I have always found the synthesizer-driven band Depeche Mode fascinating. When I was much younger, I pronounced Depeche (“depesh”) like “depeechee”, and every time “People Are People” filled my ears with clanging metal, dance-inspiring synth beats, and catchy lyrics, I would lose my cool. I took nothing from the lyrics, but the angelic voice singing, “I can’t understand what makes a man hate another man,” against a backdrop of punchy electronic rhythm made me want to dance. 

Fast forward to today…I am a senior in high school listening to the same classic song. And I still can not get over the bouncy bass synths, explosion of clanging metal, and the unraveling, airy synth that strikes an impression even before the vocals begin.

How did I get here? admiring a strange-sounding song from 1984 to the point that I am writing an obsession-fueled blog post? 

To be honest, I ended up with a good bit of my parents’ music taste. It has always appealed to me—the mix of eighties’ and nineties’ hits I would play over and over on my pink portable CD player. I would blast through earbuds “Run Away” by Real McCoy in the car or make up dances in my room to “99 Luftballons” by Nena. I would sing giddily along to “Friday I’m in Love” by the Cure or become entranced by the whining guitar in the Smiths’ song “How Soon is Now?” I soon abandoned the CD player and fell into other genres and aesthetics, but years later, I ended right back where I started. And that is the power of the eighties, hah!

I was a tenth grader in two back-to-back online classes with access to Youtube. I was peeling oranges and stalking Mississippi School of the Arts’ website and feeling stuck in my present reality. My prime form of escapism? Music. I had my earbuds in the second the bell rang for first block all the way until lunch…almost four hours later. After twenty hours a week of listening to your same favorite genres, you grow desperate. Therefore, I thought, hey! I need to look up some songs from my childhood! Oh, Callie…why? Your addiction is so bad you want to be more of a music nerd than that old guy on Youtube who bought Alan Wilder’s Jupiter 8. Who is Alan Wilder? I will get to that later!

But, yes, what happened? My mind exploded.

I first listened to a basic radio station called EIGHTIES’ HITS! or something generic. And oh, jeez, I was hooked. My brain looked like this: “Oh my goodness, a band called the Cutting Crew sings the song that goes, ‘I just diiiieeeed in your arms tonighhhht,’ it all makes sense!”. After discovering I was a fan of INXS and Simple Minds, I decided to try something out called…dun dun dun: new wave. So I listened to a new wave radio station on Google Music (which later kicked me out because I would skip way too much). WOW! I began connecting familiar songs to band names and album covers, and to me, “the dots” were all connected. What next? Youtube.

I nearly fell out of my chair discovering the British show Top of the Pops. I nearly fell out of my chair watching the music video for “Take on Me” by a-ha for the first time. I also put the magical, awe-inspiring music of Tears for Fears to names and faces. Oh, boy, was it a trip to watch the “Shout” music video for the first time! I developed a very healthy obsession after watching Roland and Curt with mullets and trench coats singing dramatically on a beach. Suddenly I found my thing—something that interested me beyond belief, something I absolutely had to research and learn everything about. 

Almost three years later, I own a synthesizer and like to pretend I am in a new wave band in the eighties. R.I.P. 

Even though this is so laughable (I have a jolly good time laughing at myself, but it is simply so fun!), music means everything to me. I never have time to play my synthesizer, but when I do my eyes will not leave it for hours. There is something so alluring about synthesizers and new wave to me. It is my favorite genre of all time, and in a way, it is everything that I am. From the “stay weird”, jittery dancing of Dave Byrd (of the Talking Heads) to Mike Score’s (of A Flock of Seagulls) strange hair-do and sci-fi persona, I see myself. And I see myself in the whirs and clicks of Gary Numan’s cold synthesizers, and I see myself in the Cure’s rich blend of impeccable sound. New wave is full of melancholy, madness, and intention created by some pretty darn intelligent artists battling pessimism or transforming it into art. Inspired by the blatant “I don’t care” attitude of punk and England’s grey skies, new wave has inspired nearly every aspect of my life. It is an addiction, I tell ya…

Where does Depeche Mode fit into all of this? 

In 2018, I typed “People Are People” into the Youtube search engine and found this:

So this was “Depeechee” Mode…interesting. Immediately, I was filled with a hundred questions all vying for my attention. What was going on? Who exactly were these people? What did the lyrics mean? And, most importantly, was that a battleship? I was intrigued by the cool lead singer who wore all black and possibly eyeliner. And I loved his funky dance moves, haha! I could not make out much of the other band members other than the second main singer—the curly blond one wearing a lot of eyeshadow and leather. Although I was not aware of it at the time, I was hooked. 

I have undergone numerous Depeche Mode phases since then—which basically consist of me listening to nothing but DM, wanting to wear my leather jacket with everything, and doing a concerning amount of research and video-mining. Surprise! I am in a mega Depeche Mode phase right now, so step aside, Cure!

Therefore, I present to you the extensive product of my infatuation: a blog discussing the addictive but stellar nature of Depeche Mode and the band’s insane influence on its very, very, very devoted fans.

Depeche Mode, if you are reading this, go on tour…I am begging you.

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Depeche Mode

Some brief history:

• formed in Basildon in 1980
• OG member Vince Clarke said “peace out” after the first album dropped and went on to form Yaz and Erasure
• Alan Wilder joined in 1982 after lying about his age and acing the audition
• Depeche Mode started wearing leather jackets
• Boom…fourteen studio albums and worldwide success

WHo the heck are these people?

Dave Gahan

The man, the myth, the legend…lead singer of Depeche! (also, “the attitude”)

Martin L. Gore

A literal icon…synth and guitar player…vocalist (and “the brains” behind Depeche’s lyrics)!:

Alan Wilder

Synth legend and extraordinaire…occasional drummer (“the genius” and “the secret mastermind” behind the majority of DM hits)!:

Andrew Fletcher

…he plays the synth pretty darn well, is a tall English lad, and can be mistaken as DM’s accountant (“the consistency”)!:

*note: everyone in Depeche kind of does their own thing—from playing tambourine to shopping cart sides—so take these roles with a grain of salt*

…Depeche Mode!

They have gone through so many stages as a band; it is absolutely wild. 

Stage One: Vince Clarke era

• album one released in 1981: Speak and Spell
• I bet $100 that the band can not recall this era without cringing

 

They look so uncomfortable—to the point I must laugh. Vince is the scraggly lad that is slightly separate from the others, almost appearing edited in. 

The only Depeche Mode music video Vince Clarke made an appearance in despite forming the band:

The first time I saw this, I was taken aback. Although this is a fun, bubble-gum synth pop performance that fits the song, it is obvious that they are trying too hard. 

Surprise…Vince Clarke leaves the band…something to do with finding the interviews and prospect of touring busy and annoying. Dave Gahan says Vince was actually bored and itching to seek out more successful projects. 

Stage Two: Alan Wilder Joins

• 1981
• The band put out an ad in a magazine asking for a new member under the age of twenty-one. After lying that he was not twenty-two, Alan Wilder aced the audition and joined the band. 
• A classically trained musician, Alan became the Music Director of the band and was responsible for its sound. (Bolded because this is an important note to pay attention to…)

Okay, refresher: (from left-to-right) Andrew “Andy” Fletcher, Dave Gahan, Martin Gore, and…new addition Alan Wilder.

Look how young they were! It makes me laugh because, well, you will see how much they change. 

