Author: Sarah

Welcome back to my Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind series! If you haven’t read part one, I highly suggest that you do or this will not make any sense. Also please leave me a few suggestions for what to write my next blog about. Alright I’m going to get straight into it; hopefully this blog won’t be as long as the last one. 🙂

I left off where he wakes up to find his car wrecked, empty spaces all over his apartment, and a feeling of something missing. 

He gets in his car and drives to the train station. This day just so happens to be no other than Valentine’s Day. We see him stand in a crowd, waiting for his train to arrive. While we see this, we hear his thoughts. He is complaining about how Valentines is just a holiday made by mass producers and card companies. As he is standing there, he begins to look around uneasily. In the blink of an eye, he begins running to the train heading for Montauk. Yes, you read right, Montauk. 

He slides through the closing train doors and admits he doesn’t even know why he did it. “I don’t know why. I’m not an impulsive person. I guess I just woke up in a funk this morning. I gotta get my car fixed.” When he arrives to Montauk, he uses a payphone to call his work, claiming he has food poisoning and that’s why he’s not there. 

The screen cuts to him walking the beach. We see in the distance Clemintine doing the same. He then has the thought of “getting back out there.” He says, “If only I could meet someone new. I guess my chances of that happening are somewhat diminished, since I’m incapable of making eye contact with a woman I don’t know. Maybe I should get back together with Naomi. She was nice. Nice is good. She loved me. … Why do I fall in love with every woman I see who shows me the least bit of attention?” 

As soon as he finishes this thought, Clem pops up from the seat Infront of him. They have a small yet awkward conversation about Clem’s hair, and the word nice.  He ends the conversation by asking her to move because he has some writing to do. When they get off the train, it is nighttime.  Clem is walking in the cold, so Joel asks her if she wants a ride home. 

Clemintine invites him in for a drink, and he abides. She mentions how he is kind of quiet to which he responds, “I’m sorry. You know, my life isn’t that interesting. I go to work, I come home. I don’t know what to say. You should read my journal. I mean, it’s just blank.”

At the end of the night, Clementine is fully intrigued by him, even saying “I’m gonna marry you. I know it.” They have another small chat about the Charles (the frozen lake.) Joel tells her he needs to go because it’s getting late. They exchange numbers, and he heads home. They end up going to The Charles on a date, and he takes her home. While she runs into her apartment to grab a toothbrush Patrick (Clems new boyfriend) sees Joel outside and immediately knows what happened. 

She grabs her mail, and heads outside to Joels car. She opens her mail to see a package from the company that erased their minds. She puts in the cassette tape, and it begins playing.  “To all patients of Dr. Howard Mierzwiak. My name is Mary Svevo. We’ve met, but you don’t remember me. I worked for a company you hired to have part of your memory erased. I’ve since decided that this is a horrible… To correct this, I’m sending everyone’s file back to them.” Her voice begins to speak through the radio. “My name is Clementine Kruczynski. I’m here to erase Joel Barish.” They get into an altercation about this, and Clementine rushes out the car and past Patrick. She later decides to go to Joels house. 

When she walks in Joel is playing his version of the tape. He reveals that he found a painting he did of Clementine. She listens to what Joel says about her over the recording and decides to leave. Joel walks out the door and says “Wait.”

CLEMENTINE: What?

JOEL: I don’t know.  Just wait. Just wait.

CLEMENTINE: What do you want, Joel?

JOEL: I don’t know. I want you to wait for… just a while.

CLEMENTINE: Okay.

JOEL: Really?

CLEMENTINE: I’m not a concept, Joel. I’m just a f—ed-up girl who’s looking for my own peace of mind. I’m not perfect.

JOEL: I can’t see anything that I don’t like about you.

CLEMENTINE: But you will!

JOEL: Right now I can’t.

CLEMENTINE: But you will! You know, you will think of things, and I’ll get bored with you and feel trapped… because that’s what happens with me.

JOEL: Okay.

CLEMENTINE: [pauses] Okay. Okay.

