Prepare Thyself

The following post was actually created about a year ago, but I figured that I would share it anyway. There were some swear words, but I took them out for the sake of posting. I remember Savannah asking about my views with feminism, and for me, it’s mixed. I think this essay(?) might clear it up, but it might not either. Anything in “royal blue” is an addition I just made.

“Women are meant to stay in the kitchen. They are not suited for the workforce.”
“A woman’s place is behind her husband.”
“Women can’t handle any other stress besides child labor.”
“Women are fragile, dainty creatures.”

Screw* all that. I’m no feminist, but to be put down in such a way really ticks* me off. A chick can hold her own just like any other person with a part of the male anatomy* between their legs can. It really is infuriating to be restricted to certain roles simply because of extra fat on your chest and a pair of lips between your legs. No, a woman’s place is not behind her husband. Instead, it’s next to him, and sometimes, it’s in front of him. Sometimes men are weaker than women. Sure, the usual argument is that women are too emotional. They have no place in politics, whatever. Women do push whole human beings out of them, but what do men do? Shove that same human being inside you. Leave you after finding out about the baby. Do men have to go through pain for anything? No, not really, and because of that, they’re weaker than women in some way. Women are not superior, but nor are men. Both have been repressed in some way, but in the end, they’re meant to be equals. (I don’t really care about equality between a man and a woman in some ways, but if something like a wage gap exists, I would like for it to not exist. However, it can be justified in some ways, but I won’t get into that.) Women aren’t dainty or fragile. If they support a growing fetus for up to nine months inside them, I think they can handle some paperwork. Women are meant to stay in the kitchen? Then let them get a job as a chef or something. Get rid of gender roles, the wage gap, whatever the hell separates man from woman, beast from beauty. And that’s another thing. Disney had been showing women as weak beings that need a man to help them out of every situation. And that didn’t really change until somewhere between Beauty and the Beast and Mulan. Thankfully, they changed for future generations to see how life can be. Yet, all the female empowerment stuff being broadcast to children will cause setbacks. (I have found that when things are over-endorsed to me, I don’t really care about them anymore. It feels like it’s being crammed down my throat, and people expect me to swallow it down. Instead, I choose throw it up because it doesn’t mean anything at this point. I avoid Disney unless I’m babysitting because it’s nothing that I want to make my brain rot. The things I read or write already do that for me, so there’s no need to add to the decay.) While it shows little girls that they can be whatever they want, what about the little boys? The little boys will start to think that they can’t do anything because the girls are taking over. Disney is a prime example of that as well. Most of their shows are now focused around girls (especially teenaged) going through some life crisis. Boys can go through the same issue, but instead watch it happen to girls. (I guess it is meant to show the boy or girl that what they’re going through is a universal struggle, and that they aren’t alone.) My little brother loves to watch Disney Channel, but I don’t know if it’s affected him any. To be fair, Disney did create Disney XD, which seems to have more… action in it. The superhero shows are shown there, rather than normal Disney. And there seems to be a spectrum of audiences, really. Disney Jr. is formulated for babies and toddlers, Disney is meant for children and preteens, and Disney XD is more for boys of any age. (As for Nickelodeon, I can’t really say much because I only ever watch Spongebob Squarepants or The Fairly OddParents because their live shows don’t draw my attention. I personally think Nickelodeon should stay with their animated shows, especially those from the 90s-00s because they are golden. I feel like Nickelodeon doesn’t pander to genders; it panders to children. They understand that kids don’t really care about empowerment. They just want to play and be a child, so that’s what Nickelodeon gives them.) Cartoon Network and Nickelodeon are kind of more blended – they have been featuring shows with an almost equal mix of genders for a while longer than Disney. Cartoon Network (if put on a political spectrum) would be the more liberal between the three networks because it has run several shows that feature LGBTQ+ characters, inviting more inclusion than just adding in race and gender. (To end this terrible rant, I would like to pose a question: at which does the beauty become the beast? When does the beast become a beauty?)

 

The Mask

The Mask

Jack’s mask is a shroud of mystery
He comes off as a dark, brooding menace;
a role he plays well
He acts as if he’s ready to fight anyone

No one knows what lies under his mask
They’re too scared to get close
‘Will he hurt me if I say the wrong thing?’
Is a collective thought among our peers

They don’t know what’s under his mask,
But I do.

Under Jack’s mask is a sensitive, caring boy
He means no harm to anyone
He only wants a friend, someone to talk to
But his mask doesn’t allow that

His mask is made of thorns, sharp and ready to cut
While Jack is made of bright, blooming roses

His mask hides his true self
His happy, gentle side is being consumed
Consumed by his mask
Jack is losing himself, and I can see it

He’s hardly ever himself, even around me

I wish that I could destroy that mask of his

Because at this point, who is he really?
His mask or my Jack?

