Category: Junior Literary

Ants, even on the surface level they are extremely satisfying to look at. Orderly lines flowing on the pavement and grass, its almost hypnotic. even so, I find how the uphold themselves to be the most interesting. Their work ethic and devotion to something larger than the single individual, and becoming massive super organisms only seconded by humans. Not to mention, they are among the only insects that seem to see me. not as a piece of  meat, or a weird looking tree, but as a living being

Now, I’m not going to sit here and say that ants are sentient by any means. I don’t think I have the qualifications to say something like that. However, I can confidently say they have feelings. The mourning of a queen after her clutch of eggs don’t make it, the excitement of workers after finding a spilled Coca-Cola can.

Maybe I’m just doing what humans are good at and anthropomorphizing things I consider cute, and seeing emotions where there are none. I’m not sure where I was going with this, I just needed something for this blog thing so I picked one of my favorite subjects. that being the study, fascination, and admiration for ants.

I’ve avoided writing a sappy end-of-the-year blog for as long as possible, (if at all) but after looking on the board and being reminded that this would be the LAST blog of my junior year, I couldn’t help but get a tad bit emotional.

Even though my blogs really haven’t ever held much substance, I still feel a sense of pride looking at all I’ve written on here. From my blogs giving advice on social anxiety, talking about a minor character in a Disney movie, and gushing about my favorite things—they all hold a little special place in my heart.

I may not have written giant pieces of social commentary or provided advice for our upcoming juniors, (I feel a bit bad, but I definitely wouldn’t have been able to provide much in that regard anyway </3) but I had fun! 

I never thought I would have become the person I was here at MSA. I don’t even resemble myself from the beginning of the year, and that goes for both the inside and out. If you were to tell me two years ago I’d cut off my hair, dye it pink, pierce my ears with a safety pin, discover my sexuality, start dressing like a Lalaloospie doll, AND begin to question my gender identity in the span of 5 months, I would have laughed in your face. Once I realized you were being serious, though, I most likely would have just fainted.

Art school changes you, man. I never thought I would feel as accepted as I have here. The students here are the best you will ever meet and be the most accepting bunch you’ll see in the entire state. They gave me faith in the south again and made me feel at home in a state where I never had before. Is that too much? I don’t know; it’s really late.

So, basically, I don’t want to leave. There’s never been a year where I have dreaded the arrival of summer vacation, and, again, if I were to tell my past self this, they would have lost their mind.

I’m already sounding delirious, so I’m going to go ahead and end this for the sanity of you all reading. I’m just really sad to leave but, at the same time, absolutely excited to see what’s in store for me in the year ahead.

Final room checks and moving carts help to signify that the end of the school year is here. Exams are being given left and right. Journals and yearbooks are being signed by the ones we’ll miss and the ones who have made this year so special. The overall atmosphere is reminiscent.

The growth I have experienced my junior year alone has impressed me. I came into this school year nervously and timid. I had a bad procrastination problem and would often question my reasonings for  being here. As time grew on, I learned to do things a little more consistently and not saving things for last minute. Is my time management the absolute best? Of course, not, but It has improved which is worth celebrating. As far as being a writer, I’ve always been confident in my literary abilities. MSA showed me to remain humble but still have the upmost confidence in any piece that I’ve written.

My writings have become more defined and can easily be traced back to me. I have found my writer’s voice which is a difficult thing to do. I have found a defining piece of myself as a writer. I am grateful to have discovered my voice at MSA. I still have plenty more to learn and experience and I can’t wait to do so. I can’t wait to be challenged more and come into my artistry as a whole.

This school year has not only helped to define me as a writer but it has also pushed me to be a “better” version of myself. The literary lab is a place where I have developed in more ways than one. The literary lab is where I discovered the power of vulnerability and the power of kind words and discussion.

I learned how to critique without being too critical. I have learned to share space while still maintaining boundaries. The literary lab has become a home away from home. A place where coffee can be smelled upon entrance, wood floors being scraped by squeaky chairs, laughter and the furious sound of typing fingers on a keyboard are the beat to an undiscovered indie song is where I have become a more defined me.