JOEL: Okay.

Just like that, the screen fades out and “Everybody’s Got to Learn Sometime” by Beck begins playing. 

Just like that, the movie is over and we are left with MANY questions. Will they work out? Will it be a cycle? Does Patrick ever find out? While yes, this movie is superficial it makes me wonder, if I could forget someone, would I? If we had the option to wipe someone completely from our life, would we? The human brain remembers approximately 5000+ faces over a lifetime. If you could get rid of just one, would you? 

Thanks for reading todays blog; please leave your thoughts on this movie and concept in the comments. Love you guys, goodbye!   

“How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot!

The world forgetting by the world forgot

Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!

Each pray’r accepted and each wish resign’d”

-Alexander Pope

Do you enjoy concepts of brainwash, and wiping memories from people? Well, do you also enjoy tragic stories of star-crossed lovers? If so, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is a movie for you. With sci-fi themes, and a haunting story of two doomed lovers, this film covers a codependent relationship.

The directors of this movie have it set up where it is out of order, however, to avoid confusion in this blog I will be going in order. 

Joel meets Clemintine at a party on the beach. The first conversation they have just so happens to be about the name “Clemintine.” Clem sings him “Oh My Darlin’.” They immediately hit it off and hangout. They inevitably get together, and in this relationship, they are very dependent of each other.  They take things serious on the first night, and they are determined to make it work. Though this sounds like a good thing, it is not. They would push back their problems and find temporary fixes. 

After two years of running off of this unhealthy relationship, they break up. Now this is no ordinary break up. This is one of those breakups that you can run away from. So, after a while of thinking and processing what just happened, Clemintine decided the best thing to do would be to completely erase Joel from her memory. A company named Lacuna did the procedure for her, and it worked.

Joel goes to Clementine’s job post-breakup to ask for her back and sees her with another guy. He gets upset and runs to his friends. Soon after Joel comes complaining, it is revealed to him about her wiping her memory of him. This sends him into a flurry of emotions. Not truly thinking, he consults with the doctor that did Clementine’s procedure. This is where he decides that it is the right thing to do to get her erased as well. 

In order for this operation to work, you are not allowed to be around anything that could remind you of the other person. He got a bag full of Clementine’s belongings, and things he got her, and took them to the clinic for them to dispose of. Before they dispose of the items, they place Joel in a machine and get him to react to them in order to make a map of his brain. He then went home, took the pills the doctor gave him, and went to sleep. The doctors walk into his home after they are sure he is asleep. The doctors who are in charge of his procedure are HIGHLY unprofessional, even stealing his drinks and inviting people over to his home. 

The first memory Joel is taken back to is the last time they talked to each other. Clemintine had just wrecked his car, prompting them to break up after a huge argument. We see the world slowly deteriorate as we move onto the next memory.  The next memory is of them arguing about if they were ready for kids. 

While Joel is replaying all of these memories, and slowly losing Clemintine, she can physically feel the connection dropping she just doesn’t know it. She begins to feel like her skin is coming off, and like she needs to be on the move. Funnily enough, the one spot she wants to go is Montauk. One of the major mini plots is that Clemintine loves to go to the ice, and that’s where Clemintine and Joels first date was. That was the date that determined the whole course of the movie, so the fact that she wants to go there while Joel is slowly forgetting her and their memories on the ice is just so peak. 

After a few bad memories, he gets to more of the good ones. He remembers this one where they are laying in the bed, Clem is snuggled up with him and randomly asks, “Am I ugly?” to which Joel says no. This leads to one of my favorite scenes in all of cinema. 

CLEMENTINE: When I was a kid, I thought I was. Can’t believe I’m crying already. Sometimes I think people don’t understand how lonely it is to be a kid. Like you don’t matter. So, I’m eight, and I have these toys, these dolls. My favorite is this ugly girl doll who I call Clementine. And I keep yelling at her, “You can’t be ugly. Be pretty.” It’s weird. Like if I can transform her, I would magically change, too.