But in my opinion, Alan Wilder fits the band a hundred times better than Vince. This is a rock solid four—they all compliment each other. 

One of the first Depeche Mode videos I watched (surprisingly, I viewed this live version of “Just Can’t Get Enough” before the official music video):

I can never watch this without smiling. Although Vince—who was the major songwriter—is not present, this version to me feels more authentic and better fits the song. And it is live! I love Depeche Mode because they are natural performers. This is super light-hearted and infectiously giddy. Andy’s awkward foot-dancing? Yes. Dave’s youthful dancing? Yes. Alan’s fun swagger? Yes. Martin’s good-humored smirk? Yes.

To me, this video represents the new Depeche Mode. And they were not trying to be anyone but a couple of young guys playing synths and enjoying themselves. To me, this is how the band truly began.

Stage Three: Leather Jackets? Yes.

• 1984
• Occurred after the suit-and-tie phase of the following albums: A Broken Frame (1982) (included hits such as “Leave in Silence” and “See You”) and Construction Time Again (1983) (included hits such as “Everything Counts” and “Love, in Itself”)
• The albums of this era include the following: Some Great Reward (1984) (“People Are People” and “Blasphemous Rumours”), Black Celebration (1986) (“Black Celebration” and “A Question of Time”), Music for the Masses (1987) (“Never Let Me Down Again” and “Strangelove”), and of course…Violator (1990) (“Enjoy the Silence” and “Personal Jesus”). 
• The “Golden Era” of Depeche Mode!

 

 

 

 

 

 

This era is my personal favorite. I can not possibly express how much I love every album, every individual detail that amounts to the overall aesthetic. It is literally perfect.

So, what happened to the bow-tie-wearing, basically British boy band from before? Well…Vince Clarke founded Depeche Mode in two instances: the moment he created it and the moment he left.

Depeche started with Vince and Andy playing guitars inspired by the Cure’s 1979 album Three Imaginary Boys. And they only fell in love with synthesizers because of Andy’s friend Martin, who owned a synth cheaper than a guitar amp. Vince was a founding member. He brought the band together, and they played for years in random locations—sporting the name Depeche Mode, something Dave Gahan had spotted in a clothing magazine during his time studying fashion in college. Depeche’s 1981 album Speak and Spell is irreplaceable, fun, and genius. “New Life” is a stellar opening number filled with bubbly sequencers and early 80’s synth pop fun. I love “Just Can’t Get Enough” so much that I learned the riff on my own synthesizer. But Speak and Spell was Vince Clarke. 

Vince was the main producer, the leader. He wrote the lyrics, the music—everything. And if he would have continued with Depeche Mode, the band as we knew it would not have existed…no “Personal Jesus”, “Strangelove”, “People Are People”…nothing. And I feel like Vince would have left anyway. He was not destined to carry on with the guys from Basildon; therefore, I feel he saved Depeche by leaving, in a way. And he produced some memorable hits with Yaz and formed Erasure, a perfect musical duo that has lasted for years. By leaving, Vince created Depeche Mode as we knew it. Thanks, Vince Clarke!

When Vince left, Martin took up songwriting and Alan joined. And Depeche flourished.

In 1984, three years and two albums after Vince departed, the band released an album entitled Some Great Reward. In my opinion, with this album, Depeche Mode truly grew into the icons that they are. Alan introduced EM-U Emulators I and II. And with these legendary synthesizers, Depeche Mode began sampling sounds like scissors snipping and pots clattering down stairs. Some Great Reward was unlike anything music had seen before. The music is heavy, industrial, metallic. It carries the sound of traditional synth pop presets but blended unrecognizably. It is incredibly rich in texture, tone. And Dave’s voice adds a smooth touch to all the grating metal sound effects. Somehow, the band managed to create something so heavy and steely but packed with such emotion. 

For example, here is a track from Some Great Reward. I first encountered “Blasphemous Rumours” on the radio while driving sometime at night. I had never heard anything quite like it before; it was extraordinary. Side note, I had never sat through the entire music video before, so I only now noticed the Yamaha DX7 (?) synth Martin is playing! That is one of the most legendary 80’s synths of all time. Also, I am not going to comment how much Dave looks like Morrissey…

Speak and Spell was fun and bright-sounding but consciously Vince Clarke. Written mainly by Vince, A Broken Frame still carried the same early synth pop melodies. Construction Time Again introduced a more industrial edge. And with Some Great Reward, every trace of Vince Clarke’s electronic optimism had vanished. The band was changing—adopting a darker appearance and focusing heavily on life’s substance. And with their 1986 album Black Celebration, their transition from posh school boys to pensive stars in leather jackets was final.

In my opinion, Black Celebration was Depeche Mode’s first rock-solid, awe-inspiring album. Every song is an individual, but their flow altogether is immaculate. Everything is intentional and ingenious. And the first track, “Black Celebration” is one of the most captivating opening numbers of all time. I can only compare its dynamic, darkly mystifying beginning to the ethereal “Plainsong”, a track that introduces the Cure’s Disintegration. Not only is the song cinematic, but the beat is incredibly catchy and rich variety. 

In 1987, Depeche Mode’s six album, Music for the Masses, was released…and what has to be one of my favorite Depeche Mode eras. The album begins with the sonic “Never Let Me Down Again”—a literal masterpiece meant for stadiums packed with thousands. This epic opening of impressive sound leads into an album showcasing the band’s versatility. From the techno ballad “The Things You Said” to the heavy, drum-filled “To Have and to Hold”, Music for the Masses truly displays the sheer ingenuity of the band. My favorite Depeche Mode song ever, “Strangelove”, is featured on this album!

I recently learned the catchy synth riff on my synthesizer, and it is so addictive to play! I love the groove of this song; it is so unique and dance-worthy. I also love the Music for the Masses era because of 101, Depeche’s live album recorded in the Rose Bowl. I personally believe it is one of most stellar live performances of all time. Here is a video of the legendary concert. At 45:44, the band closes with “Never Let Me Down Again”. 

Then, in 1990, Depeche Mode dropped one of the most memorable albums of all time: Violator. In a way, this album feels like a second part to Music for the Masses. The band’s most acclaimed songs—”Enjoy the Silence” and “Personal Jesus” are found on this album. I personally view Violator as the peak of Depeche Mode. The dark, sophisticated allure they had been building since 1984 had risen to its highest, most profound degree. This was Depeche Mode in all of its synth-driven, dark wave glory. Although their next album was a massive success, to me Violator will always be Depeche’s magnum opus.

May I present to you “Enjoy the Silence”! Perhaps the band’s most popular piece, this was once a typical ballad written by Martin. But Alan suggested a more electronic, fast tempo approach usually found in dance music (side note: that is Alan at 2:06 playing the synthesizer). Thank you, Alan Wilder, because this song is not only unique but a smashing success! I also learned it on my synth, and it is absolutely beautiful!

So this is Depeche Mode

This is only part of Depeche’s journey as a band. But these were my favorite years: the awkwardness of finding fame at a young age and losing their frontman, the shift between bow ties and leather jackets, the manifestation of a sound unlike any other. This group of four—Dave Gahan, Martin L. Gore, Andy Fletcher, and Alan Wilder—were unstoppable. But dark days lay ahead. Everything changed after Violator.

