How to Love, How to Work
Chapter 9-11
Chapter 9; “When should you act more extroverted than you really are?”
This chapter begins with a quote by William James:
“A man has many social selves as there are distinct groups of persons about whose opinion he cares. He generally shows a different side of himself to each of these different groups.”
The quote summerizes the basic thought the chapter is based off of. It explains the free trait theory veru simply also. This chapter poses the question “Do fixed personality traits really exist, or do they shift according to situation.?” The Free Trait Theory says we are born culturally endowed with certain personality traits, such as extro or introversion. However intoverts are capable of acting like extroverts when working on “core personal projects”. These are things people find personally important- loved ones or anything this person values highly in their life.
This Chapter includes a checklist to see if you are a high self monitor or not. A high self monitor plays to audience. They ‘monitor’ their social behaviour more than low self moniters. Low self monitors go by their own internal compass. They are less sensitive to social cues and behaviour changes.
Chapter 10
The Communication Gap
‘How to Talk to Members of the Opposite Type’
This chapter begins with a quote by Carl Jung:
“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances; if there is any reaction, both are transformed.”
This chapter tells how introverts and extroverts react to one another. The book says that introverts actually attract extroverts, as extroverts tend to attract inroverts. Opposites attract, in other words. The chapter opens with an example of a couple that is introverted and extroverted. They love eachother, however the fights they have are normally about social events. Unsurprisingly the extrovert wants people over constantly, while the introvert does not. The two admire one another for their opposite strengths. The extrovert feels grounded will the intovert feels alive. I good dynamic for a relationship, whether it is frienship or being a couple.
The book also talks about the dynamic of understanding portrayed emotion through each personality. When arguing intoverts typically get flat toned and sipassionate, whether it is sad news or angry news. This is hard for extroverts to understand because all they see is a dispassionate person that does not care. When really, it’s the opposite. Introverts care too much, typically and do not know how to accurately portray that emotion without breaking into fits of complete vulnerability.
Chapter 11
On Cobblers and Generals
‘How to Cultivate Quiet Kids in a World that Can’t Hear Them’
This chapter begins with a quote by Plato, The Republic
“With anything young and tender the most important part of the task is the beginning of it; for that is the time at which the character is being formed and the desired impression more readily taken.”
This chapter explains how if extrocerted parents are given an introverted child, they often think something is wrong with this child. However in another household, this kid would be a ‘model child’. It really does depend on the understanding of the two types of personalities. It starts with a story once told by Mark Twain about a man in search of the greatest general to ever live. This man went all the way around the world, and by the time he found the guy someone told him the greatest general ever had died. The man pays a visit to the pearly white gates and talks to Saint Paul. The man tells Saint Paul he is looking for the greatest general that ever lived. Saint Paul points to a regular looking man. The man says “That’s not the greatest general to ever live! I knew him when he was alive, he’s just an old cobbler.” To which Saint John replied with “No, he was not a general, but if he was he would have been the greatest that ever lived.” This is supposed to show the importance of letting talents flourish.
In conclusion, the tone was factual, but it is biased for introverts. It refers to extroverts in a sort of outsider way. I immensely enjoyed this informative concept and structure of the book. Each paragraph began with a quote and a story as an example of the topic. It was a very well written book, and I would recommend it.
