately call 911. It’s their fault for prioritizing entertainment rather than cutting the phone lines and leaving us without any way to contact help. One you do that, find a weapon and a corner to put your back against. Prepare yourself to fight for your life if it comes to it. Let’s say that you don’t get the chance to call 911 this time, the next thing to do is escape (you can try this even if you do call 911, but I don’t recommend it because of the riskiness). Since they didn’t cut the lines to the phone we can also assume that they did not slash the tires to our car outside. If you know where the keys are and where the murders are you are in a good position. If not, grasp your weapon and take a deep breath before carefully clearing each room until you find your keys. That’s one step down. Next, make sure the murderers are distracted by throwing something at the back door or window to make a loud noise.  They are dumb enough to go for that. Sometimes they tend to split up, so keep an eye out for that. Make sure you know where the both of them are before trying to leave. Then you wait (in hiding)  by the front door until you can see them both moving to that area. This is your chance to run to the car and get away. If you go without making sure you know where they both are, check the backseat and under the car before getting in. Then get in the car and lock the doors. Start it and get the heck out of there. Drive to the police station, not your moms house. You can call your mom there.

Chance of survival: Sydney did it for four movies, I can safely say that if you’re smart about it there is a 85%+ chance of survival. 

8. Cannibal Brothers (Wrong Turn)

Okay, imagine you’re stranded in a forest of west Virginia with a broken down car and you have no idea where you are. Your phone signal is jammed and you have no way to contact help. Before any enemies even know that you are there, DO NOT, go any further into the uncharted territory. Grab something from your car you can use as a weapon and turn your butt back around and run down the road you just came from until you find society again. If you’re dumb and decide to keep going into the woods, good luck, you are now the target of three deranged hillbilly cannibal brothers who are out for blood. We should assess our enemies first. They are not intelligent at all but they have us greatly outnumbered. They have incredible aim with a bow and are experienced with many weapons and are used to the hunt. This doesn’t look too good for you right now. Remember that weapon you got from the car? Yeah, hold onto that one. First things first, stray away from the open road. It gives them a clear view of you to shoot so if you stay to the side brush you can instantly have much more cover than before. They also can drive, which you now cannot. They already know you are in their area, so please just start running in one direction. Periodically check your phone to see if you are out of range of the jammer. Cell phone jammers average radius is only 9 meters. They could possibly have multiple so just keep checking. Don’t use your whole battery though, that is dumb. If you sense them gaining on you, run in zig zags so they cannot shoot you easily. The forests in West Virginia are HUGE so you will be there running for a while. They will not get tired and thirsty as easily as you so you HAVE to find a way to lose them so you can find a water source and some food. One you have that, keep running until you find a populated area where you can find help. If they end up catching you and bringing you to their cabin, you are mostly screwed. In the movie they do keep many weapons in the open and usually take a nap after they catch you because they are tired, so be careful and try to grab a small knife to cut the ropes without them seeing. Now, you have to kill them one by one quietly to make sure the others don’t wake up. No guns and no smothering, one is too loud and the other would wake them up. They are stronger than you, it will not work. If they are laying on their stomach, I recommend stabbing the back of the neck at the base of the skull. The intended goal of striking this area with a knife is to sever the spinal cord/brain stem. Once the spinal cord is severed, all body function ceases. Do this for every one that is laying on their stomach, if they are on their back, stab straight into the neck to the side of the larynx. Even if you don’t hit the artery this will put them out quickly. To put the nail in the coffin: gasoline is your new best friend. Light that cabin on fire with them inside and steal their car. Boom you are on your way.

Chance of survival: 50% (depending on how strong your will to live is)

7. Esther (Orphan)

For this scenario, you are a wife who is married to the most naïve man on Earth. Sorry, this was your choice. Due to the loss of your recent unborn baby, you decide it would be better to just adopt, which I don’t blame you for, but WHY would you choose the weirdest, most angsty kid in the orphanage. You can easily avoid the whole threat if you just choose a normal kid. For the sake of this blog, lets say that we felt bad for the little punk named Esther and adopted this creepy little girl. You don’t know this yet, but this little girl is not a little girl at all. She is a 33 year old woman who was diagnosed with a rare disease called hypopituitarism. She poses as a little girl  Over time you notice the violent habits, growing obsession with your husband and mysterious secrecy this little girl had been hiding. Your dumb husband does not  listen to you when you confide in him and accuses you of jealousy. I mean come on, obviously you should leave this guy if he is THAT dumb. If you choose to stay because you absolutely cannot leave this guy behind, the next thing to do is find a way to expose this kid without alerting her to get violent towards you or your husband. We do some research and find out about Esther’s past. PRINT EVERYTHING. Your husband obviously will not take your word for it so you have to get as much physical evidence as you can. On the off chance that he still doesn’t believe you, get in your car and leave. Let’s say that he finally believes you now okay? Use your joined strength and the aspect of surprise against this imposter and find a way to contain her. If she fights back, go ahead and stab her, or crush her tailbone with a bat. These options will both immobilize her so she cannot harm you or your husband. Call the police and let them handle her. This is probably the easiest situations to avoid.

Chance of survival: 90%+

 

6. The strangers (The Strangers) 

Let’s say that your boyfriend just proposed to you and you denied it because you were just not ready for that yet. The relationship isn’t that strong right now, but before you can fix things up at your secluded vacation home, you are now targeted by three mask wearing murderers who’s only motive to kill you is because you were home. They have nothing to lose and that makes them more dangerous. They are also intelligent with their movements and words. You will have to be extremely careful to make it out of this scenario with your life. As soon as you figure out something is wrong DO NOT split up. That’s the dumbest thing to do. If you split its now 1v3 instead of 2v3. These killers are not dumb. Even though they taunt you and play around, they do it in a strategic way where you cannot escape. They cut the phone lines and slashed your tires, what do you do now? If you can’t escape and you can’t call for help, there is only one option left. You fight back. In the movie, the male character (your boyfriend in this scenario) has mentioned that his father left a gun here. He remembers how to load it and pull the trigger, but he doesn’t remember where it is. Before you do anything, arm yourself with a knife from the kitchen. That’s a weapon that you DO know the location of. Then go room by room together and lock all the windows and make sure all of the curtains are closed as you look for the gun. As soon as you find it, get your boyfriend and sit in a corner of a room. A 90 degree attack area is better than a 360 degree one. You can also see where they could come from all at once. Load the gun and get ready to defend yourself. When they inevitably come for you, wait for them to get close enough and shoot them. In the movie, they have a shotgun, which as two rounds before you have to reload. That means its a 1v2 for the last enemy standing. You already have a knife in hand, so you can protect your boyfriend while he reloads and gets ready to finish off the last of them. If you are sitting in the corner, aim for the lower stomach, right behind their knee cap or slice their Achilles tendon, rendering them more immobile and easier to shoot. Make sure as soon as he reloads you move out of the way as quickly as possible. As always, make sure they are all dead before you move from the corner and go looking for help. The chances of you getting out unharmed are low, but as long as you survive is good enough don’t you think? 

Chances of survival: 20%-50% depending on if you can calming assess a situation before acting on anything and your pain tolerance. 65%+ if you follow these steps.

 

 

Thank you guys so much for reading this week! I truly appreciate it! Keep an eye out for part two next week! I think you’ll enjoy it if you enjoyed reading this one! See you next time and don’t be afraid to leave a comment telling me how YOU would survive! <3