This is not my year in summary but my year in progression. No matter what happens once this school year ends, I will remain grateful for the experience and the growth I have been given and shown.

Shouting my Last Hoorah,

A Rising Senior

So, it’s over huh.  Junior year is wrapping up and, to be honest, I’m not sure if I’m ready.  I never thought I could possibly enjoy school as much as I do here.  Sure, I wish we didn’t have to get up so early; but I get to spend half of the day doing what I love instead of doing meaningless busy work in classes I didn’t really need.  I don’t think I’m emotionally prepared to be a senior.  I’ve always been excited to finally move out of my toxic household and be free of their helicoptering on my life but now that it’s almost over, I’m worried.  Senior year means college applications, writing essays for scholarships, classes that are more difficult and no time to be getting ready for college; forget taking care of yourself!  

Maybe I’m just letting my anxiety get away from me.  Probably.  I’m just constantly worried, no real reason why most of the time.  I won’t lie and say school here is easy, but I’m not struggling with my grades.  I’m just worried my work isn’t good enough.  I feel that I’ve improved, but is it enough?  Am I enough? 

The answer to all these questions that are whirling through our heads is yes.  If you weren’t talented, you wouldn’t be here.  Keep your head up darling, we have an amazing year ahead of us.  I can’t wait to experience MSA without all the covid crap.  Honestly I feel the experience will be strange, but in a good way.  I will miss our lovely seniors, but it’s their time to move on, and we have more friends coming into the void they left. 

For the incoming juniors I guess I’ll take the rest of the blog to talk a little about myself for a bit.

• I play basketball. I know I know, an artist who is also an athlete?  Whack right.  Well, I’m just a tad different than your average person, I have interests that are normally conflicting, but they all make up a different part of me.
• I LOVE animals. Like probably more than people.  If the cat that comes to visit is outside, you can probably find me out there petting him (I think it’s a guy… kinda hard to tell with cats, though).  
• I’m a gamer. I play everything from Pokemon to Fortnite.  Yes, Fortnite, I can see you groaning from the other side of the screen.  I know it’s been done-in by cringe culture but it’s actually fun to play with friends.  If you avoid the toxic people (you can block players) and just find a nice group of people to play with it’s actually very enjoyable.  I play with a group of people from a bit younger than me to a few adults.  That may sound a bit weird, but it’s more like a weird gamer concloberation.  If someone is being toxic, we just don’t play with them anymore.  In a way, we have become some kind of weird kind of family.
• I’m autistic. So, if I say things that don’t make sense, try to be patient with me.
• I hyperfixate on things. Like all the time.  I become personally attached to fictional characters or to one specific thing in a group of the same thing.  It’s weird, I know.  I used to be a lot worse, it’s led me to be a bit of a hoarder, but not like those packed places in American Pickers.  If you insult the characters I have become attached to, it’s like insulting my best friends.
• Finally, I am very excited, and nervous to meet you all.  I’m not very good at talking to strangers, so if I seem like a weirdo that’s why, I’m just trying to start a conversation.

It’s Tuesday night. 11:01pm. I’m staring at a mostly blank Google Doc on my phone because writing this on my laptop feels formal. I’ve procrastinated writing this blog all week, and I think it stems from my tendency to avoid acknowledging the harsh realities of human existence. How can I put into words the sorrow I feel when considering that this time next year, my senior friends will have been away longer than I had them? How can I tell them how proud I am of them when my heart is bursting out my chest with admiration and joy? How can I describe the growth and evolution I’ve experienced at MSA in only 400–600 words? It seems like a daunting task, but what authority do I have to call myself a writer if I don’t even try?

I came into this school petrified and insecure; I felt out of place and undeserving. I hesitated with each step forward and sank into myself, trying to cling to the painful comfortability of my old life. My roommate and suitemates pulled me out of that fairly quickly, and though we no longer live together, 406 is where a piece of my heart will always reside. Their acceptance and guidance made me the person and writer I am today, and I know that we were meant to find each other at the point in time which we did. They mean everything to me, and I trust that they will put as much love and hope into the world as they did into the timid, invisible person I used to be.