I have always loved Depeche Mode. But recently, I have sort of fallen in love with the band. They are beyond talented, and it is no surprise that their fans are known as Devotees (after their upcoming album Songs of Faith and Devotion and its Devotional tour). There is no mistaking the soul connection fans have to the band. And I realized this after stumbling upon a documentary entitled Our Hobby is Depeche Mode. Suddenly, my interest in Depeche Mode was rekindled. This blog, and what is to come, is all a result of that documentary; this is my interpretation, my analysis, my perspective.

Stay tuned for more! This is part one of a series based upon the documentary. In this blog, I broke down some of the band’s background. In part two, I will analyze the documentary’s contents in-depth and ponder the reason behind Depeche’s influence. And in part three I will ask, who exactly is Depeche Mode?

Thank you for reading, and come back soon!

 

Welcome to my blog…where I often overstay my welcome writing music reviews. In this blog post, I will dissect a handful of songs I tend to obsess over. Enjoy!

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“Just Like Heaven” – The Cure

Note: the sound quality is slightly diminished in this video, but everyone likes a music video, right? Enjoy these strangely brilliant people with their funky hair.

Initial Impressions

In May of 1987, the Cure released a studio album titled Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me. Although this album boasted memorable, catchy hits such as “Why Can’t I Be You”, the eighth track—”Just Like Heaven”—became a smashing success and a Cure classic…and my favorite song by the Cure, ever. Now, I listen to a lot of the Cure. I love Faith with its ethereal, gloomy works such as “The Funeral Party” and “All Cats Are Grey”. I wrote a three-part blog analyzing all of Disintegration. And I am no stranger to a few underrated B-sides: “To the Sky”, “Halo”, and “This Twilight Garden” to name a few. But my favorite Cure song of all time is perhaps one of their most popular pieces.

Why? Well, it feels me with such indescribable joy. When the drums first kick in, I immediately want to get up and dance. And not to mention “Just Like Heaven” is a pop masterpiece written by anti-pop Robert Smith who loves to sporadically confuse critiques and fans; although the Cure is associated with eighties’ gothic culture, the band will write a lovesick, perfect pop song for kicks. But, yes, this a layered masterpiece that makes my heart spill! The song begins with a catchy drum beat and bass, then a low guitar and another low guitar, and then…an absolutely iconic synth riff…before one of the most delectable electric guitars still the spotlight. And Robert Smith’s voice is as smooth as raspberry sorbet and twice as sweet. 

Overall, I can never be mad whilst listening to “Just Like Heaven”. It is one of the impeccable songs in existence, and I can not help but smile and dance a little, feeling energetic. It is definitely one of my comfort songs. I absolutely can not get over the electric guitar and synth riff. This song, to me, is like the auditory equivalent of watching a sunrise, eating an orange, or smelling tangy sherbet. Ah!

Lyrics

“Just Like Heaven”

“Show me, show me, show me how you do that trick
The one that makes me scream,” she said
“The one that makes me laugh,” she said
And threw her arms around my neck
“Show me how you do it,
And I promise you,
I promise that
I’ll run away with you,
I’ll run away with you.”

Spinning on that dizzy edge
I kissed her face and kissed her head
And dreamed of all the different ways
I had to make her glow
“Why are you so far away?” she said,
“Why won’t you ever know
That I’m in love with you,
That I’m in love with you.”

You
Soft and only
You
Lost and lonely
You
Strange as angels
Dancing in the deepest oceans
Twisting in the water
You’re just like a dream
You’re just like a dream

Daylight licked me into shape
I must have been asleep for days
And moving lips to breathe her name
I opened up my eyes
And found myself alone alone
Alone above a raging sea
That stole the only girl I loved
And drowned her deep inside of me

You
Soft and only
You
Lost and lonely
You
Just like heaven

This song’s lyrics are utterly delectable. Robert’s Smith’s words are as sugary sweet as strawberry cheesecake. “Just Like Heaven” is one of the Cure’s upbeat love songs, and although it is quite simple—lacking any ulterior motive or dense metaphor—it is literal perfection. 

Robert’s voice is impeccable, his tone changing to match each word intuitively. And listeners are immediately hooked after “show me, show me, show me…” Not only is the first stanza eye-catching, as it is quite dialogue-driven and fun, but the entire plot of “Just Like Heaven” is as immersive at is catchy. With lines such as “spinning on that dizzy edge” and “dancing in the deepest oceans, twisting in the water” Smith evokes this lovesick, giddy feeling in listeners. 

But the lyrics take a mysterious and slightly ominous turn. The protagonist in the song wakes up alone on a cliff by the sea: “…alone above a raging sea that stole the only girl I loved and drowned her deep inside of me.” I am infatuated with this line and its strange, significant meaning. What does it mean to have someone drowned deep inside of you? Suddenly, the story of “Just Like Heaven” has taken upon itself a negative connotation, but it is not necessarily sinister. This sudden shift is nearly imperceptible, as the musical tone appears unchanged. But “Just Like Heaven” is no ordinary love song despite its seemingly simple make up. 

Overall, I absolutely love the lyrics. With lines such as “daylight licked me into shape” and “you’re just like a dream” and “I’ll run away with you”, Smith makes me want to write a strange love poem. I love everything about the lyrics: the word choice, hazy story, and myriad of feelings it sparks. 

Overall

I feel so weightless listening to this; I want to spin in circles until my eyes swim with my surroundings and I am dizzy. I love the punching drums joined by the grounding, groovy bass. I love the piano trills, grand synth chords, and, above all else, that iconic electric guitar. And Smith’s voice is so fitting, so immaculate. Therefore, I am wholly in love with this ethereal piece, “Just Like Heaven”, and the feeling remains long after all the instruments and lyrics end with Smith’s, “just like heaven.” I mean, comparing someone to heaven? Wow!

“Big Sleep” – Simple Minds

Note: Once again I am using a video of low quality. But this is such a captivating live performance! I wish I was there back in 1983, alas…Although the singer is not dancing crazily, his careful, fluid movement across the stage is memorable. And let us take a second to appreciate the synth player…he is all alone playing that same riff over and over while managing a wall of synthesizers. 

Initial Impressions

In 1982, Simple Minds released New Gold Dream—arguably one of their best albums. Although I enjoy the majority of the album’s content, I was absolutely enamored by “Big Sleep” ever since it first met my ears. The methodical, repeating synth riff immediately arrested my attention, and my jaw dropped as the song progressed. “Big Sleep” is something to listen to with your eyes closed: your mind able to fully process the song and all of its fascinating pieces. This is a song to dance to in the rain, a song to walk with beneath the white winter sky, a song to listen to as you drive at night. It is absolutely hypnotic…everything about it: the poignant synth riff, the ti-ti-tipping drums, the whining guitar, the unfettered bass, and the smooth vocals. Ugh, what an epic song! I love “Big Sleep” with all of my heart, and I can listen to it on loop for hours. Every delicious piece of it is something to savor carefully and with your full attention. Oh, and yeah…I love this song so much that I learned the iconic synth riff. 

Lyrics

“Big Sleep”

“So where did you go?
Where do you go in the Big Sleep
Going out in the Deep Sleep
Is where you’re wandering now
So where did you go
When you’re in the Big Sleep
Drifting in wildlife
And still you’re wandering now

We were on the top and the world was spinning
We were only young in the whirlpool of warning
Communication lost in the thundering rain style
A shelter from the storm in the early beginning
Going out in the Big Sleep, out in the Big Sleep
Could have been years, you know it could have been years
Or only seconds ago

Big Sleep, Deep Sleep

Where are you now?
Now that you’re up in Big Sleep
Valuable friend
They saw you leaving this way

We were on the top and the world was spinning
We were only young in the whirlpool of warning
Communication lost in the thundering rain style
A shelter from the storm in the early beginning
Where did you go?
Immaculate friend
For a lifetime I’m grateful
And it’s only seconds away

Big Sleep, Deep Sleep

For evermore
If only you could see me
If only you could see me
If only you could see
Forever
Coming home in the Big Sleep
Coming home”

Wow. The lyrics are indecipherable to me, but I am definitely amazed by the meticulous and inventive wording. After reading through the song, my guess is that Big Sleep is a substitute phrase for the word death. This song reads a bit melancholic to me in various ways, so I have some belief in my guess.

