the future has always scared me.<\/p>\n
I always thought I’d never live to see 16, and my friends and family wouldn’t really care that I was gone.<\/p>\n
that I would just be the kid that faded away at age 13 that no one really cared all that much about because I was “weird.”<\/p>\n
I thought if I did have a future, it would consist of a crappy job that I hate, forever stuck in the small town I grew up in and always despised, being criticized by the members of my family that I never saw about the tattoo I got last week or how my hair is now.<\/p>\n
I thought my future would be terrible.<\/p>\n
that it would be the type of future everyone deliberately tries to avoid for themselves.<\/p>\n
I knew my writing would go nowhere, regardless of how much I love it or how hard I tried to make it become something.<\/p>\n
it would always be doomed, and I would never be able to stray from the path I was placed on at birth.<\/p>\n
but now, I know differently.<\/p>\n
and it’s still utterly terrifying.<\/p>\n
the unknown scares me, and my future is exactly that – unknown.<\/p>\n
I’ve always been relatively good at math and thinking logically and solving problems and searching among chaos for something specific, but this is one that I cannot solve.<\/p>\n
I can’t combine the numbers right or find the piece or the specific thing that I need.<\/p>\n
the future is something I cannot see.<\/p>\n
I could end up flipping burgers at mcdonald’s when I’m 30 or a writer before I hit 25, my dream career.<\/p>\n
living in a decent apartment or moving back in with my parents by the time I finish college – assuming I even get into one and complete it, that is.<\/p>\n
which brings the question: college dropout or graduate?<\/p>\n
working in the field of creative writing or putting together terrible poems in the room I sleep in now at my parents’ houses and waking up at 3 p.m. to go to work with rude people and an ice cream machine that’s always broken?<\/p>\n
all alone or able to surround myself with a few close friends and those I care for when I need them and even when I don’t?<\/p>\n
am I doomed to wander back to that path, or will I remain off of it for the remainder of my life?<\/p>\n
how many people will come and go?<\/p>\n
will any remain five years from now?<\/p>\n
will I?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
the future has always scared me. I always thought I’d never live to see 16, and my friends and family wouldn’t really care that I was gone. that I would just be the kid that faded away at age 13 that no one really cared all that much about because I was “weird.” I thought … Continue reading “future”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":20,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2463"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/20"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2463"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2463\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2600,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2463\/revisions\/2600"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2463"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2463"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2463"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}