Month: October 2018

There’s a plant in the window,

peering out at the world, curiously trying to piece things together.

There hasn’t been much sunlight, lately – just rain.

It pours all day and night, filling the pot until it spills over.

The soil drowns and the plant just sighs.

There’s not much it can do at this point.

There was a time before when the sun flooded through and covered everything inside like a blanket of warmth.

Inside here was order and comfort.

It was covered with life and the little plant had so many friends to talk to and all that resided there was content and filled with so much love and satisfaction.

However, the sun slowly began to hide behind fog.

Clouds towered over, thunder ringing all around.

Then, the storm came.

Many of the inhabitants couldn’t stand it and immediately left, leaving behind chaos and disorder.

Happiness no longer exists here.

It looks around and sees everything in disarray and sadly smiles at all it has left in its home.

The rain continues to get worse and the soil has finally begun to drag the plant down with it.

They both start to take their final breaths when the rain suddenly ceases.

A warmth washes over them,

Drying up the wetness.

Slowly, the duo begin to strengthen as the sunlight starts to peek out from behind the clouds.

It grins wide as if to say, “did you miss me?”

Days pass, and the plant stays doubtful that the sun will stay.

It avoids its spot near the window in fear that the sun will run away again.

Soon, many of it’s friends start to trickle back into the home, helping restore the inside.

The plant continues to remain doubtful.

Finally, the work is complete and the home is completely restored,

filled with weary laughter and nervous talk.

The sun remains.

And it begins to grin.

It grins wider than before and laughs with such immense joy that it startles  everyone.

They all look at each other in confusion and look at each other, whispering amongst themselves.

The plant curiously runs back to its perch to look out of the window.

Standing there is the reflection of its home’s owner and for the first time,

she’s genuinely smiling.

She is happy.

I’ve talked before on how much I love listening to musicals. I have always loved many different kinds of musicals, but I have presented myself with a question: what musicals are my top five favorites? Well, here it is: my top five musicals, listed by my person opinions on music and plot. Y’know, the usual.

#5. Phantom of the Opera

“Phantom of the Opera” is probably the first musical I ever listened to. My dad played it in the car when we went on long trips in the car. I watched the movie, and I must say, to this day, it’s still one of my favorite movies to this day. Years later, I saw the musical on theater in Texas. It was an amazing experience. Even so, I find the music to be a little bit repetitive at times. The sanme theme is used over and over again, and honestly, I could go without hearing “Phantom of the opera” repeated about fifty times throughout the whole thing. Overall, if the acting is good, the performance can be amazing.

 

#4: Les Miserables

Ah yes, Les Mis. One of the best musicals out there. The music is fantasic, and the lyrics are very well written. The plot is interesting, and it keeps my attention for a long time. However, I do have my gripes about the movie production of it, however. Hugh Jackman wasn’t the best singer at this time, and his production is lackluster at best. Anne Hathaway did a very good job, however, and the rest of the cast does well with their performances.

 

#3: Hamilton

You all knew it was coming. Hamilton was an excellent musical, and it still is. Lin-Manuel Miranda did an excellent job writing the score, and did an excellent performance as Alexander Hamilton. I can proudly say that I learned the entirety of “Guns and Ships,” as well, which is one of the fastest songs on the album. I still listen to it, four years later.  Overall, a fantasic musical, and a fantasic soundtrack. However, some of the lyrics are still repetitive, and it being a fatastic production overall doesn’t excuse this. And may I add, I’m still sad the original cast stopped performing after just a year. I wish I could have some day seen Daveed Diggs fly across the stage as Lafyette as Washington chews out Hamilton…. okay I’ll stop gushing now. I’m just very partial to the original actors. And really… don’t get me started on the mixtape. Some may call it a fantasic addition, I personally do not care for it. I don’t find any of the songs to have any of the original impact the songs they were based off of did, espeically the rendition of “Hurricane,” if you can even call it that once it’s said and done.

