Category: Senior Literary

You are an expert at sorry
And keeping lines blurry,
Never impressed by me acing your tests,
All the girls that you’ve run dry
Have tired, lifeless eyes
‘Cause you burned them out
But I took your matches before fire could catch me,
So don’t look now,
I’m shining like fireworks over your sad, empty town

Lyrical genius Taylor Swift poured these words from the very deepest crevices of her heart, and the world went crazy. Justifiably so, because this is one of the best bridges Blondie has ever released. Various twitter polls have confirmed that it’s a fan favorite, partially due to the whole song being an absolute masterpiece, but also due to the nature of her growing lyricism.

Blondie released “Dear John” as a loud and clear callout to John Mayer, down to the name. At just 19 years old, Taylor found herself between the grips of 32-year-old John. As history has proven, the law is not a gauge for morality. 19 is a pivotal time in any young person’s life, especially a young woman who had spent over 5 years in the spotlight.

The rest of the song goes on to explain in vague detail how he took advantage of her, and how she consistently felt like he was just using her. Looking at their age gap from the outside, it’s not hard to believe her and not uncommon for similar instances to have happened in the industry before. The song also explains how he acted like a completely different person all the time, implying that she had to walk on eggshells all the time for fear of upsetting him.

Against what I would hope to be his better judgement, John joined Tik Tok in March of 2021. Better late than never, right? Well… he was promptly met with a slew of Swifties ready to aim fire at his every move. As a proud Swiftie, I would like to say here and now: I took no part in either side of the altercation.

Until September of this year, my one (1) guilty pleasure was that I listened to and enjoyed “Slow Dancing in a Burning Room” because hello?? It’s so good, and for what? Anyways, a good friend of mine recommended some songs to me, and because I’m desperate for new music, I reluctantly obliged. I was… regrettably and pleasantly surprised. To the surprise of absolutely no one, spoiler alert: none of these highlights are “Why You No Love Me.” Just putting that out there right now.

– Rosie –
At first, I had no idea what to think. It was either going to be very very good or very very bad, no in between. Until it was. “Rosie” is the in-between song, but its status makes sense for what it is. It’s written from the point of view of a man who ruined his previous relationship with alcoholism. He shows up to her doorstep, drunk, asking for another chance, and she doesn’t give it to him. However, the lyrics also apply to various situations, including the narrator’s knowledge that Rosie has moved on with another man. He’s okay with making bad decisions, even though he knows he’ll regret it in the morning. The versatility of this song is incredible, and I wasn’t expecting it to hit some of the mental spots that it did. It’s not an absolute 10/10, but it’s for sure a song that I naturally gravitate toward – maybe a 7.

– Half of My Heart –
Ironically, this song features Taylor Swift herself, and it’s lyrically fantastic. I will say, the foreshadowing to real-life events is a bit eerie, but because Blondie is featured, I guess I’ll let it slide. The story follows a man who has to swallow his pride in order to let go of the woman he loves, because he knows he can’t love her to the depths that she deserves. On par with his versatility pattern, it could very well be an allusion to relationships where one party still has lingering feelings for someone else, and they decide to cut ties with the current partner. Regardless, it’s a uniquely selfless song (considering the artist), and I’d give it a 9/10, including the added point for Blondie.

– Shouldn’t Matter But It Does –
This song came as a specific recommendation, and honestly I’m still kind of mad about it, because I did not need to wallow in this for as long as I did. It reminisces the end of a relationship and his hesitation to admit how he feels. Arguably, it’s one of his most complex lyric compositions, balancing ideas of toxic masculinity, blame, regret, and the white-knuckle grip you can have to something of the past. Most importantly, he focuses on his own introspection, asking himself why he’s still struggling and why he feels the way he does. He beats himself up about having normal human emotions, and it speaks volumes about the way men’s mental health is approached in society. Overall, 10/10, no exaggeration.

– Something Like Olivia –
Great, so this song is, in fact, the polar opposite of the selflessness observed in “Half of My Heart.” It speaks from the perspective of a man who spends his time searching for someone, particularly a woman similar to the one he speaks about in the song. She very clearly has a boyfriend, and he doesn’t act upon his desire for her, but his allowance for mental roaming is… questionable. However, the longing for someone who is similar to someone else is a quite universal experience, so I can’t really fault him for that. Despite being somewhat unethical and selfish, it’s a fantastic reflection of human flaws and our tendency to want things, but having the moral consciousness not to act on it. I’d give it a solid 7.5/10.

Part II available upon request…

Introduction to TXT

On August 17th, 2021, Tomorrow X Together released their first repackaged album, The Chaos Chapter: Fight or Escape…and it was an experience, let me tell you.

I started listening to TXT this summer around July 10th (according to a message I sent my friend–happy one month, besties <3), and to say I became an instant fan is an understatement. The connection I felt to their songs reignited my love for music in general, and I think that speaks volumes about their influence and skill as artists. If you’ve been in my dorm–which you haven’t because we don’t break Covid protocol in this house–you’ll see that I’m very…open about my support for them: a proud MOA. So, every other month, I’ll be posting a lyrical review of each of their albums, starting with their most recent (as of August 2021) and working my way back to their debut album, The Dream Chapter: Star.

But before I get into the actual analysis, I’ll give a bit of background on the group and a guide to the members/the roles they have in the band, though there are no fixed positions in terms of their talents–they’re all considered visuals, rappers, singers, and dancers.

They were formed under BigHit Entertainment in South Korea, and they debuted on March 4th, 2019. However, they were trainees at the company for many years before this, with the first member, Yeonjun, joining in 2014. Speaking of our 4th Generation It Boy….

Who’s Who?

First up is Choi Yeonjun, the oldest member of the group!

He recently was honored as July “Artist of the Month” by Studio Choom, and a few weeks ago, the showcase he prepared for the studio was released. He also film a video diary of his experience of preparing for AOTM, and the hard work he put in paid off in this powerful performance!

Then, there’s Choi Soobin, the second oldest; as the leader of the group, he is the only one with a set position. 

He’s currently an MC of the show Music Bank, where artists come on to be interviewed by Soobin and co-host Arin and to perform their most recent releases!

This is everyone’s favorite middle child, Choi Beomgyu.

There’s a mutual agreement between TXT and MOA that in addition to his many musical skills, Beomgyu is the funniest member in the group…until you admit that you like mint chocolate. That’s when things get real.

The second youngest member is Kang Taehyun.

He has the kind of emotional vocals that make you feel like you’re listening to him go through his third divorce. He has several covers out that are just *chef’s kiss* beautiful. This is his most recent one!

And finally, we have our diamond maknae, Huening Kai.

Hyuka is the s̶e̶l̶f̶-̶p̶r̶o̶c̶l̶a̶i̶m̶e̶d̶ “cutie of the group.” Thank you, Kamal, for giving yourself this title so I could type it out for my teacher to see. His version of “Youngblood” by 5 Seconds of Summer is one of my favorite covers of all time! 

With introductions out of the way, let’s get into the part that I actually assigned to do! T_T 

Note: I will be using the English translations of the songs when unpacking the writing, to make it easier for my audience to understand the points I make without having to translate the lyrics themselves. This means my quotes may not be perfect translations, but I’m using the most reliable sources I have access to at this time!

If you’re unsure about what a repackaged album is, it is essentially the re-release of a previous album with the inclusion of a few more songs and/or a new concept behind it. The first version of this album The Chaos Chapter: Freeze will be up for review in the next edition of this series. For now, I’m going to analyze the three new additions: “LO$ER=LO♡ER”, “MOA Diary (Dubaddu Wari Wari)”, and “0X1=LOVESONG (I Know I Love You) feat. Seori (Emocore Mix)”.

