{"id":1364,"date":"2018-02-21T11:32:33","date_gmt":"2018-02-21T17:32:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/?p=1364"},"modified":"2018-02-21T11:32:33","modified_gmt":"2018-02-21T17:32:33","slug":"the-suburbs-pt-13","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/2018\/02\/21\/the-suburbs-pt-13\/","title":{"rendered":"the suburbs (pt. 13)"},"content":{"rendered":"

sprawl i (flatland) \/\/ arcade fire<\/a>, sprawl ii (mountains beyond mountains) \/\/ arcade fire<\/a><\/p>\n

sprawl is defined by merriam-webster as “the spreading of urban developments (such as houses and shopping centers) on undeveloped land near a city.” the word can be synonymous with the suburbs, but i don’t know if i’d agree. then again, maybe i don’t know that much about the suburbs.<\/p>\n

but i think hernando is the sprawl. hernando is this little town that veers off from the main interstate like a weigh station. within walking distance from my house is the track and field park, the children’s park, several churches and locally-owned shops, and town square. last year, our kroger was demolished and up-sized to a kroger marketplace. everyone was buzzing about it for months, mostly because it was supposed to have a starbucks in it. a starbucks and a little food court and an actual cheese section, which my dad was very excited about.<\/p>\n

hernando was always homey, but it never quite felt like home. it always felt like a halfway-home. an in-between. not quite backwoods country, not quite big shining city.<\/p>\n

there used to be times when i thought i’d never really get out. that i’d be doomed to live in the suburban purgatory that i never quite belonged in forever. i wanted to go out and find my people. i wanted to find people who didn’t tell me that my hopes and expectations were unrealistic.<\/p>\n

i wanted to find those people here, but i don’t think i’ve found them yet. it’s like i’m still stuck in a halfway-home that i should feel like i belong to, but don’t.<\/p>\n

when i’m going back home, back to hernando and the kroger marketplace and the community that never quite felt like community, i actually feel like i’m home again. when driving back to msa, my mom always texts me when i get in, “home?” and i say yes, because techincally, msa is home.<\/p>\n

but it doesn’t quite feel like home. it feels like the in-between again. and i’m so tired of being stuck in the in-between. i want a place to certifiably call home, i want concrete and certainty and\u00a0home<\/em>, and i’ve started to realize just how at home i actually feel in hernando.<\/p>\n

when school first started, i didn’t want to come home. i dreaded every weekend i would have to go back and be away from my true\u00a0<\/em>home, but now i long for the days i see commerce street. i long for the days i can walk into la siesta and shake our waiter’s hand and he knows exactly what i want before i can form the words on my tongue. i long for the familiarity and the comfort and the community i didn’t realize i had until i wasn’t in it anymore.<\/p>\n

i don’t quite know where home is. i know i have homes, but i don’t know where\u00a0my\u00a0<\/em>home is. i don’t know where i\u00a0live<\/em>. maybe i never will get out of the sprawl.<\/p>\n

but then again, maybe i don’t want to.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

sprawl i (flatland) \/\/ arcade fire, sprawl ii (mountains beyond mountains) \/\/ arcade fire sprawl is defined by merriam-webster as “the spreading of urban developments (such as houses and shopping centers) on undeveloped land near a city.” the word can be synonymous with the suburbs, but i don’t know if i’d agree. then again, maybe … Continue reading “the suburbs (pt. 13)”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":21,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1364"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/21"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1364"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1364\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1403,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1364\/revisions\/1403"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1364"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1364"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1364"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}