When I look into a mirror, I do not see me. I see two extreme versions of myself. One is an African American girl- her hair is a kinky curly Afro crown upon her head, her eyes a deep dark, coffee brown. The other is a Caucasian girl- her hair pin straight and a fiery red, her eyes a grassy green.
These versions of myself are forever arguing. Always fighting for control.
It is difficult being both the slave and the slave master. Hard being both the oppressor and the oppressed. How do I make the most out of being biracial when half of me is fighting the other?
And I don’t think my parents even realize that they birthed a Civil War.
My body is the war zone. You can see dead slaves in my eyes and hear their cries for freedom in my heartbeat. You can feel the beatings given by slave owners in my hands and can taste the privilege on my lips.
But you wouldn’t notice the war. Only the red curls and the patches of freckles. You dream of having mixed children of your own- not because you love someone of another race but because mixed kids look aesthetically pleasing.
You spend all your time “hearting” images of mixed babies on Instagram and mix and matching features from all the races as to create the “perfect” mixed child.
It was you who created this war. You who asked me, “What are you?” You who told me, “You should have been born white.” You who said, “You act more black than white.”
You will deny your affiliation with the war. Because of course, you “don’t see race.” And you “aren’t racist.”
I never said you were. But the fact is- you formed a box around my race. Told me I have to act a certain way. Said that if I happened to enjoy basketball that must be the black side of me. Said that if I drank Starbucks then I’m more white.
I am so tired of the war- of my identity crisis.
Because whether or not you notice it, I am human.
When you read this at coffee house, I was amazed. I was so awe struck for a moment my mouth was literally hanging open . The way you presented it showed the depth of emotion it took to write it. This piece was by far your most charged one that captivated every single last person in the room. For that moment all eyes were on you an you owned the stage, you owned the atmosphere, you owned every ear and there is not a doubt in my mind that every single last person left coffee house contemplating their own selves. This piece is truly beautiful and i thank you for letting something of this nature out into the world and sharing it with us. <3