The aromantic pride flag<\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n Discovery and Representation<\/strong><\/p>\n For a long time, I didn’t know what I was. I wanted a label, but all I knew was that I wasn’t straight. It felt wrong to be called straight. I had no idea how to describe what I was, or that being aromantic was a thing- aromantic representation runs extremely thin, and aromantic expression in media is even thinner. Even now, I only find either of those two things when I’m searching for it. There was nothing in my daily life to bring the aromantic label to light.<\/p>\n I tried many different labels.\u00a0<\/p>\n “I don’t like men- does that make me a lesbian? Am I lesbian? Or maybe I’m pansexual- maybe I can love everyone, and that makes it harder to find love. Maybe I’m bisexual, and I just haven’t found the right one.”<\/p>\n All of them felt wrong to me, but it was all I had. I had to be something, right? I think the longest label I chose was pansexual, but I distinctly remember being uncomfortable with it.<\/p>\n I don’t remember the video, but I found the word aromantic in a youtube comment. I looked up the word and studied its definition. For me, it was like someone clicked on a light, flushing away the chattering shadows of, “Am I? Am? Am I? Am I?” here, in this label, I found something that felt\u00a0right.<\/em> Comfortable, like a reassuring blanket. I found tales of experiences similar to my own, and things started making so much more sense. “Aromantic. That’s me! I am aromantic!” I was lucky to have such an experience.<\/p>\n There was a phase after that, after I came out to my friends, where I referenced being aromantic so much. I was consuming everything I could about it, I was so happy.<\/p>\n But, outside of the aromantic community, there was barely anything that represented being aromantic. Even in the LGBTQ+ community itself, there wasn\u2019t a whole lot. (there\u2019s more there now, thankfully.) The ace-specs know the term much better, but it still makes me feel unknown. Off the top of my head, I can only think of one character in large media that’s obviously aromantic,\u00a0 Kusuo Saiki, (king) and he’s aromantic-asexual. That’s very valid, shout out to all the aro-aces, the aces, everyone else on the spectrum. I love that there\u2019s at least some representation for the community. However, throughout indie media and larger media, I\u2019ve realized there\u2019s so much more ace representation, and then less but still more, aro-ace representation than only aro representation. I want representation for everyone, but by everyone I mean everyone.\u00a0<\/em>If there was more aromantic characters in media, people would better understand what it means to be aromantic, and what comes with it. You can be aromantic but not asexual, you can be asexual but not aromantic, you can be both, you can be other things on the spectrum. (Demiromantic, aegosexual, etc.) If there was more representation, it would make coming out so much easier. It\u2019s hard explain something people know nothing about, and it\u2019s hard to find spaces where you feel welcome. Even in the LGBTQ+ community itself, there\u2019s still people who don\u2019t understand being aromantic, pity being aromantic, or try to wipe it off the radar. Which actually brings me to my next point\u2026<\/p>\n The Pitying of The Aromantic Community<\/strong><\/p>\n My friend theorized that the reason there\u2019s so little aro representation is because being single is seen as unfulfilling and saddening. In reality, many people, even outside of the aromantic community, don\u2019t need to be in a romantic relationship to be happy or fulfilled. There are other forms of love, and for me, romantic love is\u00a0less<\/em> fulfilling than platonic love. Platonic love is the type of love you have with friends and family, and it can be just as strong as romantic love, just\u2026 not. You can confide in, cuddle with, and spend half of your time with a platonic friend. Strong bonds aren\u2019t always romantic.<\/p>\n In the past, I dated someone for maybe a year. He was of the opposite gender. He asked me out, and I didn\u2019t know how to respond. I liked spending time with him, and he was a boy, so that meant I liked him, right? I said yes.<\/p>\n When I say nothing changed for me in the relationship, I mean\u00a0nothing<\/em> changed. He called me his girlfriend, he got me gifts, we went on dates, and it was fun! But I didn\u2019t realize that all I was feeling was just friendship. There was no change in feelings on my side. Going on dates and getting gifts was because I wanted to spend time with him and thought that was how relationships worked. I feel bad thinking back on it; it feels like I was deceiving him unknowingly. It feels so obvious looking back on it, too. I don\u2019t think the reaction to someone telling you \u201cI think I have a crush on your boyfriend\u2026\u201d is, \u201cOh. Okay?\u201d And I don\u2019t think you\u2019re supposed to feel weird and anxious saying your boyfriend is your boyfriend.