Take a Break

I don’t really have anything to blog about so I’m just gonna talk about how I have been doing lately, spoiler alert, not good.  With many deadlines fast approaching and my motivation getting increasingly lower I am not sure I can keep up.  Our literary portfolios are due this week and I’m still not finished and I am struggling for motivation.  I’m struggling to just have the energy to get out of the bed and do something.  

I’m trying to combat this with things I enjoy.  The other day I watched shows with my friend over discord.  It was a nice time to just relax and take my mind off of things.  Sometimes you just need to take a break, and that is fine.

Working yourself to death won’t do anything but make your work look rushed.  Taking breaks is essential to keeping yourself productive; and also to your mental health.  

Balance is a key element that helps keep yourself in order.  A mix of pleasure and work is typically the best course of action to get your work done and not become too overworked.  

Try taking a minute to do something you enjoy.  It will help in the long run.  Talk to your friends, play your favorite video game, maybe just take a snack break, it really doesn’t matter as long as you can take breaks.

Remember your health is more important than a school assignment, no matter what the school system tries to tell you.

When is it Too Far?

Wow, I never realized how much the pandemic had been affecting some of the things in my daily life. For example, I’m on this whole self-love journey, yet I have been by myself, at my house. I have been virtual and away from school for months. The biggest missions I’ve been tackling were the issues that I face with myself to myself, but I never thought about what would happen when people would be added to the mix.

A melting pot of personalities and differing people are constantly around me now that I go to school in person again. In a way, I can see the growth in how I handle situations from before, but I am running into a situation that leaves me uneasy. It is what’s keeping me from my usual concerts on the solo drives to now causing my mind to wander from reality, no concert.

Okay, so. One of the biggest aspects of my journey I feel is learning to love myself, and do things for me and not always for others. Always. That’s the kicker. 

We are supposed to think about ourselves and our own mental capacities, but what happens when it goes too far? Can it? What is the point when your actions become viewed as narcissistic? Is it based on your mental health in relation to those affected in the decisions?

This is the basis of thought for which my mind has recently been astray. I don’t want to become ignorant to situations because I feel like it’s all about my journey.

I had to take a moment away from this blog post to have more time to think on the situation. After a couple days, I think I have come to some sort of consensus. 

One’s own mental journey is important, but it is when you start only focusing on yourself that things may become problematic. When you become hyper-concerned on just your life and forget to hold the empathy and thought that you yourself may expect others to display for you is when there is a shift.

You are no longer helping yourself, but almost closing yourself off to experiencing and seeing real interactions all around you. One may not even notice the vulnerability and relatability in others. It can isolate you to only talking about yourself or doing things selfishly. 

The best thing is, which comes with difficulty, to remember everyone struggles. Also, sometimes you just gotta exit your body and look at the whole situation as a whole from all perspectives. Empathy is golden.

If you haven’t been doing this, don’t worry. The fact you may be at least seriously trying is a sign you’re becoming a decent human beings, and the world can always use those. 😉 

If you struggle with this, don’t stress yourself out too much. If it was easy everyone would be doing it religiously. I think in a show I saw an AA modo is like: One day at a time. Or something? That’s so cheesy, but I meann it is kinda true.

Anyways, I wanna go ahead and give a little video for you all. It is something that may not go with the theme of this blog too well, but at least you can jam to it during your journeys. It is called “Poor Fake” by Kelsey Lu. For once this is an English recommendation, which doesn’t happen much, but yeah ! Also, don’t be offset by the slow start because it picks up…so here is ρŌΘℜ f∀κë… in that link ℘

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TRG6dDrpj0s

 

 

Brown

Handsome, in Black

tight coils expand when pulled

your marked melanin skin

glimmers in the sun

 

  You’ve always caught my eye

 

Nose, Wide and Flat

a feature of yours I favor most

 

eyes deep set and Brown

draw me closer in

hard to escape but

easy to get lost in

 

I’ve imagined our next encounter,

This Moment

where things have progressed,

headspaces cleared

hearts willing and ready

 

Here Comes My Favorite Part

 

Strong, built arms to engulf me

providing a missed comfort

my equally wide nose

catches whiff of your scent

Cocoa and Pine

Finally, I get sense that I’m back home

I am once more entranced by You

 

Lost in the stretches on your coffee brown skin

I realize that this is paradise

my own slice of Heaven

a Holy experience

etched black

Boy

 

Free of worry

Full of love

Engulfed Entirely by Brown

This poem entitled, “Brown”, won me my first Scholastics Award. I did not expect this poem to win.  I didn’t want to submit before. After I got the opinion of a friend and peer, I had decided that I would submit this piece and it was the only one that one. I don’t know exactly what I’m trying to say but don’t be so hard on your creations. I’ve noticed that writing I usually don’t take an initial liking too usually get the most praise in workshops.