I’ve always found it difficult to make friends in new environments, but with one person, it seemed to click instantly. We sat together at our introductory meal, and I distinctly remember thinking to myself: “We’re going to be friends.” I was right, and in the gloomy hours of quarantine and virtual learning, he lit the way for me with reassurance and uplifting humor. My saving grace in times of sadness and disorientation.

My senior and I found one another later than most will expect, but I would not trade our relationship for anything. She is the brightest shade of yellow I have ever seen, and though I will miss our runs to DG and Dirt Cheap, long nights working in the library, and moments of loving silence, I find comfort in knowing that she is going to shake the world in the best way. Everything she touches will turn to gold, and she will mark the way for the generations that come after her.

On Thursday, the first senior literary student will leave, and our space will gain a fulfilling emptiness to it, one with senses of both sadness and completion. By Wednesday we will all be gone, ready to start the next chapters of our lives, whether it be college or senior year. Practicum to Literary Arts, with all 17 of us, will be nothing more than a distant memory, something to reminisce on in our later years. We’ll forget the way the chairs squeak against the wooden floorboards and the knowing smiles we shared when somebody’s headphones betrayed them and shared their hype music with the entire classroom. We will, however, remember each other, and we will remember the way our souls shined as we cheered each other on through our successes and failures. We will remember Mrs. Sibley’s guiding hand, and her many lessons and words of wisdom and encouragement will never leave us.

I’ve written extensively to the seniors about my care for each of  them, so I feel content not expounding upon it too much. What I will say to them is this: you are not only capable of great things, but you are destined to achieve them; there’s too much talent, creativity, passion, and drive running through your veins for anything else to be true. Don’t put pressure on yourself to become the perfect writer over the summer, or even in college. You have the rest of your life to stumble through things, and you have the rest of your life to grow. I’m proud of you, and I love you.

To spare myself from the waterworks, I’ll end this here. My fellow juniors and rising seniors, I’m ecstatic to see where this new school year will take us. I’m forever grateful to be surrounded by such talented, kind people. It’s only up from here, and together, we’ll take on the challenges of senior year, one step at a time. 

See you in August,

Sydney

P.S. I couldn’t end this without sharing a few of my favorite memories! Enjoy :’) Here’s a song to be emotional to while you scroll through them:

If you’ve found yourself browsing the internet, (or have talked to me at all) you’ve most likely come across Vocaloids. They were at the height of their popularity in the late 2000s and early 2010s, although these virtual pop stars still have massive fanbases. So what exactly are Vocaloids, and why are so many people interested in them?

“Vocaloid” is the name of a singing voice synthesizer developed in a joint research project led by Kenmochi Hideki at the Pompeu Fabra University in Barcelona, Spain. It originally wasn’t even going to become a finished product, but Yamaha picked up the project and released it to the public commercially in 2004, which is, funnily enough, the year I was born! :0

The software works by gathering data from voice providers and places all the recordings from the provider into a voice bank. This allows producers to generate singing and speaking by typing in words and creating melodies! It works similarly to Siri or Cortana on your phone. This means a music artist can create vocals without using a real singer and has more control over their project. Cool, right?

In my opinion, the main appeal of Vocaloid is the unique sounding vocals and the emphasis on community. Anyone can create with Vocaloid, and every song that’s created adds to a growing list of performances by the virtual avatars. Vocaloid concerts even exist! Holograms of these virtual singers can be projected on stage, and music made by dozens of producers will be “sang” by these characters throughout the night. Hatsune Miku, who I will talk about more later on, opened for Lady Gaga and was even scheduled to perform at Coachella! That was before Covid-19 shut the event down, of course. More recently, Ashnikko used Hatsune Miku in her song Daisy 2.0, which blew up on TikTok and other social media platforms. Clearly, Hatsune Miku isn’t a small name in North America anymore.

(A clip from Miku Expo in Toronto!)

The Crypton Future Media Vocaloids even have their own series of rhythm games, Project Diva. These games feature songs created by independent creators and original 3D animated dances for each one with several different Vocaloids from Crypton, including Hatsune Miku, Megurine Luka, Kaito, and Kagamine Rin and Len!