After the subtle intro, Jim Kerr sings, “So where did you go?” And a burst of emotionally-charged sound follows. I adore the interesting inflection in his voice.

One of my absolute favorite parts is when Kerr sings, “We were on the top, and the world was spinning; we were only young in the whirlpool of warning.” The meaning alludes me, but I interpret this as a glimpse into memories of once lively moments. These couple of lines maintain the melancholic, hazy vibe of the song but contrast the uncertainty and loss of the Big Sleep with youthful, head-spinning triumph.

I am curious about the significance of time:

• “could have been years, you know it could have been years…or only seconds ago”
• “For a lifetime I’m grateful, and it’s only seconds away”
• “for evermore…forever”

My crude analysis: If I settle upon my interpretation that “Big Sleep” is death,  perhaps “could have been years” and “only seconds ago” mean you could die years later or only seconds ago. And perhaps Kerr hopes to live a proper lifetime, as death is only seconds away. And when a person dies, their presence becomes forever uncertain and intangible.

All in all, if I were to continue with this theme of death, I could say that Jim Kerr wrote “Big Sleep” after a death of a significant, “immaculate” friend. He is grieving and wondering of the this deceased person’s existence after death, asking, “so where did you go” and “where are you now”. He begins to reflect upon the futility of his own life and the fragility of existence. And he has potent nostalgia for younger, brighter days spent with the deceased person when death felt so far away—”we were only young in the whirlpool of warning.” And although Kerr wishes the person could only see him, he eventually views death as inevitable and makes peace with it at the end: “coming home in the Big Sleep, coming home.”

Overall

Every once in awhile, you stumble across a particular song that lifts you and assuages you like a melodious hug. For me, “Big Sleep” is one such song. Jim Kerr’s voice is hauntingly beautiful, his performance on stage hypnotic, his English accent on point, his lyrics a bit ominous in their mystery. I am in love with the groovy bass and infectiously rhythmic drums and bubbling, whining electric guitars. And I must revere the synth riff as legendary! It adds to hypnotic, thought-evoking nature of a song that is also simultaneously rich in movement. I can listen to “Big Sleep” over and over again and never grow numb to its awesome effect. Thank you, Simple Minds! This is my favorite song you sing…not “Don’t You (Forget About Me)”! This is an absolute masterpiece.

“Souvenir” – Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark

Note: What a beautiful three minutes…one of the most subtle yet artistic music videos I have ever encountered. Although it follows band member Andy McCluskey in a cherry red convertible, the scene is captured with reverent lens, every detail savored. I can not express how perfect this music video is; it has made a home within my heart, and I can feel the myriad of meaning behind each detail. Also, it works with the song so magically.

Initial Impressions

This song means so much to me. The intro is soft, comforting but ominous, and reminiscent of a hushed choir of voices. And the synthesizers are sweet and upbeat but filled with longing or loss. And Paul Humphreys’ voice is so light but heavily significant. “Souvenir” was a part of Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark’s 1981 album Architecture & Morality. Its early new wave sound is evident, and I am such a fan! I love OMD because of their fantastic usage of synthesizers and drum machines. In some lights, “Souvenir” can be viewed as an imperfect pop song—short, simple, and catchy…but not as catchy as “If You Leave”, the band’s smashing hit song. But in another light, this track is three minutes of sound to dream to, to discover one’s self. It is a reflective piece revealing OMD’s masterful methods of blending sounds, textures, and moods without revealing anything. the subtlety in “Souvenir” is staggering.

Lyrics

“Souvenir”

“It’s my direction, it’s my proposal
It’s so hard it’s leading me astray
My obsession, it’s my creation
You’ll understand it’s not important now

All I need is co-ordination
I can’t imagine my destination
My intention ask my opinion
But no excuse, my feelings still remain

My feelings still remain”

How amazingly vague are these lyrics? They can mean a number of things, and I am quite curious to know the original intent behind them. But I am confident enough to say the lyrics center around obsession. Perhaps this is a quiet voice in an argument. Perhaps it is a private realization. And perhaps the songwriter is professing their love for fast food tacos. Whatever the underlying meaning, “Souvenir” is a masterpiece of subtlety.

Although the lyrics could be discussing a person’s obsession with said fast food tacos, I can easily imagine “Souvenir” being a carefully guarded profession of love. The speaker in this song has developed significant feelings for someone they probably should not have, for the speaker fears this love will be unrequited. Maybe my interpretation is a stretch, but a few other OMD songs have similar themes: “Secret”, for instance, is an admittance of adoration. And some of the lyrics In “Souvenir” support my interpretation as well. The speaker is admitting their feelings because it is becoming an obsession, their direction; it is leading them astray from their preconceived path in life. And the speaker is conflicted because they feel it is solely their creation and their proposal. And although this obsession has become the speaker’s direction in life, they can not possibly imagine their destination. Not completely understanding the intention behind their feelings, they cover it up and deem it unimportant. But their feelings still remain, and all they want, all they need, is reciprocation.

That was a lengthy analysis! But I love it because I gathered all of that from a few vague lines. Again, “Souvenir” could have been written about a concerning love for fast food, but I love the drama of this interpretation. Speaking of, what is the meaning of the title? Anyway, I love these lyrics.

Overall

This song instills so much peace within me. It calms me down, enables me to breathe. And I love to walk with it playing in my earbuds, for it is so deliciously atmospheric. OMD is definitely one of my favorite underrated bands. The melodic synth riffs in this are absolutely stellar, but OMD, of course, is a legendary synth band. I greatly appreciate the balance in this song of soft, whispering voices and bouncy, optimistic keys. Paul’s voice is so ethereal—as is the song itself. “Souvenir” is something to listen to while cloud-watching or writing stressful essays late at night. Thank you, OMD, for creating something so comforting. It perfectly matches a mood I feel sometimes, one I can only describe as taking in a magnificent sky with watering eyes. I love it!

Peace Out

Thanks for reading, and I hope you have a great day! Tune in later for more music content. (:

Now, this will be a literary review, but not exactly like something I’ve done before. Usually, I like to do my reviews on genres within the creative writing world (i.e. short stories, flash fiction, poetry, etc.), but this time I’ve stepped into the world of reading research articles. Yes, it sounds boring, but this particular journal article piqued my interest so much, I simply have to do a review on it. This will be more along the lines of me dissecting the information presented in this particular article that I read, but still a review of the writing style of this piece of writing.