The Chaos Chapter: Fight or Escape

“LO$ER=LO♡ER”

This song is about a narrator who considers himself a loser and his desire to be a sufficient lover to his partner. He feels that he has failed his partner by being a loser in the eyes of the world, and he wishes to let go of the pain that only his love provides sanctuary from. The chorus says, “Lover with a dollar sign / Is a loser.” I interpret this line, and in turn the title, as a commentary on the commendation of love. The narrator fears this relationship he values so deeply will become materialistic, and that instead of staying together because they truly care about each other, the strength of their love will be determined by how much extrinsic value they place on each other.

At the suggestion of Bang PD, Choi Yeonjun wrote the rap verse of this song. In an interview, Yeonjun explained, “I gained inspiration for it through Netflix’s The End of the F****** World…I tried to express “LO$ER=LO♡ER” in a more sorrowful way.” I feel like he captured the essence of TEOTFW perfectly: a love affair between two young people who’ve been hurt through the world’s rejection of their personalities. The lines “Wings spread and broken (Wings) / Flyin’ to eternity / But I can’t help falling / Even with you (Even with you) / Falling is beautiful” draw parallels to the scene where Alyssa and James, the protagonists, reunite after individually coming to the conclusion that they feel more safe and more like themselves when they’re together than they do when they’re apart. It has these conflicting themes of apathy and intense adoration, defeated by the world but victorious in each other.

The concept of choosing to brand yourself a love when the world has declared you a loser is inspired by Steven King’s hit film franchise It; in the first movie, a bully writes “LOSER” on the cast of a character’s broken arm, and his friends help him take back his power by writing a ‘v’ over the ‘s’, branding him a “LOVER.” Overall, it’s an excellent song with tragically beautiful and captivating lyrics. TXT has not a single skip in their discography, but within the first twenty seconds of listening to this song, I knew it would soon become one of my favorites. In addition to the stunning vocals and hypnotic raps, the song also has a great flow to it, which can be attributed to the diligent team of writers who contributed to the creation of this piece. If there’s one song that’ll get you into Tomorrow X Together, I think it’s this one.

LO$ER=L♡VER – song by TOMORROW X TOGETHER | Spotify 

“MOA Diary (Dubaddu Wari Wari)”

The eighth track in this album is dedicated to MOA (Moments of Alwaysness), which is the cherished collective name for their fans. The placement of this song is thought to be intentional, with the ‘8’ doubling as an infinity sign–solidifying TXT’s promise to be with MOA forever. Since late July, the community has been celebrating our August 22nd birthday with the hashtag “LOOKBACK_MOA”, where both fans and the artists have been sharing their favorite memories of their time together. The slogan makes an appearance in the chorus: “Look back / The time of you and I that feels like a dream / Forever MOA / Until we’re shining again…” This and lines such as “Even these ordinary days/  These days when we lost the summer / Record it in our diary tonight / It’ll be our consolation, our summer night…” encourage their fans to remain hopeful throughout the ongoing pandemic, which has separated the members and MOA from interacting in-person for well over a year. “We Lost the Summer” is also the name of a song from their latest EP,  min1sode: Blue Hour which further explores the ways in which the global crisis of Covid has affected the way performers interact with their audiences. In a recent interview with Jessi, Soobin specified that the song is written as though MOA is reading the group’s diary, hence the alternate title.

MOA Diary (Dubaddu Wari Wari) – song by TOMORROW X TOGETHER | Spotify

“0X1=LOVESONG (I Know I Love You) feat. Seori (Emocore Mix)”

Ah, the song that is sending TikTok MOAs back into their emo phase–please remove all of the “How to Cut Your Bangs at Home” videos from YouTube before we all start to look like Coconut Head from Ned’s Declassified with a bad dye job. Like the title implies, this is a rock remix reminiscent of the alternative pop music that peaked in popularity between 2015-2017;  “0X1=LOVESONG” was originally song originally released on The Chaos Chapter: Freeze back in May of this year. In an article by TeenVogue, Yeonjun comments on how the stylization has brought a new meaning to the remixed version: “…this song captures the passion to fight for the one they love, or to run away with them. So I think the difference between the two songs is, someone who was frozen, and someone who is now actively pursuing and fighting for their love.” This commentary prompts listeners to completely reimagine the song they have been looping for the past two months. Lines such as “In this world of ice / You’re the only shining glow / Now I can’t stop thinking ‘bout you / When I’m sinking alone” no longer express the narrator’s desperation; instead, it is fuel for him to take an active role in his pursuit of forever with his partner. The narrator is more resolute when discussing the stake he has in this relationship with phrases like “Till the end of the world (I love you) / All or nothing, I want all of you / I know I love you (you).” The selection of intense words and phrases reinforces that this is the narrator’s ultimate connection, and therefore leaves a heavier impact on the listener.

0X1=LOVESONG (I Know I Love You) feat. Seori (Emocore Mix)

Overall

These are amazing, impactful additions to the already-impressive setlist of the original album. 100% worth waking up three hours early to catch the premiere of the “LO$ER=LO♡ER” music video–I have no regrets. This is a link to the entire album on Spotify, so you can listen for yourself! 

The Chaos Chapter: FIGHT OR ESCAPE – Album by TOMORROW X TOGETHER | Spotify  

CW: Depression and Suicide

“Last Words of a Shooting Star” is the tenth track on Mitski’s third studio album, Bury Me at Makeout Creek. The song uses the metaphor of a crashing plane to represent the narrator’s battle with depression and suicidal thoughts. The music itself is reminiscent of a plane crash, and it portrays the hopeless feeling and apathy that comes with struggling with mental illness and suicidal tendencies. The title represents how suffering can commonly be missed, and in this case, a plane crash can be mistaken for a shooting star. “Last Words of a Shooting Star” shines through as one of Mitski’s best examples of brilliant songwriting, and is, in my opinion, one of her best works. I chose this song because of its realistic representation of depression and the way it serves to help show those who aren’t inflicted the true nature of the illness.

“All of this turbulence wasn’t forecasted
Apologies from the intercom” 

The first line reinforces the metaphor of the plane crash. The narrator never wished to be born, and she never predicted the pain she would go through in life. The apologies from the intercom represent how the world and society are at least partially aware of the problems it causes, but when they apologize, it’s empty and said too late— the plane is already crashing.

“And I am relieved that I’d left my room tidy
They’ll think of me kindly
When they come for my things”

The next line establishes that she is planning to take her own life. She’s relieved that her room is tidy, so once her family and law enforcement come to gather her belongings, they will see her as a clean person and not a slob or bother to others. She hopes to be remembered well because of this. The narrator is so numb, that’s all she can think about— not the impact her death will have on her loved ones, but rather how she’ll be perceived soon after she’s gone.

“They’ll never know how I’d stared at the dark in that room
With no thoughts
Like a blood-sniffing shark”

The song soon tackles the empty feeling of depression and the reality of living with it. Once she’s gone, people will never know the time she spent withering away in her bed, staring in the dark, and tuning out her mind. The “blood sniffing shark” simile draws a parallel to the myth that sharks will go mad at the smell of blood and how the narrator’s mind is becoming similar: obsessive and desperate for an escape.

“And while my dreams made music in the night
Carefully
I was going to live”

The song here, instead of having “I was going to live” be an uplifting lyric, portrays through music that it isn’t. The tone goes down, possibly paralleling the song’s “plane crash” metaphor. She’s not excited that she’s decided to live for the time being, but burdened.

“You wouldn’t leave till we loved in the morning
You’d learned from movies how love ought to be
And you’d say you love me and look in my eyes
But I know through mine you were
Looking in yours”

The song also tackles the narrator’s unfulfilling relationship and the negative impact it has on her mental health. She feels as if her relationship is rehearsed and disingenuous. She believes that her lover is treating her kindly just so they’ll feel better about themselves and have a place in society. She can’t feel truly happy in a relationship she doesn’t believe to be real. This could either be an actual representation of what her relationship is like, or a warped version her mental illness had told her was true.

