{"id":3921,"date":"2018-08-29T12:35:09","date_gmt":"2018-08-29T17:35:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/?p=3921"},"modified":"2018-08-29T12:35:09","modified_gmt":"2018-08-29T17:35:09","slug":"the-cancer","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/2018\/08\/29\/the-cancer\/","title":{"rendered":"The Cancer."},"content":{"rendered":"

The Cancer<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Victoria Jerde<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

My day has been for the most part well,<\/span><\/p>\n

Then again depression eats away at every happy thought.<\/span><\/p>\n

I go through this battle every day.<\/span><\/p>\n

Almost every time, I\u2019m the one on the ground.<\/span><\/p>\n

The work overload eats me whole.<\/span><\/p>\n

Digging my way out to just catch one breath.<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019m always sucked back down,<\/span><\/p>\n

In a pile of anxiety,<\/span><\/p>\n

In a pile of self doubt.<\/span><\/p>\n

And I just lie there.<\/span><\/p>\n

Too tired to pick myself back up.<\/span><\/p>\n

Too tired to try and grasp the light.<\/span><\/p>\n

And don\u2019t forget about the voices.<\/span><\/p>\n

Because they will never let it slip your mind.<\/span><\/p>\n

They fill you with, \u201cyou\u2019re not good enough.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou need this to look okay.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYour life is worthless.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou don\u2019t deserve to be here.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

And you believe it because if it\u2019s your own mind saying it.<\/span><\/p>\n

Why would it lie to you, right?<\/span><\/p>\n

Right?<\/span><\/p>\n

No.<\/span><\/p>\n

Yes.<\/span><\/p>\n

No.<\/span><\/p>\n

No always wins.<\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s like pulling a joke on the Joker.<\/span><\/p>\n

He invented it.<\/span><\/p>\n

Then, when I lose the war I just want to scream.<\/span><\/p>\n

I want to scream at myself for believing it.<\/span><\/p>\n

But my heart and my head are at each other’s throats.<\/span><\/p>\n

And it\u2019s slowing overtaking me.<\/span><\/p>\n

Until all that rings in my mind are negative thoughts.<\/span><\/p>\n

Which is the cancer to any self love you thought you had.<\/span><\/p>\n

This three year battle has been exhausting.<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve been ripped apart like a useless piece of paper.<\/span><\/p>\n

And blown away into the air without a care.<\/span><\/p>\n

I want it to go away.<\/span><\/p>\n

I want to be done with it.<\/span><\/p>\n

I want it to be gone.<\/span><\/p>\n

Vanished from my spiralling life. <\/span><\/p>\n

I want to be able to pick up my shattered pieces.<\/span><\/p>\n

And glue them back together.<\/span><\/p>\n

Maybe then I\u2019ll feel just a little more whole.<\/span><\/p>\n

A little more complete.<\/span><\/p>\n

A little more alive.<\/span><\/p>\n

But, until then,<\/span><\/p>\n

My day\u2019s like this will just repeat.<\/span><\/p>\n

And repeat.<\/span><\/p>\n

And repeat.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The Cancer Victoria Jerde   My day has been for the most part well, Then again depression eats away at every happy thought. I go through this battle every day. Almost every time, I\u2019m the one on the ground. The work overload eats me whole. Digging my way out to just catch one breath. I\u2019m … Continue reading “The Cancer.”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":41,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3921"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/41"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3921"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3921\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3954,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3921\/revisions\/3954"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3921"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3921"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3921"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}