Given the assignment in my new psychology class, we had the opportunity to look through journal articles on things we found interesting in our lesson. Starting with an interest in counseling psychology and all the things related to the specific practice, I looked through maybe 30 journal articles, but to no avail, none that I looked at held any real interesting information. In another attempt, I went for journal articles concerning developmental psychology. This is where I stumbled across this particular article highlighting a psychological study on household chaos.  Written by Jennifer A. Emond, this article, entitled, Household chaos: a risk factor for adverse child outcomes gains attention in public health, highlights important information found in a study on the influences that household chaos can have on the development of a child and their physical health as they grow into adolescence. The question must stand, what is household chaos? As the article defined it, it is “characterized by high levels of confusion, disorganization and hurriedness in the home.” This alone had me hooked on the article. Never in my life have I thought of household chaos being a problem. Though my home life is less chaotic now that all the birds have left the nest, as a young child I often remember moments of pure chaos in my house. It definitely makes me wonder if I have been affected by said chaos.

The article goes on to explain the influences that household chaos can take on behavioral, attention, and learning problems in children. The writer utilizes the information in a very effective way to downsize the scientific jargon that was surely present in the original study. The writer provides a clear, structured article that is very easy to follow and uses words that cater to the less informed on the scientific terms and scientific data used regularly in articles like this. I particularly enjoyed this “layman’s” explanation as I am only into my fifth class of psychology. 

The overall article was very well written and definitely gives me insight on research and technical writing, a different side of the literary world that I am not so used to seeing…

But to go into my dissecting process, I would love to share that the article highlighted the correlation between household chaos and sleep. Now, I can’t say that my own experience with household chaos directly influences my terrible sleep schedule, but I can come to the conclusion that there might be some connection between the two. I can’t for the life of me tell you how a psychologist might have even considered that your sleeping behaviors could be a result of high levels of household chaos, but they have. This is what further deepens my growing love for psychology; it is literally everywhere! There is a psychology to everything we know. There is a psychology behind sleeping behaviors, communicative disorders, and even the way we walk! 

I won’t go on much more considering I’ll probably just keep on talking about the many wonders of the science of psychology and how I am always in awe of the information that comes about from it. Unfortunately, the article was subjected to being in a library with limited access meaning I can’t share it with you all, but I encourage you to look more into this phenomenon and see what other information you can find! Psychology is slowly making its way into my curious heart and I am so excited to see what else I can learn.

Growing up in a rather judgmental community, I heard a common phrase that as the older I got, the more repulsive it became. It would come up in the discussion of how we should strive to be in our life and in this discussion, people would share examples of others who “weren’t living righteously”.  The examples would usually consist of the smaller and more relatable things such as  people who cuss or vape. It’s the phrase “they’re such an awful person”, or, “I don’t like them; they’re a bad person.” First of all, this says a lot about your character if you base someone off of a life choice they make that you disagree with. Second of all, who are you to give anyone the title of being a “bad person”?

The stereotyping of a group of people is something I’ve never been able to do as I’ve been stereotyped against my whole life and will never bring that upon anyone else.  It’s the same as being called something you’re not simply because you are misunderstood. You can’t blame people for misunderstanding if they have never been taught, but the best thing you can do is teach them in that moment as to allow them a better understanding. 

Every time I hear someone say they don’t like someone because of a life choice they make, I question their thinking process with, “why should that have anything to do with who that person is?” I don’t understand how it can be so hard for people to dissociate others from their sins. They see them do something they don’t agree with and somehow think “Oh they’re a bad person.” But people are not their mistakes or their habits. 

Especially recently, I try to focus on the good in people. It is hard for me to think someone is a bad person based off of a life decision that they’ve made or continue to make.  I’ve come to notice that everyone has redeeming qualities in them that make them beautiful in their own way. It’s easy to look at the world as an awful place– it can be. But I try to look at it optimistically because I’ve seen how wonderful it can be. 

In one of my favorite films, The Dark Knight, the morality and goodness of people is tested and studied by the greatest villain of all time, the Joker. In every one of his experiments, people turned against one another and killed each other over decisions they felt like they had to make. This supported his theory that he was trying to prove– that all people are bad and will choose evil given the right circumstance and if the right amount of pressure is applied. 

However, there is a scene where people are trying to leave the city due to the chaos in Gotham, on two separate boats; one with the prisoners, and one with the citizens. A bomb was planted in each boat and a remote to set off the other boat’s bomb was placed on a wall. In order for one of these groups of people to survive, they must kill the other group. If neither of them actives the other ship’s bomb, they both die. 

Now. I know this is dark- but it’s run off of the Joker’s thought process. He expects either the citizens to blow up the prisoners ship because prisoners don’t deserve to live over them- or he expects the prisoners to kill the citizens because they have no morals. Consequently, both groups of people die with this logic. 

But as it turns out, The Joker was wrong. Even though the situation given was crucial, neither of the groups could kill each other. In fact, one of the prisoners took the remote and everyone around him suspected he would blow up the citizens ship, but instead, he threw the remote out the window. 

With the comprehension that the prisoners wouldn’t kill the citizens, the citizens couldn’t kill the prisoners either. To Joker’s surprise, both groups were willing to die rather than killing one another. 

This is my favorite scene in the movie because it is the first time that the groups find their humanity and value other lives other their own. Through this scene, we find that everyone has good in them– whether they be a prisoner or a law-abiding citizen. 

This is not to say that you should always let the good overshadow the bad,  but at least try not to let the bad overshadow the good– because if everyone has good in them, then they are human just like you. 

Now for the closing: The question in the title asks if bad people really exist. First of all, you have to realize the difference between diseased mind and an evil mind. Also, the situation in which the sin committed should always be considered as should the question of “Are they a bad person? Or was the situation which they were placed in bad?” Anyways, to put it plainly: there are most definitely bad people in the world. But I know for a fact that there are more good people than there are bad, and with that in mind, it is up to you to decide if someone is bad or not. But keep in mind: don’t let one bad thing about them distract you from seeing them as a person that has good. 

Thank you for reading:) I hoped you enjoyed this post and I hope you have a wonderful month.

Welcome to part three of my Disintegration analysis! In this post, I will be reviewing the final four songs of the album. I have enjoyed this journey thus far, as I revere the Cure as an insanely talented and groundbreaking band. Sit back, relax, and enjoy!

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Track Nine: “The Same Deep Water as You”

Duration: 9:19

Initial Thoughts

…one of Disintegration‘s masterpieces. The melancholy contained in this piece paints Morrissey—of the Smiths—as an oblivious, happy-go-lucky guy. Although I can not deny the infectious drone of Morrissey’s voice—which is perfectly suited for melancholic songs about loneliness and despair—”The Same Deep Water as You” has a mature air of dreariness that is utterly incomparable. The song begins with the sound of falling rain, a crack of thunder preceding the eerie musical intro; the hypnotic light drums and somber strings luring listeners. And when the mysterious, entrancing synth adds a subtle but extravagant flair, Robert Smith’s voice joins in. The captivating vocals slip into the saturated setting with ease, and the overall effect is flavorful, dynamic. “The Same Deep Water as You” wraps listeners in an assuaging fog of sorrow, the vaporous guitars surprisingly groovy and the many textures rich in feeling and meditative thought. 