College Search

I know, I know. It’s the dreaded topic: college. If y’all know me or interacted with me enough, you’ll know that I love doing research on colleges. So I started another search for colleges in the south since I won’t be able to go to college in Boston like I really want to. College Board is my go-to when it comes to a college search, and I love the site because it also doubles as a bit of a study tool for AP, ACT, SAT, and other big tests out there. For this blog, I’m going to feature a list of some of my top colleges.

For my search, I narrowed it down to a college that would have a large amount of students, has a major in English and/or journalism, has a rich student life, and would offer study abroad options. When I say student life, I mean that the college would have traditions for the students. Mississippi State has the kettle bell that they ring for every game day, for example. I just like thinking about sharing something with a large group of people. When I first started my search, I wanted to go to a college that had a football team, so I could go to games because I love the energy of others at huge sporting events. It’s infectious, I’ve noticed. However, that’s not relevant.

1. University of Houston 

I really only started to look at University of Houston Monday night, but I’ve already fallen in love with the school. To be honest, this school really does tick off all of the boxes on my checklist. A large student body? Check. Majors in English and journalism? Check. Study abroad options? Check. Student life/traditions? Check! And as an added bonus, a football team! There was also a law passed in Texas where any state-funded school has to admit anyone who applies there as long as they reach certain requirements. At the moment, I reach one of the requirement options, so I just have to focus on boosting my ACT score to get a scholarship there.

2. Northeastern University

Northeastern was my true #1 option, but my parents have already decided that there is no way in Hades I’m going to go to college in Boston. This university met all of my requirements, except the football one, which was fine. They have a hockey team instead. I’m contemplating still applying there, but it is probably best to not bother with wasting the money. I still love Northeastern though. 

3. University of Mississippi

Ole Miss is another college that meets all of my requirements, along with my football one. They also have a good baseball team. I remember going on a field trip there for a conference and seeing a game there. That’s when I realized how much I love the energy from crowds and the pride students have in their school. Ole Miss is actually the only college I’ve been at – I’ve only seen the others through videos and digital tours. 

4. Millsaps College

The funny thing about Millsaps is that my journalism teacher went there for college, and she kind of acts as their recruitment officer at school. She would tell me that I should go to Millsaps because they had a great writing program, but that was really it. She also managed to get two other kids to actually go to the college, so if I decide to go there and get admitted, we’d be reunited. She would say it so often during class that the upperclassmen in the class with me would also tell me to go to Millsaps – the two I mentioned included. The college meets all of my requirements technically, but I’m not exactly interested in their football team for whatever reason.

 

 

Spring Break

Spring break is next week, and honestly, I’m so ready. I really just want to use the week to recharge, and I already have some plans for it. I was talking to my best friend, Jennifer, earlier, and I told her one of my little projects for this break was a quote board. I’m gonna take different quotes that I really enjoy and just paste them all together with some pictures and such. Her response was “Oooh how Pinteresty,” but we’re gonna work on it together. My other project is a present for her. My dad just told me Sunday night that I am going to be working concessions at his powerlifting meet. That’s honestly one of my favorite things to do because I just like working concessions for whatever reason. What sucks about this time, though, is that I won’t be able to actually see the meet. Usually, the “stand” is a table set up behind the racks, so we can see the meet while we work, but we’ll be at a different school so the stand will be set up differently. Maybe my mom will let me take breaks to watch the meet? I doubt it though. Concession gets really busy around lunch time, so we’ll have four or five people at a time ordering three or four things. It’s a little difficult to manage that much stuff already, but then you have to add in the change. And that’s between two people. Also, I’m really slow with math under pressure. So…. it’s not a great situation at times, but I still love it. I’m really looking forward to break now. 

yo yo yo it’s ya boi

Is there a purpose?

A question posed by Morgan  

yes

no

maybe

good question though

there isn’t an answer. until you die, that is.

maybe not even then

strange

Answered by Chole.

 

In my opinion, there is no purpose in life or death. Maybe we’ll find it one day, but at present moment, what is the purpose?

To constantly stress? I guess that is just the life of an MSA student. 

I think I’m going through an existential crisis. It has come to that time. Oh boy.  

