Imagine you walk into a dark room and all of a sudden “Bye Bye Bye” by *NSYNC starts playing and a banner lights up with the words “FAREWELL” in pink, sparkly letters and falls terribly from the ceiling.
Are you imagining it?
Well good. Because this is that room. Tehe.
The time has come where we have to say farewell. Goodbye. See you later, if you will.
The time has come where we must depart.
We must depart from each other with the promise to see each other again. We must leave our junior year antics behind and explore the antics of a senior. We must move forward and improve the mistakes we made in the past. We must take time apart. We must see each other for what they are now. We must see what needs fixing or what needs to remain the same. We must depart from each other…with the promise to see each other again.
I would make my final post about the turnout of the end of the year or the obvious virus that is spreading around the world or even a recap of my junior year. These are ideal pieces for me to divulge in but it isn’t what I want to do. I want to formally give my last post to the blog. I want to give it a formal farewell post. A parting of words. A goodbye.
When I was first introduced to the blog, I was scared. I didn’t know what to write about. I definitely didn’t think anyone would care to read my posts. I didn’t know how to form a relationship with the blog.
I can remember sitting in my dorm and going over every possible topic that I could write about. I actually came up with some pretty good ideas, but I’ll save those for a rainy day.
I remember being so afraid of writing the wrong thing. I always write what I think and how I think it. Thinking about it now, I realize that I was so afraid because I was insecure. I’ve had people tell me about my mind and how confusing and awkward it is. I think differently, so I write differently, especially in terms of the blog. With the blog, I think of who I am talking to when I write my post. In my head, I see a room full of faceless people who sit around me in a circle and listen to me read my blog aloud. I can hear the laughter of the tiny audience and see the jumping of their shoulders. I see it all in my head. It’s how I operate. I use my imagination for everything. It is my motivation.
Even with my imagination and my faceless audience, I was still afraid of the blog. I was still insecure. Prior to MSA, I didn’t read blogs. I watched them. Vlogs were my life. This was the only experience that I could equate to blogs. So, I decided early on to treat my blog like a vlog. I decided to talk about any and everything that came to my mind despite how far off it might be from the last thing I wrote about. I did try at one point to try to be consistent with my posts and formulate them to have the same topic, but it never worked for me. No matter how many times I tried…it never worked. Up until now, I have just been going with whatever my mind thinks to say to the audience in my head. Whatever I felt like writing about, I did.
But…I can’t let it continue on like this.
As an aspiring writer, I want to be consistent within the walls of creativity. I want to be on one path with my blog. One accord. I want to be consistent.
I think I have always secretly wanted to be consistent with my posts, but I couldn’t let up on my “stream-of-conscious” track. I had to just write what I was thinking about. It is therapeutic for me. It is normal for me. Routine.
I have to let it go.
I want to be in a new routine. I want to try something new for myself and I think I can do it. I know I can. But, in order for me to do this, I need time to think. I need time to plan, plot, and create. I need time to myself to figure out what I am going to do and how.
So, I am saying goodbye. No, not because this is the last blog of the year. (well…yeah…it kind of is but you know…think deeper!)
I am saying farewell to what we are now and preparing for what we can be later.
Goodbye for now, my friend! Thank you for allowing myself room to progress and become a better person…a better writer.
Until August…
*As I was about to submit this, I realized this is the last time I’ll upload my posts under ‘Junior Literary’…the tears are falling!*