Lyrics

“The Same Deep Water as You”

“Kiss me goodbye
Pushing out before I sleep
Can’t you see I try
Swimming the same deep water as you is hard
‘The shallow drowned lose less than we’
You breathe
The strangest twist upon your lips
‘And we shall be together… ‘

‘Kiss me goodbye
Bow your head and join with me’
And face pushed deep
Reflections meet
The strangest twist upon your lips
And disappear
The ripples clear
And laughing
Break against your feet
And laughing
Break the mirror sweet
‘So we shall be together… ‘

‘Kiss me goodbye’
Pushing out before I sleep
It’s lower now and slower now
The strangest twist upon your lips
But I don’t see
And I don’t feel
But tightly hold up silently
My hands before my fading eyes
And in my eyes
Your smile
The very last thing before I go…

I will kiss you I will kiss you
I will kiss you forever on nights like this
I will kiss you I will kiss you
And we shall be together…”

Firstly, I would like to express my admiration for Robert Smith’s fantastic lyrics! Each song is a snippet of a journey—a moment—that is entrancing; the music ends, and you feel awoken from a strange dream that almost belongs to you. “The Same Deep Water as You” transports me, personally, to an ocean in the night. The water chills me to the bone, and everything lies deceiving still, filled with potential energy—disaster gathering its breath, preparing to strike. To conclude my contented poetry-obsessed heart, there is not a Cure song that fails to take me somewhere. Listening to this track, I almost want to shiver and pull a jacket tightly around me. 

My interpretation of this piece exists in the following: It is dark, quiet, and chilly, and the narrator is with someone who wades too far into a body of water with substantial depth; the narrator has no choice but to chase after the person, out into the frightening depths of the freezing water. Now, this stands as my literal interpretation. As for a more figurative explanation, the narrator’s muse is pulling the narrator into something fearful and weighty. Although the narrator struggles to join their muse, they succumb by the end of the song.

Perhaps my literal and figurative interpretations can be applied simultaneously. Perhaps the narrator is pondering on the aforementioned dilemma while swimming with their muse. Below I have provided my reasons why:

• In the first stanza, the narrator is at war with what the speaker wants, but the speaker is persistent and a bit daring.
  • “…Can’t you see I try
    Swimming the same deep water as you is hard
    ‘The shallow drowned lose less than we’
    You breathe
    The strangest twist upon your lips
    ‘And we shall be together… ‘”
  • In the second stanza, I see the narrator diving into the black water after their muse. I am unsure about the use of “reflections”, but perhaps the narrator sees their muse’s face staring up at them—the narrator’s reflection of the surface colliding with this sight. But then the muse is gone, the water still—beckoning the narrator to “break the mirror” or disrupt the reflecting stillness of the water to join them.
    • “…Reflections meet
      The strangest twist upon your lips
      And disappear
      The ripples clear…
      …And laughing
      Break the mirror sweet
      ‘So we shall be together… ‘”
• The third stanza is my absolute favorite. It realizes the narrator’s surrender to the water and the person persuading their descent. Robert Smith conveys this effortlessly—his voice at its most dramatic pitch in the song, his words seeming lost as he repeats, “the very last thing before I go.” In this one stanza, his fear gives way to something hazy and illogical.

  • “…It’s lower now and slower now
    The strangest twist upon your lips
    But I don’t see
    And I don’t feel
    But tightly hold up silently
    My hands before my fading eyes
    And in my eyes
    Your smile
    The very last thing before I go…”

To conclude my analysis, perhaps “The Same Deep Water as You” follows two people swimming beneath the stars in the black abyss of the ocean. Perhaps it follows someone’s surrender to something toxic they would rather avoid. Perhaps the narrator is talking to themselves or something. But who knows? 

Overall

Writing this analysis, I have significantly more appreciation for this track. Following the falling rain that introduces this song, methodical but urgent drums are followed by a dreary bass and eerie synth. Periodical cracks of thunder pierce the ensemble of gloom, and Smith’s vocals—although a piece of this puzzle of sound—provides a plot. Overall, the guitars are rich and flavorful, the bass and tinny drums rhythmic as they are daunting, the synths perfectly matching Smith’s tortured voice. I feel cold and disturbed but assured by the delicious melancholy of this piece. And I love Robert Smith’s lyrics and the way his voice brings them into existence: he is not simply reciting them in a singing voice; he is living and breathing them. And the guitars! “The Same Deep Water as You” is a hidden gem deserving of occasional infatuation and excessive blog rambling.

Track Ten: “Disintegration”

Duration: 8:18

Initial Thoughts

Of guilt, apathy, and painful imperfection, “Disintegration” earns its name. The song begins with shattering glass, a bass with a sorrowful drone, and quick and heavy drums reminiscent of “One Hundred Years”, a Cure song from 1982. The repetition of the rhythm is purposeful, allowing listeners to slip into the churning blend of meditative guitars and drums and various, random bits of texture. For nearly two minutes, Robert Smith does not utter a word. But when he begins to sing, the lyrics flow in an almost cathartic way. The instrumental background established earlier perfectly highlights Robert’s dramatically changing pitch—the lyrics carry substantial weight and are given the spotlight they deserve. This song removes listeners from the wary, trepid voice of “The Same deep Water as You” to examine the despairing, guilty conscious of “Disintegration”‘s narrator. This piece clarifies the Cure’s ingenuity: although it is not my favorite track from the album, the shattering glass, Smith’s narrative voice, and the ensemble of instruments perfectly capture anguish and the process of disintegrating against one’s will.

Lyrics

“Disintegration”

“Oh I miss the kiss of treachery
The shameless kiss of vanity
The soft and the black and the velvety
Up tight against the side of me
And mouth and eyes and heart all bleed
And run in thickening streams of greed
As bit by bit it starts the need
To just let go
My party piece

Oh I miss the kiss of treachery
The aching kiss before I feed
The stench of a love for a younger meat
And the sound that it makes
When it cuts in deep
The holding up on bended knees
The addiction of duplicities
As bit by bit it starts the need
To just let go
My party piece

But I never said I would stay to the end
So I leave you with babies and hoping for frequency
Screaming like this in the hope of the secrecy
Screaming me over and over and over
I leave you with photographs
Pictures of trickery
Stains on the carpet and
Stains on the scenery
Songs about happiness murmured in dreams
When we both us knew
How the ending would be…

So it’s all come back round to breaking apart again
Breaking apart like I’m made up of glass again
Making it up behind my back again
Holding my breath for the fear of sleep again
Holding it up behind my head again
Cut in deep to the heart of the bone again
Round and round and round
And it’s coming apart again
Over and over and over

Now that I know that I’m breaking to pieces
I’ll pull out my heart
And I’ll feed it to anyone
Crying for sympathy
Crocodiles cry for the love of the crowd
And the three cheers from everyone
Dropping through sky
Through the glass of the roof
Through the roof of your mouth
Through the mouth of your eye
Through the eye of the needle
It’s easier for me to get closer to heaven
Than ever feel whole again

I never said I would stay to the end
I knew I would leave you with babies and everything
Screaming like this in the hole of sincerity
Screaming me over and over and over
I leave you with photographs
Pictures of trickery
Stains on the carpet and
Stains on the memory
Songs about happiness murmured in dreams
When we both of us knew
How the end always is

How the end always is…”

Wow, that is a lot to unpack…After inspecting the lyrics—which are almost written as a stream of consciousness—Robert Smith’s singing style in “Disintegration” makes perfect sense. The words rush from Smith like a painful river of truth, but he ends his confession of a song on a relieved note. “Disintegration” deserves its name for its cathartic delivery; it embodies the album and summarizes the various themes in each track. Reality is confronting the narrator with everything it has, leaving nothing unnoticed or unfelt. I revere this track for the band’s immaculate portrayal of the act of, well, disintegration. Personally, I imagine the narrator trapped within an intangible whirlwind of all their fear and guilt. I imagine the narrator either engaged in an argument or alone in the dark or surrounded by tons of people oblivious to their suffering. Listeners have a crystal clear glimpse into this narrator’s perspective. From the overall sound and Smith’s lyrics, I feel trapped in a bleak reality I have created and can not seem to escape. I feel my lungs constrict and my head spin. Lights are blinding and streak across my vision, and I feel myself dissociating. Of course, this is all imagined—often, I listen to “Disintegration” while humming and thinking about my lunch—but I love how effective the Cure is at conveying moments! 

