{"id":21691,"date":"2025-05-09T09:50:55","date_gmt":"2025-05-09T14:50:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/?p=21691"},"modified":"2025-05-09T09:50:55","modified_gmt":"2025-05-09T14:50:55","slug":"watching-change-in-real-time","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/2025\/05\/09\/watching-change-in-real-time\/","title":{"rendered":"Watching Change in Real Time"},"content":{"rendered":"\n\n\n

I\u2019m so glad I finally have it in me to make a creative blog again. My past seven blogs have been embarrassingly uncreative and, rather than the soul, they came from my brain and ego under the desire to tell people about myself and what I like.<\/span><\/p>\n

I recently turned seventeen. As soon as midnight arrived, I felt this deeply rooted fear come out and, over a month later, it still hasn\u2019t left. I know I\u2019m young, so there should be nothing to worry about. At least, that\u2019s what I\u2019ve been told. Yet all I can do is worry and, I think, that\u2019s a sign that I\u2019m growing up.<\/span><\/p>\n

If anyone from the generations that raised me (Baby Boomers and Generation X) read this, they would probably laugh at everything I\u2019m about to discuss. Growing up with people significantly older than me started this ideology that I shouldn\u2019t worry about adult things and just focus on being young, but now that I\u2019m inching closer to becoming a legal adult, no one has told me to stop worrying. Actually, I think most people in my life are unknowingly encouraging my anxiety with all the talk about college and jobs and don\u2019t even get me started on a future family.<\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s all a big mess that I just have to turn my head away from because I can\u2019t clean it up or walk away from it. I\u2019m too young to tackle those problems head on, but I\u2019m too old to not worry about it. So I\u2019m in this dreadful in-between period, just trying to distract myself from the slowly approaching tsunami of stress.<\/span><\/p>\n

Recently, I\u2019ve taken my mental health very seriously. I\u2019ve been observing myself like a friend: predicting my own actions, keeping track of my worries, and even counseling myself. I have three, going on four, planners\/calendars. I still end up needing extra help, though. I feel like I can\u2019t even catch a break.<\/span><\/p>\n

With my birthday, grades of college classes, regular classes, and arts classes, and relationships with people, this last semester has completely knocked me down, stomped on me, rolled me into a ditch, threw a bunch of trash on me, and then I\u2019m still expected to get up, dust myself off, and buckle in for an extremely busy summer break.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cBut I believe in myself,\u201d I say to myself, knowingly lying. \u201cI can do it. Nothing I haven\u2019t done before!\u201d *extreme eye twitching*<\/span><\/p>\n

This blog was originally supposed to be a sweet reflection of my junior year, but the more I write, the more I realize I\u2019m so glad it\u2019s over. Usually, I would say I\u2019m not ready to be a senior and I\u2019m afraid to grow up. But right now? I can\u2019t wait to be free from my shackles. The sad thing is, I already know that summertime will put on a fresh, new set of shackles right on these weary wrists until I enter my senior year. Then it\u2019s like I\u2019m switching shackles again.<\/span><\/p>\n

I know right now is a difficult time for me, and I know senior year will also be difficult. But I hope I can find the joy in\u2026 wearing shackles. I\u2019ve worked incredibly hard to discover my weaknesses and aid them over the past few months, and I can only hope I care about myself this much in the upcoming months.<\/span><\/p>\n

I will admit: I\u2019m very thankful for my junior year at MSA. I think this has been one of the best moments of my life. I\u2019m very grateful for all of my friends and teachers and even myself. I\u2019ve gone through a lot of self discovery and I can definitely feel myself developing into a young adult.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s a strange process and it\u2019s even stranger to physically and mentally feel it. It\u2019s easier to let time pass then look back and think, \u201cWow, I\u2019ve changed a lot!\u201d but it\u2019s so incredibly weird to look in the mirror and say, \u201cHey, I\u2019m changing. Like, right now.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I hope I\u2019m able to write a sweeter blog when I return for senior year or maybe even as I graduate. Maybe then, I\u2019ll be emotionally recharged enough to cry over the fact that the biggest chapter in my life is about to come to an end.<\/span><\/p>\n

Wish me luck over the summer! If you\u2019re wondering, I\u2019ll just share all of my plans here. In June alone, I plan to attend a week-long writer\u2019s workshop and then go to the beach immediately after and <\/span>then<\/span><\/i> visit family for another few days. I also plan to go camping, get my driver\u2019s license, deep clean the entire house, renovate the backyard, and on top of <\/span>all<\/span><\/i> of that, take Spanish 1 and 2 as college classes.<\/span><\/p>\n

To any of my peers that are planning a busy summer, I wish you the best. And if you\u2019re clearing your entire schedule for summer to rot in your room, I wish you well too. I can\u2019t wait to see how much I\u2019ve changed by the time I return to MSA, and I can\u2019t wait to see my soon-to-be seniorly peers!<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I\u2019m so glad I finally have it in me to make a creative blog again. My past seven blogs have been embarrassingly uncreative and, rather than the soul, they came from my brain and ego under the desire to tell people about myself and what I like. I recently turned seventeen. As soon as midnight … Continue reading “Watching Change in Real Time”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":100,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21691"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/100"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=21691"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21691\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":21700,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21691\/revisions\/21700"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=21691"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=21691"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=21691"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}