Somethings beeping. Its been doing that for a while now, ever since we came into the room. When I sit up it’s not as loud, but when I slouch, which I usually do, it seems to perk up. I don’t find it particularly annoying. I just realized that its there, and every once in a while, I’ll forget about it, and realize a couple minutes later that it never left. Just silently beeping, keeping time or announcing a future shut down of some electronic device. I don’t know, but I find that weird. That it just goes on and on, and that I can just forget about it. How can it leave my mind so quickly even though it never left, my mind chooses to pretend it’s not there but it is. Just as a dog can be running around at your feet. even if it’s a big dog, eventually your mind will ignore the fact that its there and so when you try to get up and step on its tail. You’ll apologize a million times but the dog probably won’t care. It’ll lick its tail and go back to bed, no sleep really lost. But you’ll think about that for the entire day, wondering, how you could forget they were there, what part of you shut it off. That perceptive part that sees things and notices them. Then you’ll run into a counter, a counter that’s been there since you were small, that same counter you see every day, but instead of avoiding it like you were subconsciously trained to, you run into it that day. Hold your stomach, curse under your breathe, but in a way, the pain will be a reminder that it is there. And in a couple of weeks or maybe a month you’ll forget about it again, and repeat the same process. We never quite learn to not forget the things we just sometimes know and sometimes we don’t. The beeping has been there longer for a week I know this, I have heard it but I couldn’t recall that until I start writing this. What else have I forgotten, what else will I do and realize maybe too late, maybe right on time that I need to be more aware. Aware of my surroundings my dogs tail, that counter tops edge, that beeping. The beeping that never seems to have an end. Never truly had a beginning. Just there, and I guess I should just accept that and forget it was even there to begin with.
The beeping and sometimes knowing that it’s there and sometimes not reminds me of a smoke detector at home. You get so accustomed to it that you forget it even exists.
This also makes me think of the beginning of an apocalypse, or throughout it. It’s never ending and a constant reminder through all chaos.
It was really nice how you described the mind’s perplexity. Also, I relate to this because my smoke alarm was going off for what seemed like forever. Have you thought that it is perhaps the smoke alarm?