JOEL: [kisses Clementine] You’re pretty.

CLEMENTINE: Joel, don’t ever leave me.

JOEL: You’re pretty.

JOEL: Mierzwiak, please let me keep this memory. Just this one.

CLEMENTINE: I don’t want to hold your hand. Come on.

JOEL: Stop it! I could die right now, Clem. I’m just so happy. I’ve never felt that before. I’m just exactly where I want to be… Clem? I want to call it off. I’ll give you a sign. I want to call it off. Can you hear me? I don’t want this anymore! I want to call it off!

Imaginary Clemintine and Joel are now on a full-blown mission to stop the erasing from happening, so they try to hide in Joels oldest memories where Clemintine has no business being. He takes her to a memory of his childhood, where Clemintine takes the place of Mrs. Hamlyn. After they are found here, he continues transferring to different childhood memories. No matter if it was a happy memory, or a horrifying one, they kept running and hiding.

Inevitably, the last memory they could go was their first time meeting. Clemintine begins to talk to Joel, and they spin off into conversation, except this time he says what he wished he said before. They begin plotting on what to do but just decide it’s time to just “enjoy it.”  They break into a beach house just like the first time the hung out. She is so absolutely wreck less, and he is paranoid and worried. 

The house begins to deteriorate, and they both know it’s over. Joel begins to reflect on his past decisions and how he regrets them. He talks about how he wished he stayed that night when they met. She asked him if he could change how it ends, and to at least give her a finial goodbye. The lost words they shared with each other were as follows: Joel- “I love you.” Clem- “Meet me in Montauk.” 

The ride home begins to play through his mind, mixed with little memories of Clementine. After they finish his procedure, they leave his house and act as if nothing happened. He wakes up to find his car wrecked, empty spaces all over his apartment, and a feeling of something missing.

Okay, so unfortunately, I need to wrap up this blog, however there will be a part two. And yes, there is SO much more! I never really write blogs this long or anything, so please tell me how y’all feel about this! Love yall, bye!

Trigger warning- Mentions of drug use, self harm, alcohol, and sex.  

Thirteen is a drama movie released in 2003. It follows the story of a girl named Tracy, and all the things she faces during middle school. It shows the effects of addiction and obsessive friendships, as well as her fighting to fit in. While this movie is very intense, it is one of my favorites. 

In the beginning of the movie, Tracy is a straight A student who stays to herself and her little bubble. She loves writing, especially poetry. She has 2 best friends, and she is content with where she is. The whole issue starts with boys. She tried to talk to her brother’s friends, but they weren’t very interested until they saw Evie. 

Evie was one of the “grown” girls in her grade. Tight shirts and lowrise jeans, with studded belts and hair extensions. On the second day of school while walking to the bathroom Evie insults Tracy’s Paul Frank socks. This sends Tracy through a spiral of throwing away all of her “childish clothes,” and buying more to impress Evie. 

The next day of school, Tracy came all decked out in new “grown” clothes. Boys hit on her, and Evie complemented her shirt. This led to her getting Evie’s number, and being invited to hang out. She blew off her friends to go, but when she called no answer. She eventually got on a bus, and found Evie and the others shopping.

They begin shoplifting, so Tracy leaves. She eventually gets the guts to steal someone’s wallet, and then spends the night shopping with the girls. From that day on, Evie and Tracy became the new duo. Evie introduces Tracy to the night life. Drugs, drinking, sex, all of it. And yes, they still are thirteen. Evie even convinces Tracy’s mom to let her stay there FAR over the time she was allowed. 

Evie also introduced Tracy to a guy who she loses her virginity to. Poor innocent Tracy thought that it meant they were going to get married… Who’s going to tell her?

In the end, Evie screws over Tracy exposing everything they had been doing… and more to Tracy’s mom. Tracy’s mom finds out about Tracy self harming, which leads to a diabolically sad (and a bit uncomfortable) scene of them reconciling. We never really get a clear ending, however we can guess what happened. 