 

#2: Be More Chill

Now, if you’ve been around me, you’ve probably heard me gush about Be More Chill before. Be More Chill is a great musical, and you can’t change my mind. I mean, who else would have come up with the concept of a teenager taking a pill that has a super-computer inside that implants itself in his brain and directs him on how to act cool, ultimately leading to him abandoning his best friend in pursuit of the girl of his dreams, while the Squip tries to take over his entire school, and then he has to put an end to the Squip’s deeds? No one. No one would have come up with that. I will admit, though… “The Pants Song” is a little lacking overall, but I can excuse it for an overall great album.

 

#1: Something Rotten

Now come on. What else did you expect for me to put as #1 on my list? Something Rotten is by far  one of the most interesting musicals I have ever listened to. Having listened to several different musicals, I can definitely say that Something Rotten stands out as the most original and most interesting when it comes to it’s songs and overall performance. I could go on for days about the soundtrack, the silliness of the dialogue, the awesome historical accuracy… but I won’t. Becuase I’m about to exceed my word count.

So those are my top five favorite musicals! If you don’t agree, that’s completely fine with me, since these are mostly opinion based. Thank you for taking the time to read over this list!

This is an epic poem. People say there is a message in everything and this particular piece has a very powerful message I want to share.

Alongside an old raged building in Mississippi, lay a child. A child balling his eyes out. He screamed for help, thinking no one could hear him. He said, “God, why? At this point, I am ready to give up. Nothing seems to be going right. I have allowed someone to distract me of the one thing I need in life, my education. I’m not performing like I know I can. Plus, I haven’t seen my cousins in about six months now. You know they mean everything to me. They’re my inspiration, my babies, my reason for waking up every morning. I’m miles and miles away from home, away from the only life I knew, away from my mother, the only person I have left. I’m fighting to keep my sanity, but it is hard.”

By the time he pleaded for help, God had realized his child was deeply hurt. He called upon an angel. An angel that he knew could handle the situation perfectly. Her name was Phylicia. Unlike the other angels, she was calm but assertive. He explained the situation in full. Then he said, “I have called upon your talents to help my child. Use your talent of time travel to show him the memorable times.” She accepted the assignment. The first thing she did was pay the child a visit. The conversation went a little something like this:

Phylicia: “Wake up boy, what’s your name?”
The Child: “Who are you?”
Phylicia: “I asked you a question first.”
The Child: “I’m not telling you anything until you tell me who you are and what you want. You know what, I’m calling my mother.”
Phylicia: “Go ahead, you’ll just look crazy. She won’t be able to see me.”
The Child: “And why not?”
Phylicia: “Because I’m an angel, that’s why. Now, what’s your name?”
The Child: “No, I don’t believe you. Prove it.”
Phylicia: “I really hate doing this, but okay….”
She opened a portal and instructed him to grab her hand. He hesitantly did so. The portal led to the time when the child was crying, alongside that raged building.
She said, “Does this look familiar?”
The boy’s mouth dropped in awe.
She chuckled, “Yes, I know. Will you tell me your name now?”
He then asked, “If you’re an angel, shouldn’t you know my name already?”
“I could find your name, but I’d rather you tell me, we’re all the same, in my eyes”, she said.
“Well, it’s Terrell. Now, why are you here?”

She explained what the assignment was. He became afraid, not willing to let her in because he did not know what to expect, but she assured him that everything would be fine.

She asked him what his three main issues were. He told her, “I let someone distract me from my goals, I haven’t seen my cousins, and I’m so far away from my mama.” She said, “Let me take you on a journey. Take my hand.” She opened another portal.
The portal led to the day he received an acceptance letter into a performing arts school. She said, “Look at him. He’s jumping in the middle of the street, yelling about how happy he is. He is not perfect. Just because he got into that school, doesn’t mean he won’t ever mess up again. It just means that he has a new beginning, which calls for new lessons. He is you. You are still that same happy person. You just have to accept it, learn from it, and move forward knowing more than you did the night before.” As he listened to her and watched himself, he shed a tear. “Yeah, I guess you’re right”, he said. “I know.”

