Sometimes i reach for things.\u00a0 i reach and i reach.\u00a0 And If i’m too short, i’ll stretch, i’ll climb.\u00a0 The distance will grow between my feet and where i started, yet i don’t like heights.\u00a0 i’m terrified.\u00a0 And, no.\u00a0 it’s not like i’m scared of hitting the ground, smashing myself into a million pieces.\u00a0 Don’t say that, because it’s not true.\u00a0 i am the one who is scared of falling, of feeling that sudden drop.\u00a0 It’s easier, i think, to just climb to the ground and hit myself against it instead.\u00a0 i do.<\/p>\n
Trust me, i’d rather do this than have no grasp, no control, and nothing but friction-less air around me.\u00a0 That makes me feel guilty.<\/p>\n
I know that hitting is inevitable. So, i’ll do it myself.\u00a0 Others might stare and ask if i’m okay or if i have a purpose.\u00a0 Maybe they try to help.\u00a0 Sometimes it offers some comfort.\u00a0 But mostly, i just want to bang my head against the ground until my nose bleeds.\u00a0 i want to walk around, bloody nose, raw forehead, and not be asked if i need help or if i’m ok.\u00a0 Do you hear me?<\/p>\n
i want to be outwardly bloody, but i don’t want people to see.\u00a0 i want to show what a mass murder i am feeling that day, but not be questioned then or the next day.<\/p>\n
This is the bottom.\u00a0 Just please don’t feed the fish.\u00a0 Because one flake turns to two and it eventually won’t be enough.\u00a0 They crave flesh, ya know?\u00a0 They aren’t the innocent little goldfish you see from the surface.\u00a0 So, please don’t reach below into that water.\u00a0 It’s acid.<\/p>\n
One day, i will sleep here.\u00a0 That will be my home.\u00a0 I just hope that it doesn’t last too long.\u00a0 Even I will dissipate in those waters.\u00a0 Those fish are the worst, though, nibbling at you until you churn.\u00a0 They only get worse if you fight.<\/p>\n
They turn to piranhas who turn into sharks.\u00a0 Please, just don’t let them get bigger.\u00a0 They’ll be killer whales, surrounding me in black and white: playing with me until i am soft and peeling at the edges.\u00a0 Flakes fizzing into nothing–that’s what i’ll be.<\/p>\n
Excuse me, i’ve got to get out of here.\u00a0 it’s too dark.\u00a0 i’ve got to climb that ladder, but i’m afraid of reaching the top.\u00a0 I fear it is too soon that i will have to come down.\u00a0 i just don’t want to fall.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Sometimes i reach for things.\u00a0 i reach and i reach.\u00a0 And If i’m too short, i’ll stretch, i’ll climb.\u00a0 The distance will grow between my feet and where i started, yet i don’t like heights.\u00a0 i’m terrified.\u00a0 And, no.\u00a0 it’s not like i’m scared of hitting the ground, smashing myself into a million pieces.\u00a0 Don’t … Continue reading “i Don’t Want to Fall”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":23,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2952"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/23"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2952"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2952\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3005,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2952\/revisions\/3005"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2952"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2952"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2952"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}