There are also many other subplots, and crazy loredrops in this movie. If you are interested in psychology, especially in young teens, I’d definitely recommend it. It is not for the faint of heart, but it is very great.

You can run from your shadow,

Can’t hide from yourself.

MAC MILLER

Mac Miller… Sound familiar? I mean it should, seeing as Mac Miller is one of the most influential rap artists out there. Many of his songs have blown up on various social media platforms such as TikTok, Instagram, and X (formally, and forever in my heart known as Twitter.) 

If you are interested in pop culture, you may know him as Ariana Grandes ex-boyfriend. After he passed, she called him around 900 times just to hear his voicemail. She then went on to mention him in her popular song “Thank u, Next.”

“Wish I could say thank you to Malcolm, ‘Cause he was an angel.”

Mac Miller’s real name is Malcolm James McCormick. He was born January 19, 1992, in Pittsburg. At the age of 15 he released his first mixtape, “But My Mackin’ Ain’t Easy.”  By the age of 6 he was already learning piano, guitar, bass, and drums. Following this came many albums and one big lawsuit threat. 

Buckle in guys… This one’s about politics. 

Mac miller released a song called Donald Trump in 2011. This song blew UP! At the time Trump was just a game show host and real estate developer, but he was extremely wealthy. He glamorized a rich lifestyle which is why Mac picked him. While Mac Miller is NOT a Trump supporter, Trump made a YouTube video for Mac congratulating him on his song getting millions of views on his song. He called him “The New Eminem.”

Mac was not very happy about this. 

“I think he’s a —-. When he started running for president I was like, ‘Oh, —-—this is horrible, I have a —-song with this dude’s name and now he’s being such a douchebag.’ The thing that bothers me the most is that he always says things like, ’75 million views on the song ‘Donald Trump,’ Mac Miller you’re welcome.’ I could have said, ‘Take over the world when I’m on my Bill Gates —-.’ It doesn’t [matter].” 

Over time, this admiration that Trump found for Mac’s song, turned into anger. He began threatening Mac with a Lawsuit. Trump claims that he illegally used his name. Instead of sending Trump the money he was demanding, Malcolm sent Trump his plaque for the song. This led to a hilarious thread of tweets. 

After a LONG, and never settled feud, and a whole lotta hating Trump on twitter he didn’t end up getting a lawsuit. Just a few years later, he would unfortunately go on to pass away due to a drug overdose. Mac Miller is, in my opinion, one of the best singer/rappers to this day.

Thanks For Reading <3

My latest obsession is a simple little show (that turns out not to be very simple) Gilmore Girls. Now at first I didn’t really like this show because it’s so long, but when I started actually watching it it blew my mind. Like the characters are so well thought out, and the episodes are always so interesting. It really makes staring at a ipad for hours at a time entertaining.

Im currently on Season 3, and LUKE AND LOR ARE STILL NOT TOGETHER!! PPPLLLLLEEEAAASSSSEEEE… Anyways I’m about to talk about Paris. I get that she is VERY disliked by many watchers but personally I like her. She has the wrong priorities but I think thats more of her parents fault. If her parents were more open to her being a kid she would be so much funner. Also her friends are SO annoying. 

And Jess? I personally don’t like him but like thats just me. I guess he’s okay for Rory but… He’s lowkey a bad influence. Plus why isn’t he going to work? FIX IT JESS.  AND LIKE DEANNNN? WHY WOULD YOU PUNCH HIM OUT OF NOWHERE? SHE ISNT YOUR GIRLFRIEND ANYMORE.

Kids, no means no.

And on another note, was is Lor constantly going back to Max and Chris… Have we learned nothing? I just wish she would realize that she doesn’t need a man to be whole. Plus Chris doesn’t deserve her. He’s lowkey evil… 

As you guys can tell, I have very strong opinions about this show and I’m glad I have friends like Robin I can talk about all of this with. I saw that Warner Bros Studio remade Stars Hallow for the 25th anniversary, and even had actually GG cast come to be there. I wish I could have went so bad!