Please, never doubt your creative abilities or your talents. You are gifted and special in your craft. Nurture it. Take care of it. Work on it and watch it blossom into what you knew it could always be.

Harbor Your Potential Friends.

Noelle Noelle

 

 

 

 

It’s That Time of the Year Again

    Hey guys. I know I normally write about cooking, but today I just didn’t feel it.

It’s that time of the year again. Yep. Spring. Everyone  has a few months out of the year where they just feel sad. Mine are in the winter and spring. Yes Christmas, New Years, Valentine’s Day, Easter, and Prom. Those events have one thing in common: companionship. 

The winter holidays are one of the most stressful times of the year. First there’s the pressure of exams-fun. Then there is the pressure of buying the perfect gift for your loved ones and panicking if you got the wrong one. The stress of going home for the holidays. And for us students dealing with COVID, the stress of being quarantined during the holidays (me). 

But for me, the worst part of these events is being lonely. I’ve always been alone. I’ve never had any real friendships that have lasted. I’ve definitely never had any relationships that were good.

So, every Christmas, while my friends are doing secret Santa or throwing parties without me, or my sister spending all of her time with her boyfriend, I do anything to take my mind off of my loneliness. I play video games, or listen to the unbelievably cringy depressing music that makes me numb inside. When it gets really bad and I can’t stand it, I go outside and find a remote part in my humongous yard, play some Chester Bennington, and cry until I get mad. Then I start pulling the soft clover from the ground and rip up fallen leaves. It helps and… just for a few minutes I’m no longer angry. I’m just…sad.

But the spring is different.  In the spring, I’m here at school. There’s no peaceful beds of clover for me to unleash my wrath upon, there’s no crying into my sister’s shirt, there’s no blaring Linkin Park in my empty dorm. There’s only crying in my shower for hours playing quiet classical piano until my legs can no longer hold myself up. There’s only shielding people’s questions about prom plans because I can’t tell them that I don’t think I could survive watching them dance happily with loved ones. There’s only sitting alone at meals with my headphones in to mask my anxiety and sadness. There’s only skipping those mealtimes so I don’t feel so lonely in the crowds. There’s only me avoiding everyone who flocks to do school activities. There’s only friendships that don’t last and love that never blooms. 

The Art of Not Caring

If you’re anything like me, high school (and everything that came before it) was probably filled with an overpowering sense of anxiety and doubt. What your peers and teachers could think of you would swarm in your mind like wasps, and at times, they would sting. It’s a horrible feeling to constantly feel as if you weren’t good enough by being yourself, and it can have disastrous effects on your psyche. As someone who was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder in 8th grade (among other things), I can say improving and learning to accept yourself isn’t easy. At all. Yes, therapy and medication can help, but most of the progress has to come from YOU. I’ve learned that. 

The first step is to challenge your anxious thoughts and try and replace them with positive ones, if possible. Funnily enough, this is still the hardest part for me. Ask yourself, “can I prove if this thought is accurate?” if the answer is no, ask yourself “so why am I assuming the negative?” If your answer isn’t based on the actual situation or is “I don’t know.” Then congrats! You’ve identified an irrational thought! My most common response was usually “You can’t read minds! There’s no way to tell what they’re thinking!” And, well, that’s right. It’s always been what I struggled the most with. But when you’re faced with an unknown like this, choose the positive possibility. It’s a VERY hard practice to get down, but with a bit of practice, you can convince yourself. Instead of “Everyone here thinks I look stupid today. I should have just worn normal clothes,” try “Everyone here is admiring my style and individuality today! I’m the main character!” Now, which one of these thoughts would make you feel better? The one fueled by anxiety, or the one that makes you feel the slightest bit of confidence?

Next, use those positive thoughts to inch your way into the world. As someone who spent 90% of my middle school and early high school years indoors and on my computer, getting used to social situations like dances, big sleepovers, and parties is DEFINITELY too much for a push. Sit with those people you thought were nice and cool at lunch! Invite people to sit with you! Engage with people really around you and not hundreds of miles away. You’ll gain a few friends, and while this may cause new anxious thoughts, it’s well worth it. Soon, you’ll begin to move onto the next and final stage that I like to call-

“The Art of Not Caring.”

(see what i did there?)

