My name is not mine to claim.<\/p>\n
It is a thing given to me – forced upon me.<\/p>\n
It is something I have absolutely loathed my entire life and wished that I could change since I was eight.<\/p>\n
It is a thing of strain, of distress and discomfort.<\/p>\n
My name is a broken record that somehow still manages to play through my parents’, my other family and people I know’s mouths,<\/p>\n
despite its cracks, tears, the missing pieces and the fact that it was lost many years ago.<\/p>\n
It is a thing that is supposed to be a part of me,<\/p>\n
and yet, I cannot help but feel that no one around really cares to listen<\/p>\n
and notice how I close my eyes, grit my teeth and flinch when they say that name –<\/p>\n
how every time I am forced to say that name, my tongue feels grimy, my teeth clamp down on it and my stomach twists with nausea.<\/p>\n
It pierces my insides and forces me to hear my parents saying it, when it knows I crave it to be gone and that we could all just forget about it;<\/p>\n
I wish it could be seen that I am sick inside,\u00a0<\/span>the name having gotten into my system so many years ago,<\/p>\n infecting me with its contents that would make any human being feel unwell.<\/p>\n Brewing inside of me for so long that my body has become its permanent home,<\/p>\n the cancerous cells inside of my mind and my soul –<\/p>\n the very bane of my existence –<\/p>\n have been tormented for so long that I know no else besides this pain I feel from the abyss of hurt and suffocation.<\/p>\n It is a demanding, horrendous nuisance that will forever remain in its home that it has buried and settled itself into.<\/p>\n It will be there until I drop –<\/p>\n until my heart stops, my mouth no longer inhales or exhales, and my pulse is moving as steadily as the staircase I walk down every day.<\/p>\n My name is something that will forever stay with me, no matter where I go, who I meet or what I do.<\/p>\n It will always be there,\u00a0lingering, screaming yet whispering itself to me:<\/p>\n Taylor.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" My name is not mine to claim. It is a thing given to me – forced upon me. It is something I have absolutely loathed my entire life and wished that I could change since I was eight. It is a thing of strain, of distress and discomfort. My name is a broken record that … Continue reading “Name”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":20,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1691"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/20"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1691"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1691\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1748,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1691\/revisions\/1748"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1691"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1691"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1691"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}