“And did you know the liberty bell is a replica
Silently housed in its original walls? 
And while its dreams played music in the night
Quietly
It was told to believe”

The narrator then goes on to compare her life and herself to the Liberty Bell, which is well known to be a replica of its original. What it stands for is resilience through hardship, but since it’s been replaced, that message could be considered invalid and a lie. It could also be interpreted that the Liberty Bell was broken by its own “music,” and Mitski has talked at length about her struggle with becoming a musician. People encouraged her dream and told her to believe she’d be big one day, but they never fully meant it, and once she was older, warned against following her aspirations.

“I always wanted to die clean and pretty”

This line helps show the apathy the narrator has for her own life and death. She cares more about the state of her body being found than her actual death, and it is a common fear for those with mental illness to look “ugly” when their body is discovered.

“But I’d be too busy on working days”

The next line could hint at how the narrator is overworked to the point where she is driven to end her life or uses this as an excuse to put off her plans. 

“So I am relieved that the turbulence wasn’t forecasted
I couldn’t have changed anyway”

In a way, the narrator is glad that she wasn’t warned of the pain in life because she believes she would have been miserable and depressed regardless because of her illness. She’d rather it be a surprise when she’s older rather than burdening her child self with that knowledge.

“I am relieved that I’d left my room tidy
Goodbye”

This lyric portrays how the narrator ultimately gives into her suicidal thoughts and lets her plane crash. She wishes those she loves goodbye and ends her life. Mitski ends the song on a unsettling note, not only with the ending the lyrics insinuate, but with the droning hum the song fades out with, reminiscent of a plane crash. 

This brings about the question of what we should do if we see a friend or loved one listening to songs of this subject matter. Of course, listening to songs like this doesn’t mean someone is planning to hurt themselves, but if it’s a constant pattern, try and talk to them about it. If you believe someone needs help, reach out a hand. You may never know when someone is struggling. If you relate to these lyrics strongly, I’d recommend talking to a friend about your thoughts, or if you believe it’s necessary, get in contact with a professional. If you’re in crisis, please use the information listed below. You are loved, and things really do get better, even in the bleakest of times.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:
1-800-273-8255

Crisis Text Line:
Text HOME to 741-741

my original title was going to be “wow i need to read more,” but i think that speaks too much for itself and leave’s no room for writer’s interpretation. while the writing department has blessed my eager heart with great literature from my peers, it has left me with a generous second and a half of free time weekly, which is not nearly enough to read a book that isn’t obligatory. 

however, i have gotten into some really good music lately, and i’ve conjured up some recommendations (pulled directly from: my fall 2021 playlist)

better friends – abby cates
“better friends that won’t remind me I’m a bit alone, better characters who maybe won’t let me down,”
little repetitive, but honestly a vibe. explores the themes of needing to feel understood by those around you. it addresses the inner thoughts of someone who feels like an outcast, even within their friend groups.

army – lauren weintraub
“my friends all say i dodged a bullet, but they don’t even know it, no… i dodged the whole damn army,”
unreleased as of right now, this is sadly not released, except for a 30ish second excerpt on lauren’s tik tok. it has a vibe that crosses avril lavigne with hayley williams, and i’m not even mad about it – i’m just excited for the release date.

tartarus – ghostemane
“let me put kerosene all on my past and let it all go up in flames,”
less lyrically inept, but a good song to have in the background for getting ready in the mornings, being in the shower, mindless tasks and the like.

lotta true crime – penelope scott
“y’know dennis rayder and david parker ray actually sit together in hell, shaking, quaking, terrified that someday, somehow, someway– they might meet me,”
this song has been trending on tik tok for a while, but that absolutely has no effect on its value. she goes into why she listens to true crime (presumably podcasts or youtube videos) and why it’s way deeper than the surface.

two week notice – leanna firestone
“if you wanted to freelance, i don’t know why you ever applied to a 9-5,”
leanna firestone is also an artist from tik tok, but she has so much talent. this song compares an old relationship to being “his job,” using a two week notice as a parallel to how things changed before the actual breakup. she also uses “better hours or better pay,” as a means to say that someone else will take less of his time or worth more than her, and “better management” as a way to say the new girl might be easier to deal with. overall, great use of metaphors and other figurative language.

hmu if u don’t like me – ashley kutcher
“my love language is destructive, i want guys who just want nothing,”
inspired by a tweet from blackbear, this song is applicable to so many situations that people find themselves in, particularly the idea of only wanting people who don’t want you back. however, many of the lyrics can apply to being in a situationship that you don’t want to be in, being afraid of relationships, and just generally having really bad taste.

washing machine heart – mitski
“i know who you pretend i am,”
yet another example of me stealing lauren’s brand, this song is about entering a relationship that you know will destroy you, but doing it anyways. particularly, it’s two views of a relationship where someone is not wholeheartedly invested in the other person – just the feeling of it. 

i think that’s everything i have for today, but stay tuned for my really bad music takes sometime soon – hey, maybe i’ll recover from the bullying and uncover some good country ones. 

Welcome to part three of my Depeche Mode blog series. Search for the following titles to read parts one and two: “Help, I’ve Fallen for Depeche Mode and Can’t Get Up” and “Our Hobby is Depeche Mode”. So far I have given a basic overview of the band and discussed the discernible loyalty and enthusiasm of its fans. But in this part, I will answer—to the best of my ability—one question: who is Depeche Mode, really?

You probably are familiar with quite a few of their songs and know their basic story. Vince Clarke helped form the band before leaving and was replaced by Alan Wilder who also left. You probably are familiar with the Violator album and “Strangelove” and have a general idea who is who in the band. Perhaps you have written a hundred Depeche Mode essays your entire life. Or perhaps you have never encountered this frequently black-and-white pictured band before, wearing leather and serious expressions. Whatever your standing with the band, I hope you enjoy or learn something from this blog post. I am just a fan writing this is my spare time. Thank you!

Depeche Mode: Who Are They Really?

Beginnings

Vince Clarke, born in 1960, was raised in Basildon, England. The first instrument he learned was the oboe, and then he tried his hand at violin and piano before taking a liking to the guitar. After saving up money and buying a stereo record player, Vince fell in love with “emotional electronic music” by the Human League and Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark. He left school at the age of fifteen and worked various jobs to buy guitars. 

In 1977, Vince and a friend—Andrew Fletcher—formed a band named No Romance in China. They were sixteen at the time and inspired by the simplistic richness of the Cure’s album Three Imaginary Boys. But that changed when Andy’s friend Martin Gore joined the band. At first, Martin was on the fence about joining, as he was a part of a band named Norman and the Worms with a few other friends, not wanting to make a decision that would hurt anyone’s feelings. But he committed to the band and introduced something crucial to the band’s development: the synthesizer. After seeing Martin play the synthesizer, Vince saved up to buy one and persuaded Andy to do the same. Synthesizers were a hot topic at the time, for in the late seventies and early eighties, new wave was emerging from the embers of punk. But Depeche Mode sort of picked up the popular instrument unintentionally. To them, the synthesizer was a punk instrument. It was easier to learn from scratch, cheaper than alternative instruments, and liberating in its novelty and endless possibility. The three older teenagers formed a band called Composition of Sound in 1980.

Andrew Fletcher also was born in 1960 and grew up in Basildon. Because the town expanded so quickly and available jobs were filled, Basildon became a violent town (Depeche Mode was born on the punk movement). Andy was once very involved with the church and Basildon’s social life. Apparently him and Vince Clarke were a part of something known as the Boy’s Brigade (that Martin also attended, convinced by Andy), went to church every day, and were on the “preaching side”—trying to convert non-believers in the Christian religion. Many of Martin’s songs have some religious elements because of this. Anyway, Fletch excelled in politics at school but turned down a degree in order to work at an insurance company. Here is an interesting quote from him, made in 1993: “My whole life is dealing with numbers; I don’t find it very stimulating making music. I’m a useless musician. When I played bass, I never had any ambitions to be a great bass player, and when I took up keyboards, I never had any ambitions to be a great keyboard player. With the band, I still find the whole job challenging and rewarding, the fact of creating something and releasing it, the marketing, the promotion side of things. That’s quite interesting, selling our products.” It is also known that Andy only joined the band because Vince needed someone to help carry out his ideas. To end with some random, not-so-common knowledge, Andy describes himself as a patriotic Brit and ordinary and simple, and he likes football and politics. 