This is the phase where you can be unapologetically yourself in every aspect. You can build off of “I can’t know what people think of me, so I’ll assume the positive!” to eventually confront actual negative opinions with “Who cares if a few people *do* think poorly of me because of my quirks? Does their opinion really matter?” That, of course, shouldn’t be focused towards actually harmful parts about yourself, but rather towards self expression and loving yourself. The Art of Not Caring is the goal here, and while I’m still working towards it, I encourage you all to go on this journey along with me. :)))))

ALSO:

If you’re reading this and would also like to branch out of your shell, the Animation Appreication Club (that I so wonderly created, mwah) is hosting a viewing of Promare (2019) in the Phoenix at 7:00 Thursday. It is one of my favorite movies of all time and is an absolute BLAST.  This is your invitation.

 

Enduring the Trauma

Some form of trauma exists in us all. I have seen the results of having a divorce in a terrorizing cult some may call a religion. feel as though some people think the couple is better together for the children. I can tell you now it’s bad apart, worse staying together. The religion” being one of the underlying dementors of it all.  

The cult obstructs your way of reasoning religion. One jumps to the conclusion of immediate ostracizing with mention of a god or deity. Cast away! I don’t know if that should be the case though, and that is not the joy I have to write of. There are nights where things are spoken of or illuminated into the conscious view that will have an everlasting evolution on one’s perception. Loose-lipped whispers and rumors are hard to be believe until you’ve heard so many that those seem like the only tokens of truth from historians of the time, a time and places you were too young to remember or your mind simply helped you forget. It’s a game of trying to unlock an unknown past of messed up decisions made onto innocent minds.  

I used to be carefree on the matter. I would let my mind deceive me into thinking I had no qualms in the matter. I should simply ignore the hard times. It does not perceive me some might say. That was only doing an injustice to myself however. Now, I wonder if it is not the same self-induced oppression the closet restricted me once to.   

What have I learned through these hard times? I’m not entirely sure. I can see that even those much older than me are still affected by the experiences of a suffocating “religion.”  The struggles of, what religion will I bring my kids into? What should I tell them to say when other kids at school ask? Things of that nature have shown me that at least through it allthe only times anyone has benefited from this shared trauma has been when you have someone who understands why you feel the pressure of having to ask those questions. When it’s been related to on a personal level with one another is when the right kind of evolving occurs. Sometimes I try and consolidate when I’m feeling the sadness it has ringed out onto me from its dirty rag to the one person who’s affecting me, but it wasn’t until even just writing this that I realize there were other people, even just in my family, who could help. 

I guess what I’m trying to say with all of this is that there’s just a certain paradise many of us are trying to get to. Sometimes you just have to ask for help before you drown on the way, and then you can even help the other ship get there. Communities aren’t built overnight. People are not one in a swift motion or snap. The shifting moments however, are golden.  

Here’s just a little video to end out the post. I hope you enjoy, it is a new single from BTS. They always just take me there gurl and this video is no exception.

 

 

 

Overanalyzing “Your New Boyfriend” By Wilbur Soot

On December 11th, 2021, popular English content creator and songwriter Wilbur Soot released his sixth single, a fun, upbeat tune titled “Your New Boyfriend.” It is the third in a series that follows the protagonist, Lonely Boy’s, infatuation with an e-girl, the prototypical version of which is a young woman who spends an atypical amount of time online–whether it be gaming, posting, cosplaying–and whose style is inspired from both European alternative and Asian street fashions. On the surface, this song appears to be an amusing, lighthearted track, perfect to belt out the lyrics to on a road trip with friends and head bang to the beat on the way to an afternoon class. Behind the comedic lyrics and unforgettable melodies, there lies the disturbing yet common story of an outcast finding solace in his obsession and parasocial relationship with a Twitch streamer. Littered with metaphors and allusions, Wilbur Soot charmed this intense cautionary into the minds of over two million unsuspecting listeners.

Soot repeatedly references the age of Lonely Boy to characterize him as fixated and fanatic. In the first stanza, the narrator recalls, “When I was a kid on VoIP / I thought when I get older / I’d marry her, I told her / Now I’m 26 and I work in an office.” He alludes to VoIP, aka Voice over Internet Protocol, which is an older program used to make telephone calls from a computer. In the chorus, Lonely Boy says, “Oh, she’s living the dream / From back when we were 17.” These excerpts of the music tell the listener that his potent obsession has been brewing inside for nearly a decade and ultimately raises the stakes for the streamer’s safety. He sings about the beautiful love he believes is shared between them, but in reality, he is a stalker desperate to fulfill his fantasy of having the perfect relationship with this woman. This is known as a parasocial relationship, where one person extends emotional energy while the other is completely unaware of his or her existence. Lonely Boy vents, “You hit it off instantly / I know ‘cause you won’t stop telling me.” This relationship is entirely one-sided, so she’s not intentionally communicating anything to him; because the setting of this story is their shared online space, the listener can assume that she is posting on social media about her boyfriend. Lonely Boy feels that she is telling him personally about her new relationship.