Robert Smith’s voice, in the beginning, is as quiet and dreary as lilting bass. He seems to choose his words carefully despite beginning to break down his resistance. Then, as synth begins to accompany the musical ensemble, the flow of Smith’s words becomes more rapid and free. He retires his composed singing featured in the track before: “The Same Deep Water as You”. He surrenders a perfect pitch to adopt one of release and admittance, his voice almost breaking as if in an argument. And after the most impactful stanza, Smith repeats “how the end always is” until the instruments have a dramatic, resonating finale and the glass is swept up. Smith’s voice is drained but not defeated.

A Few of My Favorite Lyrics:

• “And mouth and eyes and heart all bleed
  And run in thickening streams of greed”
• “So it’s all come back round to breaking apart again
  Breaking apart like I’m made up of glass again
  Making it up behind my back again
  Holding my breath for the fear of sleep again”
• “Now that I know that I’m breaking to pieces
  I’ll pull out my heart
  And I’ll feed it to anyone
  Crying for sympathy
  Crocodiles cry for the love of the crowd
  And the three cheers from everyone
  Dropping through sky”
  • Hm…”Crocodiles cry for the love of the crowd”? I love this! How intriguing…

Overall

Wow. I am definitely impressed. Once again, the Cure does not disappoint. I absolutely love the glass sound effects, whining guitar, synth (for dramatic emphasis), and the overall ability of this song to transport me to a foreign yet somehow familiar moment in time. Smith’s lyrics are brilliant, and the way he relays them is so emotional and effective. “Disintegration” is one of the most sincere songs I have ever encountered. This track benefits from high volumes…feel free to blast it while dancing at your desk at midnight while eating a bagel or crying on your cold, crumb-speckled floor.

Track Eleven: “Homesick”

Duration: 7:06.

Initial Thoughts 

In all honesty, I do not love this track. I personally feel that “Homesick” is one of the weakest songs on Disintegration. However, the album hugely benefits from its presence, as it is the beginning of the end. It carries the same themes of “Disintegration” but with much more clarity, and it sets up the mood for the final track on the album. “Homesick”: emotionally drained, contemplative, but also in denial. It refuses to refute its wrongs or face reality; it is one last pinch of turpitude. After reflecting upon the songs overall sound, it begins quite assured in its melancholy. I may not treasure the song itself, but I definitely respect and appreciate. The layering is impeccable: the sincere piano meets the carefully plucked guitar and riveting drums and the sorrow violin—viola?—and then a more electric-sounding guitar. And finally, after some bass and a three minute intro, Smith begins to sing. The piano is jazzy, the guitars slightly “rockish”…exquisite overall sound and energy.

Lyrics

“Homesick”

“Hey hey!
Just one more and I’ll walk away
All the everything you win
Turns to nothing today
And I forget how to move
When my mouth is this dry
And my eyes are bursting hearts
In a blood-stained sky
Oh it was sweet
It was wild
And oh how we…
I trembled
Stuck in honey
Honey
Cling to me…
So just one more
Just one more go
Inspire in me the desire in me
To never go home

Oh just one more
And I’ll walk away
All the everything you win
Turns to nothing today
So just one more
Just one more go
Inspire in me the desire in me
To never go home”

I am interested in the perspective Robert Smith wrote “Homesick” from. Despite the title, one line reads, “Inspire in me the desire to never go home.” First of all, I have never heard of anyone desiring to avoid one’s home…one usually desires to return home. Likewise, to state the obvious, why title this piece “Homesick”? Do the title and lyrics go hand-in-hand? Was the title a guilty afterthought? Why is the overall sound somber if the song is about wanting to never return home? Is there a touch of sarcasm, irony, or purposeful contradiction anywhere? “Homesick” is definitely a head-scratcher, but I feel that is what Robert Smith has intended.

Although the lyrics are brief and inspire me as much as “Last Dance”—a previous song on Disintegration—I do absolutely adore the line, “my eyes are bursting hearts in a blood-stained sky.” Ugh! So beautiful, am I right? I also love, “All the everything you win turns to nothing today.” Overall, this is a powerful, moving track that is delicious to my ears, but I have a difficult time personalizing the song’s meaning. What do you think? The light lyrics do not match the regretful sound and the title, and I believe this to be purposeful…how clever! 

Overall

Sorry, Cure, but I doubt I have ever sought out “Homesick”…this is the most I have listened to the song on its own. Although “Homesick” does not possess the grand, bone-shattering glory of “Plainsong” nor the infectious “hit recipe” of “Pictures of You” and “Lovesong”, the album simply would not be the same without it. The track exists as a perfect segue from “Disintegration” into the final track of the album. It is also one of slowest, more methodical songs on the album. And it has a unique sound! I absolutely love the singing guitar in the beginning and then the addition of a more whiny guitar. And then…a smooth base line. “Homesick” is a musical dish of lasagna, consisting of layers upon layers. And how can I possibly criticize the raining melody of strings and intriguing drums and the most jazzy piano on the entire album. And Smith’s languid voice ties everything together like a bow on a present. 

Track Twelve: Untitled 

Duration: 6:30.

Initial Impressions

When I first listened to “Untitled”, I was unsure about the wheezy accordion(?)-filled first few seconds. But oh my goodness! This has got to be one of the best Cure songs, in my opinion. Why? The sound is air-tight in its stability and precision. “Untitled” is an impeccable end to Disintegration. The lyrics are absolutely stellar; Robert Smith’s voice reads so clearly and with appreciable sincerity. I absolutely love the confident drums matched perfectly with the churning bass, and I adore the singing guitar—it is more rich and tender than filet mignon! And I would have to say the same for Smith’s vocals. Also, before I summarize my impression, you got to love those cymbal crescendos, eh? Overall, this track has such a relaxing, light sound…the most fitting end to a masterpiece such as Disintegration!

Lyrics

“Hopelessly drift
In the eyes of the ghost again
Down on my knees
And my hands in the air again
Pushing my face in the memory of you again
But I never know if it’s real
Never know how I wanted to feel
Never quite said what I wanted to say to you
Never quite managed the words to explain to you
Never quite knew how to make them believable
And now the time has gone
Another time undone
Hopelessly fighting the devil
Futility
Feeling the monster
Climb deeper inside of me
Feeling him gnawing my heart away
Hungrily
I’ll never lose this pain
Never dream of you again”

Surprise! The lyrics do not match the light beat at all. The Cure has mastered the art of contradiction to better the experience and/or meaning of a song. With “Untitled”, the rhythms are refreshing and sweet, but the lyrics sting. In my opinion, these lyrics are some of Robert Smith’s best work. All I can say is…ow.

“Hopelessly drift in the eyes of the ghost again; down on my knees, and my hands in the air again”…what an evocative entrance. This paints such a picture of bleak surrender and sorrow. Now, I could dissect this song in such a way line by line, but I will paraphrase for your sanity, hah! Smith goes on to say, “Pushing my face in the memory of you again.” Who is “you”? Anyway, he continues by admitting he has no idea what is real or how to feel. He feels as if he never said everything he hoped to. He realizes the time, the moment, has gone. He uses the word “hopelessly” again when describing a battle against futility, which he describes as being a devilish monster. The song ends as follows: “Feeling the monster climb deeper inside of me, feeling him gnawing my heart away, hungrily; I’ll never lose this pain, never dream of you again.”