Martin L. Gore was born in 1961 and moved with his family to Basildon at a young age. He lived a relatively normal childhood and was mostly passive, and he was always quite introverted—having none or only a few friends and reading fairytales alone in his room. But Martin grew up believing his stepfather was his real father, when all along his biological father was actually African American. This is surprising because Martin is, well, very British and pale. Martin took a particular liking to music at a young age and read and memorized song lyrics in magazines. His parents bought him his first guitar on his twelfth birthday. Interestingly enough, Martin enjoyed school quite a bit and excelled in languages such as German. His first job was at a bank. Anyway, Martin hated Basildon and wanted to leave as soon as possible, and being in a band was his way of escape.

Dave Gahan was born in 1962. When his biological father left when Dave was at a very young age, his mother remarried and moved to Basildon. He grew up believing his stepdad was his real father, and complications arose when his stepdad died and his biological father randomly turned up. This created a lot of distrust in Dave, and he grew out of hand and always got himself into a bit of trouble. He hated school—and dropped out at the age of sixteen— and would stare out of classroom windows, and when teachers would query what he was looking at, he would say something like, “Nothing, but it’s a lot more interesting than what’s going on in here.” He had no interest in school, as he only saw it as a sure route to a typical job that would quickly become repetitive. He was only interested in attending gigs later in the day. Dave hung around just about every kind of crowd. He even got into punk and dyed his hair many colors, but eventually he grew bored of the style because, in a way, punk style developed a sort of norm. Being quite an attention-seeker, Dave was arrested a good amount for graffiti and stealing cars to go joyriding before sometimes setting them on fire. Dave eventually became involved less with this kind of life and went to some kind of art school to study fashion; the number of absences he collected had him kicked out. All in all, Dave had a pretty exciting youth to say the least, and this is only the surface.

After hearing Dave Gahan sing “Heroes” by David Bowie, Vince, Andy, and Martin knew they had found their front man. And when Dave joined the band, everything began to change. They went from small gigs that were not even minor successes to playing in London and Essex to sometimes hundreds of people, as Dave was fairly popular and was a part of countless crowds. The original three band members took an interest in him not only because he could sing, but because of his extroverted and confident personality, many connections, and flashy New Romantics style. In its early days, the band tried to adopt a New Romantics look, and Dave pulled it off the best. In the Speak and Spell era, the band attracted a lot of New Romantics because of this. After playing a few gigs together, Dave recommended naming the band Depeche Mode after a fashion magazine he came across while studying fashion. Although they lacked much ambition to make it big, content with the gigs they played for hundreds, the band made a demo tape. They took this tape to numerous record companies and were turned down by each one. However, David Miller approached them after a gig—where Depeche Mode was an opening act—and asked them to record a single with Mute Records. This was a bit ironic because, in the past, David Miller walked out of the room after seeing Depeche Mode and their demo tape. Depeche has stayed with Mute and Miller even to this day because of the small company’s honesty and other good qualities—in comparison to major record companies who are notorious for being cold and greedy. Anyway, “Photographic” was recorded and released as Depeche Mode’s first single. I respect Depeche Mode a lot because of their origins; they came a long way. They had to build their career themselves with a small record company only acting as a their partner in the business. They traveled modestly and were not excessive.

At the time the band’s single “Dreaming of Me” hit the charts, each of the members held jobs: Vince at a yogurt factory, Martin at a bank, Andy at an insurance company, and Dave as a window dresser. Although they were reluctant at first, they quit their regular occupations; as the band grew in popularity, it demanded more of the member’s time. And after recording perhaps one of their most popular songs of all time, “Just Can’t Get Enough”, Depeche Mode released their first album ever: Speak and Spell (1981).

For quite some time, everything was going great. Though no one but Vince had huge ambitions at first, fame became a reality; no longer were they playing in garages with headphones plugged into their synthesizers, listening to the faint sound of each other’s fingers meeting keys in order to avoid causing a racket. But reporters began to only view Depeche Mode as a cute, naive band, and so did the rest of England. I mean, look at them: 

Also, Vince became dissatisfied with Depeche Mode. Vince is more of a main idea guy, and Depeche Mode—being a band with a pretty democratic dynamic—had too many ideas and inputs. Vince grew bored and wanted to pursue other projects; DM was not what he was looking for, was not something fulfilling enough for him. He decided to leave the band before the start of a tour, and he has since expressed how terrible it was to inform the other members of his departure. Luckily, the others saw this coming months away, so no catastrophe occurred. Martin took over songwriting, and the band had no choice but to push onward; they had other option, as they had all quit their jobs. 

There are three types of Depeche Mode fans: the ones who either despise Vince or simply do not care, the ones who see him as having a crucial role in the band’s development, and the ones who are glad he left. And although Depeche Mode would not be here today without Vince’s love of guitars and Three Imaginary Boys and the dreams of having a band with his friend Andy, I am glad he left. His drive carried the band far and he wrote some darn good songs, but when Vince left, Depeche Mode became Depeche Mode—it became the band as we know it. And Vince produced some stellar music with Yaz/Yazoo until Vince met Andy Bell, created Erasure, and realized he found the perfect partner for making music. Therefore, in conclusion, thanks for leaving Depeche Mode, Vince!

Before I get into Depeche Mode without Vince, what exactly did the Vince Clarke era of DM look like?

“New Life” performance:

“Any Second Now (Voices)”…one of my favorite Speak and Spell songs:

I really like this song because of Martin’s smooth voice, the poppy, repeating melodies, and the bass. It is quite simple but peaceful and contemplative and very polished.

“What’s Your Name?”:

This is perhaps one of Depeche Mode’s worst songs ever. It is…okay. 

Anyway, yeah, Vince left in 1981, and Depeche Mode began searching for another keyboard player.

Alan Wilder was born in 1959 in London. He grew up in a typical middle class environment, and his family was, unsurprisingly, into music. Although Alan found modern music more compelling than classical composers like Beethoven, his parents forced him to take piano lessons like his brothers, who both practiced piano. He also learned the flute and excelled in his school orchestra. After leaving school and having no interest in anything but music, Alan applied to and was rejected  by  recording studios. When he finally was accepted by DJM studios, he was overworked and tasked with making everyone tea. He lived in poor conditions and scraped by cleaning bathrooms and such for other bands, but he felt strongly about becoming a musician ever since he took the job at DJM studios—when bands finished recording, he would mess around with their instruments. Because of all this, Alan appreciated success when it found him. Following his passion for music, Alan joined a band called The Dragons and then a band called Dafne and the Tenderspots. This was around the late seventies, so Alan was about twenty-years-old. 

“Misbehavin'” by the Dragons. This is actually a pretty groovy song, but what? Alan Wilder came from this? By the way, that is him standing in the middle with long hair. Hah!

“Disco Hell” by Dafne and the Tenderspots. This is very much new wave but not Depeche Mode! B-52’s meets…uh, I have no idea.

Alan was a part of four bands in total before 1981. None of them clicked. He was not on good speaking terms with his parents, and he could barely afford essential things. Once he was so poor and hungry he was arrested for stealing a chicken. 