Brain Spew of My Strange Thoughts

I’ve had the weirdest week since last Wednesday. It started with getting the flu, so I haven’t been in class until today. Because I have not been in class, I also have not completed any assignments which sucks. That’s just added stress on my body and soul, so if I act funny or something happens, that’s likely the reason. I can work on small things, sure, but I have a packet to finish that will cost me at least three test grades if I don’t get it done in time. I can work on it in small increments, but I don’t think I have the time for that. I also have a literary assignment that I have to complete, but I haven’t been able to complete it because I know the plot calls for so much planning and depth. Which also sucks because I really want to finish it.

As for the especially weird thing, I have been in a strange romantic lovey-dovey mood for the whole week. I’ve been trying to plan trips to random places for myself. When I say plan, it’s more like budget because homegirl has no money to just jet off across the country. I enjoy planning things like that, and I have a date in mind for such excursion as well. I have it somewhat broken down to where I go to certain sites for help. Instead of looking for a hotel, I go on Airbnb to look for cheaper homes in the area to stay in. I found this one website that helps create an itinerary for your trip if you send all your confirmations, which I find really cool. I don’t know if I’ll actually do it though. My latest issue has been driving versus getting a plane ticket. I can’t drive yet, so it’s very unlikely for me to do a road trip, meaning I will have to get a plane ticket. I’ve never been on a plane before, so I wonder how that will go. Man, long-distance is such a strange thing too, but I won’t get into that.

Stress

I’ve been in the weirdest state lately. I think I’ve reached a point where I’m so stressed that I don’t even think I’m stressed. I know that sounds stupid, but I think it’s like I’m building an immunity to stress or something. If I’m being honest, I think it’s because of my extracurricular activities combined with my classes. I’m worried about ensemble because I don’t really have time to practice my trombone, so I just continue to get worse at it. Any time I do have, I dedicate it to getting Malone’s packets done because if I don’t, they’ll never be completed. Last week, I was so dead to the world because of deadlines for literary and from working on the history packets, that I lost all motivation I had to work on my short fiction assignment. But as a little spark of positivity, the first draft will be so bad that the second draft will look like a masterpiece. I have the basic plot set up for it, but I just don’t have the time to really dig into it like I want to. If I ever find downtime, I’ll try to work on it then and continue to improve it. I know it would be a good story (and I’m not tooting my own horn here), but it would only be good if I can manage to work on it.  

Also, to deal with this stress, I’m currently listening to “Colourblind” by Hands Like Houses on repeat. It’s a great song that just makes me so flipping happy. Maybe it’ll motivate me to get stuff done. I recommend that everyone listen to the song. 

Midnight

This is a poem that I wrote spur of the moment while waiting for the bus for a Walmart trip one day. Honestly, I have no clue what brought it on or what inspired it, it just came out. I’ll be the first person to say it sucks, but I’m still gonna embrace it. Please enjoy ‘Midnight’!

Midnight

This is your chance.
Run for your life.
Skip out on town.
Make it back before midnight.

Look around at the sights.
This is your chance to excel.
Make it back before midnight
to escape this hell.

The clock hits twelve.
Made it back before midnight.
You have no more chances.
You’re stuck here now.

Make it back before midnight.
This is your chance to change yourself.
Look back at your wrongs.
And move forward to create your rights.

Forgetful

I forget just how forgetful I can be. I forget deadlines, names, necessities for life. Just a few minutes ago, I realized I had forgotten my badge back in my dorm room, so I was almost locked out of JI. I know that there are some ways to improve your memory, but I just never took the time to really think about them. I’ve heard of that tying a string around your finger, and I wonder if that really works. I saw that concept show up in a book I read last year. It’s supposed to be one of those old wives’ tales, but the string is supposed to “keep the thought” about whatever you were trying to remember there. 

There are other ways to improve your memory too. Drinking water, trying to meditate, and getting enough sleep are a couple of ways to try to improve your memory. I do only one of those – drink water. My sleep schedule isn’t the greatest. I usually go to sleep anywhere between 11 and 1, sometimes 2 on those odd nights, and I wake up at 6:25 to get ready for the day. I’ve never tried to meditate because let’s get real: the mind is scary. My mind is not “scary” though. It’s boring and there’s barely anything I can grasp that comes through my thought process. Anyway, I’m going to include a couple of links for those that want to learn more ways to improve your memory. 

14 Natural Ways to Improve Your Memory

Eight Ways to Remember Anything

What is the Point?

What is the point in life? Is it to find love and settle down? Is it to pursue a career? Is it to go on an adventure and just enjoy life? 

Why do humans feel like there is always something else to life? What is the point? We always search for answers to life’s “most important” questions, but are there really answers to those questions? 

Why do people fear life or living? What is there to fear besides a bit of rejection? Is there any way to move past these fears of life? 

What do you question about life? What are your fears?