Quite somber, am I right? Yes, the lyrics are quite the contrast to the relatively upbeat sound!

I absolutely love how Robert Smith ends Disintegration with these exact lyrics. It is no triumphant affair, nothing close to bombastic. His words are bleeding sincerity. And in a way, “Untitled” summarizes his whole attitude towards the album. The encompassing theme of Disintegration is futility and the battle against it. Is the album enough? Is Smith relaying everything inside of him, everything he intended to share? Does his career as an artist live up to his expectations? The whole inspiration behind Disintegration is Robert Smith dreading his thirtieth birthday because he does not feel accomplished enough. So he ends the album with all grand, explosive sounds peeled back. “Untitled” is stripped of anything that would diminish its core meaning and feel. This is the painful, hopeless reality of Disintegration.

Overall:

The rich blend of guitars at the end never fail to give me chills, as they are quite sensational. And the accordion picks up once again, but its meaning has changed…I end up appreciating it a bit more, for I see someone in a dimly lit corner playing it solemnly. As for the contradicting lyrics and sound, Smith’s lyrics are despairing, but he is somewhat content with it all. He is almost telling listeners, “Look, it’s not perfect, but who cares? Reality sucks, and I’m just an English guy wearing lipstick with hair full of hairspray.” One can easily feel the pain behind Smith’s words—to the point that the cheery sound tastes more bitter than sweet. Personally, I find this track immensely consoling. Often, we fail to express ourselves to the fullest; we constantly feel just shy of “enough” or right at it. But that’s okay.

After All of This, What Exactly is Disintegration?

For me, Disintegration is separated into three main segments:

1. “Plainsong”, “Pictures of You”, and “Closedown”:
   1. The lyrics are all overwhelmed by time.
   2. These three all have an explosive, ethereal sound.
   3. All are a bit comfortable; these are the most stable songs on the album.
2. “Lovesong”, “Last Dance”, “Lullaby”, “Fascination Street”, and “Prayers for Rain”:
   1. Although of various themes, moods, and meanings, these five characterize the album’s middle.
   2. All of these songs are of a unique sound, purpose, and plot.
   3. These songs share a similar tone, even if subtle.
3. “The Same Deep Water as You”, “Disintegration”, “Homesick”, “Untitled”:
   1. Robert Smith’s lyrics become more convoluted and regretful and defenseless; his perspective almost does a 180°…these four songs feel so separate from segment one (how does “Pictures of You” belong to the same album as “Disintegration”?)

Overall, I love Disintegration with all of my heart. Although released in 1989, the album continues to have its hits blasted on accepting radio stations. Personally, every time I hear “Pictures of You” play on the radio, my heart almost bursts. The Cure has numerous albums that are absolutely stellar—such as the fun-filled, addictive Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me (1987) and the ghastly, quiet pondering of Faith (1981). But with Disintegration, Robert Smith created one of the most “together” albums of all time. Despite its overall air of melancholy, it possesses songs for various moments in time, numerous emotions. No singular song diminishes the quality of the album. It is sincere, purposeful, and as original as any other Cure album. And the journey it contains is indescribable: while listening, I found myself standing on a windy cliff overlooking a dark ocean, dancing in a ballroom in the middle of winter, shivering in bed in confining darkness, swimming at night in a frighteningly deep body of water, in the middle of a dizzying breakdown, and in a lonely but comfortable corner. From the grand expanse of “Plainsong” to the small, pained content of “Untitled”, Disintegration holds so much. Often, I like to wrap myself in its songs like warm blankets in the wintertime. 

I know the band will never see this, but I am eternally grateful for the Cure and albums such as Disintegration. Thank you.

 

The Paradox

By Paul Laurence Dunbar

I am the mother of sorrows,

   I am the ender of grief;

I am the bud and the blossom,

   I am the late-falling leaf.

 

I am thy priest and thy poet,

   I am thy serf and thy king;

I cure the tears of the heartsick,

   When I come near they shall sing.

 

White are my hands as the snowdrop;

   Swart are my fingers as clay;

Dark is my frown as the midnight,

   Fair is my brow as the day.

 

Battle and war are my minions,

   Doing my will as divine;

I am the calmer of passions,

   Peace is a nursling of mine.

 

Speak to me gently or curse me,

   Seek me or fly from my sight;

I am thy fool in the morning,

   Thou art my slave in the night.

 

Down to the grave will I take thee,

   Out from the noise of the strife;

Then shalt thou see me and know me—

   Death, then, no longer, but life.

 

Then shalt thou sing at my coming,

   Kiss me with passionate breath,

Clasp me and smile to have thought me

   Aught save the foeman of Death.

 

Come to me, brother, when weary,

   Come when thy lonely heart swells;

I’ll guide thy footsteps and lead thee

   Down where the Dream Woman dwells.

 

In the midst of reading this poem, I realized that I didn’t really know the meaning of a paradox. By definition, a paradox is a seemingly absurd or self-contradictory statement or proposition that when investigated or explained may prove to be well-founded or true. In layman’s terms, a paradox is a contradiction; this is when two things go against each other.  Paul Laurence Dunbar, an African-American poet, wrote this poem with each stanza being a new paradox. His use of the literary device gave distinct and keen characteristics of the speaker in the poem. The general structure of the poem is very simplistic and easy to read. The poem itself is very well-written and is a very powerful read.

On my first read of the poem, I didn’t understand what it meant. This led me to looking up what a paradox is. If you don’t know what it is, I would suggest looking it up and getting an understanding for yourself before you go back to read the poem in that context. Once I read the poem again with new eyes, I realized the message behind the words. From my understanding, the poem is being told by Paul Laurence Dunbar. He is telling of himself.

In the first stanza, he starts with “I am the mother of sorrows,” a line that I took the meaning to be along the lines of being a person who often causes sorrows in life. The contradiction lies in the meaning of mother and the meaning of sorrows. The two go against each other. A mother has the associations of comfort, love, and warmth while sorrows almost always have death, darkness, and grief attached to it. The beauty of the line, for me, is the combination of the two; To consider yourself the mother of sorrows has to be a hard realization to come by. 

All throughout the poem, Dunbar has various lines that show a paradox. He uses these to tell about himself; it felt like I was reading an autobiography almost. By the tone and the use of certain words, it feels like he is trying to prove himself. I suppose with more information on the life of the poet, I would have an even deeper understanding of the poem. I don’t know if the popularity of Dunbar when he wrote this poem or even what situation he was in, but the poem sounds like he is trying to prove himself worthy of praise. If not praise, then it could be acknowledgment. In the 6th stanza, Dunbar says, “Then shalt thou see me and know me—” a line I find to be quite sad. The lines before this one in the same stanza tell us that Dunbar will take his name down to the grave and out from the mouths of those who don’t like him or his writing. The line feels like he is saying that only in his death will he be appreciated. That is sad to say. 

This poem took me on a journey, and every time I read it, I figure out something new. My interpretation of the poem could be very wrong or it could be very right, but we will never truly find out. I hope you all like this poem, if not, why? I am genuinely interested in seeing how people take in this poem and its meaning. I love this poem and I am sure I will be reading some of his other works, but for now, I’m going to keep enjoying and reading this poem!