Hard Hold

If I’m going to be completely honest, although this blog has nothing to do with the song, the title was inspired by a gorgeous song by Jaala. You should totally listen to it!

I don’t really know what to say. These past few weeks have been absolute h-e-double hockey sticks. I have seen insanity run rampant in the eyes of loved ones. I have heard the cries of friends that I cannot comfort. And I have resisted the temptation to mutilate my hair out of pure anger and boredom. And the classes aren’t helping whatsoever. Honestly, it drives the isolation even deeper. Imagine having to do the one thing that guarantees human interaction by yourself. If you ask all the students how they feel right now, it’d be angry. Lonely. Useless. And for good reason.

For the juniors, we’re missing out on memories, experiences, time we’ll never get back with people we may never see again. We miss our seniors and we miss our dorm. A lot of us don’t have the best home-life. So, school is a safe haven for us.  And it breaks your heart when you can’t even enter your sweet retreat due to a lethal virus.

And I can’t even imagine what it’s like for the seniors. Everything they’ve worked for, everything they’ve been praying for is being ripped away from them. Their last prom, their senior pranks, their showcases, their last moments with the people they love before they go different directions forever. It weighs heavy on their minds and souls. And I’m so sorry, you guys. We love and support you. You deserve everything sweet in this world for the sacrifice you’ve made. But, beings that I can’t give that to you, I hope my feeble Thank You would suffice.

I get that this is for safety purposes, that everything that’s happening is for the greater good, and with new cases coming up every single day, I understand why it’s necessary, but those of us that aren’t immuno-sensitive are scratching at the seams, ready to emerge from the shadow of our duvets.  Hope and faith are hard to hold, now more than ever.

Everything being said, here’s the silver lining: this is time for us to do the stuff we never had time to do. Get closer to God, lose weight, redefine yourself. Do whatever makes you your better self. And in doing so, maybe we can find solace in isolation. Maybe faith won’t be such a hard hold.

Author: Azya Lyons

“have i gone mad? im afraid so, but let me tell you something, the best people usualy are.” -Lewis Carrol, Alice in Wonderland aw skeet skeet

One thought on “Hard Hold”

  1. Agh, Asia! This is pure poetry. I love how you made connections to your title, and I absolutely adore your wording (“but those of us that aren’t immuno-sensitive are scratching at the seams, ready to emerge from the shadow of our duvets”). This post struck a chord with me, and I can definitely relate to a lot of this. When I first found out that school would be delayed at least a month, I had no idea how to feel. And the first thoughts that ran through my head were negative. I feel bad for us juniors, but I feel especially bad for the seniors. And this has made me so much more aware of how I rely on MSA. It has supplied me with so many interesting memories. The ache to return has dissipated slightly, but I still miss my dorm room and my suitemate and everyone I talked to. I could go on and on about this, but I will only say that I want one more day, at least. Is that too much to ask for? Thank you for this, Azya. I love how you ended on a positive note, too. Thank you for being honest and relatable.

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