This past weekend, I attended prom at my old school.
Before MSA, I had attended this school from Pre-K3 to 10th grade. Because of this, I had been hesitant to come to MSA. My old school had been all I’d ever known, so the idea of switching schools FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER was very scary to me.
This weekend, when I revisited this school and the people there, for the first time in almost two years, I was hit with a kind of unsurprising revelation.
I have changed.
Of course, I am aware that I have changed within the past two years here at MSA. I made a blog at the beginning of this year recounting how I thought quarantine and COVID as a whole had affected me as a person, so obviously I am more than aware that I have changed!
But I don’t think I was aware of exactly how much.
When I was at their prom and talking to them and being there… I didn’t know how to act. I still have good friends there, so I wasn’t alone. The music and food was good, so I was having an okay time hanging out there… but it still put me in a weird place. The energy there had always been draining to me. The student there rarely got disciplined well, so bullies ran rampant throughout the dance. I felt like everyone there kept giving me side glances for wearing a mask, even though they weren’t a requirement. As I spent more and more time there, I couldn’t figure out how I had ever spent 10+ years in school there, when just the prom was almost unbearable just by itself.
I’m not going to too terribly bash my old school or anyone there, because I still have friends there that are enjoying there time there, and I’m happy for them! But it just never really worked for me personally. The school didn’t offer any sort of artist classes or activities for creative minds. And to be someplace all day everyday for years that doesn’t aline with your personal needs and interests is juts very draining. The energy there is just so off-putting for me and I don’t exactly have the fondest memories there, so I ended up leaving their prom worrying why I thought it would be a good idea to be there in the first place.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I really couldn’t visualize myself there anymore. I couldn’t put myself back in the place that I had been in for some many years. I felt like a stranger there, I felt like a stranger to myself. I am no longer in touch with the person I was two years ago. Maybe I am not completely different, but I have become completely realized in a way that I previously never thought possible.
MSA has played a pivotal role in me coming to fully realize myself. It has provided me with a space to grow and see exactly what I am capable of. I don’t miss my old school and I refuse to live in the past, but I will never hate the person I was. She did the best that she could in her situation and she ultimately got me to where I am today. I am just her, but improved.
I guess what I am trying to say is that this weekend was a weirdly healing experience for me. I was back in a place where I had not very happy for a long amount of time and it made me realize just how happy and more sure of myself I am now. It is the first example in my life experience where my quality of life has gone up significantly because of a big chance I decided to take. Next year, I will be going to college in New Orleans, so this makes me hopefully that this new, big change I am making will bring me even more happiness. Maybe one day I will look back on my time at MSA and think that even though I was happy then, I am even better off now.
I have no idea if this blog makes any sense, but I just felt the need to write all my feelings out 😛
