I don’t really have a specific topic to talk about in this blog, it’s kind of just me emptying my brain in a somewhat coherent way.<\/p>\n
Recently, I’ve been having really traumatic nightmares, not your typical “oogie boogie”, rather, things that are so mentally scarring they feel like a real burden I carry.\u00a0 It is mainly a mix of traumatic events I have faced to create new traumatic events; which is absolutely not what I need. I have too much trauma as it is.\u00a0 My brain hates me, it makes everything so much harder, why must it torment me in this way.<\/p>\n
I’ve also gained a good bit of weight, which I am still very upset about.\u00a0 I used to be overweight and that is the last thing I want to be again.\u00a0 To make it worse, my psychiatrist says my face looks like I’ve gained, which was absolutely the last thing I wanted to hear.\u00a0 I’m super self conscious about how much I weigh, but sometimes I can’t avoid eating junky food.\u00a0 Like for basketball games we get fast food after away-games, and it’s pretty much that or being super hungry.\u00a0 I really just want to have a flat stomach, I work out everyday but nothing ever seems to help.\u00a0 Diets are pretty much guaranteed to fail, they are designed to take a few pounds off and then it comes right back, maybe even more.\u00a0 I’m actually pretty happy with my body other than my persistent beer belly, even though I don’t drink beer.\u00a0 I do crunches and sit-ups and all of that and nothing ever seems to help. I barely eat anything but my weight just goes up and up.\u00a0 I don’t really drink soda or anything either, I carry around a water bottle and that’s pretty much all except maybe an Envy or two.\u00a0 I know being a low weight number isn’t really that plausible with my height, but I just want to be able to wear my practice shirt without my stomach sticking out several inches from the rest of my body. It is so humiliating.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n
Also, I have been feeling a lot more depressed lately. It might have to do something with the previous statements, but I also have started a new medicine that can cause worsening in depression symptoms.\u00a0<\/p>\n
I just really want to be hugged tightly by someone and just let out a good cry.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I don’t really have a specific topic to talk about in this blog, it’s kind of just me emptying my brain in a somewhat coherent way. Recently, I’ve been having really traumatic nightmares, not your typical “oogie boogie”, rather, things that are so mentally scarring they feel like a real burden I carry.\u00a0 It is … Continue reading “Thought Release”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":65,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11129"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/65"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=11129"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11129\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":11146,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11129\/revisions\/11146"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=11129"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=11129"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=11129"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}