Greetings, everyone. (:
I know that you were probably expecting more Tears for Fears, but their third and (hopefully) final post will release later. For my sanity (and yours), I can not type another colossal post for another week or two.
Peace out, January. I am glad to finally add you to my month collection because you lasted for an eternity.
Looking back, I feel as if I experienced an entire semester during January. The month began after the passing of another year, and it ended on a Friday. The days in-between vary in shape and color.
I started off ceaselessly anticipating the start of my second semester at MSA. At home, during the break, I had a lot of time to think, and fear lined most of my thoughts. For some bizarre reason, I dreaded resuming my life in Brookhaven. Yes, I looked forward to not spending everyday oversleeping, watching Mission:Impossible, and impatiently involving myself in meaningless crafts (wait, I want to go back now…), but I almost dreaded returning to Brookhaven. Why? Well, I have a habit of always expecting the worst. I imagined that my classes would only bring me stress (hah), and I also imagined that I would lose everyone close to me (a bit dramatic, no?).
Well, to my surprise, I had the best first week back, and it started immediately when I returned. I genuinely missed MSA and its people, and being back reminded me of why I came to Brookhaven in the first place. To give you a bit of insight, I neglected my Popeye’s and unpacked bags to s o c i a l i z e. Therefore, my relentless fear of being estranged faded after I realized that people were glad to see me. I learned (and am still learning) an important lesson: Although negative thoughts seem to hold a permanent place in your head, do not dwell on them; if you fritter your time away on reliving every grey moment, you forget the endless supply of yellow within.
Although I often veer from any schedule I put together, I like having a routine. I know that routines can quickly become repetitive, but having one provides me with a lot of freedom. Allow me to explain: When I inherit a new schedule, I am overwhelmed and clueless as to how I manage my time; however, having a routine enables me to efficiently go about completing tasks. In short, having a routine lets me know how much I can procrastinate and at what time. As MSA runs on block schedule, I struggled with my schedule adjustment for quite some time during January, but I eventually found a routine.
As the month progressed, stress caught up to me (partially due to the shift in my schedule). It seemed as if the sky would remain grey forever. At times, I felt like an island stranded in the open ocean. I present to you another lesson, however: Never give in to a grey sky; never sink into the open ocean. Although clouds seemed to inhabit my chest, raining night and day, they dissipated with a little help. In the past, I would have sunken into this state, but the people in my life made me decide otherwise. I began to disregard the grey, and I was able to feel more present as a result.
I present to you another lesson: Never become discouraged by the process of growth. You will give it your all, desperately wanting to rise above the grey, but you will fall. You will land on your face and wonder why you continue to try. But, after, you will stand and regain your footing, and you will try again. And you will try because life is not meant to be lived with clouds in your chest, grey in your sky.
I ended up having some of the most “full” days of my life, and I am forever grateful. MSA has hurled a volley of frustration at me, but I do not regret coming here at all. For the first time in memory, I do not mind attending school. Sure, I have a lot of stress, but its influence has drastically reduced. I am more tolerate, also, and I can have a 9/10 day despite needing to approach an intimidating mass of homework. Peace has found me, and I hold on to it everyday in hope that it will never leave. But I have a lot of optimism, now, and I am not afraid.
The month ended on a Friday, drawing to a close after many weeks of change. And I felt one hundred percent drained, needless to say.
All in all, I appreciate January despite its stress and its length. It showed me that you can overcome the grey and find happiness. It showed me that the people in your life are worth fighting for, even if it feels like you only regress on your path toward positive development. It showed me that stress will always have a permanent place of residency in your life, but it is how you deal with it that makes a difference. And it showed me that growth manifests in the form of a scatterplot, not a perfect line graph.
I leave you with a few final words of advice: Do not give in to the grey, do not cling to negativity, and do not forget the people in your life (ahem, correction: every person).
Wednesday’s Fun Fact:
Mike Score (of the band A Flock of Seagulls) used to be a hairdresser…
When you said, “Looking back, I feel as if I experienced an entire semester during January. The month began after the passing of another year, and it ended on a Friday. The days in-between vary in shape and color.” I felt that because January was such a long month. So happened during the month of January. I loved when you said, “I leave you with a few final words of advice: Do not give in to the grey, do not cling to negativity, and do not forget the people in your life (ahem, correction: every person).” I will try my best to do exactly that and live my days the best I can.
Callie, I feel like you could take the most boring day of your life and find a way to make it interesting to read about. I love your style of writing even when you’re talking about something so simple as a month. Also your fun facts are one of the main things that keep me going in life so thank you for that lol
Wow, I really needed to read this. Lately I have let things stack on top of each other. It seems like I will never be able to get it done, but if I take things one step at a time, I will be okay. So, thank you for the wisdom that you have shared with me. I appreciate it, and many need to read this. We can get through this.