Lonely Boy is convinced that he is the only person who could make her happy, and that despite all of his flaws, he would be the ideal partner and provider. He says, “I’ve got the key and he’s just a doormat / ‘Cause even though he’s got social skills / That doesn’t mean I can’t pay the bills.” The writer uses the metaphor of the current boyfriend being a doormat to further Lonely Boy’s perception that her relationship is a place for her to wipe her feet while traveling down the path of genuine connection, a path that leads to a door for which he exclusively holds the key.  Despite his irritation with the situation, the tone of the song stays joyful, showing that he does not hold her accountable for the perceived mistakes she makes. Soot further unravels the delusions of the protagonist by introducing the fact that he feels attraction to the woman’s partner. Towards the end of the song, Lonely Boy admits, “I think about him a lot as well (I think about him) / Maybe if he wasn’t fine as hell (he’s really fine as hell.)” He is so infatuated with this person that he favors all the things she does, including people, despite being neither romantically nor sexually attracted to men. 

From the cheerful tone to the playful, strategically-placed adlibs, this song is ultimately disarming. Being a twitch streamer himself, Wilbur Soot understands that this is a serious issue that plagues female streamers. He utilizes figurative language to weave this chilling story into a bright, colorful basket that his fans would find easier to digest. Presented with the archetype of the lonely man, the popular woman, and her seemingly perfect partner, the listeners are given circumstances that they would typically find themselves chuckling at. Not everyone who streams the track takes the time to unpack the complex story behind it, but Soot has planted a subconscious seed of familiarity that will sound off alarm bells for those witnessing or operating in a similar situation.

Poetry Meets Fashion

Looking at my class schedule for junior year, I am terrified by the idea of taking poetry. I have never done well with abstract concepts, nor am I quite sure how my writer’s voice will translate from paragraphs to stanzas. Unexpectedly, a specific type of poetry becomes my favorite genre to write; the form is narrative poetry and tells a complete tale through developed characters and evolving situations. In “Inscriptions of an Illusory Inamorato, a sestina”, I explore the narrative of a lonely, naïve woman coming to terms with her lover and correspondent’s deception. As I analyze this piece and consider how it can translate into fashion, I examine the imagery and word choice that coat the poem in a warm tone, the intensity of the metaphors, the rigidness of the structure, and the time period in which the story takes place. 

This is a time where letter writing is the primary form of communication and distance between companions is a feat to close. The narrator would wear her hair down, in braided or twisted sections, because she craves the feeling of being desired that comes from presenting femininely but needs something practical that will not physically distract her from her activities. The structure of this poem is very formal and this is because I want to illustrate that this affair nor the characters are casual; the clothing is expensive, elegant, and bridal because for a time, the narrator is attached to a sophisticated person whom she believes is the love of her life. I incorporated the use of warm tones in the dress, shoes, accessories, and makeup because the recurring words burned, heatwave, and warmth and lines such as “…your expressions struck and burned the pale skin of my cheeks with shameful blotches of flushed warmth” all spark red and orange imagery. The makeup look is bold and intense because, like the metaphor of a heatwave implies, this relationship is intense, passionate, and suffocating; the inspiration for dark lip and eyeshadow shades came from the line, “…I inhaled the ashes of us and required no solace.” 

The outfit reflects the changed nature of the narrator. She still bears the polished outlook the pen-pal instilled in her through their exchanges, as well as the trauma from their toxic relationship. The dress is a reminder of both the past and her personal worth; she no longer wears it for her partner but for herself. She has immeasurable endurance and assuredness in herself and her decision to seek revenge by torturously refusing to read the love interest’s letters, as shown by the striking cosmetic application. Overall, she has a strong, confident energy surrounding her despite being scorned by the relationship.

do it before you get here

as i approached my wits’ end, searching for submission opportunities on the godforsaken website that is submittable, i noticed a… suspicious lack of organization within my writing repertoire. i had three folders, each with separate subsections and an ungodly amount of categories – somehow i ended up with two poetry folders? 

so, in the middle of class, i organized my entire laptop. and boy, do i wish i would have done it sooner. for the upcoming juniors reading this post, i’m telling you now: find your organization. if you need a template, that’s why i’m here.