I guess I should clarify now that every Vocaloid voice has an avatar to represent the voice singing. This is also one of the pulling factors when people get into Vocaloid music. The songs are being sung by a colorful and fictional characters that can be placed in so many creative settings! The most recognizable one is, obviously, Hatsune Miku.

Miku’s blue pigtails are one of the most iconic and recognizable symbols in internet culture and pop itself. Miku is inarguably the most popular Vocaloid, and you’ve probably heard her voice before. Remember Nyan Cat? That was Miku. Leekspin/Levan Polka? Also Miku. Hatsune Miku’s constant prevalent status in internet memes (even today) has kept her in the view of western audiences. The most popular songs using her voicebank that you may have heard before are “Rolling Girl” (ローリンガール) by Wowaka, “World is Mine” (ワールドイズマイン) by Ryo, “Love Me! Love Me! Love Me!” (愛して愛して愛して) by Kikuo, and an internet CLASSIC, “Triple Baka” (驫麤～とりぷるばか～) by LamazeP. If you’ve listened to these before, then you already know how versatile Miku’s voice and the themes in music created with her is. (And if you haven’t, feel free to watch the videos linked below. Another cool aspect of Vocaloid is its impressive animated music videos, so if you want the full experience, make sure to watch some!)

CW: “Love Me! Love Me! Love Me!” includes graphic imagery and flashing lights.

Miku also has an English version with lesser known songs using it. Thanks to producers who create original music with Vocaloid, it’s growing more popular in the west and with English-speaking audiences. Some you might have heard are “Miku” by Anamanaguchi, “Propaganda!” by Crusher-P, “Goodbye” by CircusP, and “Entomologists” by Ghost and Pals. Excluding just Miku songs, you’ve probably heard “ECHO” by Crusher-P using Gumi, “Honey I’m Home” by Ghost and Pals using Dex, and “Last of Me” by CircusP using Megurine Luka.

CW: Goodbye contains depictions of depression and attempted suicide. I still wanted to include this one because of how beautiful the AMV is and how big of a staple it is in the English Vocaloid community.

CW: ECHO contains rapid flashing lights.

As you can see, Vocaloid serves as a innovative tool for creators all over the world. If you’re still hesitant about listening because virtual pop stars seem weird or scary to you, that’s perfectly fine! But who knows, you might fall in love with the unique and electric feel of not only the music, but the community as well. We welcome you with open arms. 🙂

Greetings

After navigating the 2020-2021 school year with grace, we have finally reached the end of our road as juniors. Only two weeks are left for us here, and even less for our seniors. This is my second to last blog post in this style; next year, we will move on to monthly literary reviews, and a whole new group of talented writers will elevate the blogspace each week. In spite of the sorrow I feel at the prospect of not seeing the literary seniors’ faces around campus, my heart swells when I remember that an entire class of gifted artists will fill the empty seats around me. I wanted to start an advice series for upcoming juniors, but, as you can tell, I only got one post in, two if you count the one I originally wrote about applications/auditions. I am likely to continue this series on Rise, our digital school newspaper; however, I want to make a comprehensive list of my personal must-knows for incoming juniors anyway. A handful of these may only be applicable to literary students, but most of them can be universal to all students enrolling in MSA. If anything here does not feel like it does not serve you or your journey, I invite you to ignore me completely, as long as you consider my words.

Be Certain to Bring…

Before we dive into the heavier stuff, I want to leave you with a list of items I recommend bringing. If you missed it, I posted a blog specifically about what you need/might want for your dorm and bathroom. Here’s a link to it! https://blog.msabrookhaven.org/literary/2021/03/24/advice-for-rising-juniors-invest-in-your-space/ 

• An umbrella, and a raincoat! You would be surprised by how many students here don’t own either of those things and are forced to walk through a downpour. Check the weather app before you leave your dorm for class, and for safe measure, keep your umbrella in an accessible section of your backpack.
• Band-Aids and over-the-counter medications approved by the school. You’re allowed to have things like Benadryl and ibuprofen in your dorm, though these are usually available at the nurse’s station. It’s great for when you wake up with a headache in the middle of the night studying, and when you finally return from walking around the pollen-covered campus in spring.
• Snacks! It’s always fun to grab a bite to eat with friends, but try not to spend all of your money going out. At the beginning of each week, run by Dollar General and Walmart, and stock up on your favorites. You’ll be glad to have them when curfew hits, and you can’t leave your suite.