(1981): Alan was flipping through a magazine when he spotted an ad for Depeche Mode wanting a keyboard player under the age of twenty-one. So Alan, hardly being familiar with a band he did not particularly like but needing the money, lied about his age—being twenty-two at the time—and auditioned. He was among much more enthusiastic fans that were auditioning, but of them all, he was the most talented. The band was amazed that he could play two separate rhythms with each hand while talking. This is all because of Alan’s classical training. Although Daniel Miller did not immediately like Alan, the band was adamant about him joining, as Alan “looked the part” and his talent was evident. Alan was never meant to be a temporary member—the band just needed a keyboardist to help them out at gigs. Which is why Martin, Dave, and Andy locked themselves in the studio and worked on their second album as a, “we’re better off without you, Vince!” In 1982, A Broken Fame was released, which is surprisingly one of my favorite DM albums.

Oh my goodness, look how young they were! They used to wear bow ties and suspenders, hah!

To me, though, this is more “Depeche Mode-esque” than Speak and Spell. Speak and Spell was all Vince Clarke, but this was our first glimpse at who the band was becoming. A Broken Frame is pretty impressive if you remember the three remaining members of Depeche put it together and released it right after Vince left.

“Leave in Silence” music video. What a strange beauty! I never thought I would hear the creators of Strangelove painted weird colors, smashing items on a conveyor belt, bouncing rubber balls, and bouncing around on rubber balls. Okay…cool. Also, at the very end, the band members are pretending to scream, and Martin can not stop laughing; it is absolutely hilarious. Anyway, the first time I watched this it was like finding buried treasure. 

“My Secret Garden” performance:

Compare this to 101 and the massive concert in Pasadena, California. Wow. This is a pretty nice tune, but not one of my absolute favorites. Although the band was branching into their own sound with Vince gone, A Broken Frame is definitely reminiscent of Speak and Spell, carrying Vince’s iconic upbeat, poppy melodies. But songs such as “My Secret Garden” were a bit more methodical and complex and somber. This is one of my favorite early Depeche Mode performances. Timestamp 5:55 : Alan Wilder is playing a solo synth melody on a Roland Jupiter 8? So cool. He had just recently joined the band as someone to help out with live performances. 

“Nothing to Fear” performance:

This is one of Depeche’s only instrumental songs. It is a favorite of mine on A Broken Frame. You can clearly see the awesome layering effect of synths, and the instruments speak for themselves without lyrics. Each band member is focusing on their particular part, careful to avoid stepping on each other’s toes. I love the appearance of the bass in the beginning—look at Fletch go!

A Broken Frame is actually an album I would listen to for fun, which is impressive if you consider the band’s circumstances: they had lost not only their founder but an integral member, and they had gained another one. To me, A Broken Frame exists as the darker, more reflective successor of Speak and Spell. It still contained Vince’s poppy synth melodies, but it has a bit of a weird, unconventional, artistic sound. Also, I love the band’s new romantics/new wave garb…love the baggy pants and weird shirts and bow ties. But the best was yet to come.

I love this video, haha! The part with Andy trying to recall a bass rhythm cracks me up (“bass”). But I wanted to include this video because of the band’s dynamic in 1983. They were purely electronic and used a clunky drum machine for a drummer. And Alan seems sort of awkward and unimportant.

But, surprise! In 1983, Depeche Mode’s third studio dropped: Construction Time Again. It was unlike anything Depeche had put out before, anything anyone had ever heard. Gone were the poppy, purely synth sounds. The music had become heavier and more metallic and inspired by sounds like ping pong balls bouncing (“Pipeline”) and trains (“More Than a Party”). Although this is one of my least favorite early DM albums, I still love it. It is so original and inventive! Very strange. Very experimental. And Alan Wilder, the guy who was chosen to fill Vince’s spot as a live performer, ended up sparking this unique sound. Depeche ended up getting more than bargained for; they got a musical genius who shook up their sound with his classical training, passion for music, and immensely creative mind. This album produced some of my favorite singles!

“Everything Counts”:

Awesome video features: Dave’s dancing, Alan playing the marimba, Alan’s red hair (high quality content—he is so pretty), and random people. 

Oh my goodness, I love this song so much. I love the marimba and exotic wind instruments and the heavy bass. This song is so rich and evident of the band’s rising talent. It is captivating from the get-go, and it holds your attention. Plus, I love the lyrics. At the time, Martin’s lyrics focused on a lot of societal issues:

• “The handshake seals the contract/From the contract, there’s no turning back”
• “The grabbing hands/grab all they can/Everything counts in large amounts”
• “Picture it now, see just how/the lies and deceit gained a little more power/Confidence taken in/by a suntan and a grin”
• “The grabbing hands/grab all they can/all for themselves, after all/It’s a competitive world”

Oh my goodness, I am currently listening to the album, and it grows on you! “Two Minute Warning” is pretty catchy. 

Anyway, I love these lyrics because they are so true! The world is so competitive (“It’s a  c o m p e t i t i v e  woorrldd”), selfish, and corrupt. It is sickening if you think about it; the corporate world is something else—an entirely different world of its own. And Martin expresses his distaste for all of this corporate greed with clear lyrics, and the music is super catchy!

Also, if you like this, you will like “Shame”:

“Do you ever get that feeling
When the guilt begins to hurt
Seeing all the children
Wallowing in dirt
Crying out with hunger
Crying out in pain
At least the dirt will wash off
When it starts to rain

Soap won’t wash away your shame

Do you ever get that feeling
That something isn’t right
Seeing your brother’s fists
Clenched ready for the fight
Soon the fighting turns to weapons
And the weapons turn to wounds
So the doctors stitch and stitch
And stitch and stitch and stitch
And stitch and stitch

Surgery won’t improve your pain

It all seems so stupid
It makes me want to give up
But why should I give up
When it all seems so stupid

Do you ever get the feeling
That something can be done
To eradicate these problems
And make the people one
Do you ever get that feeling
Something like a nagging itch
And all the while the doctors
Stitch and stitch and stitch
And stitch and stitch

Hope alone won’t remove the stains
Shame”

Although Martin is not my favorite lyricist for many reasons, I have to admire the man for writing this. It is brilliant and very much-needed. It is a shame that this song is as underrated as it is. It has some nice harmonizing, and an out-of-tune whistle at the end that sounds a bit like wailing. I think “Shame”—although not one of my favorite songs—is absolutely brilliant. Ahh, I love this band so much! I like Martin because some of his songs truly speak for you, you know? And Alan is a genius, Dave has a stellar voice, and Andy is a team player!).

This album is ninety percent lyrics about taking care of the world, hating corruption and poverty, and back-talking the “system” or the higher-ups…I love it, oh my goodness. Also, yeah, thank you so much Alan for establishing yourself as more than a live performer in the band! DM owes its experimental, industrial, darker sound to him. He is largely responsible for the shift in the band’s sound with Construction Time Again. Also, the title is so fitting because this is a very critically man-made album of heavy machinery and beeping and serious fun. 

This is a funny interview of early Depeche Mode. The band introduces themselves and briefly talks about the their name and choice of fashion, among other things (side note: they all appear to be from separate bands: Dave is wearing a very Depeche Mode-yleather jacket, Alan is dressed like a fancy grandpa, Martin is…Martin—always going for the most attention-grabbing look, and Andy is literally wearing a sweater. But my favorite part of this is the way Dave responds to, “Who are you; what is your name?” Haha! It gets me every time. They were so young!

Also, this face:

Before disaster struck…dun dun dun. But we will get to that later.

Anyway, in 1984, Depeche Mode reached the foothills of what a lot of fans call their golden era. They released their fourth studio album: Some Great Reward. And with this album, everything changed. It is a pretty legit album, opening with song “Something to Do”, which is full of clanging metal and trailing horns and strong vocals from Dave. This song is amazingly catchy and definitely captivating, and so is the rest of the album! For me, Depeche Mode had gotten more familiar with each other and more comfortable with experimenting. And I believe they finally had a clear understanding of their sound and how to achieve that. So, in my opinion, Some Great Reward is imperfect but definitely one of DM’s strongest albums…one of my favorites!