for starters, i took note of all of my pieces and gathered them into an excel spreadsheet. the table should look something like this:

title type content style line/word count submitted to accepted by

title: obviously this is the title of your piece. i like to keep this horizontally organized, keeping my poetry at the top and long-form writing toward the bottom. 

type: this notes any special formatting, such as if a poem is a sonnet, sestina, haiku, etc. 

content: you will produce works that need content warnings or notes. if something has foul language, insinuations, or otherwise alarming material of any sort, this is where to note it. additionally, you can keep themes in this section as well (grief, love, etc.)

style: this is totally optional, but i go back and forth between works that are appropriate to keep lowercase and those that require proper capitalization, so i usually note that here.

line/word count: self-explanatory.

submitted to: note any time you submit something. many journals will ask you not to submit a piece that is being considered elsewhere, but others may want you to note that on the cover letter. 

accepted by: these are pieces that have been accepted and can no longer be submitted anywhere, but they need to be kept on the sheet in order to mark it somewhere later. this is very useful when compiling a literary resume. 

next, i keep all of my work in folders on my desktop. this is completely optional, especially if you’re using google docs, but i find it makes finding my work so much easier. i have a few different ones.

pending: pieces that i’m currently writing, working on, or editing.

posted: everything altogether. included in this are subcategories.
– poetry
– playwriting
– flash fiction
– short stories
– blogs
– exercises for class (a lot of these will fall into an awkward category that can’t really be submitted).
– miscellaneous

when i tell you this system has saved me on more than one occasion, believe me. i’ve submitted to 6 different literary journals within the past two days, each considering a different theme. now, instead of shuffling through every folder on my laptop, i consult my spreadsheet first – skimming over the titles and seeing what’s most appropriate. it also allows me to see which works i’ve neglected and/or paid extra attention to in my submission process, leveling out my likelihood of submitting pieces. i have some that are being considered in 5 places, others that aren’t being considered at all.

many submission opportunities have a line or word count minimum/maximum, so that column is especially helpful for weeding out qualifiers.

overall, i’m extremely disappointed that i didn’t have something like this to guide me through scholastics, and i definitely recommend beginning a healthy organization habit sooner, rather than later. it’ll likely save you more than once.

Messes With Mick

Hey guys! Mick here and back with another recipe! This week is exam week (I know, I know, but we have to take them.), so I thought that I’d give you guys a breakfast recipe. Who doesn’t love fluffy, homemade pancakes? (I prefer waffles, but pancakes are nice).  

You will need these ingredients: 

  • 1 1/2 cups of all-purpose flour
  • 4 tbsp. melted butter 
  • 2 tbsp. granulated sugar
  • 1 tbsp. baking powder
  • 1/2 tsp. salt 
  • 1 egg
  • 1 1/4 cups warm milk (not scalding)
  • 1 tsp. vanilla

Now that you’re back from your trip to the supermarket, you can finally make these fluffy golden clouds. Here’s how:

  1. In a medium mixing bowl, combine all of the dry ingredients (flour, baking powder, sugar, salt). 
  2. In a smaller bowl, whisk the egg with the milk and melted butter. Add the vanilla extract.
  3. Pour the milk mixture into the dry ingredients (slowly or you’ll get flour everywhere) and whisk lightly until all large clumps of flour are gone. Do not overmix the batter or the pancakes won’t be fluffy.
  4. Either using a piece of butter or a tablespoon of oil, brush a skillet until completely covered. Then use a large tablespoon, and spoon (There’s not really a better word for it) the batter into the center of the skillet and quickly, spread it into a circle.
  5. Cook on the bottom side until tiny holes appear around the edges (sorry trypophobia people it creeps me out too). The bottom of the pancake should be a golden brown. (Takes about 3 minutes).
  6. Flip and cook on the other side until it’s the same shade as the cooked side. 
  7. Add your preferred toppings and serve. (I like maple syrup and sliced apples.) 

This is the best homemade pancake recipe I’ve used by far. I really do recommend it but be creative! Explore different foods and find what you like! I personally love putting chocolate chips and a dash of cinnamon and sugar into my pancake batter. You should always be expressive and cooking is one of the best ways to do that. You’re creating something with your own hands. There is no right or wrong way to cook. (Well, there are a few, like burning your house down or putting cinnamon into chicken and rice. I was eight, okay.) 

I know my blog is about cooking and recipes. But it’s about more than making a dish. I’m writing these blogs because I’m combining two of my favorite things; cooking and writing. And I think you should do the same and incorporate some of your favorite things into your everyday life.

Stay awesome.

-Mick