Experience this for yourself

I am going to confidently take a chance by saying that at least one current or former student has taken time out of both of your days to air their grievances about the school.  I cannot stress this enough: those dramatized stories are a miniscule perspective compared to the thousands of students who have come through this school and adored their experiences here. MSA is a unique, special place where you have freedoms and opportunities that you will not have at any other high school in the state. You will not have the privilege of exploring your artistic abilities under dedicated mentors alongside equally talented and invested students if you let this talk steal your opportunity of attending here. I promise you, if MSA was anything less than an excellent place for cultivating knowledge and creativity, the people telling you these things would have chosen to leave by now. 

With the sheer volume of students who have entered the front door of the SLC as a junior and walked across the stage at graduation, there are bound to be a multitude of varying perspectives. You have the right to find your own truth about MSA and experience it for yourself, not through the eyes of others. Come with an open mind, and don’t waste your energy seeking out negative things that you yourself have yet to encounter. Let the excitement you felt when you opened your acceptance letter and the elation of meeting your future peers during new student day overturn any low whispers that have instilled doubt in you. I promise, you’ll be better for it.

Expect Change

Mississippi School of the Arts is an ideal environment for growth and self-discovery. As you’ll hear many people say, you will not walk out of this place the same you entered it, and we mean this as a positive thing. When you’re in an environment like this, where nobody is watching over your shoulder to make sure you fulfill your obligations and responsibilities, you gain a new sense of self through the independence you are granted. You’re free to experiment with your style and explore who you really are, not just the watered down version of yourself you had to present to survive socially at your old school.

If you’re like me, bearing witness to constant evolution may make you feel obligated to change yourself to fit in with what other people are trying out. It’s quite ironic, isn’t it? Remember that you don’t have to change who you are to grow into the best version of yourself. Don’t feel like you owe anybody a drastic shift in attitude or appearance just because you’re attending a fine arts school, but don’t be afraid to open yourself up to the possibility of change. You’re still a teenager, and you have the rest of your life to figure out who you are and what you wish to pursue in life, so don’t feel like you have to rush change or like you need to maintain a façade of who you are for the rest of high school.

Embrace the Workload

Yes, you will have an array of freedoms here that you do not have in a typical high school, but it’s still a school. If you are under the impression that this is simply a getaway from your parents’ house, you are mistaken. Each student who has come here under the guise that they will not have to work as hard has left disappointed. You still need to graduate and pass your core academic classes, in addition to your arts discipline ones. The same standards of typical secondary schools are implemented here, and you are expected to complete your work in a timely manner. There are consequences for slacking off, in the form of study hour and disciplinary action, and expecting to be exempt from these repercussions would be ignorant.

Now, let’s talk about discipline classes. If you are a perfect artist, you don’t need to be at MSA. This is a place for creatives to grow into themselves and fulfill their potential. You have to be willing to dedicate yourself to the development of your work, which means stepping outside of your comfort zone, accepting constructive criticism from your educators and peers, and not quitting when you are faced with challenges in your course. I was incredibly insecure about my writing before I came here; I did not want to share it with people, and the idea of workshopping it terrified me. I chose to trust my mentor and the process despite my worries, and now, six months later, I find myself thrilled to sit at the conference table with my fellow writers and receive their feedback. 

Take Advantage of Opportunities

On the note of embracing your department’s curriculum, I have to say this: eagerly take advantage of all the opportunities MSA presents you with. If you take shortcuts on your assignments or bring forth work that you want praise for rather than work that could be aided from the feedback you receive, you are cheating yourself out of growth. Every prompt given to you is crafted with intention and teaches you distinct lessons about the writing process. Honoring the assignment will only make you a better writer, even if you are not interested in the mentor text or the content of the prompt. 

