I have put a lot of thought into my blog for this week. I have written it, and re-written it, and re-written it again. However, for some reason, nothing seemed to make sense to me. I like to explore big perspectives in mundane things, but recently, my brain has felt cloudy and dark, and it has been difficult for me to observe things outside of what lies in the depths of my own head. This is why, this week, I decided to take a different approach. The idea began in the form of a poem:<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
twisted ivory casts crisp white shadows onto the palms of your eyes.<\/em><\/p>\n i hold them in your twisted vision, reading irises like bones, like lines, like future,<\/em><\/p>\n glimpsing into the present pool of your pupils, grasping, ghastly,<\/em><\/p>\n onto the reflection of any beautiful hue. <\/em><\/p>\n it doesn\u2019t make sense, does it? <\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n thighs like skyscrapers turn into mummies as i look;<\/em><\/p>\n i wrap them gently and take your femurs to my flesh,<\/em><\/p>\n and i cut out my liver and feed it to your dead teeth<\/em><\/p>\n so that you might not be hungry in the afterlife. <\/em><\/p>\n it doesn\u2019t make sense, does it? <\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n your neck cracks in symphonies, knuckles cracking heavy down, <\/em><\/p>\n cracking my brittle bones, cracking heart, cracking up<\/em><\/p>\n because this is all so ridiculous, isn\u2019t it? cracking eggs to make <\/em><\/p>\n breakfast in the morning before I crack your skull \u2013<\/em><\/p>\n it doesn\u2019t make sense, does it? <\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n if i let you take my neck to your tongue, to your teeth, <\/em><\/p>\n and you pulled the blood from my arteries, it would<\/em><\/p>\n make up for the time i spent cremating your <\/em><\/p>\n flammable soul\u2014dust particles from dead skin.<\/em><\/p>\n it doesn\u2019t make sense, does it? <\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n if you let me take your organs out and bleach them white<\/em><\/p>\n and dye them the colors of the funeral flowers, <\/em><\/p>\n i would grow a garden and bake you cookies in return, and we could be<\/em><\/p>\n all sweet and colorful again because that\u2019s how life works, isn\u2019t it?<\/em><\/p>\n it doesn\u2019t make sense, does it? <\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n my brain is bargaining, recoiling from the void that<\/em><\/p>\n time sucks from my stomach, stretch marks turning scars back to open gashes \u2013 <\/em><\/p>\n i make a body from my trauma, a separate person out of the shards of my mirror \u2013 <\/em><\/p>\n i know i am seeing things, making everything up as i go, but <\/em><\/p>\n that doesn\u2019t make sense to you, either, <\/em><\/p>\n does it? <\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n This poem was a surreal and dramatic expression of things I have been struggling with lately: concept of time, issues with body image, resurfacing memories, and utter disconnection from reality\u2026 the list goes on. I usually process this by looking for metaphors in the things around me, but I\u2019ve been stuck in this terrible haze that diminishes my capacity for philosophical thought. It confused me, and this uncertainty was terrifying. Therefore, instead of searching for meaning in analogies of objects\/creatures around me to help me deal with a problem, I deduced that in this situation, the clarity lied in the problem itself.<\/p>\n My negative emotions have been obstructing my creativity and damaging my confidence and faith in myself. However, in the end, I wrote that poem, didn\u2019t I? I\u2019ve written this blog, haven\u2019t I? I have gotten out of bed every morning, brushed my teeth, eaten, gone to class\u2026 so really, I have not failed at anything. In fact, I\u2019ve turned this cloud of darkness into something that I think is beautiful: growth.<\/p>\n Every single person in the entire world will inevitably experience a darkness. You will, too, if you haven\u2019t already. If you can\u2019t seem to look at anything else \u2013 whether it be cricket, cat, beetle, or bench \u2013 then I advise you to stare straight into your darkness. Face it with all the audacity you can muster, and realize that you are not only separate from it, but you also have power over it. You can turn it into whatever you want to turn it into. It is not inescapable, and it will not destroy you \u2013 not if you don\u2019t let it. So use your darkness as an opportunity to grow, and know that you have the capability to still be and create beauty.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I have put a lot of thought into my blog for this week. I have written it, and re-written it, and re-written it again. However, for some reason, nothing seemed to make sense to me. I like to explore big perspectives in mundane things, but recently, my brain has felt cloudy and dark, and it … Continue reading “Finding Beauty in Darkness”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":92,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17879"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/92"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=17879"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17879\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":17880,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17879\/revisions\/17880"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=17879"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=17879"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=17879"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}