Wow, so it really hasn’t hit me that this exhausting year is about to come to a close, and I have high hopes for the new year. I really do, but I still have to acknowledge my doubts. I mean, 2021 isn’t bringing a time machine for a 2019 do-over or an anytime-before-2020 do-over, for that matter.\u00a0<\/p>\n
I don’t know what to expect for this new year. Usually, I gear up for a new year with a new planner, filling it with birthdays and events, but doing that, after the traumatic year we’ve just endured, feels absurd.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Take Christmas, for example, I won’t even get to be with my family to celebrate. We don’t have a tree or a single light hung. My house is dark and empty, almost as bleak as 2020, so I can’t bring myself to believe that 2021 is going to be better. This year left a mark in so many ways, and I just don’t think we can truly celebrate and rejoice until we’ve unpacked that. Everything is in ruins, and I don’t mean to be pessimistic, but realistic.\u00a0<\/p>\n
I am so blessed to be able to live this life, and every day, I am grateful, but sometimes, gratitude doesn’t feel like enough. Though I am grateful, it doesn’t change the fact that I am unhappy, that I’m suffering in my own right. And if I’m being honest, this suffering began long before 2020, but in the fall of 2019. I haven’t been okay in a really long time, and I think it’s time that I acknowledge that because putting on a smile and braving the world is nearly impossible, and yet, I do it every single day. When does the fa\u00e7ade end? When will I realize I can’t do everything on my own? When will I admit that these burdens are too much for one person to carry? When will I seek help? When will seeking help no longer be a sign of weakness to me?\u00a0<\/p>\n
When will I be honest with myself and everyone else? In 2021? Will this be the year of honesty and truth-seeking? Or will these past traumas continue to haunt me?\u00a0<\/p>\n
So long, 2020…<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Wow, so it really hasn’t hit me that this exhausting year is about to come to a close, and I have high hopes for the new year. I really do, but I still have to acknowledge my doubts. I mean, 2021 isn’t bringing a time machine for a 2019 do-over or an anytime-before-2020 do-over, for … Continue reading “New Year, Same Trauma”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":50,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10927"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/50"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10927"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10927\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":10929,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10927\/revisions\/10929"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10927"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=10927"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.msabrookhaven.org\/literary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=10927"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}