She opened another portal. This portal led to a time when he told his little cousins that he would always love them, support them, and be there for them. “Pay attention to him. Look into his eyes. Listen to what he’s saying to them. He meant every word of it. I know they’re young, but they heard and understood you. You cannot change the actions of an adult, but you can be assured that you did your part, which you did. So just wait, it’ll all play out.” He began to smile.

She said, “Let’s go one more place.” She opened the last portal. This portal led to his house, it was empty. She said, “Look. No one is here. That means something. That means you and your mother are working. You both are working hard to accomplish something, whatever it may be. Don’t be upset about it. Trust me, you both will achieve your goals and reconvene. You all are apart for a good reason. Just focus on thriving and making yourself proud.” His smile got wider.

“Thank you so much. I honestly don’t know what I’d do, if I wouldn’t have seen these times. I think I can make it”, Terrell said. “Don’t think it, just do it. Things will get hard, but nothing is too hard to handle”, Phylicia proclaimed.

In our poetry class, we are assigned to journal every single day. Some days, it’s free writing, and other days we have assignments. Recently, we had an assignment; randomly flip to a page of the dictionary, and write something inspired by the first word you see. My word was, pastoral.

There are a couple different meanings for the word, pastoral, but the one I chose, was that it meant “peaceful/innocent.”

The first thing that popped in my head, was music. I’ve noticed my music taste has been changing into a more conglomerate, coherent thing, rather than being a jumble of odd bits and bobs. It’s become more of soft, peaceful, “indie/alternative pop” that is popular I guess? No idea, but still I’m pretty pleased with it right now. And that music to me is pastoral.

Here are some songs that are peaceful to me.

If you’d like to listen to a playlist of all these songs compiled in order, I made one for the purpose of this blog!

“pretty girl” – Clairo

This song, despite having notes of a gloomier topic, has peaceful acoustics, that makes me feel content in a way. Ugh, I love it so much. It talks about the fondness of memories, and also talks about how love can make us fools. 10/10 song

“Polaroid of you dancing in my room.”

“when the party’s over” – billie eilish

Another sad bop. I have a knack for listening to sad, sad songs. There’s something about this song that just makes me f e e l, ya know? I interpreted the story as a girl who’s experiencing unrequited love from a person that keeps using her. While this all sounds so melancholy, I somehow get peacefulness from it, because the girl is aware of this fact, and has a very matter-of-fact tone. It’s weird how calm this song makes me feel. Don’t get me wrong though, it also has me cryin’ in the club.

“Tore my shirt to stop you bleedin’, but nothin’ ever stops you leavin’.”

“Lemon Boy” – cavetown 

This song’s imagery makes me so happy. And that’s the tea. No, but in all seriousness this song is able to portray such a sweet, and interesting story, and it really resonates with me. In a peaceful way, that is.

“It’s actually pretty easy being nice to a bitter boy like him. So, I got myself a citrus friend.”

“hong kong” – mxmtoon 

A nice imagery song as well. Makes me want to travel more, which is interesting because I’m a lil’ bit of a homebody. I’ve always been the type to be scared of adventure, but this song breaks that. Maybe I’ll go to Hong Kong one of these days.

“yellow cars, smoggy skies, neon lights attract your eyes.”

“Dance, Baby!” – boy pablo 

This song has nostalgia for a memory I don’t have, and that’s something powerful that the artist has done. The vocals and vibe of this song remind me of the 80’s somehow? No idea, but boy pablo pulls this song together nicely. It’s also incredible how this is more of an upbeat vibe-y song, but it stills manages to invoke a serene feeling.

“I’m left alone, should have stayed at home, and searched how to date on Chrome.”

