Today is my birthday!!!!! Ahh yes, the day I’m reminded of me getting older. Though some people don’t dwell on their birthday, and see it as any other day—I am not one of those people. I love my birthday, and it isn’t anything selfish hearted. My birthday is the only day out of the year that I ever feel truly loved. I know how it sounds, but it is the only day where I’m reminded that I am loved. I want to explain myself here, so sit back and enjoy this very long explanation. Warning!! I tend to tell a thousand stories while trying to tell just one.
So, I’ll start by explaining my love language. I know you’re wondering what that has to do with my birthday, but it will make sense in the end…I promise. My number one form of love language is reassurance; I need reassurance.
I often overthink and make scenarios in my head when things happen. Someone could bump into me by accident, and I will think about it all day and ask a million things about it; Did they not like me? Do I know them? Have I met them before? Did I do something to them? Was that revenge for something I did? What did I do? Did I bump into their shoulder? As you can see, I overthink everything, even the smallest of things. I’ve been burdened with this for quite some time now. I think it may have derived from years of bullying, but it honestly could have been from anything. I lost a lot of confidence and gained a lot of insecurities during that time in my life. I didn’t feel wanted; I didn’t feel loved. It took a while to come from such a dark place, but I can happily say that my confidence is fully restored, and those insecurities are no longer present in my life. But, today isn’t a time to reminisce on sad memories, but to embrace a life celebration.
Back to my love language, I need reassurance. It is simply for peace of mind. I will run my mind to many places when a simple act of reassurance will soothe my mind. I am a complex person of sorts. I often feel I only experience true love from my family. I’m not complaining over that because I love my family with everything in me, but I desire love from outside my family. I’ll admit that I’ve never had a real relationship with anybody. Love of any intimate kind is completely foreign to me. With friendships, I’ve had many fail, and when those failed I realized that I was never truly loved by those people. The amount of people who “love” me is very limited in my life. Now, I don’t want to negate the people who do love me, and trust that I love them with all my heart. I just feel sometimes that I only have myself, and no one truly loves me. It’s sad to say, but I’ve learned that it’s best to own up to my feelings and realizing that they’re valid. I’m learning to embrace every aspect of my life. I’ve felt this way for as long as I can remember, but I’ve always suppressed my feelings. I’ve come to realize that as I grow older, I don’t want to feel this way. This is why I value my birthday so much. I get messages from some of my closest friends and family that remind me of how much I mean to them, and it just dawns on me that even when I feel the least loved, there are people who love me dearly. These messages remind me that love surrounds me no matter where I am. One of my goals for this new chapter in my life is to learn to love myself. I no longer want to live in fear or absence of love. I want to surround myself with nothing but love; love from myself and from my loved ones. I manifest this onto my life!
This post, though it isn’t much, means a lot to me. I’m slowly learning to admit my feelings and let them out my mind rather let it sit there and burden me. I know some might not read through it all, and that’s perfectly fine, but I do ask that you read this next part.
To Morgan,
on this day 17 years ago…a star was born. A beautiful, bright star who was created to bring light to those around. This star has seen darkness, but has also seen the brightest of days. For as long as this star shines, peace and love shall remain in its life. This star will point its points in all directions and reach for those around. This star will warm the hearts of others and continue to do so for as long as it shines. When that star doesn’t shine anymore, be reminded of its warmth in those that it reached. Take this into the new journey ahead, and be reminded of it daily. You are beautiful. You are happy. You are loved. Forever and always.
Thanks for all the birthday wishes! I’m glad to be at MSA during the next chapter of my life, and I hope that for anybody who has felt this way, you find peace and happiness. Remember that you are loved and will continue to be loved, Forever and always.
- I will drop this lovely picture into the post. This was my favorite picture I took at 16! I wonder what pictures will surface at 17…hopefully no bad ones…LOL WHO AM I KIDDING??? I DON’T TAKE BAD PICTURES HAHAAAAAAAAAAAN! (totally kidding here guys…or am I?…)
I LOVE THIS… so cute & so sweet! Also, idk if you saw the picture I posted on my story cuz uh… i’d consider that a bad picture, but yk….. 🤣🥵😘
To start with, happy birthday! I hope today is as bright and amazing as you. You were very right when you said that a star was born. Because it’s true! You never fail to make us literaries cackle and giggle every single day, even when you’re in a bad mood. You’re hilarious without being mean and that’s a rare quality that I admire so deeply <3
Aw, this post was so wholesome. I too, feel unloved sometimes. I just want to let you know that the literary department loves you! We couldn’t be us without you. Have an amazing birthday.
Aw, this was so sweet. Thank you for going into detail about your feelings toward your birthday. Happy birthday! And I hope seventeen treats you well. Thank you for sharing a piece of yourself, as I can relate to you a little more.
Okay, 1st of all!!!! after reading this, I want to make for of an effort to reassure the love I, and others have for you:) When you talked about being a star that brings light into others lives, I automatically thought of how youve done that for me. Happy Birthday Morgan, I love youuu
AHHHHH your 17!!!! One more year to being legal and we can vote!!!! But I know I already said this but best wishes to your new year of life.
AHHHHH your 17!!!! One more year to until your legal and we can vote!!!! But I know I already said this but best wishes to your new year of life.