{"id":23873,"date":"2026-09-17T09:41:04","date_gmt":"2026-09-17T14:41:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/?p=23873"},"modified":"2026-09-17T09:41:04","modified_gmt":"2026-09-17T14:41:04","slug":"voluntary-insomnia","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/2026\/09\/17\/voluntary-insomnia\/","title":{"rendered":"voluntary insomnia"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\n

When you\u2019ve spent all night searching<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And searching<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Trying<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In every crevice<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Trying to find inspiration<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Not insane<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why would you be<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Such a heavy head<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Such heavy thoughts<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yet<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You refuse to put them down<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Refuse to throw them away<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What an attachment<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Useless attachment<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then you feel bad <\/p>\n\n\n\n

for considering it useless<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You apologize<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m sorry<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Figure it out<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Just please<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Leave me be<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

\n

 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

I do not want this to feel like the only time i can write so freely<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I do not want to have to feel like i have to reach this point to let the words flow<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They are pouring<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pouring<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pouring<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Through me<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Did i really have to go through this so long to open myself<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Just to want to close myself again<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Silly girl<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You do not even know what you want<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You cannot be referring to want<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As something you have experience with<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You have such a distorted imagination<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let it rest.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

\n

 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

Let the mind silence itself<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let the hands forget and float<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let the sentences crawl back beneath the floorboards<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Where they can gnaw at the wood<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Without asking to be heard<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

\u2295<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

But what if the silence<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Becomes another kind of hunger<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

\u25ca<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

You should speak up more<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Stand atop a mountain of ugly beliefs<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Only because you consider them ugly<\/p>\n\n\n\n

State your point.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

\u25ca<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

You should look around more<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Describe the world from another\u2019s perspective<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Only because you are not them<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But you could be.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

\u25ca<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

You should peer inside yourself more<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dig out the gunk from the crevices of your brain<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Only because it\u2019s getting really musty <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Up in here.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

\u25ca<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

You should dream about cutting the ocean up<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Swallowing its slices whole<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Only because your thirst<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Cannot be otherwise quenched.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

\u25ca<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

You should dance on your own corpse<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It wouldn\u2019t want you lying<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Immobile, bored, unamused<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Humor your released costume.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

\u2295<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

Let the body become something<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You no longer feel obligated to carry<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Like an apology.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

\n

 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

Leap across earth<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The chasms do not fear you<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why should you<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fear them<\/p>\n\n\n\n

?<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

\n

 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

Why polish<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Something that <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tears itself up on purpose<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

\n

 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

Footsteps <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Smear<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Green<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yellow<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Red<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Across the cracked granite<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pavement<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fade in<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And out<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Entice me<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Further<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Anything to keep me<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Away from my own<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Away from the room<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Away from the small, persistent animal<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Scratching beneath my ribs<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pleading to be named.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

\n

 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

Morning is approaching<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I can feel it<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pulling the dark apart<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One fine silken thread at a time.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

And still<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I search<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As though somewhere<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In this wreckage<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is a better version of me<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That can be found.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

When you\u2019ve spent all night searching And searching Trying In every crevice Trying to find inspiration Not insane You say Why would you be Such a heavy head Such heavy thoughts Yet You refuse to put them down Refuse to throw them away What an attachment Useless attachment Then you feel bad  for considering it … Continue reading “voluntary insomnia”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":129,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/23873"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/129"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=23873"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/23873\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":23876,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/23873\/revisions\/23876"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=23873"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=23873"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=23873"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}