“Cherry Cola” – Jon  Kuwada

The way the artist talks about the girl in this song with descriptive metaphors and similes makes my heart smile. It’s so sweet how highly he thinks of her, based on this song. Hearing how important this relationship is to the artist, is something that adds to the song’s peacefulness.

“No clouds in the sky, ’cause she brings that sunshine.”

That’s a wrap!! There are some songs that I find pastoral.

My favorite thing about the latter half of the year is that ABC Family (now Freeform) has these “X Days of Halloween/Christmas”. Right now for the wonderful month of October, they have “31 Days of Halloween.” While here, I haven’t been able to actually watch it, but when I go home, that’s what I plan on doing. Maybe Saturday, my friend and I could watch it while we bake or hang out or whatever. I like that Freeform provides a schedule for their movies. Here’s the link for the movie schedule.

I can’t believe how much this month has flown by. This year has flown by too. It’s crazy, really. But I guess that’s time for you. Always moving, never stopping for anyone. We will continue this slow, never-ending march of time until we come to an end. 

But anyways! I love fall. Fall is awesome. I’d write a poem about fall, but it’d just be stupid. Nothing could truly capture my love for fall, and that’s okay. Because I know how much I love fall. And that’s all that matters to me. 

Maybe I’ll attempt at a poem for fall, but that’ll be the next blog post. Till then, ciao! 

As you guys are fully aware, i’ve been way too stressed and emotionally upset.

 

but it’s okay

 

because i have

.

.

.

fictional characters and other stuff

 

I would just like to give some high quality appreciation to the following things that make the struggle of life more bearable.

1. memes

Memes are a part of internet culture. Memes depict funny images with a relatable caption. Memes have evoloved over time, and now have different kinds, FOr example, Surreal memes use 3d images and clip art, with vapor wave like backgrounds to convey humor. Another example is Metamemes. Metamemes are self aware. they can star out with a funny caption, but suddenly stop it by saying ” Insert Text”

 

2. Anime

Anime.

 

3. obscure documentaries and “top 10” videos in my recommended on youtube.

I’m not realy sure how all these obscure videos got on my youtube feed, but I’ve been enjoying them nonetheless. ive always for sure needed to know the top ten things to do in Rome. Or the 110 facts about Animal Crossing that i may have missed. janice is on her way to recovering from an addiction to acting like a lizard? go for it, Janice.

4.various video game characters.

I mean, hey, they aren’t real but they sure do appreciate me playing as the main character. protagonists for the win. personal shoutouts to all my waifus. Every character from Fire Emblem. Now, Nah, Robin, Panne, all my lovely homegirls.  I appreciate all of your support conversations.

5. clearance purses from the thrift stores. 

If a purse is so bad, that its on clearance in a thrift store, then it is the purse for me. I have acquired many monstrosities across the years from my rigorous work ethic of digging through piles of dusty purses from years past.

6. stuffed animals I get attached to before leaving a store.

do you ever see a stuffed animal and just know you can’t leave without it? that happens rather often with me. Some call it an obsession. I call it compassion. I see, I like, I buy. If I don’t, I just feel guilty about it.

 

I guess the things I like can be weird, but aren’t we all a little weird? what are some things that make you guys happy?

This weekend I went to see the new Halloween movie. My mom came over to the theatre to but my friend and I the tickets because the movie is rated R and we couldn’t get in otherwise.

So my friend Haley and I go into the movie theater. She wants candy even though we had JUST ATE. But anyways, we wait in the line to get the candy. We are almost to the front when the ticket guy comes over to us. “Can I see your IDs?” he said.

Haley and I looked at each other, then told him we weren’t seventeen. So this guy is like you can’t go in there, you need to either go to another movie or get a refund. Well, the only other movies on had either already started or were just no good, so we asked for a refund.

The lady at the front who was selling the tickets was really rude and said “well if you want a refund you will have to wait for everyone else to get their tickets.” And the ticket line was SO. LONG. It wouldn’t go down, either. People just kept showing up and the line just kept getting longer and longer.

