For some reason I thought that by the last blog of the year, I would have posted more things that actually mean something. I guess it’ll have to wait until next year.
I plan to go into this summer the person I am now and come out totally different. This year has tested me in ways that I never imagined, and I am ready to get rid of the weight it has left on my shoulders. I need a break to sit and think and have time to myself away from all of the excitement on campus.
I will travel and sleep and eat healthily this summer. I will come back whole.
Part of me does not like the person I have become this year because when I came, I thought I was as cold and sad as I could be- I was wrong. I have lost a lot this year, things that I will never be able to get back, and honestly, I don’t want them back. I have let go, and I am ready to start my new journey as the person I am now. I will miss who I was nine months ago, but I will not mourn that girl anymore. Who I am is where I have felt the most comfortable. I can order at restaurants and ask teachers for help and I don’t constantly nervous sweat anymore. Those are all things that I am happy to leave in the past.
I am missing people from my life, and I don’t want them back. I have let go. I have cried when I was supposed to cry, and now it’s all settled. I refuse to belittle myself for someone(s) who will tell me how little I matter, not only to them, but in the grand scheme of things. I am worth so much more than that- and I’m confident enough in myself to realize that. I do not need problematic people in my life. I do not need someone who will lie and manipulate. I am better than that. I do not have to put my recovery on hold for someone who does not care about me. (I write this not only for the people that will read this, but also for myself.)
Things will be okay. Things are okay now. I will not apologize for how I feel, and how I want to make myself a better person. I have left these people behind because I am moving forward. Far be it from me to stay in a mentality that will only harm myself and the people around me. I can leave it to that person(s).
I am ready to make new memories with old, and new, friends. I am ready to let go and finally be a whole, happy person. Life is wild and crazy, and I am so ready to experience every single part of it. Guys, we’re starting something new. We’re going to go and do things and live and have a good time. This year hasn’t beat us all the way up. I love you all, and we’ve got this.
I hope everyone has a great summer and comes back ready to f*ck up senior year! (In a good way) 🙂
I’m really pleased and proud of you for having such a positive and outstanding outlook on life and the upcoming school year! Remember to take time for yourself, take care and love yourself, always!