When I say, Things Are Only Beginning, I don\u2019t mean it in some melodramatic wind blowing through your hair kind of way. Like in the way I can\u2019t say I don\u2019t have some degree of youth to my disposition. Like, your life doesn\u2019t end at eighteen or twenty, that\u2019s crazy but like\u2014When I turned eighteen, I had this thought: The Memoir Ended.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I had the Really Rough Period and then I went to MSA and things chilled out, and I definitely felt it that I had to put it on a scrap of paper at my mom\u2019s house that I\u2019d randomly scrounged out of my notebooks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
To quote:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSo you reached the big 18! Or the simple 18. Now you can do things like get married and [redacted] but you\u2019re still young.<\/em> You\u2019re not even twenty. But all the scary things that have happened to you\u2026 Being a teenager and surviving all of that\u2014For the most part you\u2019re finished. You\u2019re at the point where the memoir ends: you\u2019re 18\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n And I think after I wrote that, like maybe a few months after or so\u2026 I was very solidly proven wrong<\/strong>. I can\u2019t even look at that paragraph and feel the same I was proven so wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Thusly, what conclusion can be made?<\/p>\n\n\n\n You go through the easy part to go through the hard part again, and probably after a few months or years you\u2019ll go through the easy part again. That\u2019s how it works.<\/p>\n\n\n\n That\u2019s a grimdark edgy version to say I don\u2019t think I\u2019m gonna stop being the parts of me I put behind a pane of foggy glass, because no that\u2019s not a window, that\u2019s a mirror you\u2019re constantly looking at until you\u2019re 52. And then you\u2019ll be fifty-two acting like you\u2019re twenty-six. You get me?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Something\u2019s ending. I surmised that a long time ago. There are faces I\u2019ll never see, voices I\u2019ll never put to a sound, etc. But hasn\u2019t that happened already? I\u2019ve gone through that before. I\u2019ve enjoyed a song for the last time, and it didn\u2019t mean anything. I moved on to tomorrow. So what\u2019s the point of this blog?<\/p>\n\n\n\n The Death of my time at MSA is still important to me. I won\u2019t clog your pores with it, but it lingers on my mind. The space this place will fill when I’m gone, made for me to search through old photos, happy and sad ones. The bitter tastes and the ones that remind me to call that person or send me a message. I’m taking blinks of time and trying to press them down like leaves into books, but everything disappears and wilts, no matter how much force you put into it. And May 16th will come, and I will be gone. Circle of life, circle of life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I think coming to this point of my senior year taught myself I am a repeat of a repeat of a repeat, constantly rewinding and stagnating on the same spots. But is that not the toll of being eighteen? Is that not the toll of seeing the world with wonder, full of promise and punctuation, and then leaving with nothing more than a bunch of memories behind you?<\/p>\n\n\n\n https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=wLaDksDOcE4<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" When I say, Things Are Only Beginning, I don\u2019t mean it in some melodramatic wind blowing through your hair kind of way. Like in the way I can\u2019t say I don\u2019t have some degree of youth to my disposition. Like, your life doesn\u2019t end at eighteen or twenty, that\u2019s crazy but like\u2014When I turned eighteen, … Continue reading “Things are Only Beginning, But Something\u2019s Definitely Ending”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":89,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21608"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/89"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=21608"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21608\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":21616,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21608\/revisions\/21616"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=21608"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=21608"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=21608"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}