Honestly I don’t know what I’m going to do once I finish watching this show. I mean I’ve been watching for so long that it’s now part of my day to day life. I guess that it’ll be bittersweet.

I hope that by the end of the show, Rory gets married and graduates Yale, along with Paris, Dean and Jess become cool again, and Luke and Lor are together with a million kids. Also I hope Lane finally find a way for her mom to stop being so strict. 

At the end of the day, GG is such an amazing show with such an amazing cast!

I’m assuming everyone here has seen your town, or a neighboring one, lit up. Well, the lights are my favorite thing in the world! I mean no it isn’t anything really special, and after a while they are just there, but to me they are MAGICAL! In my hometown they don’t really go big for Christmas. A parade around the block that’s like 15 minutes long is really all there is, however, at Brookhaven Christmas is so lively. I think this is the most excited I’ve ever been for the Christmas season. Every time I go downtown to see the lights I feel like I’m straight out of Gilmore Girls! I’ve always been big on October-December, since y’know they are all very chilly and festive months, but this year has been great.

In October we had fun things like the Coffee House and Halloween festivities! Honestly this year’s Halloween was SO much fun, even though it was a little messy. For November we had the Thanksgiving Lunch, and I went to go see the lights about once a week for when I was here. Now it’s December, Lord this year’s flying. This month there’s a Christmas parade planned, Christmas movie marathons, and best of all the Christmas lights. These months have just been different this year, it’s hard to explain. 

I’m so grateful that I have amazing friends to share these holidays with, and an amazing family to go home to. I have amazing peers, and amazing teachers here at MSA, and I just have so much sappy gratitude towards it all. Now here’s where I write a paragraphs about my bestest friends ever:

Tristyn: I never knew that I would need a friend like Tristyn as bad as I do, but she is actually Godsent. I am SO grateful to have a girl like her in my life. I feel like if I ever need anyone for anything she’s always there for me, which I hope she feels about me too. She’s the sweetest ever, and I just know she is going to stick by my side. Plus, she goes to see the lights with me!!!

Mccarley: As many of y’all know, me and Mccarley have been friends since 8th grade, and y’all she ALWAYS comes through. She is one of the dearest people in my life, and she’s helped me get through some crazy stuff. She is there for me when I want to cry, party, have fun, pray, rant, anything. She knows me better than anyone, and I’m just so grateful for her, and that we got this amazing opportunity together. 

JUNIOR LITERARY STUDENTS: I love all of you guys SO MUCH! Some of you I know better than others, however, EVERYONE in this class has such a great heart, and I’m so grateful that you guys are the ones I got accepted with. Some honorable mentions: Robin, Nick, Danny, Lily, Ladybug, and Kemarrion. You guys are great, and I love y’all! 

Don’t think I forgot David, Brody, Clare, and the others. You guys will get a blog eventually. Anyways, I just have so much sappiness in my bones during this time of the year, and I WILL be going to see the lights tonight. Bye!!! 

I was looking for advice on how to stay focused on my novelette, and many people said to write small projects about the characters. After hearing this, I’ve decided to write this week’s blog about these two very loved characters. Now as you guys know, I wrote a 10-minute play called MarcyBug, where I introduced Marcilene and Felix as main characters. Many of my peers, including non-literary students, enjoyed the dynamic that they shared so I chose to center my novelette on them as well. 

Marcy is a 17-year-old, school focused, girl who is Felix’s best friend. Felix is an 18-year-old drop out, who loves playing guitar and hanging out. The main conflict between these two is Felixs major crush on Marcy. Since they grew up together, Marcilene views him as a brother rather than a love interest. 

Physical Features:

Marcilene: Long brown hair, skinny, around 5,6. She wears basic 2010’s clothes, nothing special. She has basic black glasses. She has freckles scattered across her face. She always has on some type of jewelry as well. 

Felix: Jet black, layered hair, chubby, 5,7-ish. He wears baggy jeans, layered belts, layered shirts. (Think peak Rodrick Hefley.) He has candy bracelets on obviously, and always Converse! Basic 2010’s guy. He wears dark eyeliner and if he was a teenager in today’s time, he’d probably be performative. 