Haley and I were super frustrated, but we had to wait to get our money. So, we went over to the right wall and sat down. People were bustling about and staring at us, but we didn’t even care. We were laughing at the fact that she was turning seventeen in just a few weeks, and that we could have gotten in if she had just not wanted candy.

I called my mom to tell her what was happening, and she laughed so hard she was crying. She decided she would just come watch the movie with us. So, Haley ended up getting her candy and we ended up getting to see the movie.

It was super gory and full of jump-scares and totally worth all the trouble. Definitely recommend it to those of you with moms who will go with you!

Fearless-2008: I remember vividly being about six years old in my mom’s beat-up Neon listening to overplayed music on the radio. I never really payed attention due to the fact that I was a first grader with two barbies in my hands. However, whenever the now iconic tune “You Belong With Me” came on, I stopped whatever I was doing and sang along. After my mother observed my absolute love for Taylor, she got me the Fearless album for my birthday. I was so stoked. I remember listening to it on repeat on my little MP3 Player I also got for my birthday. In a matter of two weeks I knew every word to all 13 songs on the album. I would ride my bike up and down my street singing along. I didn’t see it then, but it was sort of my escape.

Speak Now-2010: This album has some of my favorite Taylor Swift songs on it. I remember being in third grade and some of the kids were mean to me. They’d call me names and make fun of everything I ever did. So you know what I did? I sang “Mean” at the talent show. (Yep, I was that girl.) They still were mean to me, but it was an empowering moment for me. Other than that, I’d stay up on Saturday nights playing with my toys listening to “Enchanted” and “Last Kiss” until my mom would come in and tell me it was time to go to bed.

Red– 2012: Fifth grade was an experience. It was the year I met my (still to this day) best friend, the year I discovered my love for writing, and the year I became obsessed with the song “22.” In a way I began writing because of Taylor Swift. I remember I was at my best friends house watching YouTube (this was also the year we discovered YouTube, and we were very fascinated). We decided to look at Taylor Swift interviews, us both being avid Taylor Swift lovers. In one of her interviews she talked about writing her own music, and how she had kept journals ever since she was younger. And that is where my love for writing began. I got a journal and began with just writing about what happened that day. Then, it turned into writing stories, just using my imagination. I even started writing songs(I’m not saying they were good.) I guess what I’m saying is this album helped shape me into the person I am today.

1989- 2014: May 22, 2015 was by far one of the best days I’ve ever had. It was the day I saw Taylor Swift in concert, and let me tell you, I had such a great time. My 19 year old uncle had to take me because everyone else was busy(and yes, I did see and hear you jamming along beside me when you thought I wasn’t looking.) I got the tickets for my 13th birthday, and let me tell you, I was stoked. That entire day my uncle and I listened to the 1989 album probably 200 times. I’m pretty sure I cried as anyone would seeing their idol in concert. Fun fact: Due to my grandmother working the concert, I met Taylor Swift’s dad, which was an experience in itself. He gave me a glow up bracelet, which I still have and will never get rid of. This was definitely the best birthday present I’ve ever received.

Reputation– 2017: This album is by far my favorite album from Taylor, and it is iconic. The amount of times I’ve heard the infamous line “I’m sorry, the old Taylor can’t come to the phone right now…Why?…Oh!…Cause she’s dead.” I remember the day she released the single “Look What You Made Me Do,” I was completely shook(for lack of a better word.) I wasn’t used to this Taylor. Then her other singles “Call It What You Want”(personal favorite), “Gorgeous” and “Read For It…” came out and I just could not contain the amount of excitement I had for this album. And that’s when the day came where it was released. I remember pre-ordering it about two weeks before. When it finally came out, I listened to that album (and still occasionally do) about 2397423 times just in the first month. It was iconic and so weirdly relatable. At the time, I was working on my character and who I was. I was changing and evolving, and this album is about exactly that.