Here is an interview from that year. They were all quite shy and reserved, especially Martin and Alan. Alan is sitting on the far left, and he only speaks once the entire video (8:00). 

Although hated by some, Alan is an easy favorite among fans. He has always been a bit of an outsider with the band, as Martin and Andy had a strong friendship and Dave had joined years earlier, but his contributions to the band are undeniable. When “People Are People” begins with its poignant bass, heavy drums, and whirring and grating metal sounds, you never forget that kind of opening. And when the soft, ascending synth keys quickly juxtapose this, matched with blossoming parachutes in the iconic music video, you have to admit the guy’s a genius. Analyzing Depeche’s songs makes me so giddy, and I should probably type up a blog meant for that alone. Because, oh my goodness, there is so much talent and thought behind each song, so much depth. And although Alan is not the sole creator of Depeche Mode’s music, a lot of people have described him as a mouthpiece for Martin. Martin would write all these lyrics and make demo tapes (look them up!), and Martin would speak through Alan’s musical compositions. Martin is solely credited with the songwriting, but Alan was a large part of Depeche’s iconic sound. He was the main mastermind behind each song’s production and little details. And him and Martin were a perfect duo because both lean towards a darker, more realistic tone in their music. 

Alan introduced Depeche Mode to legendary synths like the Emulator II, and this pretty much made the band. I mean, if you watch him play at the end, it offers up the question: what did the other members of the band do? Just kidding! There would not be a Depeche Mode without Dave’s voice and charisma and Martin’s lyrics and brilliant ideas and Andy being a team player! But still…Alan was slowly becoming an integral part of the band. 

Also, I would like to express my appreciation for the slower, Martin-sung songs of the album like “Somebody” and “It Doesn’t Matter”. They are both sweet, and I love Alan’s piano playing skills on “Somebody”. Also, “It Doesn’t Matter” is one of my favorite DM songs ever, and it contains some of my favorite lyrics.

1985 single: “Shake the Disease”: Eeh! I love this song and this performance. *chef’s kiss* They all look so swag, playing Emulator II’s.

And then this happened:

In 1986, Depeche Mode released their fifth studio album: Black Celebration. And, as you may expect, black-and-white filters, leather jackets, and serious expressions were in. Nothing beats walking to “Black Celebration” with headphones. That song—which is the album’s opening track—is an immediate attention-grabber and one of the most epic Depeche Mode songs ever. This album overall is part one of the “Golden DM Trio” of albums. Love it!

Here is a fun video from this era. First of all, I am not a fan of Andy Fletcher. No offense, Andy, but you are kind of oblivious. I will speak more on this later, but when asked about how the band remained successful after Vince’s departure, Andy says they managed all right with their “pretty good” songwriter Martin (who is more than pretty good…can you write lyrics, Andy?), and he does not even mention Alan’s essential presence. I know he is probably joking, but still. I also find it amazing how Dave only wished Depeche Mode to be known as one of the greatest 80’s pop bands of all time because, well, that happened and much more! And the brief interview with Alan at the end is one of my favorites.

“Stripped” music video:

This has got to be one of my favorite Depeche Mode videos ever. Nothing beat’s the band dressed in leather and trench coats, smashing a car with sledgehammers in tune with a super catchy beat. And this has got to be one of the most artistic, well-done videos ever. It is a complete original. Also, I love this song itself; it has got to be one of my favorite DM songs. I love the incorporated vehicular sounds, Dave’s perfect voice, the unforgettable bass, and the synthesizers. You know which part I am talking about—the part at 2:25. This song is such a masterpiece. The lyrics are a bit provocative, but I get the message. People are so invested in the media and whatnot and are never truly present or “there”. And the speaker of the song wants to spend time someone away from the television and all material distractions; they want to see the real them. The video is very man-made, grimy, and industrial, and the band is destroying a car—which I feel is significant because they are destroying the “man-made”. But, ugh, the musical composition! Immaculate. 

“New Dress” is another Martin-original with meaningful lyrics:

“Jet airliner shot from sky

Famine horror—millions die

Earthquake terror figures rise

Princess Di is wearing a dress

 

“You can’t change the world

But you can change the facts

And when you change the facts

You change points of view

If you change points of view

You may change a vote

And when you change a vote 

You may change the world.”

Martin is quite the interesting songwriter. His lyrics span anywhere from “woe is me, my heart is broken” (I paraphrase this kindly…I am the one typing a five- thousand-word-plus Depeche Mode blog) to “dude, our society is messed up.” “New Dress” is about all of the horror occurring in the world, yet the media heavily focuses on trivial matters like the fashion of the royal family. 

The top of Dave’s hair: ——-

Although the leather jackets had been along for the ride since the beginning, making an appearance in Depeche Mode’s first music video (“Just Can’t Get Enough”), Black Celebration marked the beginning of something new, something amazing, something dark. 

In 1987, Depeche Mode released one of their most “altogether” albums of their career: Music for the Masses. Featuring unforgettable tunes such as “Never Let Me Down Again”, “Strangelove”, and “Behind the Wheel”, this album is one of the most stellar albums of all time. It is less grimy than Black Celebration and more smooth, polished. And the title holds a bit of amusing irony—though Martin believed DM’s music was anything but meant for the masses, Music for the Masses brought the band tremendous success. “Strangelove” broke the U.S. with its impressive, dance-worthy beat.

“To Have and to Hold”:

Tip: listen to this song on a high volume setting! “To Have and to Hold” has one of my favorite DM openings ever. Late one night, I had my headphones on while walking aimlessly down hallways. And when this song began to play, I immediately felt like a supervillain making a grand entrance—my long black trench coat billowing out behind me. Moral of the story: DM is so empowering you might sometimes feel like the ultimate villain in a dormitory hallway.

“Behind the Wheel” performance from the grand Pasadena event:

The fans are acting crazy, especially that one guy who appears to be having a meltdown at a punk concert (I die out laughing every time), but if I were watching Music for the Masses-era Depeche Mode, I would be too. Dave and Martin smiling in the beginning is great, and I love Dave’s spin at 2:13; he spins all the time, if you have not noticed. He has admittedly impressive stage presence. But, you know me, I can not abandon this video without raving about the musical composition. The bass and kickdrum combo in the beginning is immediately recognizable, as well as Martin’s guitar strumming and the mystifying synth. Dave’s voice is one note but hypnotizing and perfectly suitable for the song. And the synth at 2:11 (I believe Alan plays) only adds to the atmosphere. Martin is a brilliant songwriter, but when listening to Depeche Mode, sometimes I pay the lyrics no attention. The sound is where its at…the total ambiance. 

Interview with Alan Wilder and Dave Gahan of Depeche Mode and Richard Blade:

I am so glad I stumbled upon this video because it is a great mini interview with Richard Blade! I would like to point out how much Alan’s composure in interviews had changed since that earlier video from 1984. 

In sum, Music for the Masses is truly a brilliant album full of stadium hits like “Never Let Me Down Again”, electronic dance beats like “Strangelove”, and beautiful piano songs composed by Alan such as “Stjarna”. Also, I love Alan’s hair from this era:

So, yeah…an Alan Wilder hair appreciation moment.

In 1990, however, Depeche Mode released what many consider to be their magnum opus…the album that was a manifestation of the band’s highest potential: Violator. 

This album is definitely in my top ten albums of all time. Each song works together to create a beautiful compilation of works, one tucked behind the simple yet evocative image of a rose. 

Violator is a true masterpiece, hands down. Though emotional, it is cut with unmatched precision and perfectly balanced. From the electronic dance beats of “World in My Eyes” to the twangy,  Western feel of “Personal Jesus”, to dark melodies of “Policy of Truth” and “Clean”, Violator is a journey worth experiencing. 