Character Traits:

Marcilene: She is very on task constantly. She is always worried about everything being perfect. She is very lover girl. She is sweet to everyone she meets and never causes trouble. She has a fair number of friends and is just a very optimistic person. She struggles with social standards, and she always tries to fit in. As she lost her mom when she was young, she still deals with doubt in her family. 

Felix: He is extremely laid back and chill. He is constantly playing guitar, and he doesn’t really care what people think about. He is very devoted to his “friendship” with Marcilene. He is very loyal to her. He is a bit ruder than Marcy, however he doesn’t go out of his way to be rude, unless he believes the person deserves it. He has minimal friends, but he loves to go out to parties and whatnot. 

I’ve found that music helps you get to know a character very well. This is would I imagine their top 5 songs would look like. 

I can NOT be the only one who thinks The Moldy Peaches are one of the most AMAZING bands out there. Now look, obviously they aren’t for everyone, but with top hits like Anyone Else But You and Lazy Confessions, we all have to come to the agreement that TMP are at least good.   

The two lead singers are Kimya Dawson (who popularly made You Love Me,) and Adam Green. The backstory between them meeting is wild. At the time of them meeting Kimya was 20 and Adam was 13. They met at a middle school open mic. 

Now you may be thinking, “Why in the world is she at a middle school open mic, and why in the world is she befriending a 13-year-old???” Well, she and her friend had no clue the open mic was for middle schoolers. Imagine walking into an open mic at a community arts center, and it being middle schoolers attending. I’d freak out. 

Kimya’s mom was an elementary school teacher, plus ran a daycare out of there house, and Kimya was a camp consoler, so she was used to being around kids, as well as picking up on their child-like traits. Adam explains Kimya as a “cool babysitter who makes music with me.” 

Now, I definitely think there’s a few… a lot of things she could have done differently, that are definitely controversial while working with a minor. For example, there are many explicate or offensive songs they have made. I think she could have done better at protecting Adam from these things. (Steak for Chicken, Answering Machine #1, I think I’m in love, etc.)  

While many people think that TMP songs are “weird” or “unrelatable” are missing the whole point of the band. It was a band made to be weird. They are not meant to sound all that good, they just want to have fun.

A way that a lot of people know them now is by the hit film Juno. Kimya was actually over most of the music in this film, which made Anyone Else But You blow up. 

If you haven’t already, I really suggest listening to this band!!! They are definitely alternative, which I admit isn’t for everyone, however it’s always good to try something new once in a while.  

Portrait of The Moldy Peaches (Not in order: Aaron Wilkinson, Jack Dishel, Adam Green, Kimya Dawson, Steven Mertens, Strictly Beats) backstage at The Fillmore in San Francisco, California, USA on 16th October, 2001. (Photo by Anthony Pidgeon/Redferns)

(My favorite song from them is On Top (Live 99′)!!!!!)

What is a vampire? In modern day, a vampire is a spooky ghost story creature. Something that you dress up as for Halloween or see slapped on the front of a goody bag. Once, vampires were much more than that. They were real for many people.

Imagine you are in the early 1600’s, and your wife tragically passes away on your wedding night. For weeks after, you hear her calling your name from outside your window, and she shows up in your dreams. Not only that but your cattle start showing up bled dry. You suspect your late wife of being a vampire, so you dig her up to find that she is undecomposed, with a fresh stain of blood on her lips. The pastor wants to burn her on a steak, but you still love her, so you beg them not to. You finally come to the agreement to put an iron nail through her heart, and stuff her with garlic. That night, she shows up in your dream. She says, “You’ve freed me, but you’ve cursed yourself.”

This is one of the very stories that flooded Europe, making people go as far as setting burial rituals in place for the dead. The specific type of vampire that is used for this speculation are Strigois.