Needless to say, Taylor Swift’s music really helped me to grow in a way. I know people give me hate for even liking her music, but that doesn’t matter to me. I like what I like.

This is for

every moment I held your hand

whether it be in the literal sense

or the figurative

 

This is for

the dancing I made you do

that you loved

but never admitted

 

This is for

every smile, laugh, and kiss we shared

all the truths I whispered to you

that you never believed

 

This is for

our lives before each other

and the tales we shared

trusting someone for the first time

 

This is for

our youth

the story of first loves

the passion that bubbled beneath our young flesh

 

This is for

the dreams we shared

the plans we had

the promises we made

 

This is for

the scars and the tears

that still stain our skin

that we hate but never want to lose

 

This is for

your options

that you explored

Leaving me to await your return

 

This is for

me tearing you down

for letting me down

and leaving us both in tears

 

This is for

The confidence that we grew

and destroyed

which we needed, but could not hold on to

 

This is f0r

the feelings that we did not understand

but pretended to

as they began to consume us

 

This is for

last kisses on an old couch

but not knowing how final

it really was this time

 

This is for

the words we screamed

but did not mean

the pain I felt when you left… again

 

This is for

begging you

to come back

until the day came I no longer wanted that

 

This is for

the years that were not wasted

but encompassed with so much

loving betrayal

 

This is for

trying to be friends

but failing

and giving up

 

This is for

seeing each other

after all had ended

and the infiltration of wonder

 

This is for

the possibilities

of what we could have been

but never will become

 

This is for

who we are now

and all the ways we have grown

all the ways we have weakened

 

This is for

kissing someone else

that sour taste left in my mouth

that I eventually craved

 

This is for

the second loves

and moving on

but never forgetting

 

This is for

the phrase “I am not in love with you,

but I will always love you.”

My first love, forevermore

 

Moving is hectic. Rather you are moving miles away, or just down the driveway, it is a very stressful time. You see, my mother is moving in with her fiancé, and I’m moving into a small house on my grandparents’ property. My grandparents are moving on to the same property, and my older brother and his fiancé are moving into my grandparents’ old house. It’s been a wild experience, but it has actually been very beneficial for me.

I have bookshelves at both my old house and my grandparents’ old house, and they are loaded with notebooks and folders full of my writing from over the years. I haven’t opened any of them in ages because I have been trying to let that girl go. I have been trying to forget how she felt, and why she felt that way, but I had to decide rather to throw all those notebooks away, or go through them and save something worth saving.

Now keep in mind, I am talking about fifty or more notebooks full of scattered thoughts. Who would want to go through a twelve-to-fifteen-year-old’s entire collection of senseless emotions? Not me. I wanted to trash it all and move on with my life, and I was fully prepared to do it. I threw them all in a box, and vowed to get rid of them.

This weekend, my best friend came over to help me with the moving, and she stumbled across a ripped up, red folder. She threw it at me, and I opened it thoughtlessly. Inside was a short story and poem that I had written is eighth grade. These to pieces are the only award-winning pieces I have, mainly because I was too terrified to submit anything. As I read over them, something connected inside of me. I remembered writing them; I remembered how it felt. They weren’t my greatest pieces, but I remembered how proud eighth grade me was when I heard that voicemail telling me that I had won first place in poetry and short-story in the Pike County Literary Competition. I haven’t felt that pride in a long time.

Back then, I was convinced that I was an amazing writer. It was before I had real things to worry about. It was before the competitiveness busted inside me. It was that period after my world fell apart for the fist time and before I lost myself. It was that period when I knew who I was and I was proud.

I decided to read through the rest of the notebooks, and it broke my heart. I was finding my voice then. Everything was so bare. It was horrible writing, but it was a beautiful thought.

A weight was lifted off me. I felt a little more free than I did before. I could feel my soul finding that passion again. It has been missing for a while.

I guess sometimes you have to find your younger-self, before you can figure out who you are.