An interesting video about the World Violation tour:

As you can see, Depeche Mode had a bit of a cult following. Well, why is their music not as popular as artists like Duran Duran? Well, along working with an independent record label (Mute), radio stations are to blame. Many were reluctant to play anything from Depeche Mode because of their music’s darker tone, intellectual sound, and Martin-esque lyrics. 

“Enjoy the Silence” music video:

This music video holds a special place in my heart as one of the first DM videos I ever witnessed. At the time, I knew absolutely nothing about the band. But I was hooked from the start, blasting “Enjoy the Silence” on repeat while I watched the overly saturated images of a man in a crown and king’s cape, eating oranges in an online class. This song is truly a masterpiece. Also, I hate the remastered version because the iconic choir voices are removed from the beginning, which, to me is an integral moment of the piece. Anyway, “Enjoy the Silence” is grand and dismal and unlike anything else. Dave’s vocals are perfection, and the escalation and sound diversity is impressive. Martin originally “Enjoy the Silence” to be a slow song he voiced, but Alan recommended they turn it into an electronic dance ballad. And…”Enjoy the Silence” is arguably DM’s most famous song. 

Martin’s demo for “Enjoy the Silence”:

Understand Alan’s contribution a bit more? He added his own flair to Martin’s songs and turned them into hits. They were an unstoppable duo of ideas: Martin was the brains, Alan the musical genius. Alan has a particular knack for understanding and imagining songs in ways I can only dream of; he is an inspiration, truly.

“World in My Eyes” music video:

I tend to watch live performances more than music videos, but this one contains filmed fragments from shows during this era. If I could only go to a Depeche Mode concert with this line up! Anyway, “World in My Eyes” is perhaps one of DM’s best songs. Dave is an amazing vocalist, first of all, and this song has so many surprise elements, like the whine at 1:39 and the chorus of strings. I also like the progression of this piece. It is very well-done, its composition masterful. “World in My Eyes” is definitely something to listen to at a high volume. 

Violator left a lasting impression on Depeche Mode’s fans and the musical world itself. Like others before it, this album demonstrates the band’s effortless versatility. “Waiting for the Night” is quiet, reflective, and weirdly optimistic-sounding; “Policy of Truth” is heavy and addictive; “Clean” is a cinematic masterpiece, its atmosphere of soundtrack quality…one of my absolute DM favorites; and the instrumental songs such as “Memphisto”, “Sibeling”, and “Kaleid” (the last listed song is an amazing electronic piece usually paired with “World in My Eyes” during live performances) dark and mysterious and easy to become lost in. Overall, Violator exists as the favorite among most fans. The band was unstoppable, their music unforgettable. The 1990 album was an airtight assortment of greatness…truly one of the best albums of all time.

While Violator has been described as something clear-eyed, clean, and open, Depeche Mode’s eighth studio album has been described as a dark, unapproachable thing lurking in a corner. In 1993, Songs of Faith and Devotion introduced a new DM sound to fans, one more soulful, heavy, and instrument-driven. This album was the darkest Depeche Mode album yet, this being a reflection of the band’s existing relationship at the time. 

As you can see, something had changed; they look more “edgy” than ever. Andy’s joking smile is gone, Martin’s style of dress is more serious, Alan’s faux mohawk is gone, and Dave has…long hair and a beard? Yes, Dave experienced the biggest shift in personality and appearance. And “Long-Haired Dave”, though cool, was a dark time. 

“Walking in My Shoes” performance from the infamous Devotional tour:

A lot changed in a matter of three years. After Violator, the band split up, lived their own lives, and met up again much later, expecting to make an album after spending so much time apart. Dave hung out with rock stars in Los Angeles, got divorced, and developed a heroin addiction. He returned thinking they were going to make a rock album. Meanwhile, Andy was in the throes of a deep depression, Martin was a struggling alcoholic—as he had relied on alcohol to liven up his stage presence and ease his nerves, and Alan was caught up in the mess of drugs, alcohol, and parties that consumed the other band members. 

“Walking in My Shoes” provides a glimpse into the band’s disheveled state at the time: Dave’s voice is that of a rocker, Alan’s composition is moody, Martin’s lyrics are more despairing than ever, and Andy is just hanging around on stage. But the song is one of my favorite DM songs, especially out of Songs of Faith and Devotion. Details such as the moment at 3:44 and the grand, symphonic sound elevate “Walking in My Shoes” to a whole new level. 

Also, I would like to comment on the performance. Compare this long-haired, dripping-in-sweat Dave to the close-cropped man from before. Wild, isn’t it?

“In Your Room” performance from the Devotional tour:

This is one of Depeche Mode’s most memorable performances ever. I myself have watched it over and over again. Although I dislike the stage design—all of the faces images are distracting—this moment in the band’s history is certainly captivating.

First of all, notice Alan on drums. He had acted as the band’s so-called “drummer” before, playing maybe two snare drums, a large bass drum, and whatnot, but never before had he sat at a drum set. He learned the drums and practiced continuously solely for this album and tour. Although Alan is not a drummer—if that makes any sense—he is the perfect drummer for Depeche Mode. Depeche is not a rock band; they are simply Depeche Mode. His style of playing is not flashy and full of exciting tricks, but it is consistent and even hypnotic. Some have described as being a “Terminator” on the drums, for his style of playing is so calculated and composed. I love watching him drum (1:56); it does not distract from the synth accompaniments or Dave’s voice, but it adds a provides a stronger foundation for the piece being played. 

Second, at 5:35, Dave throws himself off the stage and into the crowd. Security guards dive after him and spend about entire minute wrestling Dave from fans. And when he is finally carried back onstage, his shirt has been ripped away. This is such a legendary moment. Actually, this performance itself is legendary. Every one of the song’s components are there, and the build-up is insane—the methodical beginning gives way to a very emotional, high-intensity end. 

Songs of Faith and Devotion is not my favorite album by Depeche Mode, but I would be blind if I did not give it a high rating. Although its rock-ish sound and religion-inspired lyrics and choir-like sound is not my jam—I am more of an 80’s new wave fan—SOFAD is truly brilliant, a testament of the band’s talent. “Condemnation” arguably contains Dave’s greatest vocals of all time, and even though I am not hungry for choir-like, soulful music, I will go out of my way to listen to that song. “I Feel You” is a captivating start to the album with a loud sound, twangy guitar, and Alan’s drumming. “Higher Love” is beautifully pieced together with an impressive atmosphere. And although I used to look at “Judas” with distaste, it has become one of my favorites on SOFAD. Why? Well…

I never listened to much of Songs of Faith and Devotion before my “Depeche Mode phase” began. I had heard “Walking in My Shoes”, however, and listened to that years ago for the occasional dose of Depeche Mode rock. But I regarded the album as one does a side of vegetables with a meal. And even though I still do not blast this album on repeat constantly, a documentary bettered my perspective on the album’s creation.

The creation of Songs of Faith and Devotion proved to be an impossible challenge. I could go into great detail, but I will only provide the basis of what I gathered. 

Out of the darkest moments emerge the most impressive works.

Weeks of wasted productivity went by. The band hated one another, cooped up in a villa the entire time recording. Motivation and creativity was low, and communication was severely lacking. Dave would randomly disappear for days and come back to record some of his best vocals, despite having a severe drug problem. Fletch had become more of the band’s manager than a keyboard player. And Martin and Alan were more disconnected than ever, constantly arguing over ideas. One song that stirred up an argument was “Judas”, and now every time I listen to it I can imagine the amount of pain that went into its creation—the divide it caused. It was a miracle the band ever finished the album. And in a way, SOFAD destroyed the band.

