insomnia of you

(This is a poem I’m debating to read at coffeehouse in December, and I’m not too sure I want to yet. But here it is anyways. Also, it’s pretty sappy and/or cheesy, and I am not sorry one bit.)

it’s 11 p.m.,

and i want to go to bed.

but like in every other sappy love poem, i cannot.

and it’s because of you, naturally –

it’s because you are running through my mind

like a marathon runner on the track.

your voice, especially.

how it cascades through my entire body

as you talk about the simplest things.

how i could sit next to you all day,

listening to you talk about absolutely nothing

and never want to leave.

 

it’s 12 a.m.,

and i’m still sitting here,

still trying to close my eyes –

the curtain that forever remains transfixed on your own orbs.

that ocean-gray color that drives me beyond mad.

when they look at me,

i get this feeling of paralysis;

i am afraid that if i move,

they will, too,

and they will never set upon mine again.

because my eyes are green,

and this shade of green

and your shade of blue

do not mix too prettily.

 

it’s 1 a.m.,

and i see your gorgeous smile now.

and i know it isn’t there because of me,

but i can dream, right?

actually, no –

i cannot.

i cannot because you will not let me.

 

it’s 2 a.m.,

and i am replaying that song we both really like,

learning every last word so that

i have a reason to talk to you again today.

isn’t that pathetic?

 

it’s 3 a.m.;

i know all of the words to the song.

can you tell that i have not slept –

because of you?

 

it’s 4 a.m. now,

and this is making my head hurt.

see what you do to me?

you crush every thought that is not about you

into a place inside my mind –

you cram it all together in one small room

and make yourself grow,

so that you take up every inch of space available to you

and even that that is not yours to take.

 

it’s 5 a.m.,

and my eyelids feel a bit heavy,

so maybe i will get some sleep after all,

no thanks to you.

 

it’s 6 a.m.,

and you never did stop screaming at me.

of course you were not actually screaming;

you were simply whispering in my ear,

repeating the statement of a reality i do not desire to face.

maybe i should sleep –

i have geometry soon.

 

it’s 7 a.m.,

and i have not slept for even a second.

i have to go to class now,

but of course that will not stop you

from lingering in the back of my mind,

with your jaw-dropping eyes,

your beautiful smile

and that voice that makes me melt.

that voice that is also sending that message,

reminding me of facts i wish i could ignore.