{"id":2953,"date":"2018-03-21T12:17:35","date_gmt":"2018-03-21T17:17:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/?p=2953"},"modified":"2018-03-21T12:17:35","modified_gmt":"2018-03-21T17:17:35","slug":"sap-sap-sappy-is-it-weird-you-make-me-this-happy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/2018\/03\/21\/sap-sap-sappy-is-it-weird-you-make-me-this-happy\/","title":{"rendered":"Sap, Sap, Sappy. Is It Weird You Make Me This Happy?"},"content":{"rendered":"

I’m awkward. You may not see that physically and neither do I, but I can feel it. That slight change in dynamic that makes me want to run. But running is useless. We both know that. I could run to the edge of the earth and jump off and somehow still end up in your room. It\u2019s almost pathetic really the need to please. Then again, it\u2019s my pride that gets in the way and it\u2019s my will to defend. But who am I defending if I\u2019m not defending you? I want to be with you and no I don\u2019t mean in a way that\u2019s romantic, maybe. I mean in a way that’s friendly. I want to be able to go to your room and know for a certainty that you were thinking about me before I stepped in. I know you used to watch the door. Waiting for me to walk through it to tell me your newest dream. The new gossip. What\u2019s up for that day. Your problems and your sudden need to not be on this planet for a minute or two. How you would call when you couldn\u2019t find me or \u201csomehow\u201d go to the places you knew I would be. I realized once I came back my presence became almost natural. Like falling into line, we continued, shaking off the rust and going back to what we called natural. The absurd thing is that I bought you flowers. Cheap, plastic, white flowers. For that one thing you told me you liked. That\u2019s stupid really it is, but what else what I supposed to do? You like adventure and I wanted you to give that. I wanted you to receive the familiar pang of excitement. Last time you told me you were scared that you would die and this time you probably wouldn\u2019t think that, but instead just have that feeling of happiness. You would smile and laugh that way you do when things are getting ridiculous and you love that ridiculousness. But I\u2019m still hesitating, the flowers sit in my room untouched, useless. Why am I hesitating? Why does this scare me? Why did I get white ones, why not blue? The same blue that your hair was the first day we met. I should have made it sappy. But then again, I\u2019m not doing it because I\u2019m scared. I\u2019m scared because of coincidences and they are white, so you can find them in the dark. I\u2019ve planned really, I did. But they\u2019re still collecting dust and I\u2019m still trying to be better. Yesterday, you thought that I would leave, and you called me as if I was going to walk out and never turn back. And I did turn back, and you smiled. To think that me leaving would be the end of the world, so I\u2019ll take that as you missed me too. <\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I’m awkward. You may not see that physically and neither do I, but I can feel it. That slight change in dynamic that makes me want to run. But running is useless. We both know that. I could run to the edge of the earth and jump off and somehow still end up in your … Continue reading “Sap, Sap, Sappy. Is It Weird You Make Me This Happy?”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":19,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2953"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/19"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2953"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2953\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2960,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2953\/revisions\/2960"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2953"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2953"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2953"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}