As a junior literary student, you are given the privilege of having your own weekly blog. At times, you won’t feel motivated to write something new, or you will have trouble finding a compelling story to pursue, but I promise, it’s always worth it to honor your blog deadlines. My favorite journalism/nonfiction pieces have come from blogs I hurriedly wrote on Tuesday night; several months after I posted my second blog, where I describe colors using senses other than sight, I randomly decided to develop it into a flash fiction piece. Personally, I consider it one of my better short fiction works. You never know what will come of these 400–600 word posts. Plus, a few years down the road, you’ll look at them fondly, as they capture the essence of the writer you were in the early stages of your journey.

Explore 

The first few weeks after your initial arrival are some of the hardest, in my opinion. If you’re like me and did not attend any of the camps, chances are you have yet to form any genuine connections yet. I got in the habit of going straight to my room after class and skipping the awkwardness of deciding who to sit with at dinner, trading a hot meal for a bowl of ramen. It may seem inevitable for those who are too introverted to initiate conversation, but you’ve got to do your best to avoid this. I came out of it once I stopped limiting my friendship to those residing in my hometown, and after that, everything seemed to fall into place. Sure, my conversations with students here did not flow the smoothest, but honestly, when do they ever? You have to push past your discomfort so you and the people who will eventually become your best friends won’t be (figuratively) stuck laying alone in your dorm.

Allow me to reassure you that your fellow upcoming juniors are just as unsure and nervous as you are; some are just better at hiding than others. You’re all overly concerned with how people are perceiving you and walking on unsteady feet, but it is in that feeling that you will connect with one another. People want to find friends just as much as you do, and I swear, they’ll be so appreciative of you for joining them at lunch or sitting in the empty seat beside them in class. 

If some time has passed, you’ve made a few friends, and you’re battling with the urge to lock yourself away from the world, I recommend going for a walk, whether it be around campus or to one of the many stores in downtown Brookhaven. There are a multitude of thrift stores, wonderful restaurants, shops to indulge your sweet tooth, and some beautiful places to pause and catch your breath after the whirlwind that is moving to a new place. Appreciate the scenery of the campus while you can; when you stop to take it all in, you’ll be amazed at how much you miss while running from class to class or burying your head in your phone to avoid making eye contact with the person strolling beside you on the sidewalk.

Farewell

Well, friends, I believe this is all I have for you. This will be the last time I speak directly to you, and I hope from reading my blog, you have gained something valuable. I’m thankful to have had the opportunity to share my voice with you, and juniors, I’m excited to see where your blogs take you. I will be tuning in every Wednesday that aligns with your posting schedule! MSA is what you make of it, and I trust you all to attentively nurture beauty during your time here.

Until we meet again,

Sydney.

If there is one phrase I’m very sick of hearing as an autistic person, it would be this.  People with ASD cannot just “read the room”. That’s like telling someone with a broken leg to “walk it off”.  ASD sufferers struggle to pick up social cues, and often are being belittled and harassed for it.  Yes, we say things that sound weird or are out of place. We can’t help it. It’s just the way our brains are.  If the autism came with an off an on switch, believe me, we’d utilize it.  Suffering from autism is thinking differently than everyone else, but everyone expects you not to.  

Another thing that makes me want to riot is people self-diagnosing themselves with autism, and using it as an excuse to be a rude person.  As someone who’s been diagnosed, it’s very frustrating.  The reason no one takes it seriously is because of people like this who use it to be a horrible person and get away with it.  Being a jerk isn’t autism, you don’t have autism, stop it.  Honestly seeing how many people pretend to have this illness is disgusting.  Maybe they are genuinely convinced they do, or maybe they just like to play the “I’m autistic card” to get out of trouble.  If a doctor or therapist has not diagnosed you as autistic, then stop pretending that you are.

I want to live in a world where I don’t have to pretend I’m not autistic.  I want to be accepted and not be attacked for things I can’t control.  I want to not have people glare at me just because I’m neurodivergent.  Sometimes people don’t care that I am and just see me as beneath them.  I’m still a person who has feelings, I’m not some broken toy for you to throw out.