(Pictured: Alan Wilder practicing drums in the studio): Along with this documentary, I watched an hour-long interview that broke my heart. Andy hardly said a word, Martin appeared annoyed, Alan’s expressions and comments were laced with sarcasm, and Dave was not completely there—probably on something. It is insinuated that Alan took up the majority of the work for Songs of Faith and Devotion. He spent hours practicing the drums and worked in the studio until the early hours of morning. Although Alan had been an essential part of the band before, SOFAD would not exist without him. The majority of the sound supporting Dave’s vocals is all Alan. Martin called Alan a “true Gemini”, saying that one second Alan could be out partying with the band, and the next he wanted to stay at home and “eat apples” and work. The interview broke my heart because you realize the extent of the work Alan carried on his shoulders. When asked about songwriting, Martin admits that he is not much of a musician but a songwriter; after writing the lyrics and forming the basic idea of a song, he hands it over to Alan. At one point in the interview, Martin says that band will be out “promoting” the band and partying while Alan will be in the studio, which is fine because Alan prefers it that way. But while Andy and Martin laugh, Dave slaps Alan’s knee and jokingly says something like, are you kidding…he needs to leave the studio—he never goes anywhere anymore. 

Alan confesses that something broke inside of him during Songs of Faith and Devotion‘s creation. Only Martin was credited with songwriting, as the lyric writers in the music industry tend to collect the most royalties and recognition. And although Dave would abandon the band for days—his drug addiction worsening over time—Alan says that Dave would return with motivational words and spirit. Dave was at his worst, yet he refused to miss shows and let down the band and his fans. Alan’s biggest problem was the disconnect among the band members—him and Martin especially. The two never seemed to agree. Overall, everything was dark and dreary and seemingly without end.

And then the band announces plans to embark on worldwide tour that would span two years. And if the album had not already broken them, the tour did.

Because of his depression, Andy had to leave about thirty shows before the tour’s end, and Alan had to teach someone his synth parts in a hotel room one night. Dave suffered a drug-induced heart attack onstage, and everyone was their worst mentally and physically. Personal lives were ruined and tensions were high. There was no light at the end of the tunnel.

In the interview, a fan asks the band if rumors of them splitting up are true. Andy and Martin both point to Alan, who says something along the lines of, “you never know, do you?” When Martin begins, “Alan—”, Dave cuts him off, irritatedly throwing back his hair and rambling about how they just made their greatest album ever, and when they get past the fact they all hate each other and work with one another, something special happens. 

But you can read it all over Alan’s face. He’s leaving. 

Months after the Devotional tour, Alan announced his departure from Depeche Mode.

“Due to increasing dissatisfaction with the internal relations and working practices of the group, it is with some sadness that I have decided to part company from Depeche Mode. My decision to leave the group was not an easy one particularly as our last few albums were an indication of the full potential that Depeche Mode was realizing. Since joining in 1982, I have continually striven to give total energy, enthusiasm and commitment to the furthering of the group’s success and in spite of a consistent imbalance in the distribution of the workload, willingly offered this. Unfortunately, within the group, this level of input never received the respect and acknowledgement that it warrants. Whilst I believe that the calibre of our musical output has improved, the quality of our association has deteriorated to the point where I no longer feel that the end justifies the means. I have no wish to cast aspersions on any individual; suffice to say that relations have become seriously strained, increasingly frustrating and, ultimately, in certain situations, intolerable. Given these circumstances, I have no option but to leave the group. It seems preferable therefore, to leave on a relative high, and as I still retain a great enthusiasm and passion for music, I am excited by the prospect of pursuing new projects. The remaining band members have my support and best wishes for anything they may pursue in the future, be it collectively or individually.”

Yep, there you have it—the end of the Alan Wilder era. The band was never the same again.

Some fans call Alan a coward for leaving because the internal issues in the band came to an eventual end. After nearly dying, Dave recovered from his addictions, and the band stabilized. Some fans pick sides, either criticizing the band for letting Alan go or defending them. Some wish Andy would have left instead of Alan, and I have to agree. Andrew Fletcher is notoriously known as “the Clapper” in the band. Some joke and say that his favorite instrument is the calculator. He became less of a member and more of a manager with a love for money. Although I think DM would not be the same without Andy and I do not think he is a bad person, he is easily my least favorite member…sorry, Andy. But Dave almost left a tour once partially because of him. Andy and Alan once were involved in a physical altercation after a show because Andy criticized Dave’s performance and Alan was like, you could have done better? Alan and Fletch were never close. Fletch was more of Martin’s friend, as Dave was more of Alan’s. Anyway, some fan defend Andy by saying, “Hey, without Andy Martin would’ve never joined!” So his most important role is being Martin’s friend?

The band looked so miserable in the early nineties—especially Alan. I do not blame him for leaving. Dave’s drug addiction was so bad, the last music video Depeche recorded for SOFAD—”In Your Room”—featured elements from earlier eras as a way of concluding Depeche’s history…for the director was convinced Dave would not live much longer. Alan had always been a bit of an outsider, and with Dave hanging on by a thread, what was the point? Andy was a self-proclaimed bum, and Martin and Alan could never reach an agreement anymore. And Alan was tired of touring every year for about a decade and wanted to pursue personal projects. So he gave up the fame, the money, everything, and he left.

Sadly fans only recognized Alan Wilder’s input after his departure. Six albums followed Songs of Faith and Devotion. Can you name any of them?

“It’s No Good” performance from the 1997 album Ultra:

Check out the new drummer. He is a traditional rock drummer. I actually love this song, but it did not get much better than this. But they all cleaned up. I just hate the change in sound. Their later songs—with a few exceptions—feel so uninspired. 

I dare you to give some of their new songs a listen. Although they are not bad, what happened to legendary songs such as “People are People”, “Strangelove”, and “Enjoy the Silence”? When asked about your favorite DM song, are you going to say “My Little Universe” or “World in My Eyes”?

Yet Andy Fletcher disagrees. Here is a video capturing the band’s thoughts on Alan’s departure:

Seriously, Andy? This is the best the band’s ever been? Furthermore, I would like to add that when Alan left, apparently the band was like, “Alan who? I don’t miss him at all…I barely talked to him anyway!” And then…they realized, wait, Alan actually did stuff. Andy is a stubborn idiot if he refuses to see it. Depeche Mode without Alan is like a body without a soul. The new music is so dry and certainly lacking. A lot of it sounds the same…it is just uninspired, sorry. Also, watch some of their newer performances! It is a bit saddening how much spirit they have lost.

Until this year, I hardly paid Alan Wilder any attention. He was only a pretty face in the background, which is not saying much because they Depeche Mode as whole is attractive. But after discovering he was more than a random keyboard player, my perspective changed drastically. Martin used to be my favorite because he seemed the most interesting, but now Alan is my absolute, hands-down favorite. Actually, he is currently my favorite synth player of all time. Yes, you can listen to Depeche Mode and be impressed, but to actually listen to Depeche Mode? Well, you realize that the man’s a literal genius. I have learned DM riffs on my synthesizer, and they are as challenging as they are addictive. “Strangelove” is my absolute favorite song to play. I once half-listened to the music and watched a video or two, but after getting more invested in the band, they have become one of my favorite bands of all time.

Alan, please come back to Depeche Mode! Even as a producer, he would be amazing. Listen to his remix of “In Chains” and Depeche Mode’s original…you will be impressed.

Anyway, I would like to end this blog with some Alan Wilder appreciation because he is one of the most underrated musicians in history:

Also, here is some more appreciation for the band itself because Depeche Mode deserves it.

Martin the fashion icon…

Fletch and Alan looking like best friends for once.

Young Depeche Mode, R.I.P.

Dave Gahan’s transformation

Andy Fletcher having humor

Oh, yeah, isn’t it a bit sad that Depeche Mode went from this:

To this?:

Peace Out!

Wow, the Depeche Mode blog series is finally finished! I had to rush through it, but I am proud of how expansive is is given my time restraints. Thank you so much for reading, and thank you, Depeche Mode, for being an awesome band whose music I admire. Now you know more of the truth behind one of the greatest bands of all time. Peace out!

Me in chemistry:

I promise I do not have an obsession…