Lately my mind has been running wild. I can’t think straight. I don’t know what I want and I really don’t know what I need.\u00a0 Everything in me wants what I need to be him, but I know it’s not. I’m tired of being treated like dirt, I’m tired of forgiving him, I’m tired of encouraging him to be better when he won’t even listen.<\/p>\n
My words don’t matter to him and I have to accept that. I’m not this thing that he can play with anymore. I am a person. I need to learn how to love myself more than I ever loved him. I know that I can do that. Eventually. Right now is just so hard.<\/p>\n
I can’t force him to change, I can’t make him “better” and my thinking that is nothing short of na\u00efve. I guess the reason why I can’t stop hurting is because I gave so much to him. I gave him everything. Yet, because of all this, I feel like it wasn’t enough. I feel like I’m not enough. I feel like I’ll never be enough for anyone.<\/p>\n
I know I seem dramatic and immature, but he was my first love. He keeps coming back and messing with my head over and over and I never seem to learn my lesson. I know I have to be strong. I have to cut him off. I have to stop.<\/p>\n
I just hate this feeling and I’m ready for it to go away. I hope one day I have someone who appreciates me and loves me as much as I love them. And if I don’t get that, I just hope that I can learn how to truly love myself and not have this need to have another person tell me my worth.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Lately my mind has been running wild. I can’t think straight. I don’t know what I want and I really don’t know what I need.\u00a0 Everything in me wants what I need to be him, but I know it’s not. I’m tired of being treated like dirt, I’m tired of forgiving him, I’m tired of … Continue reading “Confusion”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":39,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4039"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/39"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4039"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4039\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4040,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4039\/revisions\/4040"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4039"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4039"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4039"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}