In my opinion, Strigois are the most interesting type of vampires in folklore. A few of the way that you are sure to be cursed to be a Strigoi are as follows: 

• Leading a life of sin.
• Being cursed by a witch.
• Dying without being married.
• Being the seventh child. 
• Being killed by execution. 
• Being born with a caul atop your head. 

Now while vampires are obviously fictional, (…) It’s cool to think that once it was an actual worry of villagers that they would be eaten by a bloodthirsty vampire. It’s kind of like how the new generation is going to be like, “What?  Yall went through a whole 3-ish year pandemic, but the whole time y’all made TikTok’s and played Roblox?” 

While I was researching for this blog, I found a case that really stood out to me. This is the Mercy Brown Case of 1884. This is mostly all proven to be true, which really shows the power of fear. 

Mercy Brown 1884. She was a lively young woman, who was freshly married as well as the other story. Her cause of death, tuberculosis. At this time, there was no cure for tuberculosis, meaning 80% of all affected passed away. 

Well soon after this, her family slowly began getting killed off. The village went on to warn her husband, telling him old stories of vampires and witches. After a while, he decided to get all of the dead family members exhumed from their graves. In each grave, bones, yet in hers, a completely fresh corpse. In her heart and lungs, there was blood, usual for buried bodies that are fresh in the winter for that time. 

At the end, they burned her liver and heart, mixed the ashes with water, and made the husband drink it. Obviously, this did not cure him, and he passed away a few months later. 

These stories are used mostly as cautionary tales even now. Kind of like the Boogeyman. I genuinely love learning about vampires, so I hope this blog wasn’t too boring for you guys. 

Guys, I love the feeling of having a crush. It’s been quite some time since I’ve had a serious crush on someone, but we are SO BACK! 

Theres this boy that I’m so interested in. He likes a lot of the things I like, and he’s so sweet. I don’t have to pretend to be someone else around him, like at all. 

Even if we don’t talk romantically, I’m okay, he’s one of the greatest people I’ve ever met. He’s respectful, and so so so so so so nice, but he’s also funny, and unserious. 

He doesn’t pretend to be someone he’s not and always keeps it real. I know I’m so obvious about liking this boy, but I don’t know if he hasn’t said anything because he messes with it, or because he doesn’t want to hurt my feelings. 

There is ONE thing he does that kind of irritates me, but it’s too specific to state here. Anyways, yes crushing season is afoot. I think at the moment, why I’m not saying anything to him about it is because: 1.) I don’t want to mess anything up, 2.) I’m 99% sure it’s one sided, and 3.) It’s too early to tell. 

I feel like if I was to tell this individual, and he for some reason does feel the same, I would be lost on where to go after that. How do we even progress from there. I just haven’t been in something truly healthy in so long, that it’s like how do I do this? 

But like I said, he’s the sweetest ever, so I don’t have a doubt in my mind that we won’t be able to be friends after whatever happens happens. 

Look, me personally, I’ve learned to let God take control, and I’ve been praying about it. Somehow, without fail, every time I pray about this situation, the next morning something happens that makes me want him even more. Maybe it’s a coincidence, but The Artists Way said not to believe that. 

I just am kind of stuck on where to go. Here’s the possible outcomes I’ve thought of:

1.) I don’t tell him, and he’s not interested in me- Saves our friendship, makes me lead myself on.

2.) I don’t tell him, and he’s interested in me- Throws away my shot, leaves me with “what could have been,” leads us both on. 

3.) I tell him, and he’s not interested in me- Possibly ruins our friendship, hurts my feelings, embarrassing.

4.) I tell him, and he’s interested in me- We get together, get married, and live in a house with a garden holding 1,000 ladybugs. 

5.) He confesses to ME- Same outcome from #4. 

To the normal, untrained eye, this may seem a little… much, but trust me guys…

Either way it’s I get hurt, or I have the best time of my life.  I mean feel free to leave your advice, or opinions in the comments. 

Well, that’s a wrap on today’s blog, I’ll probably be back with an update next week. Thank you, guys, for reading! Bye!