\u00a0 The time I spend with my friends \u00a0as friends feels so much more fulfilling than any time with my ex-boyfriend as a romantic partner. Movie dates where I\u2019m wondering how to make romantic \u00a0relationships work cannot compare to giggling with friends at the back of a comic-con. Those romantic \u201cI love you\u201d\u2019s only filled me with discomfort I tried to deny, while my heart blooms when me and my friends tell each other \u201cI love you guys,\u201d platonically.<\/p>\n I am not sad being unable to feel romantic love. What\u00a0does<\/em>\u00a0make me sad is when people say, \u201cYou don\u2019t fall in love? I\u2019m so sorry. That sounds horrible.\u201d What\u00a0does\u00a0<\/em>make me sad is when people frame it like I\u2019m missing out on some great experience. Romantic relationships may be great for them, but they aren\u2019t great for me. What does\u00a0<\/em>make me sad is when people think being aromantic means I\u2019m emotionless, and unable to feel empathy or any type of love.\u00a0<\/p>\n The Denial of the Aromantic Community\u2019s Existence<\/strong><\/p>\n I know it can be hard to comprehend, especially when someone doesn\u2019t know the term.\u00a0Some people need an explanation, and I\u2019m happy to provide them with that. Some people still don\u2019t respect it, though, and some people completely deny its existence. So many people deny its existence.<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019ll find the right person one day.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou just need more time!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re young, it just hasn\u2019t happened yet.\u201d<\/p>\n Yes, I\u2019m young. Maybe one day I\u2019ll realize I\u2019m not aromantic and change my label, which is completely fine. But right now I feel aromantic, belong in this label, and don\u2019t ever see it changing in the future. the most tiring things to hear are variants of the quotes above. They\u2019re so invalidating. Who even is the \u2018right person?\u2019 What if the right person is one of my friends? In that case, what if I\u2019ve already found them? It feels like I\u2019ve already found the right person in my friends, as friends.<\/p>\n This experience isn\u2019t exclusive to me. Many other aromantics get told the same thing. There are so, so many of us, and despite what others say, we exist. We are valid.<\/p>\n My Opinion on Romance<\/strong><\/p>\n Because I\u2019m aromantic, most people assume I don\u2019t like romance, such as in movies or books or other couples in real life. While it\u2019s very real for a aromantic person to be repulsed by all romance (on a spectrum), \u00a0personally, I adore romance! I really love fictional ships, and other people being together doesn\u2019t bother me. Reading good, cute romance makes me elated. Though, I have to admit- the way people describe romance sounds horrifying sometimes. Like, you think about one person all of the time and feel horribly sad when they\u2019re gone? You dream about that person and can\u2019t help but admire them silently, hoping your intense feelings are returned? You get into relationships in high school, knowing there\u2019s a very slim chance they\u2019ll lead anywhere more? Don\u2019t even get me started on relationship drama. Why is there so much relationship drama?! End<\/strong><\/p>\n If you got this far, then yay! This post was longer than I realized while writing it. I hope you learned new things, and if you have any questions, I have no problem answering. Have a nice day!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" \u00a0 The idea for this type of blog post has come to me, but I’ve always pushed it aside. I think a part of me thought I might be making a big deal out of nothing. However, this blog is about a part of my identity, and after talking with a friend, I realized just … Continue reading “Roses Aren’t the Only Love: Talking about being Aromantic”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":88,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18564"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/88"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=18564"}],"version-history":[{"count":37,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18564\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":18662,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18564\/revisions\/18662"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=18564"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=18564"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=18564"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}![\"\"](\"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/Aromantic_Pride_Flag.svg_-300x180.png\")
<\/p>\n
I did not see him as my boyfriend, \u00a0I saw him as a boy\u00a0friend<\/em>, and I didn\u2019t know.\u00a0<\/p>\n
<\/span>I could never. Great for all the romantics out there, but also man<\/em>. I am glad I don\u2019t have to deal with that. I’m fine with my lovey-dovey fanfiction and media.\u00a0<\/p>\n